Nude photos found on computer—need advice

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I’m sure he will be embarrassed when you speak to him about it, so just tell him that it hurt you and that it’s a sin. Everyone has weaknesses, so we are to help others through theirs and hope that others will help us with ours. Also pray for him
 
Conor7 said:
My suggestion: delete the pictures, get out your digital camera and take a few naughty picture of your own. You want to fix this, that’s how it’s done.

I think that sends to perfect message: I know what you did you dirty perv. I forgive you. And, I am willing to work on this with you.
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Excuse me while I barf.
 
Let me give a little advice you might not expect from someone like me. Men are visual creatures. There are so many secrets we keep buried deep inside out of fear that our weaknesses will be exploited. I say this after living one fo the most difficult lives anyone could receive in a society that is supposedly above the rest. I know that temptations haunt every man. Some of us are able to withstand, others fall into it on occassion and others, it become an obsession to never overcome. God is merciful thought. There are so many circumstances that you do not know, obviously. Depression can kill a soul. Society expects so much from us, and yet we oftern fall flat on our face, never reaching our full potential. Among many circles this is a sign of losing and our self-image gets destroyed. And this is only one aspect of what may be going on. There are so many other aspects that could be looked at as well.

To give you advice I see that keeps family together. Don’t look for it again and ignore it. Try to do the best you can, but confronting him point blank may make it worst. I’d suggest that if and when you bring it up, do it in the context of something unusual… Try to reach him emotionally, connect and let him know just how much you care for him. Talk about sex and the dignity issues surrounding porn and all of those exploitative arenas. Basically, catch him with his pants down, not literally speaking. I mean off guard and in a vulnerable position. A deacon and his wife told us during a Pre-Cana lesson that before you have a serious discussion to strip completely naked before each other and then while holding hands, enter in the discussion. Shame may try to manifest itself as anger or something else. But don’t let go. I suspect that most men that fall into porn are empty inside, maybe even selfdestructive for reasons only they can give.

I know this sounds crazy, but if you love him, don’t blow it up any more than it already is for his sake and yours, not to mention if children are already among you. This will take lots of love and understanding to get through. But you can. Just hope that he hasn’t or won’t take it to a different reality. Many men don’t. But this is why you might want to do the right thing and confront him in the right way in the right place and with the right love. treat it as a weakness, not a betrayal as said. Sure, it’s betrayal, but not the same kind as if he had physically gone of to give himself to a real person. Keep that in mind when you discuss it and show him love. Try to find out what you need to do to fulfill his needs. After all, it may not really be sex that he desires, but is using it as an outlet for what’s ailing him. Sex is a beautiful thing, but it can become a monster, which is why all couples need to practice abstinence in such a way that it surrounds a prayerful life. Keep him close to you so that he can avoid the near occasion of sin.

If none of these technicques work, swat him enough times to knock some sense into his head.

I feel for you and wish there was more to help. This is something you’ll need to pray a lot about before even bringing it up. Don’t do anything rash, it could blowup in your face, his face and your domestic church’s face. I would not discuss this with anyone other than a spiritual director and preferably with the priest you trust the most. Don’t even think about talking about this with your mom or sisters or brothers. Youi could destroy him if you do.

Women do this kind of thing too, just not as often. If you are not filling his needs he might go off on a tangent. Don’t get me wrong, none of these are excuses. It’s just information to help you get into his head so you can at least try to understand, but make him own up to the problem. Stay abreast of the situation. Make sure there are no computers in private rooms or racing away from an open room. Cut cable. I nearly died when I saw all of the porn on late night Showtime and HBO. There is so much trash in plain view everywhere that can easily trigger these things. He may even already be addicted and may have always been for all you know. You just have to decide to stick with him to get through it. Of course, you know him best…

That’s my dumb idea. I really wish you the best. Prayers of being offered for you.
 
I know you have been inundated with all kinds of ideas and suggestions.
But I’m going to give you some that hasn’t been mentioned.
  1. Get rid of cable TV for now.
  2. Change the password on your PC so only you have access.
    If he needs access, then be present when he uses it.
  3. Don’t go to movies except clean ones.
  4. Throw out an DVDs’ that have any bad material in them.
  5. Pitch his magazines. You might have to find them first.
  6. Pitch his photos he has hidden.
  7. Pitch his videos he has somewhere.
  8. He should go to a group meeting of those with this problem.
  9. Pray the rosary together every day with one intention in mind.
  10. Weekly confession.
In addition, where a scapular of our Lady and believe she will do
what she promised with that particular scapular. Follow the instructions
which come with the scapular. Faith and trust in her words are
paramount. Here are three favorite scapulars.
willingshepherds.org/Free%20sacramentals.htm
Here is a site for porn recovery.<<========
davidmacd.com/catholic/lust_recovery/index.htm
 
fred_conty said:
I know you have been inundated with all kinds of ideas and suggestions.
But I’m going to give you some that hasn’t been mentioned.
  1. Get rid of cable TV for now.
  2. Change the password on your PC so only you have access.
    If he needs access, then be present when he uses it.
  3. Don’t go to movies except clean ones.
  4. Throw out an DVDs’ that have any bad material in them.
  5. Pitch his magazines. You might have to find them first.
  6. Pitch his photos he has hidden.
  7. Pitch his videos he has somewhere.
  8. He should go to a group meeting of those with this problem.
  9. Pray the rosary together every day with one intention in mind.
  10. Weekly confession.
In addition, where a scapular of our Lady and believe she will do
what she promised with that particular scapular. Follow the instructions
which come with the scapular. Faith and trust in her words are
paramount. Here are three favorite scapulars.
willingshepherds.org/Free%20sacramentals.htm
Here is a site for porn recovery.<<========
davidmacd.com/catholic/lust_recovery/index.htm
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Absolutely the best advice ever. 👍
 
Dear Kay12,

All I can say is God bless you for taking the time to share your story. I really feel like you were inspired by the holy spirit to post. So many things you described on your journey into pornography rings true to some of the stories I’ve heard my husband tell about his past. Do you realize how fortunate you are to be as mindful and aware as you are of your situation? I am finding there are MANY like you and my husband, but they are in such denial, they are not able to articulate why this sinful act took a hold of them.

