Obey my husband

[NEWCATHOLICJEFF]

I think you need to work on your formation a bit more, judging by the way you slightly attempted to slander me .

“Not slander…maybe “False Light”, but your post seemed a little condescending”

You miss the point as many seem to do. Statistics show that children benefit from having both parents even in a strained relationship. I’m not suggesting that she allow this to go on .

“A hint of condescension in the first sentence above??? Let this one slide… Without seeing your statistics I will concur that both parents are best when present even in a strained relationship, so long as the strain is not abusive or visible to the children. If the abuse is visible then they will likely learn this behavior. So it really depends, if by leaving, for a time (See Post #7) , she can call his bluff and change his behavior, then it is very likely that she can break the chain of abuse, with counseling help. Normally this type of abuse is a learned behavior and the male children in her family will learn how to treat a wife, based on what the father is allowed to do to her. The poor females will learn what to expect their mates to DO to them. I am glad to see that you did not want this to continue, which was my point as well”

helpguide.org/mental/child_abuse_physical_emotional_sexual_neglect.htm

But I didn’t see where you encouraged her to seek professional help in this situation. It’s clear to me that she needs to speak to her pastor initially and then go from there. But the priests have only so much time to help and after so many visits on the same subject they send them off to counseling
.

“You are correct, although I thought I had inferred it in post #7, with my comments about leaving “Until” he changes. For what I have seen most Priest seem to continue to see couples as long as they are not talking about divorce.”

And yes, I know the way to heaven, as you should too. We are all called to holiness and the Church clearly marks the way…so follow the Church’s teaching and you will be okay .

“Seemed presumptuous to me to correct another’s attempt at helping especially when they are citing the CCC. I do not know the way, but am actively seeking it and I will agree I was unnecessarily sarcastic, because I read condescension into your post, was I wrong?”

I be following right behind you just in case you stumble. And I hope the other will pick me up when I fall as well.

“I would gladly pick you up… and I hope to be on the trail with you on that walk. My wife at my side.”

Counseling is the key solution that everyone should be hinting too, not all this “GET OUT NOW” rhetoric.

“Most men in this powerful position will not listen until confronted, as most grew up in households like these. You are right that she needs to see her Priest. I would avoid a marriage counselor as they seem to me to tend to advocate divorce, which I do not. That being said she can live alone if need be. If not for herself then for her kids, but only if he refuses not to treat her with the respect she deserves (Post #7)”

Well I hope she see’s these posts and really does see that people care about her and her family. I pray for her and her children and husband and pray that she talks to her Priest… She should not just ignore this abuse because it could impact her kids if they see it.

 

[The_Geographer]

“I would gladly pick you up… and I hope to be on the trail with you on that walk. My wife at my side.”

Do you expect that you’ll take your wife with you when you die?

And that condesending tone you spoke about is really confidence in my statements that I believe to be true. And there is no way for me to reflect everything you’ve said. I just state things as I see them and learn as I go. You are right about the CCC and though its true what you’ve said or implied that is not a valid reason to encourage people that are obviously going to try. She said she was a sinner too. I walked in on a conversation by accident once and heard my wife bashing me to her mother about 3 years ago. She merely got angry at me for something she was at fault for doing. Too long to get into. But I CHOSE to stick it out with her under similar circumstances. I am trying to show people that the grass is not really greener on the other side. If she has the courage to stand up for herself, which I suspect she can and does, then she is not completely being totally abuses. We heard what he says to her, but we haven’t heard what she says to him. Further, this is no place to take a situation like this anyway, even though I’ve done it in my frustration as well. I’m just trying to encourage her to seek the proper kind of help that would really help her relationship. Even if the guy is a tough guy he can surprisingly come to a realization that he better get his act together before he loses his wife, and possibly his children.

 

[NEWCATHOLICJEFF]

Do you expect that you’ll take your wife with you when you die?

