OCD, BPD, Unemployed, Ex GF

  • Thread starter Thread starter HardtoHear
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
H

HardtoHear

Guest
I just discovered my ex gf is in a new relationship three days after I told her I missed her and I loved her. Part of me is sad, part of me is angry, part of me is happy for her because this guy has looks and money. He can take care of her. But mostly I am sad.

My unstable behavior drove me away from her. But Elsa was the only woman I felt comfortable with. I defended her, prayed for her, bought her a sterling silver rosary to introduce her to the faith and perhaps bring calm into her life.

I know this may be God’s way of giving me someone else, or it could be his way of telling me I need to be alone, and people need to be protected from me.

I just need something to go my way. I’m 38, unemployed, live with my father, have OCD and Borderline Personality Disorder, am a pariah at my gym, and now this. This breaks my heart. I wondered why she wasn’t talking to me. Now I know.

All of this just screams to me that I am worthless and am an aberration. I need to be banished from this world because I can’t make it work.

I am just really heartbroken. She kind of understood me. Now its over.
 
Lord, when Israel cried out in the desert after such great trials of emptiness and starvation, you provided water from a rock and food from the sky. Please hear these cries all the more in this age, such as HardtoHear’s, and provide the relief that grieves hearts. Lead this soul toward joy and hear the plea of this child as the father of a child would hear his plea. Reveal to all through these prayers the joy and privilege of the Father’s love for His adopted children. Lead HardtoHear and all souls ever toward the eternal banquet, and magnify the virtues of faith, hope, love, and joy in their hearts all the way. Send angels to help with these intentions. Have mercy, Lord. Our Lady, angels, and saints, pray with us. Amen.
 
I also have OCD and BPD along with Major Depression and Anxiety Disorder. Not fun. If you’re not already seeing a doctor and taking meds, make an appointment. Most of all, although I know it’s too easy, don’t blame yourself for everything. There is help out there. Also, you may look into getting disability from Social Security. That’ll help you get less dependent on your dad. It should help you get into low income housing, which is what I have. You might even qualify for more training to get a job that won’t make your symptoms worse. Most of all, know that we are praying for you. Also, you have St. Dymphna on your side.
 
I will pray for you asking our Blessed Mother to help you… we cannot be afraid, just as Gabriel told Mary to not be afraid, and that nothing is impossible for God… May God bless you!

Peace,
Al
 
***Hail Mary,
Full of Grace,
The Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women,
and blessed is the fruit
of thy womb,
Jesus.
Holy Mary,
Mother of God,
pray for us sinners now,
and at the hour of our death
Amen.

:crossrc:***
 
HardtoHear said:
I just discovered my ex gf is in a new relationship three days after I told her I missed her and I loved her. Part of me is sad, part of me is angry, part of me is happy for her because this guy has looks and money. He can take care of her. But mostly I am sad.

My unstable behavior drove me away from her. But Elsa was the only woman I felt comfortable with. I defended her, prayed for her, bought her a sterling silver rosary to introduce her to the faith and perhaps bring calm into her life.

I know this may be God’s way of giving me someone else, or it could be his way of telling me I need to be alone, and people need to be protected from me.

I just need something to go my way. I’m 38, unemployed, live with my father, have OCD and Borderline Personality Disorder, am a pariah at my gym, and now this. This breaks my heart. I wondered why she wasn’t talking to me. Now I know.

All of this just screams to me that I am worthless and am an aberration. I need to be banished from this world because I can’t make it work.

I am just really heartbroken. She kind of understood me. Now its over.
Click to expand...
You are describing typical BPD feelings. It’s that constant fear if abandonment and it’s magnifying and distorting your reality. Please see your mental health professional and work with them in managing your BPD.

BPD was at the root of my divorce…sadly She has refused to acknowledge her illness despite the trail of broken relationships in her wake.

Please don’t fall into that. It’s awesome you acknowledge your BPD. Let your ex go and work on yourself.
 
My feelings for Elsa are real. The BPD part is taking those feelings and using them to establish truths about myself. My reality I know: I am like everyone else, and Elsa and I may be better off without each other. I have to recognize BPD when it comes. And, more than that, I have to resist the temptation to get angry, blow up at her, at God, and myself. I’ve know this about myself, I just never could put a name to it.

