Not Sure What To Do.....

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Lorrie

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As the title states, I’m not entirely sure what to do. My boyfriend is Lutheran and has been such his whole life. I’m a very devoted Catholic. Everything is going fine in our relationship, the only problem comes when we discuss religion and I think it effects me a lot more than it does him.

He’s very understanding and he never talks bad about the Church, never makes jokes or anything like that. When I talk about this or that when it comes to the Church he’s always highly attentive. He’ll ask questions and I try to answer him as best as I know how (I only joined the Church this past Easter so its sometimes difficult to answer his questions adequately).

This evening we had dinner at his home and we were sitting watching TV, I looked at his coffee table and saw the “Concordia” book (or something like that) - from what I read I gathered it to be a catechism of some kind for the Lutheran church. I picked it up and began skimming through the pages. I came across where they talk about the Pope. It really bothered me to read what they think of him (I would quote some things but I truly can’t remember what it said word for word).

Of course, being a Catholic, I believe the Pope is the “Vicar of Christ”. Being a Lutheran, my boyfriend disagrees. We discussed it and left it as “we’ll just agree to disagree” and had a good rest of the evening.

Now I find myself at home and I’m thinking about this. I’m pondering our possible future together. Let me note that he will never become Catholic (he’s older and has let me know his feelings about this adamantly whilst also saying he would never dare ask me to convert to being Lutheran).

What am I thinking now? I’m wondering if this could actually work? Us both being so devoted to our religions while sharing a life? Would there be a definite division between us? Would the relationship ultimately crumble? Let me also note that he agrees with me on abortion, contraception, etc. but since I can’t have children naturally its not really an issue, just saying he has the same values as I do.

Have any of you been in this situation? Are you possibly in this situation right now? I just find myself needing some advice/opinions on what to do (even if you aren’t/haven’t been in this arena). I do love this man and would love to share my life with him, but would it be too difficult to make it successful?

Admin: if this is in the wrong forum I trust you will move it as I truly didn’t know where to place it.
 
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Lorrie:
As the title states, I’m not entirely sure what to do. My boyfriend is Lutheran and has been such his whole life. I’m a very devoted Catholic. Everything is going fine in our relationship, the only problem comes when we discuss religion and I think it effects me a lot more than it does him.

He’s very understanding and he never talks bad about the Church, never makes jokes or anything like that. When I talk about this or that when it comes to the Church he’s always highly attentive. He’ll ask questions and I try to answer him as best as I know how (I only joined the Church this past Easter so its sometimes difficult to answer his questions adequately).

This evening we had dinner at his home and we were sitting watching TV, I looked at his coffee table and saw the “Concordia” book (or something like that) - from what I read I gathered it to be a catechism of some kind for the Lutheran church. I picked it up and began skimming through the pages. I came across where they talk about the Pope. It really bothered me to read what they think of him (I would quote some things but I truly can’t remember what it said word for word).

Of course, being a Catholic, I believe the Pope is the “Vicar of Christ”. Being a Lutheran, my boyfriend disagrees. We discussed it and left it as “we’ll just agree to disagree” and had a good rest of the evening.

Now I find myself at home and I’m thinking about this. I’m pondering our possible future together. Let me note that he will never become Catholic (he’s older and has let me know his feelings about this adamantly whilst also saying he would never dare ask me to convert to being Lutheran).

What am I thinking now? I’m wondering if this could actually work? Us both being so devoted to our religions while sharing a life? Would there be a definite division between us? Would the relationship ultimately crumble? Let me also note that he agrees with me on abortion, contraception, etc. but since I can’t have children naturally its not really an issue, just saying he has the same values as I do.

Have any of you been in this situation? Are you possibly in this situation right now? I just find myself needing some advice/opinions on what to do (even if you aren’t/haven’t been in this arena). I do love this man and would love to share my life with him, but would it be too difficult to make it successful?

