OCD and the Sign of Peace

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My mom was at mass recently, and at the sign of peace the gentleman next to her said “I am sorry, but I have a cold so I am not shaking hands, but peace be with you.” It was a win-win because he didn’t have to shake hands with my mom and explained why, and by the time he finished saying it that segment of the mass was over so he didn’t have to explain it to anyone else.

Why don’t you do the same, but just say something like “I don’t shake hands due to health concerns, but peace be with you.” People get that.
 
Just do not extend your hand to shake. Everyone can argue that the Church has failed to think about them or people like them in some way or another. It solves nothing. Just don’t shake anyone’s hand. I have been daignosed with ocd too btw. Lots of people refuse to shake hands at the sign of peace at my parish. Any rational person would just shrug it off as “they must have their reasons” so just smile and nod or something similar. The Church is not going to excommunicate you for not shaking someone’s hand.
 
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QwertyGirl said:
Why don’t you do the same, but just say something like “I don’t shake hands due to health concerns, but peace be with you.” People get that.
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Perhaps even reach into your pocket at the appropriate time and clutch a clean (but your neighbors need not know that) handkerchief in your hands? That usually works for me when I have a cold mild enough to take to Mass.
🤧
 
Then just say that you are sick and smile at them when they try to shake your hand. You do not have to tell anyone HOW you are sick. You have ocd so you are not lying. If people still get offended then that is their problem. You can’t please everyone.
 
Thanks folks for your replies, I can’t address them all, but I would say that I’ve had people wait until I finish ‘blowing my nose’ to avoid shaking their hands. I don’t think I can wear gloves, that would be odd, like medical gloves or any other kind of glove, as much as I would like, since that would take care of the problem. Also, my OCD is very bad, I’ve worked with several therapists over the years, it’s quite intractable. I don’t want to shake hands with people as a form of Exposure and Response Prevention (as the experts advise). I just hate how this has become such a problem from me and detracts from the Mass. The priest I spoke to said that he had stopped the sign of peace during the winter and extended it into the spring but had to re-introduce it as people complained about him skipping it! They do like their hand-shaking here!
 
I’m sorry you’re going through this. Perhaps talk to your priest and explain your conditions to him, and he can guide you on how best to handle. I would think I polite bow, nod, or smile would be sufficient. Honestly, I can’t imagine ever trying to goad someone into shaking my hand if they clearly would prefer not!

The only suggestions I can think of for your would be to sit off where no one is within hand shaking distance or perhaps discretely step out.

I do think talking to your priest would be your best bet.
 
Just wave and nod. Sit in the same place, get to know those around you, explain you have a medical issue that prevents handshakes. You don’t have to say more then that
 
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I’m sorry to heart about your experience with ERP. It’s been what has helped me with my OCD the best. You say you don’t want to do it, but it may be the best way to actually get out of this horrible situation. I’m working on my OCD, and I am in tears every time I do therapy. ERP is painful, but I’d rather have pain for a bit than forever live in this hell. I can’t give you advice. I’m just sharing my own experience. That being said, if you’ve never done ERP it’s not wise to take it upon yourself to do it on your own at mass. I would suggest staring with a therapist who’ll oversee it. That’s just up to you though! I wish you the best!
 
i caught stomach virus from shaking the hand of a snotty-nosed child

i was , let’s just busy, making the municipal water company happy for a week or more

that was in february

i just started “shaking hands” again today…
 
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Motivation is a key factor in OCD - you have to want to get better. I am so tired of it but I’ve lived with it for so long, yet I don’t have the appetite for ERP. I always think some day I will begin ERP, but not today. And not tomorrow either. I’ve done a bit of it in the past with various therapists.
 
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This is it. My immune system is already compromised, and with OCD, the skin on my hands is compromised. Hand-shaking with strangers as part of some symbolic ritual is an infection risk.
 
I understand tired. I’m sorry to hear you’re at that point, but you realize that the advice you’ve been give on here, mainly doing what the OCD is telling you to do ( avoiding it) is making your OCD worse?
 
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my wife is an RN w/out OCD ; she will not shake a strange’s hand

my grandmother (also not oCD) refused to do it

JUST DON’T shake hands if you don’t want to…
 
Red-Fox said:
However, there is another factor: I have an illness which requires immunotherapy drugs, which lower my immune system function, with the possible greater risk of opportunistic infection. With OCD, my hands are often chapped, even cracked and bleeding.
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He has another, very serious illness in addition to just OCD. I think the fact that he is immune-compromised alone is enough to tell him to avoid shaking hands. If shaking hands puts his life at risk…I think that is a bigger issue than the OCD, actually.
 
just shake hands or don’t

i’m quite sure OP has bigger fish to fry…
 
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Hi,
Howdie Mandel on America’s Got Talent, has OCD, w touching hands. He offers his wrist or fist. Fingers folded in. Tape OCD in back of your hand.
Go forward…
In Christ’s Love
Tweedlealice
 
if this truly is a cultural problem at your parish (as in people being offended if their handshake is rejected), maybe the priest could say something about it to the congregation. Maybe some education can take place so the congregation no longer will be offended. On the other hand, is it possible your OCD is making you feel like people will be offended, when in actuality they don’t give it a second thought?

If i were the one you were rejecting, it would be a two step thought process for me that would be over in a half a second. A. He doesn’t want to shake hands. B. He must have a good reason and it certainly doesn’t have anything to do with me.

I wouldn’t think twice about it. Maybe the priest should put something in the bulletin for a few Sundays?
 
i agree with this post

i’m a “handshaker” i’ve no problem with the custom

i liked it

then the USA had flu

the bishop stopped the wine

but the handshake stayed

medical professionals said that was a BIG mistake
 
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