But I really do want a successful life, a woman I feel comfortable with, and all that. We had our problems, but I could be myself with Elsa. She knew of my problems. That is why this hurts.

I’ll get over it. Eventually I get over everything. And quite frankly, I doubt I’m going to find anyone to accept me with BPD, even if it is well managed.

Of all the people in the world for God to give mental illness to, he gave it to a weak one. Not cool, man.

I’ll get over this.
Jon_S said:
You are describing typical BPD feelings. It’s that constant fear if abandonment and it’s magnifying and distorting your reality. Please see your mental health professional and work with them in managing your BPD.

BPD was at the root of my divorce…sadly She has refused to acknowledge her illness despite the trail of broken relationships in her wake.

Please don’t fall into that. It’s awesome you acknowledge your BPD. Let your ex go and work on yourself.
Click to expand...
 
Saint Michael, the archangel, defend us in battle, be our defense against the wickedness and snares of the devil, may God rebuke him, we humbly pray. And do you, O’ Prince of the Heavenly host, by the power of God thrust into Hell Satan and all the other evil spirits who prowl about the world for the ruin of souls.

Amen.

†

Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name.

Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread.

And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.

And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.

Amen.

†

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.

Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb Jesus.

Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.

Amen.

†
 
St Dymphna, please help him with his needs. Through your intercession, help him have clarity of mind, find peace in his days, and to know that we, his brothers and sisters in Christ love him. Amen
 
HardtoHear said:
I just discovered my ex gf is in a new relationship three days after I told her I missed her and I loved her. Part of me is sad, part of me is angry, part of me is happy for her because this guy has looks and money. He can take care of her. But mostly I am sad.

My unstable behavior drove me away from her. But Elsa was the only woman I felt comfortable with. I defended her, prayed for her, bought her a sterling silver rosary to introduce her to the faith and perhaps bring calm into her life.

I know this may be God’s way of giving me someone else, or it could be his way of telling me I need to be alone, and people need to be protected from me.

I just need something to go my way. I’m 38, unemployed, live with my father, have OCD and Borderline Personality Disorder, am a pariah at my gym, and now this. This breaks my heart. I wondered why she wasn’t talking to me. Now I know.

All of this just screams to me that I am worthless and am an aberration. I need to be banished from this world because I can’t make it work.

I am just really heartbroken. She kind of understood me. Now its over.
Click to expand...
Praying for your intentions.
 
I don’t know why I am here. I don’t know why I had to be born this way. I am tired of trying to start over again and again and again. I’ve told God that I’d I had to be alone I could do it, if he’d just help me take care of myself and my family. I need money. But even there there is no answer.

Why was I born with a yearning to love and be loved? We’re those intense feelings bpd? And if so how do I tell what feelings are real and what aren’t? Why is everything I do so much harder than it is for everyone else?

When can I feel good about myself? When can I feel like I’ve done something with my life? When can I find my one and only?

I pray almost daily for God to let me go, to take me from this earth. I am tired of fighting. I’m tired of whining. I’m tired of wrestling with my brain. I’m tired of being fat and ugly and poor. I’m tired of being hurt.

I have no idea what loving yourself means and I have no idea how to,do it, I am the only person I know who simultaneously loathes himself but is also arrogant.

I was created to be all these things, I have had all of these issues since I was a child. And I get the feeling that God has been far away from me, either because God can’t talk to the mentally ill, or the mentally ill lack the ability to discern Him.

I’m tired of all of this. I’m a loser, I have nothing ahead of me. Where did I go wrong? I always thought my desires were human…I wanted to love and be loved. I am amazed at how people seem to follow a script in life so easily…grow up, find a good job, get married, have kids…do they know how well they have it? I am amazed at how hard all of this has been for me.

I’d like for God to punish me. For everything. It is so easy to see the bad in this world. And i can see the good for others Where is God for me? When will it be my time? I am not asking for much.

I’ve lost at life. I have no reason for being here.
 
