OCD and the Sign of Peace

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Red-Fox said:
Hello. I have OCD. In Ireland, the sign of peace at Mass is the handshake. This is a major problem for me and I don’t know how to avoid it.
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It’s a real problem, this. My reason for not wanting to hand-shake is mostly cultural. Where I live it isn’t a problem, as nobody wants to handshake except foreign visitors who quickly discover that we don’t do it.

What I do when I’m in a hand-shaking country, is I sit apart as far as I can from the rest, sometimes even taking a seat behind a pillar to stay out of sight, or standing outside the main congregational area. I don’t make eye contact with anyone during the sign of peace, because I know that when I do, there’s a good chance some enthusiast will walk out of his pew and come over to offer his hand. So instead I sit or kneel, close my eyes, and make it clear that I’m praying. When somebody pokes or taps me – rare but it does happen – I don’t move or open my eyes. Works.

Unfortunately it is a reality that many people do take some offense when their handshake is not accepted.
 
In my American church, we do shake hands. Many choose not to and it is generally accepted that those who choose not to have a good reason and are respected. On occasions when I have a cold or some other condition that might make others uncomfortable, I refrain, but will often, very quietly, say “bad cold” or something to that effect. People smile and understand. Actually, quietly saying that during or perhaps after Mass is always well received by people realizing that you are taking their health into consideration.
People who are hostile because you don’t shake hands, are really nothing to worry about. Let them be and do what you are comfortable with.
 
Thanks for that, and the other replies above.

I’ve tried the ‘kneel when everyone else is standing and close my eyes’, but I find that so hard to do, it’s like I really stand out of the crowd, and you still risk the advances of the determined. In my church, there is nowhere to sit so you’re not near people, as Mass is so well-attended. I guess I’ll have to stand or sit at the back and leave at peace time!

In my cultural context, to refuse the sign of peace using any of the obvious methods suggested on this thread would mark one out as some kind of misfit. The only one that is acceptable to me is to do what I call the Clark Kent - to leave the area at peacetime and go out to the porch, then return when it’s over.
 
roger that.

a good strategy…

that is more or less what i did during the flu outbreak…
 
brian_custer said:
i caught stomach virus from shaking the hand of a snotty-nosed child

i was , let’s just busy, making the municipal water company happy for a week or more

that was in february

i just started “shaking hands” again today…
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I’m so sorry to hear that you went through that horrible virus.

We went through it here too, back then. It took me several weeks before I started to really feel better. First me, and then my husband. I can’t recall being ill like that in a long time. I hope I don’t get ill like that again.

God bless you. I hope that you’re feeling better. 🙂

If someone doesn’t want to shake hands with me at Mass, I’m fine with that.

Sometimes I’ll just give someone a wave or a nod if they’re near me. I’ll acknowledge them with some kind of sign.
 
Mate, me too. OCD, PTSD, BPD and Social Anxiety. The sign of peace is really difficult for me. I just smile and nod or smile and wave. Sometimes, I have to shake the hand proffered, but I just grin and bear. I show up to Mass 20 minutes early in order to get a prime position, furthest away as possible. What about keeping a bottle of hand sanitiser with you? So, yeah, no help, but I totally understand.
Peace from Perth, Australia.
 
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I don’t have OCD, but I started changing my views on the handshake for the sign of peace, and realizing it is a major germ fest, though one is taking a gamble drinking out of a publicly shared cup , but some times pending how im feeling I wont recieve from the cup… as for the handshaking , it is either taken as rude or off some how if one doesnt… So i now carry a small pocket travel sized bottle of hand sanitizer, for me that has solved that problem.

I wish eye contact and acknowledging the person an saying peace be with you was all it took, but it aint and there ya go.

if that doesnt work i suppose you could wear gloves, or wrap your hand in bandages, stick your hands in your pockets and stand there looking confused, i dunno, or make a new routine of leaving the pew just as it is time to start shaking hands and fake going to the bathroom or something.

Either way Red-Fox I do hope you find something that works for you that helps you so you can enjoy Mass better with out the stress of OCD,
 
Some churches and priests skip the sign of peace as it’s not required. Maybe find one of them.

Perhaps buy a pair of leather gloves and you can shake hands with those on and wipe them down with disinfectant after mass.

Or just try to sit far enough away from people that they won’t come over to shake hands.
 
I wish! Dublin is 2 hours away. I think the sign of peace at New Mass is a silly innovation.

To the other person who asked about shaking hands in other areas of life, I don’t work because of my illnesses so don’t have to attend meetings or interviews. I can refuse to shake hands on a one-to-one basis, but Mass is different - different people each time and no time/context to explain why you don’t want to do it.
 
Red-Fox said:
That’s a lot of hoops to jump through for someone with social anxiety. I’m thinking that it would be easier to just stand at the back of the church and nip out to the porch during peace time, then go back in
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Avoidance isn’t solving the problem. That is a temporary fix that only strengthens your fear and discomfort. You could wear a mask. Then people might not want to shake your hand.

By the way regarding social anxiety I’ve thought about mine. I think it is ultimately rooted in my pride. I worry about what others think because I am far too judgmental of others. I don’t want them to judge me like I judge them. And I don’t want to appear foolish or weak. I have a strong inclination towards perfectionism. Maybe yours is similar. It may seem intractable but you need to keep fighting it.
 
Red-Fox said:
I am very troubled about shaking hands with people because I hate it from an OCD point of view,
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What is your approach to your OCD? Do you regard it as a fact of life that you passively accept, and that you expect other people to accept as well, or do you see it as a challenge to be faced up to and overcome?
 
brian_custer said:
which according to my wife (RN) is far more dangerous
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Shaking someone’s hand is no more dangerous for someone with a normal immune system than touching everything else - the bulletin, the pew, the missalette, the handle of your car, the handle of a grocery store cart.

Viruses won’t leap from your hand to your mucus membranes unless you touch yourself.

Shake a hand, wash/sanitize your hand. Don’t touch your face or your eyes or nose.

It’s actually not easy to get sick; it’s our habits that make it easier. We had patients on our unit (bone marrow transplant) that had no fully functioning immune system for months on end. Even at the height of flu season, none of them got the flu - and they weren’t confined to their rooms, they were allowed to walk around the facility wearing a mask.

With good hand hygiene you’re actually more likely to get the flu from an inadvertent sneeze.
 
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Keep your hands folded in the prayer position and simply nod and smile and say “peace be with you” to your neighbors.
 
Many times we assume the person is judging our actions, thinking we are rejecting them, when really the other person does not even think about it. A warm, open smile is an almost universal sign of acceptance.
 
And just remember, church goers during mass are used to other ways of peace greetings. No one will be hurt.
 
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