Obsession with looks and comparing my inferiority to others' beauty

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royalblue

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At the mall today I suddenly found myself unable to stop looking at all the other girls and young women walking around there. Not at all in a sexual/lesbian way, but still I was utterly occupied with examining their beautiful faces and figures in a slightly obsessive way. I wasn’t even paying much attention to the cothes and things. Instead I spentthe whole time analyzing and looking at their beauty enviously. My attitude was extremely covetous, and even at the time it felt extremely unwholesome. I would stare at them and then every time I walked past a mirror I would look at myself, and I would feel inferior and worthless and unhappy and jealous. This continued and continued and all of this kept on going through my mind like a whirlwind the entire time I was there.

This seems to me such an unusual sin that I don’t know what to do about it. I was definitely giving in to temptations and attacks concerning unhealthy attitudes in this area where I am extremely vulnerable. (I am less than average-looking and extremely insecure about it.) I am afraid of what will happen if I continue to succumb to this. I can imagine a Screwtape Letters type of planning behind this attack where I am so weak, and I am afraid that if these attitudes become deep-rooted in me it will lead me down a slippery slope.

So what can I do to combat this? How can I keep myself from giving in to temptation and allowing myself to become obsessed with my looks and thoughts of my inferiority and with comparing myself to others?
 
royalblue said:
At the mall today I suddenly found myself unable to stop looking at all the other girls and young women walking around there. Not at all in a sexual/lesbian way, but still I was utterly occupied with examining their beautiful faces and figures in a slightly obsessive way. I wasn’t even paying much attention to the cothes and things. Instead I spentthe whole time analyzing and looking at their beauty enviously. My attitude was extremely covetous, and even at the time it felt extremely unwholesome. I would stare at them and then every time I walked past a mirror I would look at myself, and I would feel inferior and worthless and unhappy and jealous. This continued and continued and all of this kept on going through my mind like a whirlwind the entire time I was there.

This seems to me such an unusual sin that I don’t know what to do about it. I was definitely giving in to temptations and attacks concerning unhealthy attitudes in this area where I am extremely vulnerable. (I am less than average-looking and extremely insecure about it.) I am afraid of what will happen if I continue to succumb to this. I can imagine a Screwtape Letters type of planning behind this attack where I am so weak, and I am afraid that if these attitudes become deep-rooted in me it will lead me down a slippery slope.

So what can I do to combat this? How can I keep myself from giving in to temptation and allowing myself to become obsessed with my looks and thoughts of my inferiority and with comparing myself to others?
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There is nothing you can do about your physical looks. My wife does not think she is attractive. I think she is beautiful. I suspect you might be too critical of yourself, but no one will convince you of that. I tell my wife I thnks she is beautiful all the time and she does not see it. There is something you can do about the beauty of your soul, which is much more important than your physical looks. If you love God and your fellow humans you will grow more beautiful as time goes by.
 
royalblue said:
At the mall today I suddenly found myself unable to stop looking at all the other girls and young women walking around there. Not at all in a sexual/lesbian way, but still I was utterly occupied with examining their beautiful faces and figures in a slightly obsessive way. I wasn’t even paying much attention to the cothes and things. Instead I spentthe whole time analyzing and looking at their beauty enviously. My attitude was extremely covetous, and even at the time it felt extremely unwholesome. I would stare at them and then every time I walked past a mirror I would look at myself, and I would feel inferior and worthless and unhappy and jealous. This continued and continued and all of this kept on going through my mind like a whirlwind the entire time I was there.

This seems to me such an unusual sin that I don’t know what to do about it. I was definitely giving in to temptations and attacks concerning unhealthy attitudes in this area where I am extremely vulnerable. (I am less than average-looking and extremely insecure about it.) I am afraid of what will happen if I continue to succumb to this. I can imagine a Screwtape Letters type of planning behind this attack where I am so weak, and I am afraid that if these attitudes become deep-rooted in me it will lead me down a slippery slope.