Prayer of Saint Benedict of Nursia

O Lord, I place myself in your hands and dedicate myself to you. I pledge myself to do your will in all things: To love the Lord God with all my heart, all my soul, all my strength. Not to kill. Not to steal. Not to covet. Not to bear false witness. To honor all persons. Not to do to another what I would not wish done to myself. To chastise the body. Not to seek after pleasures. To love fasting. To relieve the poor. To clothe the naked. To visit the sick. To bury the dead. To help in trouble. To console the sorrowing. To hold myself aloof from worldly ways. To prefer nothing to the love of Christ. Not to give way to anger. Not to foster a desire for revenge. Not to entertain deceit in the heart. Not to make a false peace. Not to forsake charity. Not to swear, lest I swear falsely. To speak the truth with heart and tongue. Not to return evil for evil. To do no injury: yea, even to bear patiently any injury done to me. To love my enemies. Not to curse those who curse me, but rather to bless them. To bear persecution for justice’ sake. Not to be proud. Not to be given to intoxicating drink. Not to be an over-eater. Not to be lazy. Not to be slothful. Not to be a murmurer. Not to be a detractor. To put my trust in God. To refer the good I see in myself to God. To refer any evil in myself to myself. To fear the Day of Judgment. To be in dread of hell. To desire eternal life with spiritual longing. To keep death before my eyes daily. To keep constant watch over my actions. To remember that God sees me everywhere. To call upon Christ for defense against evil thoughts that arises in my heart. To guard my tongue against wicked speech. To avoid much speaking. To avoid idle talk. To read only what is good to read. To look at only what is good to see. To pray often. To ask forgiveness daily for my sins, and to seek ways to amend my life. To obey my superiors in all things rightful. Not to desire to be thought holy, but to seek holiness. To fulfill the commandments of God by good works. To love chastity. To hate no one. Not to be jealous or envious of anyone. Not to love strife. Not to love pride. To honor the aged. To pray for my enemies. To make peace after a quarrel, before the setting of the sun. Never to despair of your mercy, O God of Mercy. Amen.
Click to expand...
St. Ignatius of Loyola’s Prayer Against Depression
O Christ Jesus
Click to expand...
When all is darkness
And we feel our weakness and helplessness,
Give us the sense of Your Presence,
Your Love and Your Strength.
Help us to have perfect trust
In Your protecting love
And strengthening power,
So that nothing may frighten or worry us,
For, living close to You,
We shall see Your Hand,
Your Purpose, Your Will through all things.
Click to expand...
By St. Ignatius of Loyola
Click to expand...
 
I’m sorry to hear that you’re going through such a rough time. I also have Borderline Personality Disorder as well as Major Depression, Anxiety, and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I will pray for you.
 
HardtoHear said:
I don’t know why I am here. I don’t know why I had to be born this way. I am tired of trying to start over again and again and again. I’ve told God that I’d I had to be alone I could do it, if he’d just help me take care of myself and my family. I need money. But even there there is no answer.

Why was I born with a yearning to love and be loved? We’re those intense feelings bpd? And if so how do I tell what feelings are real and what aren’t? Why is everything I do so much harder than it is for everyone else?

When can I feel good about myself? When can I feel like I’ve done something with my life? When can I find my one and only?

I pray almost daily for God to let me go, to take me from this earth. I am tired of fighting. I’m tired of whining. I’m tired of wrestling with my brain. I’m tired of being fat and ugly and poor. I’m tired of being hurt.

I have no idea what loving yourself means and I have no idea how to,do it, I am the only person I know who simultaneously loathes himself but is also arrogant.

I was created to be all these things, I have had all of these issues since I was a child. And I get the feeling that God has been far away from me, either because God can’t talk to the mentally ill, or the mentally ill lack the ability to discern Him.

I’m tired of all of this. I’m a loser, I have nothing ahead of me. Where did I go wrong? I always thought my desires were human…I wanted to love and be loved. I am amazed at how people seem to follow a script in life so easily…grow up, find a good job, get married, have kids…do they know how well they have it? I am amazed at how hard all of this has been for me.

I’d like for God to punish me. For everything. It is so easy to see the bad in this world. And i can see the good for others Where is God for me? When will it be my time? I am not asking for much.

