“Gibberish”, “bizarre” - and that’s it? Are you also willing to dismiss quantum mechanics or theory of relativity, as that is just “more gibberish about Hamilton operators and probabilities” and because “It is a bizarre understanding of the world”…?
Anyway, I am pointing out that you do not seem to understand those things correctly (which might be why you think you are dealing with “gibberish”). You say “I simply don’t see that objective substance exists in purely physical objects.” - but no one claims that substance exists “in” objects. Substances are supposed to be objects, not some “soulish” parts of objects. Is that clear? After all, if you participate in this discussion, you probably do want to learn something, right?
Finally, if you think that “gibberish” and “bizarre” are good reasons to dismiss something, “There is objectively no figurine.” seems to be pretty “bizarre” to me…