OCD and the Sign of Peace

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Hello. I have OCD. In Ireland, the sign of peace at Mass is the handshake. This is a major problem for me and I don’t know how to avoid it.
 
Yes, germs, contamination, and the risk of infection. However, there is another factor: I have an illness which requires immunotherapy drugs, which lower my immune system function, with the possible greater risk of opportunistic infection. With OCD, my hands are often chapped, even cracked and bleeding. I am very troubled about shaking hands with people because I hate it from an OCD point of view, and also worry about infection. To be honest, this enforced hand-shaking is making me think about giving up Mass. It seems like the Church hasn’t stopped for a moment and thought about people like me. Where’s the pastoral consideration for me? The Church considers people en-masse and wants to protect them during flu season, but what about folks like me who struggle all the time?
 
We normally handshake here, but people who are nervous about germs just fold their hands and give a polite bow or head nod and a smile to everyone and no one gives it a second thought. If someone stretches out their hand to you, just keep your hands folded next to your body, ignore their hand, and give them a nod and smile. It happens frequently here during flu season. So just do what you’re comfortable with.
 
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A polite nod works fine. You are under know obligation to shake hands.
 
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Here though, the social expectation is if a hand is offered, you MUST shake hands as refusal = rejection of the person. I have social anxiety too, and the whole thing preoccupies my mind all through Mass. I’d rather not be there. The priest I emailed said he didn’t personally like the sign of peace. He offered no solution for me. So not very useful. I don’t want to talk to parishioners about my OCD as that is personal health information. For me, handshaking at Mass is a form of torture because it is forcing me to do something that causes me so much anxiety and dread.
 
I found something from the Irish Bishops. This is what they said:
“If some parishioners still feel uncomfortable about shaking hands at the sign of peace, help them to understand that they are very welcome to wish others the Peace of Christ without hand contact (with a smile or a bow)"
Click to expand...
 
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MCH1 said:
“If some parishioners still feel uncomfortable about shaking hands at the sign of peace, help them to understand that they are very welcome to wish others the Peace of Christ without hand contact (with a smile or a bow)"
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Interesting. I’ve been jabbed in the back and poked on the elbow when I haven’t turned around to folks behind me. Some people are really determined. I think the biggest challenge is overcoming the anxiety about the reaction of the other people when I won’t shake their hand. I don’t want to draw attention to myself but it can’t be helped. So I have to smile and nod at about 8 people all around me. That’s a lot of hoops to jump through for someone with social anxiety. I’m thinking that it would be easier to just stand at the back of the church and nip out to the porch during peace time, then go back in. 🤨
 
Red-Fox said:
I’m thinking that it would be easier to just stand at the back of the church and nip out to the porch during peace time, then go back in.
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I was going to suggest this. If you’re that uncomfortable, can you sit toward the back on the end of the pew, leave your seat as soon as the peace is announced, and either go stand in the back or onto the porch if necessary for just for a minute. Then you can quietly slip back in to your seat.

Hopefully someone with experience of this can chime in. And I hope you are under a doctor’s care so you can get his advice, and please talk to your priest in person if you can, not just an email. He will want to help you.
 
Yes I think that is probably the best solution. It’s a pity that the Church has a pastoral blind-spot on this issue. If I could, I would attend the Traditional Mass, but there is none within range of me. I am under the care of a doctor for my illness. I must ask him next time I see him to get his advice on it.
 
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Red-Fox said:
I think the biggest challenge is overcoming the anxiety about the reaction of the other people when I won’t shake their hand. I don’t want to draw attention to myself but it can’t be helped. So I have to smile and nod at about 8 people all around me. That’s a lot of hoops to jump through for someone with social anxiety.
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I understand how you feel. Perhaps you could ask your priest if he could give a short announcement about respecting people’s boundaries during the Peace or put it in the bulletin. But also remember that if the people are literally jabbing you in the back to greet you, then you must have a very loving, outgoing congregation. You’re under no obligation to be uncomfortable and I hope you find a good solution, but they are not doing it on purpose to annoy or offend you, just to love you.
 
Sounds like you’re being attacked from all sides by these conditions. Don’t let it keep you from Mass though! I’ve had a vaguely similar case of OCD for years; not so much the other stuff you’re dealing with but still I get how tough OCD can be. Hopefully you’re getting that treated as well. I’ll pray for you.
 
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The best thing for your OCD is to shake the hand. The more you avoid the fear, the stronger the OCD gets. Are you working with a therapist?
 
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You could sit in an area where there are no other people sitting.
 
Someone I know is very germophobic, just wave without touching their hand.

If you don’t think you can get away with it, just wear gloves, carry sanitizer with you, etc.
 
I would suggest simply giving a small wave and smiling at the person! That’s what several people at my parish do, myself included. It usually is more because of cold season and seeing someone blowing their nose make me a little more cautious but I’m also not a huge fan of the sign of peace. It often gets out of hand… anyway, if that doesn’t work, perhaps bring some hand sanitizer in your bad or pocket!
 
i’m happy to report i have the solution to your problem

while (praise Jesus) i don’t suffer from oCD

nevertheless ; here in USA we had a HORRENDOUS flu outbreak

our bishop stopped the wine distribution

but the “handshake” continued

which according to my wife (RN) is far more dangerous

SO: at the last words of the “Our Father” i made a beeline for the vestibule

now that the flu season has passed; i’d gladly shake your (or anybody’s ) hand
 
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