OCD and pornography

[MariaJeanne]

I’m not sure if this is the correct place to post this, but I’d really appreciate some advise.

Lately, I’ve discovered I have OCD, and unfortunately, my main obsessions are sexual. I have inappropriate sexual thoughts, and they disturb me greatly. I don’t want to go into detail about the obsessions, so please don’t ask me.

A few years ago, when these obsessions began (before I knew I had OCD), I would watch pornography just to check whether I liked what I saw. Apparently, this is pretty normal for people with sexual OCD. The pornography that I watched repulsed me. But I couldn’t stop watching it. It became a vicious cycle when I would have a sexual obsession, and then it would shortly follow with me turning on the pornography. And so to this day, about once a week or so, I watch porn.

I began to make excuses - saying that it was OK to watch porn, liberating even. Though my obsessions continued, and continued to disturb me, I’m not sure if the watching porn was a ritual anymore.

I hate myself because of this, and it’s affecting every part of my life - family, friends, University, etc. Once, I even actively harmed myself because of it, but I just can’t stop. I don’t know what to do. I can’t pray at all nowadays.

But is this porn watching really all boil down to the OCD? Or it self-induced? If I died tomorrow, could I say to God, ‘well, the OCD made me do it’?. This is something I worry about a lot. I know I should inform someone of these problems (a confessor or a psychiatrist), but I worry excessively of what they would think of me. To the world, I am a very average, female, Catholic, University student. What would people think if I said to them I could be a pornography addict?

 

[Catholic1954]

Off you go to confession to consult with a wise and holy priest who can give you advice on how to handle this problem in the future and absolution.

 

[Boccherini]

Oh I feel for you. I have had problems with OCD and it is painful. The self hatred is something I think almost everyone with OCD feels. The shame becomes part of what sustains the obsessions.

You should see a psychiatrist or psychologist. I know that it’s easier said than done, especially since some of them aren’t that good. There are probably some good books too, this doesn’t replace the need for a person but it might help you talk about it with someone. There’s a book called Overcoming Obsessive Compulsive Disorder which might be good, I don’t know it specifically but other books in the series are good.

There are also practical things you can do to prevent yourself from watching pornography, sometimes this kind of thing helps. There are programs that prevent you from visiting certain websites or even shut off Internet access for a certain number of hours.

Well maybe I didn’t answer your question but I hope this helped.

 

[1ke]

Please bring these questions to your pastor, and ask for help obtaining a spiritual director familiar with OCD. And you also need to be under the care of a mental health professional.

 

[lifesoldier]

I am not sure, but I think that the fact that you don’t enjoy porn in conventional sense means something. I am, however, not sure and really can’t know why you did what you did. Fight evil, fight temptations!
SORRY FOR BAD ENGLISH!

 

[bisco1]

start with a confessor at a parish you don’t attend. ask if he knows of any catholic counseling. also, check with the medical department at the university for mental health counseling. you would prefer catholic if possible. God bless.