I am hopeful that I will at least meet up with her as I leave purgatory… She will probably be ahead of me…

 

[The_Geographer]

I am hopeful that I will at least meet up with her as I leave purgatory… She will probably be ahead of me…

I think most Catholic men believe this to be true after watching the birth of their children or staying home with their kids even for an hour.

 

[Bishop93]

I think you need to work on your formation a bit more, judging by the way you slightly attempted to slander me. You miss the point as many seem to do. Statistics show that children benefit from having both parents even in a strained relationship. I’m not suggesting that she allow this to go on. But I didn’t see where you encouraged her to seek professional help in this situation. It’s clear to me that she needs to speak to her pastor initially and then go from there. But the priests have only so much time to help and after so many visits on the same subject they send them off to counseling. And yes, I know the way to heaven, as you should too. We are all called to holiness and the Church clearly marks the way…so follow the Church’s teaching and you will be okay. I be following right behind you just in case you stumble. And I hope the other will pick me up when I fall as well.

Counseling is the key solution that everyone should be hinting too, not all this “GET OUT NOW” rhetoric.

I’m sorry but you’re completely wrong sir.

I grew up with an emotionally abusive step-father(my mother is STILL married to him but only because she is afraid of him)…So no children DO NOT “benefit” even if the relationship is strained.

My life was hell growing up because of him…

So yes, my best advice being someone who has been there and done that for 12 years is GET OUT NOW WHILE YOU CAN!

 

[NEWCATHOLICJEFF]

I’m sorry but you’re completely wrong sir.

I grew up with an emotionally abusive step-father(my mother is STILL married to him but only because she is afraid of him)…So no children DO NOT “benefit” even if the relationship is strained.

My life was hell growing up because of him…

So yes, my best advice being someone who has been there and done that for 12 years is GET OUT NOW WHILE YOU CAN!

I am so sorry you had to witness the abuse and is often the case it does leave scars. You should probably seek a priest yourself to ensure you have completely forgiven your step father as well as to ensure you don’t fall for the same type of man as that is unfortunately often the case. Just be careful. I will pray for you mother, you and your Step-father.

 

[The_Geographer]

I’m sorry but you’re completely wrong sir.

I grew up with an emotionally abusive step-father(my mother is STILL married to him but only because she is afraid of him)…So no children DO NOT “benefit” even if the relationship is strained.

My life was hell growing up because of him…

So yes, my best advice being someone who has been there and done that for 12 years is GET OUT NOW WHILE YOU CAN!

I guarantee you’re life was not worse than mine. I wish I had time to tell you about it. And I DO understand what you mean and I DO agree with you on certain relationships. I’m just not sure that’s where this woman is.

I went to 12 different schools before I graduated from high school. But when you count the number of times I moved because of divorce I moved even more than that. The Army was the most stable life I ever had until I started my own family and because of my experience growing up I sacrifices lucrative job offers to make sure I stayed close to home with my wife, came home every night and spent my time with my children. I still have the emotional scars from all of the same things you live with now. I was written out of mom’s will and my dad was never present in my life, even when I lived with him. Both of them were beyond verbally abusive. But mom would beat us with belts and Hot Wheel tracks.

 

[Bishop93]

I am so sorry you had to witness the abuse and is often the case it does leave scars. You should probably seek a priest yourself to ensure you have completely forgiven your step father as well as to ensure you don’t fall for the same type of man as that is unfortunately often the case. Just be careful. I will pray for you mother, you and your Step-father.

Thank you very much for the prayers

It’s kind of hard to forgive someone that is STILL to this day mistreating your mother…But God knows I’ve tried and still try,but I always seem to get burned in the end.

 

[Bishop93]

I guarantee you’re life was not worse than mine. I wish I had time to tell you about it. And I DO understand what you mean and I DO agree with you on certain relationships. I’m just not sure that’s where this woman is.

