Nuptial Mass over just Catholic Wedding?

[skschwee]

I just got engaged, and my fiance is Lutheran. He attends mass with me almost every week and I go to church with him. We’re trying to live out our Christian faiths together without the doctrinal differences becoming issues.

His biggest “issue” is that even though he believes that the bread and wine are truly the REAL body and blood of Christ, he still isn’t allowed to receive holy communion in the Catholic church. (I understand why, but he still obviously feels very excluded since he knows that receiving Christ’s body is the essential purpose for attending church.)

Anyway… we’re currently researching the “benefits” to having a full nuptial mass over just a Catholic wedding ceremony that only includes the Liturgy of the Word and praying about what we should ultimately do.

Any advice? Information about our question? Opinions?
Thanks!

 

[1ke]

The norm prescribed by the Church for a mixed marriage is the Marriage Rite outside of Mass.

To have the Marriage Rite inside of Mass requires permission from the Bishop. And your fiance could not receive the Eucharist if such permission is granted.

I suggest you stick to the Marriage Rite outside the Mass and do not seek permission for the Rite inside the Mass since this is already such a contentious issue.

 

[Corki]

As 1ke said, the “rule” according to the rites is to have a Wedding ceremony without Mass in the case of a mixed marriage. While it is possible for the priest to request an exception to this, he may not even be willing to do so and it not under any obligation to give you the option. It’s not just about your fiancee, it’s also about the guests. If a good portion of them (your fiancess family especially) cannot participate in Communion, it is not very prudent or gracious to have a Mass.

 

[Aeden]

Pardon my asking, but if he recognizes that the Eucharist is the body and blood and not just a symbol or whatever, why doesn’t he convert? This, I think, should be a topic of discussion before a marriage dispensation.

 

[UpUpAndAway]

Our situations are somewhat different, but here’s my own experience of this issue.

I am in a mixed marriage and we had a nuptial Mass. My husband is a Reform Protestant, does not believe in the Real Presence, does not attend Protestant services, and does not attend Mass with me on a regular basis (he comes for midnight Mass at Christmas and has been with me to the annual commemoration Mass my parish has on All Souls Day). I had to ask for canonical permission to marry him in any rite, so my pastor at the time (we have moved since we got married) requested the bishop to allow us to marry inside the Mass at the same time. My pastor did express concerns about this on the grounds that only one of us could receive Communion during the Mass and because of my husband’s lack of belief in the Real Presence, but he was not *opposed *to the idea. I strongly desired the nuptial Mass and my husband supported me in this, so my pastor did submit the request and it was granted without any problems. My husband did not receive Communion during the ceremony, and he was and is all right with that.

I have no regrets about proceeding as we did. If our request had been denied, then we would have been married outside the Mass and I would have had no regrets about that, either. But I think I would have regretted it had we not even asked for the permission.

Ten happy years later, no one remembers the fact that I had Communion and my husband didn’t. No one besides the two of us, that is

I don’t know that there are any “benefits” to having the nuptial Mass versus the Marriage Rite outside of Mass, so if the issue is a hot one between you and your fiancé it would probably be better to forgo the nuptial Mass. The Marriage Rite outside the Mass is every bit as valid and every bit as beautiful. It was not a hot issue for my husband, and it was important to me personally to have the Mass.

 

[YoungTradCath]

There is absolutely no difference in your marriage if you marry in Mass or outside of Mass. As long as a priest or deacon witnesses the marriage, the marriage is valid and you are married.

The marrying outside of Mass thing is really intended to be a sort of peace offering. Likely your fiance’s relatives will be there, probably who are not Catholic. If there are tons of non-Catholics at a nuptial Mass–or any Mass for that matter–it can be a bit awkward because the priest cannot admit them to receive Holy Communion. Therefore if it is not Mass but just the wedding ceremony, then no one has to feel excluded. It really is logistically better this way. Of course, you can ask your bishop to allow a nuptial Mass if you do want one.

And if your fiance really believes the bread and wine become the Body and Blood of Christ, he should probably just convert.

 

[PatriceA]

I just got engaged, and my fiance is Lutheran. He attends mass with me almost every week and I go to church with him. We’re trying to live out our Christian faiths together without the doctrinal differences becoming issues.

His biggest “issue” is that even though he believes that the bread and wine are truly the REAL body and blood of Christ, he still isn’t allowed to receive holy communion in the Catholic church. (I understand why, but he still obviously feels very excluded since he knows that receiving Christ’s body is the essential purpose for attending church.)

Anyway… we’re currently researching the “benefits” to having a full nuptial mass over just a Catholic wedding ceremony that only includes the Liturgy of the Word and praying about what we should ultimately do.

Any advice? Information about our question? Opinions?
Thanks!

My opinion, I would stop referring to the Catholic wedding ceremony without a mass as “just a Catholic wedding ceremony.” Both are still the Sacrament of Matrimony, both are still liturgical ceremonies. I would do a little more research into the actual Sacrament and what it means instead of focusing on having one ceremony over the other.

On a different note, I would be concerned more about your fiance feeling he should be allowed to take communion in the Catholic Church. I certainly hope he’s not participating now or you participating in communion in his Lutheran church. This combining both of your faiths is a subject that I hope you two have adequately addressed because it will play out in your lifetime together as a married couple. Its certainly something that will be addressed in the pre-cana classes.

 

[DSJJ]

You’ll keep saying he probably should go ahead and convert. What if he doesn’t believe everything the Catholic Church teaches. At his inception into the church he has to make the statement, " I believe everything the Catholic Church teaches as revealed to it by God". Also when you have children and your trying to teach them that the Catholic church is the church founded by Christ and there is no other then your husband looks at them and says “no that’s wrong”, it’s going to get confusing for the child.

 

[ValPal]

His biggest “issue” is that even though he believes that the bread and wine are truly the REAL body and blood of Christ, he still isn’t allowed to receive holy communion in the Catholic church. (I understand why, but he still obviously feels very excluded since he knows that receiving Christ’s body is the essential purpose for attending church.)

I agree with others that if he believes in the Real Presence, he should probably convert. The reason is that by believing in the Real Presence, he is outright rejecting the Lutheran view on the subject.

Given the circumstances, I would not exclude the possibility that he could receive the Eucharist in the Catholic Church. While it would be highly unusual for a protestant to receive the Eucharist, he is validly baptized (assuming that is the case) and believes in the Real Presence. Speak to the bishop regarding the matter.

 

[Corki]

(I understand why, but he still obviously feels very excluded since he knows that receiving Christ’s body is the essential purpose for attending church.)

Where did he get this idea? Receiving Communion is NOT the essential purpose for attending Mass. Many non-Catholics who are embarking on marriage with a Catholic spouse find it helpful to go to some classes in basic Catholic teaching.

I agree with others that if he believes in the Real Presence, he should probably convert. The reason is that by believing in the Real Presence, he is outright rejecting the Lutheran view on the subject.

This statement assumes a lot of information that has not been given. For example, does he accept the Church’s teaching on other matters? Papal authority? The teachings on Mary? The Church’s teaching is about much more than just the theology of the Eucharist.

Given the circumstances, I would not exclude the possibility that he could receive the Eucharist in the Catholic Church. While it would be highly unusual for a protestant to receive the Eucharist, he is validly baptized (assuming that is the case) and believes in the Real Presence. Speak to the bishop regarding the matter

While it’s true that the Bishop can give permission for a non-Catholic to receive Communion, the application of this is very narrow and permission is given very rarely. It is not as easy as just asking the Bishop.