Nuptial Mass vs. ceremony input

[Newzie52]

I would encourage your daughter and her fiance to talk to their priest about the situation.
Take yourself out of the equation so as to remove all the “emotion” (mothers and MIL’s tend to bring lots of emotion to weddings!)…

Have her fiance explain the entire situation to the priest. Hopefully he can help calm their fears!
For example… at several Nuptial Mass weddings I’ve been to I’ve heard the priest stand up and the beginning and explain things to the congregation… with a big smile and welcoming words…“Thank you for joining us in this wonderful celebration! For those of you who are not Catholic or have never been to a Catholic Mass this is what’s going to happen… etc, etc, etc”

It’s an easy fix… and can calm lots of nerves! You never know, a simple welcoming speech like this may bring some of those non-Catholics to the Church!

The priest is a wonderful man, and I have confidence in him. I think he would give a very good explanation and find a way to make non-Catholics feel included, as well. I am hoping that this is what happens. Our daughter knows how we feel, and the next step is, indeed, for the couple to meet with him. Our daughter is a very sweet, gentle soul (as is her fiance) and has never disappointed us in any way. It’s time for us to just pray and trust that Father will clarify things.

 

[kage_ar]

That doesn’t work; the reception is to be held at our parish “banquet hall” (gorgeous new space that seats 350 easily) but will be starting very shortly after the wedding (wedding is to be at the downtown Cathedral, 20 minutes away) at about the same time as the vigil Mass. Nice suggestion, though.

Well, not to sound too - well, Catholic, but, remind your daughter and futuer SIL that they (and the Catholic family/friends) will need to fufill the Holy Day of Obligation or get a dispensation.

 

[Newzie52]

Well, not to sound too - well, Catholic, but, remind your daughter and futuer SIL that they (and the Catholic family/friends) will need to fufill the Holy Day of Obligation or get a dispensation.

It’s actually their Sunday obligation they would have to fulfill, and they are well aware of that. The Nuptial Mass would not suffice, as it will take place at 2 pm Saturday - too early

 

[kevinsgirl]

They have said they are seriously considering having a Catholic ceremony rather than Mass, as so many of the wedding party are not Catholic and they do not want them to feel “left out” of receiving Communion. I know this originated with her fiance, as he has spoken of how awkward he felt before completing RCIA when he would attend Mass with her (they are quite faithful in church attendance and highly moral young people, btw.)

The thought of no nuptial Mass makes me just about fly around the room backwards!!! We (her dad and I) have plainly stated our feelings, which she understands. We’ve told her that for practicing Catholics, the nuptial Mass is the norm; that it is about the two of them, not the wedding party; that anyone (wedding party) who chooses can go through RCIA and receive Communion, too; that they need all the special graces they can get (especially because of his wacky family!) She has said she will discuss it with her fiance, and with the priest who will marry them (brilliant, good priest) but has given no guarantees.

You said it well…their wedding day is about the two of them.

Leave it between them and the priest.

 

[CapaxDei]

Pray a Rosary novena and hand it over to Our Lady.

 

[kage_ar]

It’s actually their Sunday obligation they would have to fulfill, and they are well aware of that. The Nuptial Mass would not suffice, as it will take place at 2 pm Saturday - too early

Every Sunday is a Holy Day of Obligation, but every HDO is not a Sunday (CCD teacher in me tends toward the HDO word for Sunday).

Po-tay-to, Pa-Tah-to

When friends’ son was married last winter, they did the early Saturday wedding thing, had the reception and were back for Sat 5 PM Mass. It was nice, Mother and Father of the bride were still in their wedding atire and acted as ushers for Mass.

It was very pretty.

 

[Jay2]

If I recall in the inside front cover, or within the 1st few pages of the “Collegeville Missalette’s” (used in our area) there is a very polite and succinct explanation about accepting the Eucharist within the Catholic church.

In a nutshell it explains that all are welcome to Worship, but within the confines of the Catholic church, this part of the Mass is reserved for practicing Catholics.

If it’s not too late, include a copy of this explanation with the invitations. They can politely sit while the other congregants Receive. If your guests cannot politely stand aside during this important part of the service without feeling “neglected/denied”… maybe they should not attend.

They are there to see their friends & family joined together in the manner of their choosing. Some are selected to be witnesses, and participants in the Ceremony. If these people aren’t of enough “broad of mind” to accept limitations…

 

[mrsfrazier]

Both dd and fiance are sweet, kindhearted, and extremely sensitive to others, which has given rise to a problem. They have said they are seriously considering having a Catholic ceremony rather than Mass, as so many of the wedding party are not Catholic and they do not want them to feel “left out” of receiving Communion. I know this originated with her fiance, as he has spoken of how awkward he felt before completing RCIA when he would attend Mass with her (they are quite faithful in church attendance and highly moral young people, btw.)

