OCD and fears about sexual orientation

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EtCaritas

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I’ve had a pretty heavy dose of OCD and scrupulosity (it waxes and wanes) for a couple of years now, and it seems that it never leaves me free from a life-consuming problem for too long. (I should probably note here that I’m a boy in my mid-to-late teens.) With the onset of the OCD and scrupulosity, I began to worry “what if I am homosexual?”. This fear comes in varying degrees of strength: sometimes it’s almost non-existent, and other times, like now, it’s miserable. I figure that it’s time to deal with this once and for all. Prior to this, I was clearly and deeply attracted to girls, and can’t recall ever doubting this (although, looking back now to past experiences, I worry that there may be indicators of homosexuality). I’ve been infatuated with this one girl (I think she liked me too) for the past couple of months, and these fears really kicked in as I realized that I might actually have a shot with her (I’ve never even come close to going out with a girl before) - my OCD has a habit of always trying to spoil my fun. Now I don’t know if I even feel anything for the girl which really worries me and makes dealing with this issue more urgent.

So, logically, it seems like these fears are pretty unfounded - they conspicuously arrive along with all the other doubts related to my OCD/scruples and they seem to fit right in with my theory of my OCD (namely, that whenever I get excited about something important to me, my OCD does all it can to get in the way). Yet, sometimes it does feel like I am attracted to the same sex and that I’ve lost attraction towards women - which is really scary. Could it be that the fears themselves are causing my sexual orientation to change? I don’t know if that’s even possible, but I have read that sexual orientation can be very fluid and indefinite (also very scary). Could it be that a person may not have realized they were homosexual until later in their life?

Anyway, to the heart of my question: I discussed this with my therapist and he has strongly advised that to lessen the worries I employ “cognitive-behavioral therapy”, which consists of “exposure and ritual prevention” - basically, putting myself in fear-triggering situations and avoiding the “rituals” that I do in attempt to alleviate the fear. My pastor has encouraged me to follow this plan, and it not only seems to be helping but it is a tried-and-true strategy. So, for exposure and ritual prevention, I try to walk by and look at other males, as these are things that I would otherwise go out of my way to avoid. But what if I really am homosexual and these things will cause me to be attracted? Wouldn’t that be acting on homosexual tendencies, which are mortally sinful? If I’m not sure, then I shouldn’t go ahead anyway, right? Basically, would it be sinful to combat these fears with the cognitive-behavioral therapy that my therapist has described?

Thanks for bothering to read through all of this. My main question is the one in the last paragraph (a.k.a. “Would following through with cognitive-behavioral therapy be sinful?”) but you can contribute things not strictly regarding that question. Thanks!
 
You need to talk with your pastor and your therapist about these fears.

You cannot ask these sorts of questions here and expect qualified answers. You need professional help.
 
Homosexual acts are sinful. Do not sin. Do not even let yourself be tempted. Flee temptation, as the Lord’s Prayer says. Say the Lord’s Prayer with me now, focusing on the last two lines.
 
EtCaritas said:
I’ve had a pretty heavy dose of OCD and scrupulosity (it waxes and wanes) for a couple of years now, and it seems that it never leaves me free from a life-consuming problem for too long. (I should probably note here that I’m a boy in my mid-to-late teens.) With the onset of the OCD and scrupulosity, I began to worry “what if I am homosexual?”. This fear comes in varying degrees of strength: sometimes it’s almost non-existent, and other times, like now, it’s miserable. I figure that it’s time to deal with this once and for all. Prior to this, I was clearly and deeply attracted to girls, and can’t recall ever doubting this (although, looking back now to past experiences, I worry that there may be indicators of homosexuality). I’ve been infatuated with this one girl (I think she liked me too) for the past couple of months, and these fears really kicked in as I realized that I might actually have a shot with her (I’ve never even come close to going out with a girl before) - my OCD has a habit of always trying to spoil my fun. Now I don’t know if I even feel anything for the girl which really worries me and makes dealing with this issue more urgent.

