M
Monica4316
Guest
Hi 
Thereās something Iāve been struggling with for several weeks now⦠I made a thread about it in the Spirituality forum but it still doesnāt make sense and I havenāt had an opportunity to speak with a priest
Iām definitely going to speak to a priest⦠but I was wondering if anyone can please help me understand the theology behind Matthew 12, ie the unforgiveable sin.
Iāll try to explain simply⦠a while ago, I started getting really strong doubts about my conversion to Catholicism, fears that Iām going to hell for this, etc⦠I resisted these doubts at first. They were so persistent, that after a while, I began to give in to them more. For some reason, whenever I would give into them, afterwards it would be really difficult to believe in Godās mercy and goodness - itās like whatever was telling me these things, didnāt communicate in a loving, gentle way. At one point, I felt very strongly that the ways I experienced Godās love as a Catholic - were all delusions or deceptions from the devil, and that God wants me to repent of having accepted them, and leave the Church. I resisted this feeling and forced myself to believe that God is merciful and good.
But after a while, I got that temptation again⦠this came at a time of great confusion for me⦠and I accepted it, for a time. I seriously considered the possibility that all the ways God has worked in my life have actually not been God, not Jesus, not the Holy Spirit, but that they were demonic deceptions. At the same time, I realized that those events were GOOD⦠but I rejected both the events, and the knowledge I had of Godās love. For example, one time at Adoration, Jesus showed me His mercy and healed me of something (spiritually)⦠that is clearly of the Holy Spirit, but I felt strongly that it was a deception (and consented to the feeling).
I wasnāt comfortable with this thought though⦠it didnāt seem right to me⦠and after a bit of time, I started fighting it again. I once more forced myself to believe.
Well ever since that time⦠God seems so far away. I canāt seem to reach Him. There have been a few times when I felt His presence, or felt love for Him, but mostly Iāve just felt emptiness⦠and like Heās rejected me. Iāve been worrying SO much about committing the unforgiveable sin. People have tried to explain to me why Iām forgiveable, and what the Church teaches, but I just donāt understand it!!
whenever I think of what I had done, I feel with such certainty that Iām lostā¦
The problem is that I donāt see any difference between what I did, and what the Pharisees did in Matthew 12⦠they attributed the work of the Holy Spirit to the devil⦠so did I⦠I looked up the Greek translation and it implies not just blaspheming the Holy Spirit, but His actions, and thatās what iāve doneā¦
I looked up the Catholic and the Orthodox understanding of the unforgiveable sin, and it seems to be the same, - the teaching is that it involves unrepentance⦠I am repentant, but Iām still so afraid! I canāt seem to convince myself that Iām forgiveable⦠I wish I could talk to a priest, because generally thatās always helped me, but for the past two weeks I havenāt been able to get transportation to the church
I was wondering, if you had any thoughts⦠I donāt see what I have done as being any different from what the Pharisees did⦠I believed that something obviously good is from the devil, when itās really from the Holy Spirit⦠the only argument I can come up with is that I believed this under great pressure, and I was confused, and since iām repentant; Iām not hardened against the Holy Spirit or rejecting His grace in my life⦠but even now, I often feel tempted to commit the same sin again, however I fight the temptation now.
thanks!!!
Thereās something Iāve been struggling with for several weeks now⦠I made a thread about it in the Spirituality forum but it still doesnāt make sense and I havenāt had an opportunity to speak with a priest
Iāll try to explain simply⦠a while ago, I started getting really strong doubts about my conversion to Catholicism, fears that Iām going to hell for this, etc⦠I resisted these doubts at first. They were so persistent, that after a while, I began to give in to them more. For some reason, whenever I would give into them, afterwards it would be really difficult to believe in Godās mercy and goodness - itās like whatever was telling me these things, didnāt communicate in a loving, gentle way. At one point, I felt very strongly that the ways I experienced Godās love as a Catholic - were all delusions or deceptions from the devil, and that God wants me to repent of having accepted them, and leave the Church. I resisted this feeling and forced myself to believe that God is merciful and good.
But after a while, I got that temptation again⦠this came at a time of great confusion for me⦠and I accepted it, for a time. I seriously considered the possibility that all the ways God has worked in my life have actually not been God, not Jesus, not the Holy Spirit, but that they were demonic deceptions. At the same time, I realized that those events were GOOD⦠but I rejected both the events, and the knowledge I had of Godās love. For example, one time at Adoration, Jesus showed me His mercy and healed me of something (spiritually)⦠that is clearly of the Holy Spirit, but I felt strongly that it was a deception (and consented to the feeling).
I wasnāt comfortable with this thought though⦠it didnāt seem right to me⦠and after a bit of time, I started fighting it again. I once more forced myself to believe.
Well ever since that time⦠God seems so far away. I canāt seem to reach Him. There have been a few times when I felt His presence, or felt love for Him, but mostly Iāve just felt emptiness⦠and like Heās rejected me. Iāve been worrying SO much about committing the unforgiveable sin. People have tried to explain to me why Iām forgiveable, and what the Church teaches, but I just donāt understand it!!
The problem is that I donāt see any difference between what I did, and what the Pharisees did in Matthew 12⦠they attributed the work of the Holy Spirit to the devil⦠so did I⦠I looked up the Greek translation and it implies not just blaspheming the Holy Spirit, but His actions, and thatās what iāve doneā¦
I looked up the Catholic and the Orthodox understanding of the unforgiveable sin, and it seems to be the same, - the teaching is that it involves unrepentance⦠I am repentant, but Iām still so afraid! I canāt seem to convince myself that Iām forgiveable⦠I wish I could talk to a priest, because generally thatās always helped me, but for the past two weeks I havenāt been able to get transportation to the church
I was wondering, if you had any thoughts⦠I donāt see what I have done as being any different from what the Pharisees did⦠I believed that something obviously good is from the devil, when itās really from the Holy Spirit⦠the only argument I can come up with is that I believed this under great pressure, and I was confused, and since iām repentant; Iām not hardened against the Holy Spirit or rejecting His grace in my life⦠but even now, I often feel tempted to commit the same sin again, however I fight the temptation now.
thanks!!!
