Hi, Patrick…glad you posted! Funny, isn’t it? To feel so strongly, yet be in circumstances that seem to not make it apparent how you will proceed. I guess this is where True Surrender and Trust come in. If Our Lord is Calling us closer to Himself, then He will lead us, too. We have to believe that, even though it seems so unclear at present what form our Callings will eventually take.
I, too, am on Social Security DisAbility. I can’t really travel or I would join a community. And, your circumstances seem to be presenting some obstacles for you, as well. But, your Prayer Life sounds very deep and full and for that you can be sure to receive many more such Graces both for yourself and I’m sure for others whom your Prayers assist, whether or not you ever find a particular place in any particular Order.
I will keep you in Prayer and I hope that you will do the same. God Bless you, Patrick.
I’ve been turned away or diverted for just about every inquiry I’ve made, but God must surely have a place for me in the Church. I don’t think about the things that I can’t do. I think rather of the things that I can do. I had always believed that I could have served as a priest, and I’m not quite convinced that I couldn’t, but really it’s the vocations director that makes the decision. However, there are other ways to serve. I’ve never considered a contemplative order. I don’t know that I’m too old to look into a monastic order. But I have always spent alot of time in prayer, and recently it’s been dawning on me just how much time I have to pray. Prayer is very much a vocation. Perhaps no religious order will decide to accomodate me, and if so, I can still pray.
I’m serious about this. There’s nothing condescending about prayer. Jesus Himself said that Mary chose the better part. And what was that better part? To stay at the feet of Jesus. I can do that. I don’t need anyone’s permission to stay at the feet of Jesus. No one can deny me the opportunity to kneel at His feet. Because I am on disability I can devote as much time to prayer as I have strength to devote. To love the Lord my God with all my heart, soul, mind, strength—if I chose a monastic vocation, that would be the primary reason. But I can do that outside the walls of a cloister. Perhaps not without distraction. But it is possible.
The point is to love Jesus. The point is to love others. What better way to love Jesus than to spend time with Him in prayer? And what better way to love others than to bring their petitions before Him in prayer? To lay your head back on the bosom of Jesus, hear the beating of His heart, and look up into His eyes and tell Him you love Him? To ask that His will be done in the lives of others? To spend the whole day doing that?
At twilight, when the sun goes down and the sky grows darker, you can see the stars begin to twinkle. I say begin, but that is not quite the reality. The stars were always there in the sky. They were always twinkling. It wasn’t until the lights went out and the world disappeared that you could see them. Sometimes the world has to disappear before you can begin to see eternity. That is what I think of when I consider a monastic vocation, it is this world growing more obscure and the next world coming into focus. We leave our lives behind for what? To find a new life.
I have always been easily distracted. I want less in my life, less material things, but much more of God. My disability in no way prevents prayer and intercession.
I’m not at all optimistic that any order would take me in a monastic vocation. It’s really the last hurrah I suppose in terms of religious ministry. But I’m kind of excited anyway because I realize that I can do alot of that right where I am. Even if I am rejected again for a vocation, God is still calling, and I can answer. And sometimes it’s the very dialogue with God that becomes our vocation in the end, knowing His heart as He reveals it to us, laying ourselves bare before Him–as if there was anything we could do to help Him to know us more than He already does.
That’s the ultimate end of all of our efforts as Christians. To know God and to love Him. To help others to know and love Him. To love others. There is nothing that can prevent me from doing that.
Did Martha complain that Mary was “doing nothing?” But that was not what Mary was doing. Mary was gazing at Jesus, hearing His voice. Perhaps she was close enough to Him that she was able to reach out and touch His shoulder. Martha was busy with many things, but ultimately, I agree with Jesus. Mary really had chosen the better part. With the eyes of faith I lay my head on His bosom, look up into His eyes. I know Him. He knows me. I am my Beloved’s and He is mine. And this is the vocation of every child of God, regardless of state of life or personal circumstances.
I have heard it said that sainthood is “to will and to love.” And we can all do that. And if the greatest of these is love, then in God’s economy, those who choose it are the richest of all.
So that’s where I stand with all of it. Ultimately there’s nothing that can separate me from God, nor keep me from serving Him, so long as there is life and breath. That’s my two cents.
’ not to do so and drag perhaps this thread off its subject. And I have had quite a lot to say about this in other threads that are more connected to the subject of religious life and mental illness sufferers.
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