Not sure what do in this situation

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always687

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Alright, I’m not positive is this is the right board to post this on, but I figured it might be? A little backstory is important to my problem: I’m 19, just about to go to college, and I’m working for the last three weeks of summer as a receptionist at my uncle’s car dealership. Obviously, they get mail everyday, and there’s this one particular mailman. Being the nice receptionist I am, my first day there, I said, “hi, how are you?” And he said not too well, so when he left I told him that I hoped his day would get better, and thought nothing of it. The next day, he came in again and said he wasn’t well again, and then while I signed for some packages, he started pouring out his heart about how his wife left him for some other guy, he’s cheated on her in the past too, his kids were taken from him, he’s got no friends, lost faith, and is just generally in a really bad place. So I listened, y’know, said I’d pray for him and said he should try finding friends at church, etc., That was last week, and we’d talk for a minute whenever he’d come in to deliver mail (basically everyday). This Tuesday, I realized I didn’t know his name, so I asked him, just being nice. He told me and left, but then he came back in and gave me his number, telling me not read into it or anything, just to call if I ever wanted to talk, and to update him on how I’m doing when I go off to college. That was fine. But then after he left, my uncle walked up and told me that he’s bad news, that the last two summers he’d hit on his other nieces who worked there, and tried to get them to see him outside of work. Obviously, this freaked me out, even though it seemed like from what he was telling me that he was trying to be better and that he wanted his wife back.

But now, I’m freaked out and sort of scared and want to avoid him by taking my lunch break a little earlier if I can and never text him or talk to him ever again. But I feel like this is wrong, because aren’t we supposed to be Jesus to the least of us? Aren’t we supposed to be kind to all and not let judgements get in the way of that? I’m freaked out and I don’t want to be his friend, but since Jesus would be his friend, shouldn’t I? I’m really conflicted about this, and I don’t know what to do…
 
If you restrict your interactions to when you are at work and he’s dropping off the mail you’ll be fine. Do not allow him to contact you or see you outside of that context.
 
Save heroism (reaching out to this guy) for another time for a better cause. Let prudence be your guide. Nothing wrong with praying for him from a safe distance, but you have a general duty to yourself (innocent) to protect yourself.
 
No need to hide. Keep your conversation with him strictly professional. A mail carrier should not be wasting time on personal conversation while working.
 
always687 said:
… then he came back in and gave me his number, telling me not read into it or anything, just to call if I ever wanted to talk, and to update him on how I’m doing when I go off to college…
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Don’t ever call him. Don’t contact him by email, facebook, twitter, and so on. Don’t freak out and hide either. Just speak with him professionally at the office, and that should be charitable enough under the circumstances.
 
You’re only 19 so you probably never ran into someone who wants to take advantage of a simple offer of friendship. He’s obviously a lot older than you so he should have known better than to unburden himself to you. To give him the benefit of the doubt, maybe he was so overwhelmed with grief that he just unloaded on what he thought was a sympathetic shoulder. But he has gone beyond that by trying to extend contact to outside the work place. On top of that, you know from your uncle that he’s tried to take advantage of another young girl (while he was still with his wife, presumably). Christian charity does not require you to let someone take advantage of your natural friendliness and compassion. Be professional in the office and politely decline any other offers of further contact. If he gets persistent and tries to coax you into seeing or calling him , tell your uncle.
 
Beryllos said:
Don’t ever call him. Don’t contact him by email, facebook, twitter, and so on. Don’t freak out and hide either. Just speak with him professionally at the office, and that should be charitable enough under the circumstances.
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Do this!! 👍 Plus, it’s also good to note that, yes, we are to care for the least of our brethren; however, that does not mean putting ourselves in danger with a possible pedophile. So, just be careful, be nice, and be professional.

May God bless you and keep you safe! 🙂
 
This is what I taught my children: if a guy needs help, he should go to other men. If a woman needs help, she should go to other women.

All too many people of each sex tend to, not necessarily consciously, use their problems to attract members of the opposite sex. You do not want to be involved with them.

And I guess I should add to my rule: if someone lots older has a problem, they should go to people their own age for help. Why is this mailman being so rude as to tell you his problems, hmmmm??? Brilliant of you to suggest he find friends at church 🙂
 