So, logically, it seems like these fears are pretty unfounded - they conspicuously arrive along with all the other doubts related to my OCD/scruples and they seem to fit right in with my theory of my OCD (namely, that whenever I get excited about something important to me, my OCD does all it can to get in the way). Yet, sometimes it does feel like I am attracted to the same sex and that I’ve lost attraction towards women - which is really scary. Could it be that the fears themselves are causing my sexual orientation to change? I don’t know if that’s even possible, but I have read that sexual orientation can be very fluid and indefinite (also very scary). Could it be that a person may not have realized they were homosexual until later in their life?

Anyway, to the heart of my question: I discussed this with my therapist and he has strongly advised that to lessen the worries I employ “cognitive-behavioral therapy”, which consists of “exposure and ritual prevention” - basically, putting myself in fear-triggering situations and avoiding the “rituals” that I do in attempt to alleviate the fear. My pastor has encouraged me to follow this plan, and it not only seems to be helping but it is a tried-and-true strategy. So, for exposure and ritual prevention, I try to walk by and look at other males, as these are things that I would otherwise go out of my way to avoid. But what if I really am homosexual and these things will cause me to be attracted? Wouldn’t that be acting on homosexual tendencies, which are mortally sinful? If I’m not sure, then I shouldn’t go ahead anyway, right? Basically, would it be sinful to combat these fears with the cognitive-behavioral therapy that my therapist has described?

Thanks for bothering to read through all of this. My main question is the one in the last paragraph (a.k.a. “Would following through with cognitive-behavioral therapy be sinful?”) but you can contribute things not strictly regarding that question. Thanks!
Click to expand...
1ke said:
You need to talk with your pastor and your therapist about these fears.

You cannot ask these sorts of questions here and expect qualified answers. You need professional help.
Click to expand...
1ke (quoted immediately above) is right. We’re simply not qualified here - and we don’t know you personally.

Take this question to your pastor if you haven’t already. If his recommendation - go with this cognitive-behavioral therapy - remains unchanged, then listen to him.
 
From someone who’s been in your exact situation, yes, you are only “feeling” that you might have these inclinations(you don’t) because Satan has convinced you of it. You don’t really have these inclinations, it’s not a part of you. Even if it comes up again, remember, it’s just a lie that generates feelings that gradually make the lie seem true.
 
EtCaritas said:
I’ve had a pretty heavy dose of OCD and scrupulosity (it waxes and wanes) for a couple of years now, and it seems that it never leaves me free from a life-consuming problem for too long. (I should probably note here that I’m a boy in my mid-to-late teens.) With the onset of the OCD and scrupulosity, I began to worry “what if I am homosexual?”. This fear comes in varying degrees of strength: sometimes it’s almost non-existent, and other times, like now, it’s miserable. I figure that it’s time to deal with this once and for all. Prior to this, I was clearly and deeply attracted to girls, and can’t recall ever doubting this (although, looking back now to past experiences, I worry that there may be indicators of homosexuality). I’ve been infatuated with this one girl (I think she liked me too) for the past couple of months, and these fears really kicked in as I realized that I might actually have a shot with her (I’ve never even come close to going out with a girl before) - my OCD has a habit of always trying to spoil my fun. Now I don’t know if I even feel anything for the girl which really worries me and makes dealing with this issue more urgent.

So, logically, it seems like these fears are pretty unfounded - they conspicuously arrive along with all the other doubts related to my OCD/scruples and they seem to fit right in with my theory of my OCD (namely, that whenever I get excited about something important to me, my OCD does all it can to get in the way). Yet, sometimes it does feel like I am attracted to the same sex and that I’ve lost attraction towards women - which is really scary. Could it be that the fears themselves are causing my sexual orientation to change? I don’t know if that’s even possible, but I have read that sexual orientation can be very fluid and indefinite (also very scary). Could it be that a person may not have realized they were homosexual until later in their life?

