Obligation to stop a marriage?

[beka37]

I think can express concerns and still keep a friendship. But how you express concerns matters. People can tell is it’s out of judgement or love. If you already talked with your friend you did it now pray. But the whole fit to marriage etc.

 

[AdamP88]

Meh…I think in this case…MYOB

 

[beka37]

I don’t disagree with you in this case. No offense the attitude I’m seeing about the marriage I cannot see the friendship continuing.

I think there can be a place for a friend to express concerns in a kind non judgmental way.

 

[poche]

I think you should document this situation some way so that if there is a divorce and one of them wants an annulment I think there may be a basis for that to come about.

 

[AdamP88]

Really? Document what exactly?

That the OP thinks the guy was “coerced” into proposing and that she has a hunch that the girl will lie about her fertile days to her husband?

In fairness I just think the OP should mind her own business in this case. If the guy is dead set against having kids then they shouldn’t be getting married yet as kids are always a possibility in marriage.

 

[poche]

Being coerced is an impediment to marriage.

 

[AdamP88]

As I siad above, very few men will propose just because their girlfriend “throws a fit”. If they do then it’s their problem for not man-ing up and ending the relationship if that’s what they want.

Lots of women make strong hints at engagement after they’ve been dating for a while.

When I was dating my wife, I encouraged it because I already had cash on a ring. I kept telling her I was saving for an expensive kayak as she wondered where my money was going.

Actually I had great fun with that story. She was super surprised when proposal day came though.

The OP is not privy to the intimate details of this relationship and really she doesn’t have the information to make a call on whether or not she should “object” to this marriage.

 

[poche]

I heard about someone who proposed because he was given an ultimatum.

 

[Xanthippe_Voorhees]

I heard about someone who proposed because he was given an ultimatum.

That’s still not cohersion unless the other person was holding part of their livelihood or housing over them.

For a woman to say, “You need to commit to marry me, or else I will break up” is having a spine, not forcing a man to do things.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

“Coercion” is something like holding a gun on the person, threatening to fire them from work, blackmailing them, threatening their family, taking advantage of them being in a weaker position if they are much younger or poorer than the coercer, or physically/ mentally ill.

A woman having a teary tantrum that results in the man proposing is NOT coercion.

 

[AdamP88]

I heard about someone who proposed because he was given an ultimatum.

Not the most romantic maybe…but not coercion. Nothing wrong with a woman saying she would like a commitment. If he doesn’t want to commit to her he has the perfectly valid option of walking away.

A Catholic relationship/courtship can only end in two ways, break up or marriage. If either party doesn’t think it’s going to end in marriage…then it’s break up time. It’s perfectly acceptable to put your cards on the table and say: I want us to be married or we should break up.

You can’t expect people to wait around and waste their time with someone who isn’t prepared to commit.

 

[AHapka]

What does it matter if the person is a male or female, out of curiosity?

 

[Joe_5859]

I see nothing wrong with voicing concerns. But I think you voice your concerns and then you let people make their own choice.

This is it in a nutshell. As a friend, you can certainly share your concerns (in a charitable way), but you cannot “stop” the wedding of your own volition. It is their choice to make. Giving your friend food for thought in an attempt to have her think about marriage in a more mature way is not a bad thing. Calling the priest behind your friend’s back is probably not going to go well.

It sounds like you have already raised these issues to her. So it could well be that you have already done your part.

If you still feel conflicted, you can always bring it up to your priest and ask his advice on how best to handle the situation. This would be framed as your priest helping you to be a good friend, not as your priest getting in the middle of it all to prevent your friend from getting married.