My husband, by the grace of God, has found a good counselor and has begun treatment. Like you, he has never been able to shake this addiction/secret alone. You will be in my prayers Kay12. God is with you and as you know LOVES you SO much. When you are ready He will send you the people who can help. Keep that intention in your heart.

Peace be with you.
 
Also, I just have to say once again how much I have appreciated everyone’s posts. Such great insights and personal stories shared. So many, besides myself, I am sure have been helped by all of your thoughtful comments. I can’t believe I only posted two weeks ago and how much has happened in such a short amount of time. Thank you.

Peace and God bless you all!!:):)🙂
 
P.S. And some of you have made me laugh so hard.:rotfl: Thanks for some comic relief in the midst of such a serious situation.👍🙂
 
faith_above said:
P.S. And some of you have made me laugh so hard.:rotfl: Thanks for some comic relief in the midst of such a serious situation.👍🙂
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No matter how bleak things look, one can almost always find some humor, even if it’s dark humor. Laughter is good for the soul.

So glad to hear that your husband is starting therapy. This is a good portent for your marriage!

🙂
 
faith_above said:
Dear Kay12,

All I can say is God bless you for taking the time to share your story. I really feel like you were inspired by the holy spirit to post. So many things you described on your journey into pornography rings true to some of the stories I’ve heard my husband tell about his past. Do you realize how fortunate you are to be as mindful and aware as you are of your situation? I am finding there are MANY like you and my husband, but they are in such denial, they are not able to articulate why this sinful act took a hold of them.

My husband, by the grace of God, has found a good counselor and has begun treatment. Like you, he has never been able to shake this addiction/secret alone. You will be in my prayers Kay12. God is with you and as you know LOVES you SO much. When you are ready He will send you the people who can help. Keep that intention in your heart.

Peace be with you.
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Thank you for your kindness faith above. Not sure my prayers are worth very much at this point but I will pray for you and your husband 🙂 Thank you!
 
chevalier said:
Or display any picture without asking. A virus could easily flood porn pictures on a hard drive (although I’m not aware of any existing virus doing that as of yet) just like any files.
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Those have been around since computers took off in the early 90s. There was one early version that had a sexy picture of Madonna (the singer) appear on screen with the following message: “While you’re staring at me, your hard drive is being deleted”. And it pretty much required you to slick your machine. The most common stuff these days are little trojans that do mean things like browser redirection (sometimes when you go to a website, you are taken instead to some other website featuring porn or somesuch).

And there are viruses that store folders of info, including, porn on your PC. It happens, but it isn’t common.
 
faith_above said:
Hello, this is my first time posting here. I discovered something today that really took me by surprise. I am still trying to process it. And don’t want to over react if this is something common in men. But, I need to know how sinful it really is for men to look at pictures of nude women.

My husband is the most generous, smart, compassionate, faith filled, person I know and I consider him my best friend. We’ve been married for 11 years and have two wonderful children. We’ve always shared everything with each other. But today, I feel he has betrayed the honesty of our relationship by lying when I asked if he had been looking at nude photos on the internet. Somehow, by divine intervention, the page was bookmarked under MY bookmarked pages. This is how I discovered it this morning.

I haven’t talked to him yet because I wanted to sit with this for a day and try to process what I am feeling. As someone who loves the Catholic faith, I was hoping I could get some advice on how something as harmless (to some) as looking at nude photos can affect our marriage. He has a theology degree himself from a Catholic college, so I am sure he is aware that what he is doing is wrong. I on the other hand am not sure how morally egregious this act is. What kind of advice can I give him? Is hiding something like this worse than someone who is open about it? I guess the second part of what I am asking is, does the lying make this more damaging to a marriage? Has anyone else encountered something like this with a husband they thought they knew and trusted?

Like I said, I want to keep a level head about this and not over react. This may be a small bump in the road and I would love to think that I can continue to trust and know him how I always have despite what I found today. Some good, compassionate advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you in advance!
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My word, this is awful and I am soooo sorry! 😦

Good for you for keeping it cool though, I would have FLIPPED OUT!!!

Honestly, I think the best thing to do to help him stop is to show him how much this hurts you - how much it hurts your feelings, makes you not feel good enough, makes you not feel pretty enough, makes you lose your confidence…

Telling him these things will help him put it all into perspective and it will give him motivation to stop if he knows how much it’s hurting you.

Ask him why he feels the need to do this if you’re there sleeping next to him all night and loving him. Again, this will all put things into perspective for him.

Good luck and I hope things work out. You are in our prayers. Definitely keep us updated.
 
By all means discuss this with him, but do so gently and with charity. Many, many men struggle with this and it is most definatly wrong.
 
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