DH and I are both converts; therefore our wedding guests were largely NOT CATHOLIC, and neither one of us have any other family members, extended or otherwise, who are Catholic. NO ONE in our wedding party was Catholic. However, we chose to have a Nuptial Mass, and had the priest invite everyone up for a blessing (or Communion, for the few Catholics there). Almost everyone told us afterwards how beautiful the ceremony was, that they were so touched by it and that it lent a solemnity and sense of awe at our commitment to each other that would not have been conveyed any other way. Many in my family in particular were adamant that we not have a Mass, but we insisted and several were moved to tears–it is a powerful experience for those who have never been to Mass (or not for a long time) and rather than discomfort their guests may feel uplifted and touched. The Sign of Peace is also a great experience for those non-Catholics in the wedding party.

Rather than tell your daughter and her fiance what you would like their wedding to be, tell them why. Describe how you felt taking communion together the first time as husband and wife. Explain how the two sacraments of Matrimony and the Eucharist are intertwined, and how it will give added strength to their marriage. They shouldn’t have a Mass because it is traditional, they should have it because it will make their day memorable and wonderful. As for how guests feel, they are there to witness the marriage. They don’t need to feel completely comfortable all the time. A detailed program, including responses, “kneel” or “stand” at appropriate places, and Missal pages for prayers should be mentioned to the fiance as a way of putting people at ease. We also included a secular “reflection” reading after Communion (on Love by Kahlil Gibran) as a way to include those who might believe in marriage but not in our Catholic faith. Adding a unity candle ceremony might also be a way to include non-Catholic or non-practicing guests. The priest can choose different greetings, and he could mention a welcome to “those of all faiths” after the entrance.

Just some ideas. Our Nuptial Mass was a sfun as the reception, we put a lot into planning it!

They can have a ceremony that doesn’t compromise their beliefs or make others uncomfortable!

 

[aurora77]

Lets be fair here. I see your point, but lets remember, this woman is watching her baby go through the most important day of her life, she is likely emotional, and recalling her special day too, and we all know the Eucharist is the center of our faith.

I was being fair! This is a big deal, but ultimately the decision rests with the couple. I hope that they can come to a decision, without feeling pressure from either their parents or their friends.

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

I’m with puzzleannie- If they are old enough to get married, they and the priest are old enough to figure out what they want to do.

I know that can be disappointing to you.

As kage_ar suggested, they and you and any Catholics who wish can go to Mass someplace else that day, if they do not plan a nupital Mass. This is where you could use all your “good” parental guilt for excellent intentions. It does not have to be in the hour before the wedding. It could be early in the morning.

 

[Newzie52]

DH and I are both converts; therefore our wedding guests were largely NOT CATHOLIC, and neither one of us have any other family members, extended or otherwise, who are Catholic. NO ONE in our wedding party was Catholic. However, we chose to have a Nuptial Mass, and had the priest invite everyone up for a blessing (or Communion, for the few Catholics there). Almost everyone told us afterwards how beautiful the ceremony was, that they were so touched by it and that it lent a solemnity and sense of awe at our commitment to each other that would not have been conveyed any other way. Many in my family in particular were adamant that we not have a Mass, but we insisted and several were moved to tears–it is a powerful experience for those who have never been to Mass (or not for a long time) and rather than discomfort their guests may feel uplifted and touched. The Sign of Peace is also a great experience for those non-Catholics in the wedding party.

Rather than tell your daughter and her fiance what you would like their wedding to be, tell them why. Describe how you felt taking communion together the first time as husband and wife. Explain how the two sacraments of Matrimony and the Eucharist are intertwined, and how it will give added strength to their marriage. They shouldn’t have a Mass because it is traditional, they should have it because it will make their day memorable and wonderful. As for how guests feel, they are there to witness the marriage. They don’t need to feel completely comfortable all the time. A detailed program, including responses, “kneel” or “stand” at appropriate places, and Missal pages for prayers should be mentioned to the fiance as a way of putting people at ease. We also included a secular “reflection” reading after Communion (on Love by Kahlil Gibran) as a way to include those who might believe in marriage but not in our Catholic faith. Adding a unity candle ceremony might also be a way to include non-Catholic or non-practicing guests. The priest can choose different greetings, and he could mention a welcome to “those of all faiths” after the entrance.

Just some ideas. Our Nuptial Mass was a sfun as the reception, we put a lot into planning it!

They can have a ceremony that doesn’t compromise their beliefs or make others uncomfortable!

This is a beautiful post, filled with excellent suggestions. (They don’t want the unity candle, for which I am grateful; I have a silly fear of lighting matches. When our older daughter married, her fiance’s family insisted on the candle thing, so I had safety matches waiting by the candle. I got the candle lit, then gracefully tripped backwards, nearly landing on my backside in front of hundreds of people.)

We have shared our feelings about our own Nuptial Mass, and I know our daughter understands. I think they will very shortly be seeing our priest for their first meeting, and I am hopeful he will suggest some of the things you have.

God bless.

 

[Newzie52]

I’m with puzzleannie- If they are old enough to get married, they and the priest are old enough to figure out what they want to do.

I know that can be disappointing to you.

As kage_ar suggested, they and you and any Catholics who wish can go to Mass someplace else that day, if they do not plan a nupital Mass. This is where you could use all your “good” parental guilt for excellent intentions. It does not have to be in the hour before the wedding. It could be early in the morning.

I’m all for “good” guilt The early Mass might work (it would have to be early, as the wedding is at 2 pm and photos, etc., start by about 11 am.)

God bless.