Anyway, to the heart of my question: I discussed this with my therapist and he has strongly advised that to lessen the worries I employ “cognitive-behavioral therapy”, which consists of “exposure and ritual prevention” - basically, putting myself in fear-triggering situations and avoiding the “rituals” that I do in attempt to alleviate the fear. My pastor has encouraged me to follow this plan, and it not only seems to be helping but it is a tried-and-true strategy. So, for exposure and ritual prevention, I try to walk by and look at other males, as these are things that I would otherwise go out of my way to avoid. But what if I really am homosexual and these things will cause me to be attracted? Wouldn’t that be acting on homosexual tendencies, which are mortally sinful? If I’m not sure, then I shouldn’t go ahead anyway, right? Basically, would it be sinful to combat these fears with the cognitive-behavioral therapy that my therapist has described?

Thanks for bothering to read through all of this. My main question is the one in the last paragraph (a.k.a. “Would following through with cognitive-behavioral therapy be sinful?”) but you can contribute things not strictly regarding that question. Thanks!
Click to expand...
I don’t think looking at males will CAUSE you to be attracted to them. If you are attracted, it is much more likely due to your feelings before you looked. I doubt the cognitive-behavioral therapy itself would be considered sinful: it’s not as if you’re intentionally attempting to attract men. This is a treatment for your fears of being homosexual, similar to a medication, only a type of psychotherapy instead. But, as 1ke suggests, you can best explore and relieve your fears regarding this treatment by talking to your therapist and your pastor.
 
1ke said:
You need to talk with your pastor and your therapist about these fears.

You cannot ask these sorts of questions here and expect qualified answers. You need professional help.
Click to expand...
It sound to me like you are terribly immature and affected by raging hormones, which is not unusual in adolescent males. In truth, there is nothing wrong with you. At your age, you will get turned on by the slightest thing -even by seeing two bugs mate…You are not going to turn into a homosexual through your therapy. And, contrary to popular opinion, no one is born a homosexual. It is an acquired trait (ask your therepist or one of your teachers what an acquired trait is).
Your priest has given you good advice when he tells you to listen to and follow your therepist. He has your best interests at heart.
In the meantime, one of the best ways to avoid thinking about such things is to mentally view an image of Christ with his Crown of Thorns. That picture should be enough to drive any erotic thoughts from your mind. In addition, try to say a rosary every night after you get into bed. The Blessed Virgin will help you overcome your venal thoughts.
It works, give it a try!
 
The teenage years can be difficult enough for boys (and girls, of course) without the kind of overt pyschological malaise with which you’re dealing. I think the key, as it is in all situations, is to appropriately order your life, with God at the pinnacle and all things subject to His will. Firstly, pray continuously; it really does work. Secondly, separate your scruples and compulsions from your sexual concerns, they need not be related. The very fact that you are interested in this girl is healthy and should allay your fears about same sex attraction. Your proclivity toward compulsion and fear are the things that are causing you to doubt and worry. The answer could be something as simple as fear of relationship, committal, rejection etc. and homosexuality very likely has nothing to do with the matter. Given our current culture’s obsession with homosexuality this is understandable.

In my opinion, instead of placing yourself in situations where you’re “looking” at other males with the specter of same sex attraction hanging over the whole situation (which seems fraught with danger) why not face your fears and talk to the girl you’re thinking about. Believe me you’ll drive yourself nuts running scenarios over in your mind, wishing you had done this or that. Your sexuality is only one part of who you are it does not/should not define you.

As was wisely stated earlier, I think you should consult your pastor and perhaps one or two other professionals if this continues to be a problem, and of course pray unceasingly. There is nothing beyond the interest or capability of the Father, who loves you beyond all conceiving.
 
Christianus_Dei said:
From someone who’s been in your exact situation, yes, you are only “feeling” that you might have these inclinations(you don’t) because Satan has convinced you of it. You don’t really have these inclinations, it’s not a part of you. Even if it comes up again, remember, it’s just a lie that generates feelings that gradually make the lie seem true.
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I hate it when people talk about theology like they know what they are talking about.

A disordered appetite does not a lie make.

