Not sure I'm contrite. Still mad

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Aleddyb

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Here’s the story as I told a friend the day it happened: I just totally lost it very publicly at brunch at St. Xxxx church. I knew my emotions were close to the surface, Jesus- love, my joy, my grief [recent family tragedy] were all doing a mash up inside me. When a mean old man complained to me about one of my boys spraying whip cream into his mouth. [20 years of some people treating kids like huge annoyances and caring more about a broken plate than a possibly hurt child.] our conversation was confusing to me and once i walked away i figured out it was because he was being mean and sarcastic “i asked him if he had a loving adult with him and he had no answer” [the signage says children should have a loving adult helping them] so, i was embarrassed, and angry. I was standing there in the middle of the brunch tables looking stunned when someone approached me I burst into tears and started saying how hard it is to be a parent and having sarcasm slinged at me doesn’t help… and then I noticed that most of the people were watching me, so I just took it all the way… can’t remember everything i said but something along the lines of having given everything for my faith and my family and being torn down at my own parish is extremely unhelpful… afterwards I got invitations to dinner and found out it wasn’t even one of my kids, it was my Godson… hahahaha.
End story
N.B. my husband and most of my 7 kids had already left…I feel like I need supervision. Har har

My question is about confession. I am clear that I should go. Pride, vanity, lack of seelf control.
But when I think about the event I’m just mad all over again. When I think about Jesus, how he opened not his mouth, I definitely feel remorse at my failure. But I’m not sorry about what I said or how I said it. I’m just embarrassed and angry. So, can I even go to confession?

I guess this will all be part of my confession…
 
Aleddyb said:
When I think about Jesus, how he opened not his mouth, I definitely feel remorse at my failure. But I’m not sorry about what I said or how I said it. I’m just embarrassed and angry. So, can I even go to confession?
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Go to confession. Talk to your Priest. I am sorry for your family tragedy.
 
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Yes, you can go to confession. Even if you’re not perfectly contrite, Confession allows us imperfect contrition.

Just go to Confession and tell God what you just told us here.

God bless

BTW - my prayers for your family.
 
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One thing caught my eye - ‘lack of self control’ - good choice !

My advice - DON’T replay the scenario - over and over in your mind.

Start there first.
 
So let’s break down what happened.
  • Old man sees a kid puttint the whipped cream dispenser in his mouth (if I understand you correctly). ANALYSIS: A pretty disgusting thing for a kid to be doing, wouldn’t you agree? Kids should know better, wouldn’t you agree? A lot of people, upon seeing this may say "Gee , that kid should know better.) to themselves. Not unreasonable.
  • Old Man complains to you, assuming it is your child. You didn’t realize it wasn’t. Sounds like you weren’t watching your kid(s) or you would have known. ANALYSIS: Not such a bad thing that the old man said something to you. If it were my kid, I would have wanted to know, as I hope most parents would. You don’t say exactly what the old man said.
It sounds like you were going through a very rough patch. It is understandable that having someone complain about your kid, when you should have been watching but weren’t, would be upsetting. It is like being kicked while you are down, right? Especially when you work hard to be a good parent and raise well-behaved kids.

Truthfully, had I been in your state, I would have said something much worse to the old guy. I think what you said was pretty mild. So good on you for that.

I don’t think you need to so much go to confession. You need to seek the old guy out and tell him you are sorry he was made upset by your kid’s actions and you are even more sorry that you were unkind in the way you replied. Then it is over.

Your understandable upset aside, the old guy didn’t deserve that response (I am presuming he wasn’t too over the top when he complained. Hopefully there was no yelling or name calling or anything of that ilk). He saw a problem and addressed it.

Parenting is the toughest job there is. You sound like a very conscientous person. Don’t take these things too hard. It happens. Don’t be too hard on yourself.
 
Aleddyb said:
But I’m not sorry about what I said or how I said it.
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In order to be properly disposed to receive absolution for sin, mortal or venial, one has to regret the sin because having either perfect or imperfect contrition, and for mortal intend not to repeat it.

Catechism
1451 Among the penitent’s acts contrition occupies first place. Contrition is "sorrow of the soul and detestation for the sin committed, together with the resolution not to sin again."50

1452 When it arises from a love by which God is loved above all else, contrition is called “perfect” (contrition of charity). Such contrition remits venial sins; it also obtains forgiveness of mortal sins if it includes the firm resolution to have recourse to sacramental confession as soon as possible.51

1453 The contrition called “imperfect” (or “attrition”) is also a gift of God, a prompting of the Holy Spirit. It is born of the consideration of sin’s ugliness or the fear of eternal damnation and the other penalties threatening the sinner (contrition of fear). Such a stirring of conscience can initiate an interior process which, under the prompting of grace, will be brought to completion by sacramental absolution. By itself however, imperfect contrition cannot obtain the forgiveness of grave sins, but it disposes one to obtain forgiveness in the sacrament of Penance.52
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QwertyGirl said:
Parenting is the toughest job there is. You sound like a very conscientous person. Don’t take these things too hard. It happens. Don’t be too hard on yourself.
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Sometimes easier said than done. Everyone is different and your advise, which is what we should do, might not be the answer for all.