always687 said:
Alright, I’m not positive is this is the right board to post this on, but I figured it might be? A little backstory is important to my problem: I’m 19, just about to go to college, and I’m working for the last three weeks of summer as a receptionist at my uncle’s car dealership. Obviously, they get mail everyday, and there’s this one particular mailman. Being the nice receptionist I am, my first day there, I said, “hi, how are you?” And he said not too well, so when he left I told him that I hoped his day would get better, and thought nothing of it. The next day, he came in again and said he wasn’t well again, and then while I signed for some packages, he started pouring out his heart about how his wife left him for some other guy, he’s cheated on her in the past too, his kids were taken from him, he’s got no friends, lost faith, and is just generally in a really bad place. So I listened, y’know, said I’d pray for him and said he should try finding friends at church, etc., That was last week, and we’d talk for a minute whenever he’d come in to deliver mail (basically everyday). This Tuesday, I realized I didn’t know his name, so I asked him, just being nice. He told me and left, but then he came back in and gave me his number, telling me not read into it or anything, just to call if I ever wanted to talk, and to update him on how I’m doing when I go off to college. That was fine. But then after he left, my uncle walked up and told me that he’s bad news, that the last two summers he’d hit on his other nieces who worked there, and tried to get them to see him outside of work. Obviously, this freaked me out, even though it seemed like from what he was telling me that he was trying to be better and that he wanted his wife back.

But now, I’m freaked out and sort of scared and want to avoid him by taking my lunch break a little earlier if I can and never text him or talk to him ever again. But I feel like this is wrong, because aren’t we supposed to be Jesus to the least of us? Aren’t we supposed to be kind to all and not let judgements get in the way of that? I’m freaked out and I don’t want to be his friend, but since Jesus would be his friend, shouldn’t I? I’m really conflicted about this, and I don’t know what to do…
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When you are forced to deal with this postman you should be polite and kind with him. But do not do or say anything that could encourage him to see in you more than a Christian. If he asks you why you have stopped texting him you should let him know that you think that texting is something for his wife to do – not you – for he is still married to her in God’s eyes. God bless you.
 
Thank you everybody so much for the advice. I haven’t texted him or anything, and I don’t think he expects me to before I leave, but I know he definitely does after, and I made the mistake of saying I would.My big worry though is if I come to work here again next summer he’ll be asking why I never contacted him. I considered just “losing” his number, but if I said that he’d just give it to me again and nothing would be solved.

But luckily he doesn’t have my number or anything, so I guess if he asks about it again in the next week while I’m still working here, I’ll just tell him I’m so sorry, but I realized that I really don’t feel comfortable doing that, that I’m really not a good advice giver, that I’m still praying for him, but I really think he should make friends at church and confide to somebody there who could actually do something to help. And if he doesn’t ask, I guess I just won’t say anything?
 
There is no need to make any excuses. You do not owe him anything. He should not even be telling you about his marital and personal problems. You are working in a professional job and so is he. You need to keep things professional and so does he.
 
always687 said:
Alright, I’m not positive is this is the right board to post this on, but I figured it might be? A little backstory is important to my problem: I’m 19, just about to go to college, and I’m working for the last three weeks of summer as a receptionist at my uncle’s car dealership. Obviously, they get mail everyday, and there’s this one particular mailman. Being the nice receptionist I am, my first day there, I said, “hi, how are you?” And he said not too well, so when he left I told him that I hoped his day would get better, and thought nothing of it. The next day, he came in again and said he wasn’t well again, and then while I signed for some packages, he started pouring out his heart about how his wife left him for some other guy, he’s cheated on her in the past too, his kids were taken from him, he’s got no friends, lost faith, and is just generally in a really bad place. So I listened, y’know, said I’d pray for him and said he should try finding friends at church, etc., That was last week, and we’d talk for a minute whenever he’d come in to deliver mail (basically everyday). This Tuesday, I realized I didn’t know his name, so I asked him, just being nice. He told me and left, but then he came back in and gave me his number, telling me not read into it or anything, just to call if I ever wanted to talk, and to update him on how I’m doing when I go off to college. That was fine. But then after he left, my uncle walked up and told me that he’s bad news, that the last two summers he’d hit on his other nieces who worked there, and tried to get them to see him outside of work. Obviously, this freaked me out, even though it seemed like from what he was telling me that he was trying to be better and that he wanted his wife back.

But now, I’m freaked out and sort of scared and want to avoid him by taking my lunch break a little earlier if I can and never text him or talk to him ever again. But I feel like this is wrong, because aren’t we supposed to be Jesus to the least of us? Aren’t we supposed to be kind to all and not let judgements get in the way of that? I’m freaked out and I don’t want to be his friend, but since Jesus would be his friend, shouldn’t I? I’m really conflicted about this, and I don’t know what to do…
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🙂 Don’t be freaked out, you did nothing wrong. This guy mistook your natural friendliness to mean more than it did, but no harm has been done. Treat him the same for the next few weeks until you leave for school and then end all contact (you will be too busy anyway). All of this will blow over soon. Your uncle, however, knew about this guy and should have warned you something like this could happen. In the future if you know of any other young, female family members that are taking that job, be sure to say something to them.
 
PaulfromIowa said:
There is no need to make any excuses. You do not owe him anything. He should not even be telling you about his marital and personal problems. You are working in a professional job and so is he. You need to keep things professional and so does he.
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Exactly. And if he starts to harass you, you need to report him to his superiors.
 
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