Nullification of my marriage

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I was married in 1995, to another Catholic, and when I was pregnant with our son in 1997, my husband told me he loved someone else, and wanted a divorce.

I was in shock, as I had no signs of this happening, only in hindsight can I see now that those “calls from the boss” were from his girlfriend.

He had been seeing her for approximately 6 months prior to him telling me, so before our son was concieved.

I am now living with my son, and my parents, and my son sees his father every fortnight.

Through constant prayer and intercession, I have been able to forgive my ex-husband, and move on in my life.

I have decided to apply to my archdiocese for a nullification of my marriage, as I have only recently realised how important the Sacraments are to us as Catholics.

Could you all give me your thoughts on how I should word my thoughts on the reason for my wanting an annullment?

I have my interview on Wednesday with the Tribunal.

I have heard not all marraiges become null.

My priest told me that the Tribunal focus on what my ex-husband was like prior to the “vows”, not how he acted afterwards when we were married.

I know in my heart he never took the Sacrament of Marriage to mean as much as it did to me.

But how can I prove that ?? How can I tell the Tribunal how well I know my ex-husband and how he was thinking?

Any views on this are most appreciated

Love Kellie
 
Ahhhhh… hmmmm…

This is the best thoughts I can give for helping you.

I’m not so sure that you have to convince the Tribunal to declare the nullity of your marriage.

I think that just telling them that you need help for where to go from here will sound VERY MUCH like what they hear from people “applying” for an annulment.

Perhaps this Web site will give you some good information?

dwc.org/questions/Annulments/grounds.htm

frpat.com/annulments.htm

Keeping you in my prayers!
:o
 
Kellie, I came across a more specific reference on annulment for you.

ewtn.com/expert/answers/annulment.htm

"For example, someone who has no intention of being faithful cannot make a marriage since at the very time of exchanging vows he or she precludes the life-long fidelity that is intrinsic to marriage. This is often demonstrated right at the beginning, or shortly thereafter, by infidelity. Or, someone who intends to exclude the possibility of children does not validly marry. (Those who cannot have children due to age or infertility are NOT meant here, but only those who could bear children but intend to avoid this marital responsibility completely.)

“It should be noted that if a valid marriage is made on the wedding day later infidelity or a contraceptive will would not invalidate it. It is only when the will of either party in making the marriage contradicts the Plan of God from the beginning of marriage that it is invalid. The Church accepts every marriage as valid until proven otherwise, however (canon 1060).”

Also… the Tribunal will ask for folks hopefully who knew at least him BEFORE you got married so that they could share what they knew of his nature, his way, his whatever that is relevant to the case.

And are willing to make a public statement about that.

I’m absolutely NOT an expert on this.

However, I encourage you to trust the Lord to lead you through all this.

I’m wondering… is there any reason why you wouldn’t fight for your marriage?

Love, your sister in Christ,
Veronica Anne
 
This link is to a summary of a talk by a canon lawyer about grounds for annulment.

Here are some comments on how adultery can be indicative of annulment grounds:
The fact of “infidelity” in a marriage is not, by itself, grounds for nullity, but the behavior can point to a number of things that may constitute grounds (this is not an exhaustive list, by any means): poor marriage preparation; immaturity; inability or unwillingness to accept the responsibility of one’s vows; ignorance of or willful disregard for the purposes of marriage; perhaps even mental illness.
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Veronica Anne:
And are willing to make a public statement about that.
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Neither the witness statements nor any other part of the tribunal proceedings are public; this is not like civil divorce, where the public has some kind of “right to know.”
 
Veronica Anne:
I’m wondering… is there any reason why you wouldn’t fight for your marriage?

Love, your sister in Christ,
Veronica Anne
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Im not sure what you mean by this last comment.

My ex-husband applied for divorce 12 months after he told me he wanted out. Only one partner needs to apply. It went through court and so I am divorced.

I just feel I will be more at peace in my heart and with God if I null this Sacrament, and maybe look at re-doing this Sacrament later with another man, God willing.

I am not sure what you mean by “fight for”

Also, to all the other replies, I know the rules of the nullification procedure, but how can I tell the Tribunal that I knew my husband wasnt taking the preparation seriously, or went into the Church on that day with true fidelity in his heart.