I went to 12 different schools before I graduated from high school. But when you count the number of times I moved because of divorce I moved even more than that. The Army was the most stable life I ever had until I started my own family and because of my experience growing up I sacrifices lucrative job offers to make sure I stayed close to home with my wife, came home every night and spent my time with my children. I still have the emotional scars from all of the same things you live with now. I was written out of mom’s will and my dad was never present in my life, even when I lived with him. Both of them were beyond verbally abusive. But mom would beat us with belts and Hot Wheel tracks.

Sorry about you childhood

Thanks for your service to our great country:thumbsup:

I’m a basic EMT with the VFD so I’m planning to join the Army as a 68W this June.

 

[CB_Catholic]

I used to put up with that kind of manipulative behavior. Then I finally called his bluff. He never followed through with whatever he was threatening if I didn’t do what he wanted. it was a bullying tactic, pure and simple. Thank God that has mostly stopped now, (we did have counseling, and so did I), but on the rare occasions it does happen I tell him where to stick it and leave the room.

Now am not telling you to do this, and it isn’t very Christian advice, I’m just pointing out the fact that a lot of this kind of stuff is mostly talk and an attempt to control. It is bullying behavior. You have to make the decision whether you think he is serious or not, I don’t know the situation or your husband, but I do know that bullying is unacceptable behavior, and it will continue as long as you allow it. Personal and marriage counseling helped my situation a great deal. Submitting to your husband does NOT include allowing yourself to be bullied. Bullying behavior is sinful, and no one has to submit to sinful behavior. It is against human dignity.

IMO, you really need to get a grip on this, because children model the behavior of their parents and know very well what is going on. They will be greatly affected by what they see, it’s not only you that is affected. I know you say you are not abused, and you might not agree with the idea that it is bullying, that is fine, but deep inside of yourself, something is telling you that the situation isn’t right, or you wouldn’t be on these forums, asking questions about obedience to your husband, and sharing the fact that you are afraid. Being afraid of what your husband might do is not normal, under any circumstances. Think about it. And remember that you are a child of God and deserve as much respect as anyone else.

 

[flyingfish]

I’m sorry but you’re completely wrong sir.

I grew up with an emotionally abusive step-father(my mother is STILL married to him but only because she is afraid of him)…So no children DO NOT “benefit” even if the relationship is strained.

My life was hell growing up because of him…

So yes, my best advice being someone who has been there and done that for 12 years is GET OUT NOW WHILE YOU CAN!

Exactly, it’s far better for the children to have a single parent than 2 parents one of whom is abusive.

The OP maintains her husband is not abusive, but he certainly sounds like it. If he’s willing to threaten to leave her at every little disagreement, how is he going to treat the children? Is he going to threaten to give them up for adoption every time they do something wrong? It doesn’t sound like a safe environment to bring children into, and it would be irresponsible and even sinful to do this in my opinion.

 

[MtnDwellar]

Taking the OP’s word that she is not being abused -

The problem seems to be common. We are raised in a democracy. We are taught that the majority rules and things should be governed according a democratic system. Unfortunately, a marriage is not a democracy. There can be no majority. Compromise is great. There are some matters in which a comprise is not possible. ie, We can’t buy half of the property.

In the cases of disagreement where there is not a possible compromise, most marriages rely on whoever is the most expert in a subject. The husband and wife each have the final authority within their expertise. If their is no one who has stepped up as an expert, the decision usually comes down to a matter of wills. Who wants it more. The main thing to keep in mind is that battles regarding material things are not the hills to die upon.

 

[Rascalking]

Exactly, it’s far better for the children to have a single parent than 2 parents one of whom is abusive.

The OP maintains her husband is not abusive, but he certainly sounds like it. If he’s willing to threaten to leave her at every little disagreement, how is he going to treat the children? Is he going to threaten to give them up for adoption every time they do something wrong? It doesn’t sound like a safe environment to bring children into, and it would be irresponsible and even sinful to do this in my opinion.

Your on a roll flyingfishperson.

I think he’s abusive. If she was my sister, I’d be more concerned than I am.