C
catharina
Guest
This fact alone raises the creepy bar.
Encourage your husband to get to know his own grandchildren -
and to pay much more attention to his own children,
no matter how far away they are living.
- Status
Encourage your husband to get to know his own grandchildren -
and to pay much more attention to his own children,
no matter how far away they are living.
F
flyingfish
Guest
It definitely seems very odd to me.
Still, in trying to give your husband the benefit of the doubt, there are adults who enjoy hanging out with children (such as teachers, coaches of kids’ sports teams, scout troop leaders and others). We generally don’t question the choices of those types of adults to want a profession that involves hanging out with kids. Is what your husband doing much different?
If not, maybe it’s okay. Maybe talk to people who are teachers/coaches and ask them why they are drawn to those professions and whether they could understand an adult man who wanted to hang out with kids in his free time.
Those would be the people to ask. I don’t think it’s helpful to ask the average adult. I personally would have no interest whatsoever in being around children, but then I also would not want a career that involves working with children. Many responders here may be this way too, but someone who is say a coach might understand your husband’s point of view better.
Still, in trying to give your husband the benefit of the doubt, there are adults who enjoy hanging out with children (such as teachers, coaches of kids’ sports teams, scout troop leaders and others). We generally don’t question the choices of those types of adults to want a profession that involves hanging out with kids. Is what your husband doing much different?
If not, maybe it’s okay. Maybe talk to people who are teachers/coaches and ask them why they are drawn to those professions and whether they could understand an adult man who wanted to hang out with kids in his free time.
Those would be the people to ask. I don’t think it’s helpful to ask the average adult. I personally would have no interest whatsoever in being around children, but then I also would not want a career that involves working with children. Many responders here may be this way too, but someone who is say a coach might understand your husband’s point of view better.
C
catharina
Guest
**He’s lost the benefit of the doubt in my eyes since I realized he said:
"… he told one of the 11 year old girls that he probably couldn’t
talk to her much longer because teenage girls are b**es.
I thought that was terrible on several levels."
This is not an ordinary person who relates appropriately to children.
I’ve worked with children in social services for more than 40 years.
Would I allow this man to visit children in my care, children under my protection?
NO.
This wife needs to trust her instincts and act on them.**
Mary_Gail_36
New member
Just wanted to let you know, if the husband is acting innappropriately with the children, it would be a criminal matter…no plaintif involved…The DA 's office would prosecute.
The case would be called something like State of So an So against Mr. John Doe so instead of monetarily losing everything, he could go to jail.
I agree with you that something might be wrong with his health
F
flyingfish
Guest
I agree.
P
puzzleannie
Guest
no and I would see he gets a full medical workup immediately, and a psych evaluation. Most adults don’t want to spend most of their time with children unless that is their profession, they are your own grandchildren etc. Even if everything is innocent and above board you are opening yourselves up to a liability nightmare. It may be up to you to speak personally to the parents of each child and simply tell them neither you nor your husband has the strength or stamina or good health to supervise their children and request that they keep their children home after this. If there are children around until you can get your husband to see this is not acceptable–the very fact that you object makes it unacceptable even if the situation is entirely innocent–never, ever leave children alone and unsupervised with him, this is for his protection and yours.
no adults in retirement don’t usually exhibit a preference for spending their leisure hours with children if they have never been in the habit of it before. Doing it for your own kids or grandchildren, as a job, as a structured volunteer activity with suitable training and safeguards is another thing entirely.
the cell phone thing and the comments about some of the girls, and the fact that these are primarily girls has every alarm bell ringing. don’t worry about over reacting, worry about not reacting before some harm is done, or before he is accused unjustly simply because of the circumstances.
yes this is creepy on several levels
G
Garyjohn2
Guest
I think most responders are over-reacting. We only know one side of the story, so prudence is the best advise.
It’s not good he used such a harsh name for the young girls, but maybe they were being really mean and he was frustrated by their behaviour towards each other. Maybe he was joking around. Doesn’t make it right, but makes it understandable.
Lets not jump to conclusions and start recommending psych evaluations…sheesh!
It’s not good he used such a harsh name for the young girls, but maybe they were being really mean and he was frustrated by their behaviour towards each other. Maybe he was joking around. Doesn’t make it right, but makes it understandable.
Lets not jump to conclusions and start recommending psych evaluations…sheesh!
P
puzzleannie
Guest
let us ask the professionals, DREs, teachers, scout leaders, child protection workers, police, psychologists, and others on board to offer an opinion. Allowing a husband to set you up for losing your home and everything you have worked for because of unwise activities involving children does not come under the heading of prudence. No, it is not normal for a man who has never before spent much time with children or shown any signs of enjoying working with children to suddenly start spending all his free time with little girls to the extent of calling their cell phones and making inapproriate remarks to them.
S
ShanaA1984
Guest
As a mother of a little girl I have an issue with even the idea of her hanging around with a middle aged man that is not related to our family. I totally agree with puzzleannie have your husband get a full medical screen.
S
stelline
Guest
This is NOT normal. He’s willing to damage his relationship with you to have these kids over?! It’s like an addiction. And any common-sense adult would realize how BAD it looks to have an older man inviting unrelated pre-teen children to his house when he has no kids of his own of the same age.
Cell phone numbers?! This LOOKS REAL BAD. If he won’t admit that the whole situation would look suspicious (at the VERY least) to outsiders, then I would say he is hiding something.
WHY would young girls be seeking the company of a much older man instead of their peers??
I would NOT risk the well-being of these children merely to give your husband the benefit of the doubt that this is innocent friendship.
INFORM THE PARENTS.
Cell phone numbers?! This LOOKS REAL BAD. If he won’t admit that the whole situation would look suspicious (at the VERY least) to outsiders, then I would say he is hiding something.
WHY would young girls be seeking the company of a much older man instead of their peers??
I would NOT risk the well-being of these children merely to give your husband the benefit of the doubt that this is innocent friendship.
INFORM THE PARENTS.
P
puzzleannie
Guest
the reason for the suggestion is that a sudden change in behavior especially when it is disturbing is very often the signal of an underlying physical problem in someone of this age.
S
stelline
Guest
Oh–and I almost forgot about the inappropriate remark to the 11 year old. That raises a red flag.
C
catharina
Guest
M
Mrs_Sally
Guest
This should also be a huge concern to the OP.
Make dr appointments for your husband. Take a week off work to go with him to these appointments and so that you are the one answering the door every day to say that the children coming to your house are not welcome.
C
catharina
Guest
That sounds like excellent advice!
- Status