Is it just my thoughts ? And will they take that as truth ?
I have been told I dont need to have him involved at all, so will they just believe me? Thats sort of what I am trying to understand

Love Kellie
 
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kellie:
Also, to all the other replies, I know the rules of the nullification procedure, but how can I tell the Tribunal that I knew my husband wasnt taking the preparation seriously, or went into the Church on that day with true fidelity in his heart.

Is it just my thoughts ? And will they take that as truth ?
I have been told I dont need to have him involved at all, so will they just believe me? Thats sort of what I am trying to understand
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No, they are not going to take your thoughts as the truth as to what was going on in your husband’s mind. What you need to do is to focus on what lies behind your thoughts. What statements or actions of your husband gave rise to your thoughts? Were there any witnesses to those statements or actions? Are those statements or actions really sufficient to prove that your husband wasn’t taking the marriage vows seriously?

Another tack to consider is to turn those questions around to your perspective. Was there any immaturity or lack of discretion on your part that led you to ignore or dismiss those signs and go through with the marraige anyway, when you really should have known that he wasn’t taking the preparation seriously? (It’s this approach that is usually meant when you are told that your husband’s involvement is not needed.)
 
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Catholic2003:
What statements or actions of your husband gave rise to your thoughts? Were there any witnesses to those statements or actions? Are those statements or actions really sufficient to prove that your husband wasn’t taking the marriage vows seriously?
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Well, lots of actions actually in hindsight make me realise he didnt take the actions seriously.

Like his big statement leading up to the wedding, as I was running through the list of details, he said “I dont care what we have on the day (meaning the flowers, hymns etc) as long as I have my Harleys”

We had 2 Harleys escort our bridal car to the reception.

Plus, I seem to remember me having to write the vows, hmmmm.

Thank you for your help Catholic2003
 
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kellie:
Im not sure what you mean by this last comment.

My ex-husband applied for divorce 12 months after he told me he wanted out. Only one partner needs to apply. It went through court and so I am divorced.

I just feel I will be more at peace in my heart and with God if I null this Sacrament, and maybe look at re-doing this Sacrament later with another man, God willing.

I am not sure what you mean by “fight for”
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My bad. I thought that you were not divorced. Therefore, I suggested that you fight for your marriage.
 
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Catholic2003:
Neither the witness statements nor any other part of the tribunal proceedings are public; this is not like civil divorce, where the public has some kind of “right to know.”
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By “make a public statement,” I meant to make a statement outside of the friendship/relationship that you have with that person. In other words, that witness would be willing to make a statement (public) to the Tribunal.

I did not mean “general public.”
 
Kellie,
My wife and I both completed annulments in the past several months. My wife’s friends and family who knew her previous husband refused to submit witness testimony, because they didnt want to help her become Catholic. Finally, her only Non-SDA friend said she would be happy to do it, and did.

Her Ex-husband also refused to participate because he is also SDA and still in the same community as many of her old friends.

The tribunal only got my wife’s statement and one witness. We were afraid that it would take forever!! The Advocate that the tribunal assigned her, went to the tribunal and explained the circumstances. They accepted it. It seemed to us that this particular tribunal tried to make things as fair and easy as possible, even in strange circumstances. I really believe they were trying to help her and yet stay withing the laws governing these matters.

Brandon
 
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SDA2RC:
Kellie,
My wife and I both completed annulments in the past several months. My wife’s friends and family who knew her previous husband refused to submit witness testimony, because they didnt want to help her become Catholic. Finally, her only Non-SDA friend said she would be happy to do it, and did.

Her Ex-husband also refused to participate because he is also SDA and still in the same community as many of her old friends.

The tribunal only got my wife’s statement and one witness. We were afraid that it would take forever!! The Advocate that the tribunal assigned her, went to the tribunal and explained the circumstances. They accepted it. It seemed to us that this particular tribunal tried to make things as fair and easy as possible, even in strange circumstances. I really believe they were trying to help her and yet stay withing the laws governing these matters.

Brandon
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That is so excellent to hear
Good on you two for overcoming all that.
Wow, thanks all of you who replied.
I will go in to meeting Wednesday with all the strength I have
Love Kellie
 
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