Obeying My Parents

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rmarie24

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I am 19 years old, I just finished my freshman year of college, I commute to school, and I live at home with my parents. My parents are very strict, and I know they love me and want what’s best with me, but I often disagree with what they think that is. I also often doubt the methods they employ when coming to decisions about what is best for me…meaning it seems they often think and discuss, and perhaps leave out praying about it and listening to God.

They want me to obey them and do what they tell me, always. I understand that, because I live with them and they support me financially in many ways, I owe them more obedience than someone of my age living and supporting themselves independent of their parents, but I image I still have the right to some of that freedom.

Some of the issues that have come up are larger and of more significance, but usually it is about small things, such as, currently, whether or not I can buy myself and iPhone that I would be paying for all on my own. I want to be able to make decisions like that on my own, and show them that I can do so without being disrespectful to them, even if they don’t like that particular idea.

I’m not looking to cause trouble or conflict, and I could just allow them to decide those small things for me to keep the peace, but I don’t know that that is best. I want to be able to explain to them and show them that it’s okay and good for me to make decisions even against their advice, when I believe it’s the right thing for me.

Any help you can offer would be greatly appreciated.
 
Wow, at age 19 your parents should not be telling you that you can’t get an iPhone, especially if you’re going to be paying for it yourself. It sounds like they’re beyond strict. This seems like a need for control and their inability to accept that you’re an adult. I don’t see how they could honestly see it as beneficial to prevent you from having a responsibility like buying your own phone and paying the bills. And I’m sure you have many more examples like this. Is moving into the dorms an option for you?
 
It sounds more extreme then it probably is. They have somewhat legitimate concerns and we are going to discuss it further. I don’t know yet if they will forbid it, but I don’t want it to come to that. I want to go into the discussion armed with arguments and solid reasons why I should be allowed to make the decision.

I go to a public university and would not want to live on campus.
 
Legitimate concerns over a phone? I could see if you wanted them to co-sign for a fancy car or something…

Anyway, I can understand your reservations about living on campus, but you and your parents might really need that healthy level of separation. Maybe you could get an off-campus apartment? I’m not sure what to tell you, but I think you’re justified in feeling that your parents are too strict. Are there other areas where they try to exert control? Are they worried that you won’t pay the bills because there has been a similar situation?

As for arguments about the iPhone, I’m in grad school, and I actually use my iPhone for a lot more than joking around. The new iPhone 5 is really fast and good for looking up information quickly, so you might want to use that.
 
Hello there!

In my opinion, you should think about instead of purchasing a new phone using that kind of money to pay for apartment expenses for a few months. That would probably be very helpful with the whole situation.

Also, why do they not want you to buy a new phone? What’s the deal with that???

Hope that helps!
 
In Europe the “adult” age beging when you turn eighteen so my answer is a European one, but maybe you can, and others of course, use it.

I think you should move out and get a flat where you are the “boss”. Your parents will not like it, but that’s how things work. A child grow up and move out. I don’t know your parents nor you more then you wrote, so I can be wrong, but as long as you live with them, the best way to avoid conflicts are to not telling all. It is not the best solution, but I would use that one, and I know my kids did use it while still “under age” but living at “home”, and it work well, in my case, and that does not mean it will be a good idea for you. In life, however you often stumble on things that are, let us say, a bit “off line” and then the best thing is to operate on “need-to-know” basis.

Hope though things will work out for you.
 
If you want arguments for getting an iPhone: iPieta. A Catholic could spend a lifetime exploring the books, documents, prayers, Scripture commentaries on this app. (Link)

And there is so much else available: I downloaf a lot of Catholic talks ( Sonitus Sactus is a blog that lists a lot of sources for Catholic audio online), listen to Catholic radio ( EWTN, and much more! And I listen to Catholic talks in foreign languages I am studying on TuneIn Radio).

And educationally… Flashcards Deluxe. (Link) You can handwrite, put in sound, and have three or four sides to a “card,” along eith different ways of timing review, etc. And you can download already-made card sets fro Quizlet.

What exactly are their concerns about your getting an iPhone and growing up in general?-- Not to tell us here if you don’t want to, bit to consider for yourself, because that is where you need to address your arguments.

PS: I would tell them that the iPhone will lead tou to make posts with lots of typos :o
 
I suggest you stop asking them. Do research and make decisions on your own, and make purchases on your own.

You are an adult, and while you do live with them and need to obey house rules it is unreasonable for them to dictate everything you do at this age. The transition is difficult for many parents, and children. I am sure they mean well.
 
1ke said:
I suggest you stop asking them. Do research and make decisions on your own, and make purchases on your own.
Click to expand...
I usually agree with 1ke’s advice, but in this case, we don’t know all the details of the situation. If I were making financial sacrifices to support my adult child, and she felt she could afford an iPhone, my response might be to suggest that she could also afford to pay room and board.
 
rmarie24 said:
I am 19 years old, I just finished my freshman year of college, I commute to school, and I live at home with my parents. My parents are very strict, and I know they love me and want what’s best with me, but I often disagree with what they think that is. I also often doubt the methods they employ when coming to decisions about what is best for me…meaning it seems they often think and discuss, and perhaps leave out praying about it and listening to God.

They want me to obey them and do what they tell me, always. I understand that, because I live with them and they support me financially in many ways, I owe them more obedience than someone of my age living and supporting themselves independent of their parents, but I image I still have the right to some of that freedom.

Some of the issues that have come up are larger and of more significance, but usually it is about small things, such as, currently, whether or not I can buy myself and iPhone that I would be paying for all on my own. I want to be able to make decisions like that on my own, and show them that I can do so without being disrespectful to them, even if they don’t like that particular idea.

I’m not looking to cause trouble or conflict, and I could just allow them to decide those small things for me to keep the peace, but I don’t know that that is best. I want to be able to explain to them and show them that it’s okay and good for me to make decisions even against their advice, when I believe it’s the right thing for me.

Any help you can offer would be greatly appreciated.
Click to expand...
Make sure to obey your parents, but you are a man know and they need to respect that. Also if they try and think of what is best for you with out asking God then there could be a case of parents will vs God’s will. Though I am sure your parents love you so that won’t happen
 
I think that it might be time to move out. You are officially a grown-up and need to learn how to live on your own. Moving into a dorm on campus next year wouldn’t be a bad idea. Many campuses have alcohol/ drug free, single sex dorms, Christian/ Catholic dorms, etc. I lived at a Catholic dorm associate with the Newman Center on my campus my sophomore year.

Also, since you are willing to pay for your phone, I’m assuming that you have a job. Perhaps in addition to the phone, you help cover some additional expenses to show your parents that you are an adult.
 
RMarie~
As a mom of 5 kiddos (21,19.17.15,7), and having strict parents myself, I thought maybe I could offer a little insight. It is evident to me that you do honor & respect your parents and have an understanding that they are trying to guide you the best they can. Sometimes as parents of young adults, we think we are helping but in actuality, we are hindering. The lines of when to intercede become a little more blurred and the letting go process can be quite difficult. Communication can also be a struggle as it is evolving into an “adult to adult” level verses “adult to child”. My advice would be to approach your parents just as you have here~ respectful, loving, & open with your thoughts and concerns. Then listen and process their words the same. It is obvious they have done well thus far~ you are an example of that 🙂
God Bless~
Colleen
 
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