OCD, Medication and culpability

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I’m just starting on Zoloft! I kept putting it off because I was afraid of taking medication. I had this fear that’s I’d lose control, but it’s been quite the opposite! It’s great!
 
I used to be so afraid of making the sign of the cross wrong. I still bless myself multiple times, like you say, to make sure I did it well. I have gotten into the habit it re-saying Hail Mary’s when I don’t say them well, which I had gotten over. Are you ever afraid of swallowing when you have an intrusive thought? Like, it feels as though you were swallowing the thought?
 
I often slightly shake my head when intrusive thoughts come up. It happens randomly.
I also suffer from this. I think so because I havent been to doctor. Its extremely uncomfortable.
 
I do the head shaking too 😦 I hope you get to go to a doctor soon. It helps so much!
 
Yes! And then when I do share it I get one of two reactions, either they say something to the effect of how clean my house must be ( I even had someone once tell me “ Oh, but OCD isn’t a bad thing. Your house must be clean all the time :woman_facepalming:t2:)! Or I get this horrified look from the person ( this is mainly when I’ve told someone in church). This is mainly why I just don’t really tell many people about it anymore. I do feel like Our Lord is the only one that can help, especially when ( and I don’t know if you have this) I doubt weather I have OCD or not. There are days when I’m convinced I am lying to everyone and these thoughts really do come from me. I also want to say that my therapist is amazing. It helps to talk with her, but I know it’s her job and she can’t really help me always. It’s such a terribly lonely illness.
 
Jessica01 said:
I think one of the big ones is I say “ No, No,No!” Over and over. I also repeat random Saint names over and over when the thoughts come. I also repeat prayers, but it’s compulsive repetition without devotion, for example “ Jesus, I trust in you, Jesus I trust in you, Jesus I trust in you”. I also say things like “ I don’t want to, I don’t want to, I don’t want to”. I can’t really control it either, most of the time I realize I’m doing it long after I started.
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I’m no neurologist, but I’m epileptic and I spend a lot of time around them. Please take my comments in the light of this, my brain doesn’t work as well as it should. You may have some issues with your executive function in that your brain is having real issues discerning between desired and undesired thoughts. All of our brains come up with a few reactions to a given situation. We know by learning which ones are acceptable or positive to for us and people around us. If you aren’t already seeing a neurologist or neuropsychologist, they may be of great use to you above and beyond any regular psychologist. They can do testing to measure many of the potential issues you might be facing, I have done this personally and it has been useful in identifying some of the memory issues and a few other things.

Most importantly I don’t think you are sinning, You clearly have a goal of worshiping God faithfully or you wouldn’t be here.
 
I have OCD to I know how it can feel but mine is more of a religious OCD I forgot the word scrup- scrupulous
Scrupulosity
That is what it is you are in my prayers please keep me in yours
 
Aww, Margaret I you have given me so much support on here I feel like you are really a friend of mine. It’s been so nice to meet someone who I have so much in common with because it helps me not feel, like you said, and alien 😂! I will pray for them as best as I can!
 
I know! I wish there was a mystic out there who had some kind of revelation about mental illness! It would be so nice to know. Like you said, does He see it as a lack of responsibility? Did He intend for my brain to work this way or does He just kind of work around it?
 
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No, it’s not insulting in any way! If anything I’m happy if I was able to help you with relieving that loneliness the OCD can cause us. I am on that too, and hearing from you and the other people on here how similar our experiences have been really helps to make one not feel so isolated. I thank you very much, and like I said I see you ( well virtually “see” 😂) you as a friend and sister in Christ who is carrying a cross that is very similar to mine.
 
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Just wanted to say I have struggled with similar things. I tried to ignore it for a long time, but it’s getting impossible to ignore. It gives me some hope to hear of your improvement. No advice as I have not found a therapist I click with, regular confessor, or even really an understanding confessor I can go to when needed. I hope I get some relief soon as I know my relationship with God is quite strained at this time and this only takes a greater toll on my mental and physical health as well to think of this. Maybe medication is a step to consider.
 
I get disperted(?). I dont know the exact word but that way I can stop focusing on these thoughts.
I guess its other compulsive action
 
I found this word, its distraction. I distract myself from these intrusive thoughts by slightly shaking my head. Also I like to tell myself that every bad thought attacking me is a lie.
 
I hope you get to go to a professional soon. Therapy and meds, I think, are the best approach to OCD. In the meantime there’s a book my therapist has been having me read. If you have a Kindle, it’s pretty cheap on Amazon. It gives really good advice about the whole thing, and helps you see what form of treatment would work best for you. It also comes with an assessment to see what kinds of OCD come in the most for you. OCD is a psycho/spiritual illness, and in order to overcome it, we need all the spiritual, medical, and psychological tools we can get! It does get better :)!

This is the book:
(Please Note: This uploaded content is no longer available.)
 
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I used to practice my conversations out loud, which was pretty embarrassing when people heard me! It was awful!
 
I used to have a form of HOCD and I used to say “ I hope that he gets to heaven, I hope that he gets to heaven, I hope that he gets to heaven” whenever I had an obsession about someone. Like you say, it’s a nice sentiment, but at least for me, it felt more mechanical than charitable.
 
I do the head shaking too! I also do pinching and a lot of hand squeezing. My therapist told me it’s common and that we do it to distract our mind from the thoughts 🙂
 
It’s all about trying to get our minds away from the thoughts. I mean, I avoid swallowing sometimes 😅! It’s ridiculous
 
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