Of games, mate value, the Red Pill and dating dilemmas ;)

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Another thing–if Chevalier is living in a major urban area, there are some unique problems in that sort of area.For example in the US, NYC dating is very, very, very weird.

It may be that a smaller city will have a lower-pressure, more humane dating environment.
 
Xantippe said:
I don’t think that’s true in the US. My husband is actually rather good at repairs (we save SO much money given that the plumber is $80 an hour), but I get the feeling that he’s well above average in our peer group.
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That’s for sure. My husband was not a Mr. Fixit, neither was my father.
Husband could do some small things, like change out the parts in the toilet tank, but anything major required a repairman, and it’s better to call the professional anyway because too many guys will jerry-rig something to save money and it turns out to be done wrong and you need to call the repair man eventually anyway to do it the way it should have been done in the first place.

Plus, my husband worked very hard all week at his paid job, same for me. We don’t need to be spending our off hours fixing stuff that breaks around the house. It’s fine if you happen to be an electrician and then when something electric in your house breaks, you fix it because that’s your skill anyway, but an electrician shouldn’t be repairing the plumbing.
 
1ke said:
Who cares what grandma was “supposed” to do or grandpa. In my experience couples, past and present, did what worked for them . I don’t know anyone in my family or my husband’s who gave one flip for women’s work vs men’s work. You do what needs doing, what is in your skill set, and you ask for help with the things you can’t do. You make decisions based on who the best person in the household is to do it.
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I agree with this. There are all sorts of crazy “philosophies” out there about dating, mating, and marriage. Really it’s more down to what works for the people in the relationship. There’s such a thing as too much analysis. I mean even when it comes to Catholic stuff. Like the whole “Wives obey your husbands” thing. Who really cares…I don’t have time to worry about this stuff because…life. There’s a lot of people who needlessly over-analyse all this stuff. At the end of the day what it’s all about is: boy meets girl, they fall in love, they marry and have a family and work out their stuff they way that suits them.
Nobody thinks about this when they’re really in a relationship.
 
Tis_Bearself said:
95 percent of the relationship discussions online are made too complicated.
People just like to dwell on the subject as some sort of pleasant mental gymnastics, I think
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I am very interested in a existing sub culture that has a growing popularity online. They are called “incels” which stands for “involuntary celebates” I became interested in them because I can relate to their frustrations of not being able to get a girlfriend. I did not have my first girlfriend until I was in my late 20s. But they overanalyze everything. They also subscribe to the mindset that women only care about looks. Maybe you can get a girlfriend if you have money or status but it is really all about looks. They think they know everything about women. How women think, how women behave but they can’t see that they do not know anything or they would be able to get a girlfriend.

I tried to talk with a few of them once and they all began to verbally attack me when I said that looks are not everything to women. They insisted that it was, insisted that my fiance was probably only using me (I did not even mention one thing about my relationship other than I was engageed so they said that only based on the fact she is a woman) I was told I would get cheated on, told that I should not get married because I will only be able to sleep with one woman, my wife, and why should I deny myself the pleasure of sleeping with multiple women (which is their goal most the time) They were really negative, pessimistic, downright mean yet they thought they knew everything there is to know about women. Yet not one of them could even get a date. It was sad. And this is a whole community of thousands of men
 
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Many incels seem to talk about getting a date almost in the same way you would talk about a strategy to succeed at a computer game. Almost like they think women can be programmed if you know the code.
 
They sound like a bunch of angry, frustrated, immature people with possible mental problems.

Unfortunately any Internet subculture is prone to group-think. I would imagine any guy who didn’t toe the party line would have left that group after getting shouted down as you were.

As a woman, I can tell you there are many reasons women pair up with a guy and it is not all about the guy looking like a hunk for every lady out there. Some women, including myself, are actually more interested in men who are not conventional hunks because they prefer guys who look like geeks, or stoners, or androgynes, or Mick Jagger, or their father.
 
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No kidding! I’d have ended up cutting off my arm. I use a chain saw, but I’d be nervous with all that loose fabric billowing around.

She’s such a model of faith in action.
 