I’ve lost at life. I have no reason for being here.
Click to expand...
You aren’t alone here. Like I’ve already said, I also have the BPD along with some other stuff. Yes, it hurts. But it can also be helped. The fact that you’re still here speaks for something. BPD, so I’ve been told, is usually caused by some childhood trauma. Think back, I’m sure you might remember a time when you were happy as a child. My time lasted until I was 7. I know that’s early, but I was in a very dysfunctional family. So many things happened, and each one just added onto the previous one. Find someone who can help you with this. Your problem didn’t start overnight, so don’t expect an overnight recovery.

We are praying for you, and will always be here for you. Remember this, you are loved. Nothing can change that.
 
I’ve been like this since I can remember. When I was a toddler I exploded in sadness when I had to leave my grandmother’s or my aunt’s. I felt like I’d never see them again. From the time I was a toddler til about 15 my dad would sometimes stay out and drink and not come home. That was horrible. Then my mom started working and really bonded with a male co-worker of hers and, given the fact that they fought every day, I worried that my parents would get divorced. I was often involved with what went on with mom aand dad. I just worried so. I remember at any early age feeling sad when the school year ended, because I worried about not seeing my friends or feared for the future, the unknown. I had some happy moments sure, but I’ve worried since the beginning. I’m 38, I don’t want it to take another 38 years form to be ‘healed’. I want someone in my life, I want to make money, I want to be happy and feel like I belong. Never felt that.

I always made people laugh to calm a situation down, or as a defense mechanism. But by nature I am a very serious individual.

When I finally graduated college I was happy. When I was accepted into grad school I was happy. The first time I was in love and thought someone loved me I was happy. Spending time with my brothers I’ve been happy. Family gatherings. My grandma.

I just don’t know myself, I feel empty all the time. And I hate myself so much. And I cannot handle being hurt. It devastates me.

I don’t want to be alone and poor the rest of my life. I don’t want to keep fighting for normalcy while the years tick away. I want God to show me the way. I want my own life. I want to be happy and accomplished. I’m tired of driving 100 miles to interview for a 25 hour a week, 8 dollar an hour job that I won’t get. And I want to be able to love and trust a girl who can understaand me and let my BPD come and go. Because my episodes don’t last long.

I want to know why I’m this.
Christy_Beth said:
You aren’t alone here. Like I’ve already said, I also have the BPD along with some other stuff. Yes, it hurts. But it can also be helped. The fact that you’re still here speaks for something. BPD, so I’ve been told, is usually caused by some childhood trauma. Think back, I’m sure you might remember a time when you were happy as a child. My time lasted until I was 7. I know that’s early, but I was in a very dysfunctional family. So many things happened, and each one just added onto the previous one. Find someone who can help you with this. Your problem didn’t start overnight, so don’t expect an overnight recovery.

We are praying for you, and will always be here for you. Remember this, you are loved. Nothing can change that.
Click to expand...
 
HardtoHear said:
I just discovered my ex gf is in a new relationship three days after I told her I missed her and I loved her. Part of me is sad, part of me is angry, part of me is happy for her because this guy has looks and money. He can take care of her. But mostly I am sad.
Click to expand...
:signofcross: Heavenly Father, surround HardtoHear with your Holy Spirit, give him Your strength, Your comfort, Your grace, and Your consolation; wipe away his tears, pour Your joy upon him - let him see You; and give him Your perfect peace!!! Amen

St. Michael the Archangel,
defend us in battle.
Be our defense against the wickedness and snares of the Devil.
May God rebuke him, we humbly pray,
and do thou,
O Prince of the heavenly hosts,
by the power of God,
thrust into hell Satan,
and all the evil spirits,
who prowl about the world
seeking the ruin of souls. Amen…
 
Prayer to Our Lady of Mental Peace

O Lady of Mental Peace,
Mother of Tranquility
and Mother of Hope,
look upon us in this time
of weakness and unrest.

Teach our searching hearts
to know that God’s Love
for us is unchanging and
unchangeable, and, that
true human love can only
begin and grow by touching
His Love.

Let your gentle Peace -
which this world cannot give
  • be always with us.
    And, help us to bring this
    same Peace into the lives
    of others.
Our Lady of Mental Peace,
  • Pray for us!
    Amen.
:signofcross:
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top