Admin: if this is in the wrong forum I trust you will move it as I truly didn’t know where to place it.
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I think the best advice anyone could ever give about this sort of this is pray…pray a lot. God will show you the right path when he thinks it’s time. I can relate to your situation in many different ways, and the only thing that ever helped me was prayer…no one can really ever know what’s going on in your heart except for you, and, in the end, that will be all that matters. God will let you know in time, just trust Him…sorry I can’t be anymore help, but that’s the only thing that’s ever helped me
 
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Lorrie:
As the title states, I’m not entirely sure what to do. My boyfriend is Lutheran and has been such his whole life. I’m a very devoted Catholic. Everything is going fine in our relationship, the only problem comes when we discuss religion and I think it affects me a lot more than it does him. He’s very understanding and he never talks bad about the Church, never makes jokes or anything like that. When I talk about this or that when it comes to the Church he’s always highly attentive… I came across where they talk about the Pope. It really bothered me to read what they think of him (I would quote some things but I truly can’t remember what it said word for word)… What am I thinking now? I’m wondering if this could actually work? Us both being so devoted to our religions while sharing a life? Would there be a definite division between us? Would the relationship ultimately crumble? … I do love this man and would love to share my life with him, but would it be too difficult to make it successful?
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Difficult? Yes.
Too difficult? No.

Consider this: you both believe in one God, the Father and Creator, who judges and loves. You both believe that the only begotten Son of this God was incarnated on Earth in a Virgin Birth, lived a sinless life, voluntarily died in redemptive sacrifice for your sins, was raised to life, and ascended into Heaven. You both believe that the Spirit of God has come to aid you. You both believe that the Bible includes the words spoken by this God and the Son. 👍

What are the points of difference, really? You, personally, believe that the Pope acts as the highest authority of the Church on earth, and he does not. Admittedly, there are some other differences here and there (e.g., his Bible is probably shorter than yours), but they all stem from that one. Every once in a while, you will find something in the other’s faith which is confusing, or even upsetting (such as the magazine article about the Pope, which might not have anything in common with what your guy believes).

This is not a crisis. 🙂

From what you have said, it seems that you both acknowledge that the other person has a different viewpoint, you do not condemn them for holding that, and you are open to discussing your beliefs. Really, what you are facing is a version of what every couple faces: the difference between the world-views of two different people. You two, however, have the advantage of genuine communication about those differences. All you need to do is keep talking and praying together.

As you do so, you will both learn a great deal about your churches, your faiths, yourselves, and God.

(My Beloved grew up not only in a different faith, but in a different language, a different culture, and a different continent. The end result is that we have a fabulous relationship with some of the best cooking anywhere!)

:love: Belief need not be a barrier to Love. :love:
 
It sounds to me like the fact that he had the Lutheran book of beliefs within view on his table while you were watching TV was a purposeful positioning of the book to introduce more in-depth the concepts of Lutheranism. He has stated that he will never convert to Catholicism and he’s engaging you in conversation about the book of Lutheran beliefs. It sounds to me like he won’t ask you to convert but I’m sure he hopes that one day “you will happen to be interested”.

Not having the emotional connection to him that you do, I would tell you to find a nice Catholic man. I’m sure that would not be an easy break to make since you love him. So, I echo CheesusPowerKid’s advice: pray. You could talk to a member of clergy about it too. I’m sure they have given spiritual guidance to other parishioners in similar situations and have witnessed the outcomes of such unions. Do you have a priest at your parish with whom you could discuss your concerns?
 
There’s no denying your feelings. You would not mention this if it was something that did not bother you. As you can see, some people it doesn’t bother, whereas others it does. Next you will need to observe whether he seems to care that it bothers you.
 
I was curious. You mentioned an age difference. How much older then you is he? This might not be the case but sometimes an older person can be very adapt at manipulating a situation.
 
Attraction may not be a choice, but love is–it’s the whole point of free will. I wonder if two people can be truly soul mates if they don’t agree on the thing that is most important to to the soul.

If you are thinking about one day marrying this person, will you adopt? Is he going to let you raise the children Catholic, because you are obligated to do so. Likewise, how will you explain to your children why daddy doesn’t believe what you do. You can’t tell them their father is wrong, but then again you can’t foster religious indifferentism.