Tis_Bearself said:
As a woman, I can tell you there are many reasons women pair up with a guy and it is not all about the guy looking like a hunk for every lady out there. Some women, including myself, are actually more interested in men who are not conventional hunks because they prefer guys who look like geeks, or stoners, or androgynes, or Mick Jagger, or their father.
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I am positive that men probably care about looks in general more then women in general. I tried to tell these men several times that I have seen so many not good looking men with extremely beautiful women. I see it all the time. I know everyone sees it all the time. The responses I get are “He is probably rich, she is probably just using him, maybe he has a lot of status”. I have a friend who is extremely beautiful and she is dating a guy who looks like geek. She has told me in the past that looks are not everything to her and she proved it. My sisters friend recently got married. She is a gorgeous young girl and she married a guy who looks like the Mexican version of Oscar the grouch (Not racist, I am Mexican american). I even showed my fiance a video of one of these guys who believes he will never get a girlfriend because he is obese and not super good looking. I asked her if there are any girls that would like him and she told me “Yes. He is cute” Yet the guy believes no girl will ever like him. Very sad stuff.
 
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I dated at least three men considered “obese” in our society. I married one of them; he was also tall so he was just a big guy shaped like a bear as far as I was concerned. In my life I have seen a lot of guys who were big and fat like that, Washington has tons of them, Ted Kennedy was one of them in his older years (I did see him in person). There are big and tall shops in DC where guys sized like that can buy really nice clothes, and they look like turn-of-the-century bankers. My husband continued to be XXXLarge with maybe a one size fluctuation up and down his whole life and it didn’t bother me in the least, in fact I got so used to it that other men seemed abnormally small. My only concern about it was for his health but from a looks standpoint he looked fine to me.

Growing up, I had a number of fat uncles and aunts who all had long marriages , and most of them lived to a pretty old age (while some of the skinny relatives actually died of heart attacks or cancer at younger ages) so I was used to seeing happy fat people with handsome faces and weight didn’t bother me as long as the person could still move around okay.

(I range between old school size 12 and 18 myself, which in today’s bigger sizes is more like 10 and 16, and some people consider me “obese” as well, other people think it’s attractive, no lie.)
 
Dating is losing its intrinsic value more and more and women are being degraded and viewed as objects instead of daughters of God because of pornography and masturbation spreading rampant in our culture.

The devil wants to destroy the Church and souls and does so by attacking the domestic church, the family and he does this through abortion, adultery, pornography, masturbation, and contraception.

If more and more people fought against porn and viewed dating in a healthier way, people would have more confidence in themselves. Marriage is a vocational calling, not a “let’s see what I can get” type of thing.
 
LaughingBoy1503 said:
I am very interested in a existing sub culture that has a growing popularity online. They are called “incels” which stands for “involuntary celebates” I became interested in them because I can relate to their frustrations of not being able to get a girlfriend. I did not have my first girlfriend until I was in my late 20s. But they overanalyze everything. They also subscribe to the mindset that women only care about looks. Maybe you can get a girlfriend if you have money or status but it is really all about looks. They think they know everything about women. How women think, how women behave but they can’t see that they do not know anything or they would be able to get a girlfriend.
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The problem with the whole incel thing is that they try to simplify the person down to one thing. There are a variety of factors and studies tend to show that women consider a variety of factors when choosing a partner. I suspect, though, that many of the men who describe themselves as incels will continue to have bad luck with women because they do nothing to improve themselves or make themselves more attractive prospects.

Women like a man with other interests than sex and women. They like men with ambition and drive to succeed in their chosen field. Unfortunately, many incels are what would be traditionally described as “losers”, because instead of striving to improve they blame the world for their problems and inadequacies.
 
People over analyze these types of things to death. Really, when you’re in a relationship that works, it’s not complicated. I dated quite a bit and had one serious relationship before my husband, and when I started dating him it was just easy. I remember thinking “oh, is this what it’s supposed to be like?” No games, no guessing about whether he liked me, no trying too hard. Just both of us being ourselves.

Also, there are plenty of studies showing that women still do the majority of the housework, even when working outside the home. There’s “no more women’s work”? Where? Even when couples try to make things fair, it’s just never going to be 100% fair. Households don’t work that way.

Men do anything that’s unpleasant? Really? I think most men these days are more inclined to take the car in to a shop when something is wrong, or call a plumber for anything other than a small clog. I’ve done some really unpleasant things as a mother that my husband has not had the pleasure of dealing with. (Having a child vomit into your hands comes to mind.) This perception that men are doing half of the “women’s work” while also still doing the “manly things” is not really accurate.
 
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