A: Since this situation is weighing you down, you need not be asking us for advise, but do tell this story to a priest and let him council you.
 
I totally agree with wanting to know about my kids behavior… and I was great with the younger knight who talked to me about it … if it HAD been my son i wound have sent him to help wash dishes…but…1) old guy wasn’t informing me as much as he was tearing me down. He was being sarcastic about my child not having an adult watching him. He was literally sneering at me.
2) it wasn’t even my kid. It’s a small parish. These kids were all born and baptised here. Most people can tell my Godson from my son, but his not knowing is an indication that he doesn’t pay any attention to the children and doesn’t have a relationship with them.

I do think I need to stop replaying this in my head. Looking forward to confession. It’s so complicated, emotionally, for me.
 
I am sorry this happened to you. I can totally understand how the old man’s sarcasm pushed you over the edge when your emotions were already so volatile, and now how embarrassed and upset you must feel now. I have been dealing with some overwhelming grief and unjust accusations in my own life and I know how little things can start the tears flowing.

It’s hard, but try not to keep replaying it in your head. Pray and surrender the whole mess to Jesus and seek out your priest’s counsel. Hopefully he can guide you on reconciling with the old man, since he obviously deeply hurt you with his sneering attitude. After talking with him you will probably be in a better state of mind for confession.

Hugs and prayers for you! You’re doing a good job, Mama!
 
Contrition is about the will; the acknowledgement of sin and the firm resolution to avoid it. Feelings are about hormones and chemicals.

Anger, to a certain extent, is not within a person’s power to have or not have. It might even be a sign of a virtue if a person has it, depending on the situation, whereas a less formed person might feel apathy or indifference.

If you’re questioning whether you’re contrite about something, you should always make a petition to receive the gift of contrition. God loves you and he will hear your prayer.

Peace.
 
It’s so nice that we as Catholics have the wonderful gift of confession. I’m sorry this happened to you. Parishes have brunches and social events so we can all feel like a family and to get treated like that hurts. I’d go to confession and then talk to the priest to see what he has to say. I’ll say a prayer for you and your family.
 
Thank you all! I had a lovely confession about 10 days ago. The priest averted my self accusations of pride, Hannity, and lack of self control. But we also talked about the situation and I asked if I should apologise to the man in question he said “no, he should apologise to you. I need to preach more on accepting and living the children in our parish.” Several of the older parishioners reached out to me to express their love for our family since then. I am ao thankful for confession…
 
I’m glad you got to confession and you have peace over this matter now! That’s a great testimony to me of how wonderful the Sacrament of Reconciliation can be.
 
He’s a kid for heaven sake. Kids horse around with other kids (I’m assuming it wasn’t a solitary action in the middle of a group of adults) And even if it was, it should have been laughed off and dealt with privately. The old man was out of line and I agree with the priest in Aleddyb’s post. He should apologize to you.
And as the priest probably said to you in confession, in your emotional state after your family tragedy, the wasn’t much culpability for your response.
Let it go. It was an isolated incident fraught with a lot less “inappropriate behavior” than you are imagining.
Shalom
 
Sounds like everyone should go to confession ASAP. Indeed.
 
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Dear Kathleen 18, Take this from another Kathleen. I think you are a wonderful mother. You were merely standing up for your children as any good mother would do. God bless you! ❤️❤️❤️
 
Take this for whatever it’s worth, but it helped me:

My spiritual director said that forgiveness is a process. The last time I confessed my own version of your story, the priest said that forgiveness is a gradual “letting go”. Maybe a regular confessor who has heard you confess the sin before may be helpful in that regard.

Hail Mary, full of grace,
the Lord is with you.
Blessed are you among women,
and blessed is the fruit of your womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God,
pray for us sinners,
now and at the hour of our death.
Amen.
 
We all have our down days, up days, and just horrible days. Still mad? There is just anger, too. Maybe yours was just…I don’t know, but you are obviously contrite and remorseful. Go to confession. Just tell the priest that you had a “NO GOOD, TERRIBLE, ROTTEN, HORRIBLE DAY.” Father will understand. You will feel better. The anger will subside. As I think about it Jesus had a bit of a temper tantrum, too, when he whipped the vendors and sellers from the Temple steps. I’m sure He was a bit miffed with Himself after, but after all, He was Man as well as the Son. Don’t everyone respond with a ‘No, your wrong!’ LOL! I can see it coming!
 
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