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Dear darkestnight,
(my reply is blue and your statements are black)
To begin with, I will try to respond to your statements one at a time, at least insofar as I am able to. I’m not sure what you mean by:
** “I’m am in a very low spot spiritually. About everything bad that could happen to a person has somehow happened to me. Im not exaggerating! In the midst of this I cannot believe that God loves me anymore.**
To begin with, “darkestnight,” God does not stop loving you because you committed sin, any more than a Mother or Father would stop loving a child who does bad things! It says this plainly in Scripture.
I have lived a life of sin many times but have been to confession. I know God allows punishment for past sins but since bad things keep happening I am wondering if I’m still bad in His eyes or is it still for the sins of my past life about 10 years ago that these punishments keep happening.
Darkestnight, What happens to us after we sin and go to confession is NOT that God punishes us, but our sins bring a lot of junk into our lives and we end up having to deal with this junk. That is what makes us miserable—not God!
**Other people I know have comitted same sins but they don’t have the punishment. I don’t think God loves me anymore. **Remember, God loves all His children! **I just can’t grasp that under all this pain and loss.
So I keep thinking maybe I am still in sin or did not make a good enough confession of sins. ** That is not something that I am not qualified to speak about, you need to go to a priest and see if he can help you with this. When you talk to a priest, he will probably put your mind at rest!
** I have mental illness and my psychiatrist tells me I just got dealt a bad hand of cards in life.** It sounds to me like you need to find a better psychiatrist, because what he told you is wrong. None of us are dealt “a bad hand of cards in life.” When God sent us down here he knew exactly what He was doing. Granted, some of us need to have more help, but all of us have to struggle at some time in our lives and some of us more than others. That is NOT punishment, it has to do with helping us grow.
I think God doesn’t love me anymore. I’ve been too bad I guess or maybe I still am sinning? I try to find the grave sins but maybe I’m missing things. I just want to be loved by God again. As I said above, God loves all of His children and you are one of them! I realize that with mental illness, things kind of pile up in your mind until you find yourself buried under all of them, but there is a way out, and that way is the Lord. We cannot earn to be loved by the Lord! We just are,…its a free gift. But if you are having a hard time in believing in God’s gift of love for you, then you need to ask the Lord to help you see it.
I have almost no family or friends left because Most of them died and too the mental illness. I have lived most of my life away from my parents and sister. It makes it hard sometimes, but I have had to accept it. One of the things that has helped me is to try to get involved in the Church. There are good friends there, you just haven’t met them yet.
I’m no doctor, darkestnight, but I suspect that most of the issue here has to do with your mental illness. Can you get another doctor? It would be a great help if you could, but sometimes we have to take what we can get, I know.
For now, though, remember “GOD LOVES YOU ALL OF THE TIME!”
As to the sinning, when you sin, those sins turn around and hurt us, that’s why God wants us to stay away from them if at all possible. Try to remember that.
I will pray for you!!**