So what can I do to combat this? How can I keep myself from giving in to temptation and allowing myself to become obsessed with my looks and thoughts of my inferiority and with comparing myself to others?
Click to expand...
I feel like Satan tricks a lot of women this way: “You are worth nothing if you are not physically beautiful.” How totally wrong! We are EVERYTHING to God! Satan tries to reduce us to mere flesh but we are more than flesh! We are a SOUL that God loves and DIED for! Don’t be tricked by Satan.

Read the lives of the female Saints. Then you might get a redefinition of the word “beautiful”! 🙂 Think of Mary, too. That is beauty. Read in the bible about beauty. One verse goes something like “A beautiful woman without virtue is like a gold ring in a pig’s snout.” Google beauty, Bible verse and see what you come up with - I know there’s some that talk about men prizing women with virtue, etc. 🙂
 
Read Luke 12:22-34. I always find this to be very comforting.
 
In our sick society men are valued first, in their youth, by how strong they are and athletically talented, and some for being talented at music or acting. As men age they are valued for how smart they are and how much money they make. Women are valued for their looks and that never changes. How shallow!

God values us for how much we love. That is what makes us beautiful to Him.
 
I don’t know the answer to this.

I think it has to do with loving yourself and not being preoccupied with others.🤷
 
Physical beauty is one of the most superficial things about a person. Give them twenty years or so, and see what they look like then.
 
This is something I struggle with too. My sister is a model, extremely beautiful, and my insecurity really strains our relationship sometimes. It’s also a difference in personality- she enjoys and is “good” at clothes, shopping, and pretty-fying herself. My interests and strengths are elsewhere. If you have a friend who presents herself well, could you ask her to help? It’s hard to humble yourself when you already feel low, but really, a lot of it is just tricks and confidence (Easy enough to say! I hope you have an easier time hammering it into your heart than I do…).

In the meantime, pray, hold on to your dignity, throw yourself into your hobbies, and avoid excessive mirror time. This combo keeps the tears away for me, most of the time. 😊
 
I hear you. It is so easy to want what others have, or what you perceive they have. If you really knew what they had you might not want anything to do with them.

As far as your looks go, do what you can to make yourself attractive. Now I don’t mean for you to go get plastic surgery or anything like that, but go learn about makeup. Buy clothes that you like to see yourself in. Do your hair, smell good, believe that the ugly ducking that was you has turned into a beautiful swan that is you.

If you are overweight or underweight that really isn’t an issue. You’d be surprised what the right wardrobe can do. As far as your face,well, some of those beautiful people you see on TV really are not so beautiful when you see them in person.
 
larry85704 said:
I hear you. It is so easy to want what others have, or what you perceive they have. If you really knew what they had you might not want anything to do with them.

As far as your looks go, do what you can to make yourself attractive. Now I don’t mean for you to go get plastic surgery or anything like that, but go learn about makeup. Buy clothes that you like to see yourself in. Do your hair, smell good, believe that the ugly ducking that was you has turned into a beautiful swan that is you.

If you are overweight or underweight that really isn’t an issue. You’d be surprised what the right wardrobe can do. As far as your face,well, some of those beautiful people you see on TV really are not so beautiful when you see them in person.
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I don’t know that this is very good advice. Hygiene and grooming are positve things to do, but for someone who has a chronic problem and unhappiness in seeing herself as unpleasant to look at, no amount of grooming, buying clothes supposed to flatter and putting on makeup will solve the problem. An anorexic woman looks in the mirror and sees fat that isn’t there. She starves herself to death. This is an illness that can not be treated with lipstick. My wife is beautiful and can’t see it. The problem is not with how the person looks. It is what the person sees. Covering up flaws becomes a never ending pathology. Women who are considered beautiful are also never satisfied with their looks. They put on the war paint and fuss over their hair and attire no end.

There is only one person whose opinion of how you look that matters. That is the person who created you for the purpose of loving you and being loved by you. That person thinks you are beautiful. Your opinion of yourself does not change this. He even overlooks the stains of sin on your soul and will wash them away with His blood, because He loves you.

Read the story of Saint Rita of Cassia.
 
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