Wouldn’t it be nice to be able to go to Mass with your husband or pray the Rosary together? I can’t think of a better foundation for a relationship than Jesus and the Eucharist.
Maybe you can get him to convert. Get him to wear a Miraculous Medal and a green scapular 👍
 
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Lorrie:
Let me note that he will never become Catholic (he’s older and has let me know his feelings about this adamantly whilst also saying he would never dare ask me to convert to being Lutheran).
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Don’t discount the power of the Holy Spirit. Anything is possible with God. Being stubborn only means that God will have to kick you harder to get through. 😃

I suggest getting a copy of Scott Hahn’s conversion story. In there he mentions a prayer that the two of you may find helpful. It is a prayer for the knowledge of God’s will and the strength and courage to follow whereever it may lead even if that is somewhere you/he doesn’t currently want to go.

This pursuit may lead to the two of you separating for you to find someone with your faith or it may lead to the two of you growing together into the same faith.

But as others have already said. Pray, pray, pray.
 
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Lorrie:
…Have any of you been in this situation? Are you possibly in this situation right now? I just find myself needing some advice/opinions on what to do (even if you aren’t/haven’t been in this arena). I do love this man and would love to share my life with him, but would it be too difficult to make it successful?

Admin: if this is in the wrong forum I trust you will move it as I truly didn’t know where to place it.
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My boyfriend is Seventh Day Adventist. I am Catholic . Talk about a combination! It can be trying at times, but perhaps you can view it the way I do. God put us together for a reason. We may not know why. But trust in HIM and pray. My BF tells me it is because of my spiritual journey that he began his. That makes me feel good.

Oh sure, we have disagreements, but like you said…we agree to disagree. I am secure in my fiath and he is secure in his, and that is ok with me. Because who knows what the future holds for any of us , right?
~ Kathy ~
 
I think the main thing a Catholic has to understand, is that if there is ever an intention to marry, the Catholic ultimately must promise to raise the kids as Catholic. And, where there is actual anti-Catholicism in a marriage, the kids’ faith will be in danger. The Catholic should not marry a non-Catholic who is also anti-Catholic, because of this clear and present danger to the faith of their potential kids.

This situation is a little bit different from a situation where there is considerably less risk. For example, some non-Catholics aren’t anti-Catholic at all, and don’t interfere with the Catholic upbringing of the kids. The non-Catholic promises that by marrying a Catholic, they’ll allow the kids to be raised Catholic. How can an actual anti-Catholic really promise that?

I think this is what Jimmy Akin is talking about at in those links I posted above.
 
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Karen10:
I think the main thing a Catholic has to understand, is that if there is ever an intention to marry, the Catholic ultimately must promise to raise the kids as Catholic. And, where there is actual anti-Catholicism in a marriage, the kids’ faith will be in danger. The Catholic should not marry a non-Catholic who is also anti-Catholic, because of this clear and present danger to the faith of their potential kids.

This situation is a little bit different from a situation where there is considerably less risk. For example, some non-Catholics aren’t anti-Catholic at all, and don’t interfere with the Catholic upbringing of the kids. The non-Catholic promises that by marrying a Catholic, they’ll allow the kids to be raised Catholic. How can an actual anti-Catholic really promise that?

I think this is what Jimmy Akin is talking about at in those links I posted above.
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Kids aren’t an issue since I can’t have them naturally and I don’t plan on adopting (as of right now). He’s already had two children who are now grown.

We actually did talk about this. I hypothetically brought it up saying, “If for some reason I could have a baby what religion would he/she be baptized in and where would we take he/she to church?” He adamantly said that the baby would be baptized Catholic and would go to a Catholic Church. As my original post states, he’s very respectful of me being Catholic and knows how devoted I am - he would never get in the way of that.

I talked to a priest about my ponderings yesterday, he advised me to take it slow and to pray. I do love this man and will just have to leave it up to God.

Thanks to all who replied.
 
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