That said I think the OP needs to deal with the OCD, interact with females of an appropriate age and this doubt will go away.
 
George_Stegmeir said:
It sound to me like you are terribly immature and affected by raging hormones, which is not unusual in adolescent males. In truth, there is nothing wrong with you. At your age, you will get turned on by the slightest thing -even by seeing two bugs mate…You are not going to turn into a homosexual through your therapy. And, contrary to popular opinion, no one is born a homosexual. It is an acquired trait (ask your therepist or one of your teachers what an acquired trait is).
Your priest has given you good advice when he tells you to listen to and follow your therepist. He has your best interests at heart.
In the meantime, one of the best ways to avoid thinking about such things is to mentally view an image of Christ with his Crown of Thorns. That picture should be enough to drive any erotic thoughts from your mind. In addition, try to say a rosary every night after you get into bed. The Blessed Virgin will help you overcome your venal thoughts.
It works, give it a try!
Click to expand...
he is seeing a therapist (my guess is that he’s been to therapy longer than this inclination). If you do not have experience with ocd (either having it yourself or a loved one having it) you cannot begin to understand that he is not just being “immature”. I would suggest learning about ocd first. His problem is quite common for those with ocd.
 
So… following through with exposure and ritual prevention would be sinful? I wouldn’t know what else to do about this if CBT isn’t a moral option.
 
Pilgrim_333 said:
…“looking” at other males with the specter of same sex attraction hanging over the whole situation (which seems fraught with danger)…
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The alternative (which would be to quick avert my eyes) seems to be fraught with danger too. I wish I could just stop having this cloud of worry over me, but it’s hard to get rid of; that’s what I was hoping CBT could do, I just need to know if it would be sinful or not.
 
EtCaritas said:
The alternative (which would be to quick avert my eyes) seems to be fraught with danger too. I wish I could just stop having this cloud of worry over me, but it’s hard to get rid of; that’s what I was hoping CBT could do, I just need to know if it would be sinful or not.
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Then why don’t you tell your priest what CBT involves in this situation, express your concerns to him, and ask him whether or not the treatment is sinful? I think that would be the best thing for you to do rather than relying on our diverse views.
 
meltzerboy said:
Then why don’t you tell your priest what CBT involves in this situation, express your concerns to him, and ask him whether or not the treatment is sinful? I think that would be the best thing for you to do rather than relying on our diverse views.
Click to expand...
👍
 
OCD can be so scary, because the possibility of what you’re fearing seems so real. Speaking from a lifelong diagnosis of OCD and lots of counseling experience, the one thing I will say is that this particular fear (that of being gay) is an extremely common one, statistically, among preteens and teens and young adults suffering from OCD. I’m not commenting on your particular situation since I don’t know you. Only commenting on the issue of this fear as it pertains to OCD sufferers in general. Talking to a priest is important, but I would say at this point seeing a good therapist (preferably a Catholic one) is even more important. If it is indeed an OCD triggered fear (which is very possible) you want it to be treated as such, and it is important to rule the possibility of this out first, before trying to “treat” what you think may be homosexual tendencies.

OCD sufferers tend to think in terms of “just fine” and “absolute worse case scenario” with no in between even being possible. This kind of thinking isn’t realistic in any situation, and there is a lot you can do to change this way of thinking. Make an appointment with a therapist, tell yourself your going to figure it out and that your intentions are good and your heart is with God, and try to be patient until your appointment. Pray lots of rosaries while you’re waiting.
 
So sorry, my fault, I started writing before reading your whole post. I assure you it’s just because I sympathize with you and have been where you are and was eager to try to offer a little bit of help. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is a well tested theory and one of the best ways to treat OCD. If you are under the care of a trusted Catholic/Christian therapist and your priest, trust them.
 
I have Pure-O too, about different issue(s) - it can be a torment 😦 It’s a little better now that some external stressors in life have improved, thanks be to God. The Devil likes to kick a person when they’re already down; he doesn’t fight fair. :mad: Hope all goes better for anyone fighting such battles. 🙂
 
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