Obeying your parents

[themananth]

Something traumatic has recently happened in my life, and I keep on being asked about it by family members. I don’t feel comfortable telling them what happened, but I also feel like I should or I would violate the 4th Commandment. Can someone give me advice on what to do?
Thanks in advance

 

[sunnyyy]

There are polite ways to get around sharing information you want to keep private while still obeying the commandments.

Sharing this information could potentially burden your parents with information they did not need to know. Try politely letting them know that you are not comfortable with sharing this info yet and that you will need some time before you are ready to talk about it.

 

[JamalChristophr]

It would depend on your age for one thing. If you are a minor you have a much greater responsibility to be honest with them as a rule of thumb.

 

[Xantippe]

Something traumatic has recently happened in my life, and I keep on being asked about it by family members. I don’t feel comfortable telling them what happened, but I also feel like I should or I would violate the 4th Commandment. Can someone give me advice on what to do?
Thanks in advance

I’ll assume you are a minor. If you are not, disregard.

I think you ought to differentiate between parents and other relatives. If your parents are reasonably well-functioning, they have a right to whatever information they need to take care of you. However, that doesn’t mean having the exact same discussion over and over again about traumatic events.

If you’re talking about other relatives, feel free to say, “It’s still very fresh and I’m having a hard time dealing with it. If you have any questions, please ask to my parents when I’m not around.” (And make sure to brief your parents on what information you are comfortable with them sharing.)

 

[phil_at_dayboro]

You are obviously an adult, if it’s a traumatic experience that has affected you deeply ,
Then you really don’t need to tell , if they know something has happened , just tell them your not ready to talk about it, end of story

But, it seems possible that your family love you and care deeply for you,
Perhaps if Criminal charges could be laid , because of this experience,
Then it’s a tough call ! It really depends on how you feel about it,

 

[EasterJoy]

I suggest you go to your pastor and ask for his advice. The correct answer depends entirely on the circumstances and whether or not your parents should be told the information they are trying to get from you. They may need it to fulfill their duty to look out for your interests.

 

[Allegra]

The only way you could possibly be violating the commandment to honor your parents is if the relative who are asking you are your parents. You are under no obligation to extend the same honor to your Aunt Mabel or your Cousin Patrick or your brother’s wife or anyone else. The question then rests on some conditions.

First of all, are you an adult? If you are, and you don’t feel comfortable sharing this information with your parents, then you can find a polite way to tell them that you don’t want to share. If they are genuinely concerned about your well-being, then you might make them feel better by telling them that you ARE communicating with someone who can help in the situation. (doctor, police, lawyer, counselor, or whoever)

If you are a minor, then you should probably give you parents the information they want, as they are probably trying to help you. The only exceptions I would make to that recommendation would be if you have already told them the information and they are simply making you relive it because of their own curiosity, or if you think they would use the information to justify their or someone else’s abusive behavior toward you. It’s hard to say what to do in that situation, since we don’t know what the circumstances are. I do encourage you to speak to someone who can help you.

 

[KiwiBliss]

Something traumatic has recently happened in my life, and I keep on being asked about it by family members. I don’t feel comfortable telling them what happened, but I also feel like I should or I would violate the 4th Commandment. Can someone give me advice on what to do?
Thanks in advance

If your family is like mine, who are nosy and feel the need to try to get into my business about everything (especially my parents) & they like to gossip amongst each other behind my back about it- I highly recommend talking to a close friend or mentor and praying about it. Limit what you share with your family, because the more you share, the more they will likely twist the truth that they heard and emotionally or psychologically blackmail you in perhaps passive-aggressive ways- meaning that they might try to control you by learning more about what you share with them & causing them to form opinions and judgments about you, depending on what type of parents you have. The more you share, the more gossip will spread, and the less privacy you have with your life. It’s easy to talk to them about what we experience because we need someone to talk to, but it’s difficult to refrain from sharing, when they expect it so much as common sense. Don’t fall for their manipulative ways that will remind you about that 4th Commandment, because the reality of that Commandment is not to necessarily “obey” our parents, but rather to respect our parents ~a priest once told me that (after a Confession that led me to tears relative to this Commandment & my parents). Obviously as children, we need to obey and follow our parents’ guidelines, but once we become adults, we make our own decisions while respecting and accepting where our parents are in their lives and hopefully they do the same for us. If they don’t do the same for us by respecting our decisions &/or lives, well, their loss to experience knowing who we’ve become thru good and bad times. Pray for your parents to align their will with God’s will for your life by learning what the 4th Commandment truly means, in order to respect where you’re coming from to build a stable and lasting relationship with them. If you aren’t comfortable sharing with your parents or anyone for that matter, don’t. They don’t have a say in your decision nor life, unless you let them.

 

[ffg]

Age and availability of folks to help you get through your tragedy are factors. If you are young, don’t get caught up in the false thought that mom and dad won’t understand.

They were your age once, and are possibly familiar with the event.

Parents are the best source of comfort, even when their initial reaction is shock.

How could they ask about something that they do not know happened?

They must already know something happened.

It’s perfectly ok to say that you are figuring things out and will share when ready. (Ready may never come)

If you need support, they are there for you.

 

[KiwiBliss]

Age and availability of folks to help you get through your tragedy are factors. If you are young, don’t get caught up in the false thought that mom and dad won’t understand.
They were your age once, and are possibly familiar with the event.
Parents are the best source of comfort, even when their initial reaction is shock.
How could they ask about something that they do not know happened?
They must already know something happened.
It’s perfectly ok to say that you are figuring things out and will share when ready. (Ready may never come)
If you need support, they are there for you.

In a sense, your words seem to be generalizing those of us young people and instead praising parents as though they are always right, which is not necessarily the case nor practical for that matter. Not everyone thinks nor experiences life the way that generalization is being portrayed. Be careful what type of audience you are trying to refer to, especially since some of us young adults may have distant relationships with our parents for particular reasons that not everyone else will likely understand, and that’s okay. But it is vital to understand where she or anyone else is coming from in order to provide relevant advice.

FYI- I am quite familiar with older adults (depending on their age, upbringing, & lifestyle) of judging & generalizing me and other young adults or younger for who they assume of us to be, but it doesn’t mean it’s just. Parents are not always as they appear to say and do as being understanding to their sons and daughters & when they hide their true colors underneath and a son/daughter notices it, distrust can deepen if the relationship between parent(s) and son/daughter isn’t built on a stable foundation of ripe fruit. My parents don’t like to admit when they are wrong, so I let them know with an explanation when they are wrong- to remind them that they aren’t more important than anyone else in making mistakes and covering it up. We all make mistakes and it’s okay to admit it. My parents are gradually learning to accept their mistakes, as I am too, in order to break the barriers of generalizations & judgments shown and instead learn to love & serve God thru the love and service to those around us, in whatever ways speak to those around us better than what works better for those of us self-giving our time.