Now that you are married, do you and your spouse still date?

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I hope you are still dating your spouse now that you are married.
I think that is so important, so that you don’t grow apart.

Along with praying together, dating together is a great way to stay happily married. And dating means getting a sitter for the kids too and avoiding topics like the hum drum day to day necessities…instead discuss your dreams, how much you love being together, reminiscing your courtship and the days yet to come.
 
We used to, once a month we’d go out on Saturday night for our Retrouvaille CORE meeting, then we’d go out to dinner and see a movie or something. Now that we’ve had the last 2 babies…not so much. 😦 We need to start again. :sad_yes:
 
My husband and I go out every month on the 13th, that was the day we were married. It really resparks our relationship and helps us to re-focus on marriage as our vocation and just how much we love being together! I look forward soooo much to our dates!
 
I would LOVE to go out with my DH again – haven’t since July.

If you’ll come babysit I’ll go! Wait, we went somewhere a month or so ago, but it was only for a few moments. To the grocery store I think? It was so nice though. Just a few moments is all it takes.
😃
 
For us, we’ve never done a “set in stone this is a date” thing - to us that seems kinda forced. And we never have rules about what we can and cannot talk about, but, we are all talkers in this family, we converse about a wide variety of things.

We do things together, we do things apart, we do things with our son or with other people - sometimes planned and sometimes spontaneous.
 
KCtheMommy said:
I would LOVE to go out with my DH again – haven’t since July.

If you’ll come babysit I’ll go! Wait, we went somewhere a month or so ago, but it was only for a few moments. To the grocery store I think? It was so nice though. Just a few moments is all it takes.
😃
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Trade babysitting with your dear friend…so that they can go on a date and they can do that for you as well…worked for us when our kids were small.
 
Just curious–do people not use teenaged sitters anymore?

My husband and I relied on teenagers, since we lived far away from our families. (1980s) We used them even when our children were babies. The dates usually only lasted a few hours, so breastfeeding worked out well. Back then, I had 17 friends who all had babies around the same time, and none of us were doing this new-fangled (but really old-fangled) “ecological” breastfeeding or “attachment” parenting.

Our kids loved the teenaged sitters. So much energy!

We always hired kids from our church, and we always knew their parents.

I realize that nowadays, it costs a lot more to hire a teenager. But I think we would still do it, because it’s so important for a husband and wife to be alone together.
 
Yep, we try to make it a monthly thing - it’s never a set date for each month, but usually something is going on or my parents happen to be available one weekend and we’ll go out. I love it! Of course, we’ve only been married a couple of years, but it’s still SO nice to drop the baby off and be by ourselves - even if it is just to the grocery store or the mall.

During my late teens, I would babysit for my parents about once a month. They always did the same thing - go to Culvers and then to Wal-Mart to do some grocery shopping. It wasn’t a huge thing, but it was a necessary “date” for them to just get some alone couple time. I’d also (and still do) watch the siblings for two weekends a year for them to go on a mini-vacation (usually to a retreat center or something of that sort).

Thankfully, too, the moms group I’m involved with really strives to help marriages as well (although it’s secular and there are a few single moms/cohabitating couples). We have a babysitting co-op available and also we have two weekends where half the couples go on a date and the other half babysit the kids and then switch the next weekend. It’s worked out great so far! 🙂
 
We are spoiled by my MIL… she begs us to send the kids over…
So we get out on dates at least once or twice a month… still taking the baby with us, but at this age she’s just an “accessory”… 😃
 
Cat said:
Just curious–do people not use teenaged sitters anymore?
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I would if the ones around here would accept $10/hr for four kids.

$5/hr PER CHILD is the going rate. OUCH. When I worked from home a while back as a transcriptionist, I made about $10.50/hr and had to pay my own taxes out of it. Guess I am in the wrong profession lol. And its not like we live in a big city or anything.

For us, date night is the kids are in bed at 8pm and we retire to our room to watch a netflix movie, eat snacks, and have a beer or two.
 
I voted once a month. We did not date for many years for all the usual reasons, work , no childcare, too tired etc. It was a big mistake. We ended up in serious trouble marriage wise. I encourage all of you to make it work somehow to date.

Figure out how you can trade childcare with another couple or some other creative way if you don’t think you have the finances. It’s very important.
 
I didn’t vote because we don’t often have an actual date night (although we do occasionally, maybe once a month we find the time for a movie). But because right now our work hours match and we don’t have kids, we still have “our time” usually every evening where we have dinner and watch some TV (often the same time 😊 ) or play a game.
 
Dinner out each payday.

That’s a recent development for us. We didn’t go out often when the kids were little, then when they got a bit older we were so involved in separate organizations (all aspects of Scouting for DH, 3 different arts organization for me) that we rarely went anywhere or did anything together so busy were we with those other projects.

Now we go out to the local coffee shop about 3-4 times a week and geocache together (even as competitors) on the weekend. DH has even started volunteering for one annual arts event (not that we see each other much at that one – our involvement is in very different aspects of the fest).
 
I am single (okay, divorced with an annulment) and not attached.

What is a date? 🤷 I have forgotten.
 
I’m pregnant with our 4th baby (plus I have a stepdaughter), so a babysitter alone is a huge expense. Add to that the cost of anything date-like. whew We date every couple of years or so. But it’s always something special due to the infrequency.
 
Thanks Monicad. My husband and I rarely date. We make sure we spend some time together at the end of the day. We can’t get babysitters for our children-no one can handle our son with DS and his siblings-my DH gets distressed leaving him, unless he is well taken care of. I have a close breastfeeding,cosleeping relationship with our youngest son-I get distressed leaving him.
What is the point of a date if we are both stressed? I love the fact the DH is so attached to our son.
Thursdays we meet up and sit in the car park out side DH work. He brings out Starbucks from his subsidised outlet in work, and I bring a sandwich each. We get half an hour sitting in the car just enjoying each other’s company. We don’t care what we do so much as the person we are doing it with.
 
I voted not necessary. That being said, we do occasionally (maybe 2x a year?) get out for a date night - definitely at some time near our anniv., and then we usually luck out with another chance at some point.

Neither of us really feel that it’s something we need; we have alone time each night after our son is in bed.
 
We rarely ‘dated’ as in’ went out formally somewhere to eat or spend money otherwise’ even before we were married. That sort of outing never really appealed to me anyway 🤷 . We spent time in his appartment, with his roommates, and in mine, with my parents, and discussed a wide variety of topics. We still just hang around at home or take walks and discuss stuff. Our 21mo dd doesn’t bother us.

I may not feel this need because we spend so much time together, it would be incredibly difficult to ‘grow apart’. I work 5 hours a week, and my husband has one gig a week, and we are all together as a family the rest of the time. :o
 
I think many of us get up with spending a pile of money by going on a date…but remember when we were courting…a date may have meant a walk in the park, a picnic lunch somewhere, a tennis date etc. None of it meant spending big bucks, but it meant time we got together…got ready, put on a dab of cologne and looked forward to that special alone time.

No where does a date imply spending big bucks.
Last night, my bride and I had a date together for adoration before the Blessed Sacrament together. Praying together is a great way to spend time…a family that prays together, stays together says Fr.Peyton.
 
With 3 children under 6 and one on the way, a date night every so often is MUCH needed to keep our sanity!

Joe
 
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