Offering flowers to Mary during a Wedding?

[Sarabande]

Some priests won’t allow the marian devotion because it isn’t written into any part of the mass/marriage rite, not necessarily because they themselves don’t have a devotion to Mary.

That is true, but for those colleagues of mine who were around and working during that time, those particular priests did not believe in perpetuating any kind of special devotion to the Blessed Mother. It was sort of a reaction of what they believed was too much devotion and prayer to the Blessed Mother. They didn’t even encourage praying the rosary. They wanted to get rid of what they thought was more honour to the Blessed Mother than what should have been given. I was still a child in the 80s and was not working in the Church. Today I’ve never come across a priest or parish who forbids it. From what I understand, though, many of these particular priests (at least in the diocese that I’m from) didn’t like this devotion and tried to do much to lessen it.

 

[peary]

It was pointed out to me that during Catholic weddings, when the bride and groom offer a bouquet of flowers to a statue of Mary it looks somewhat “superstitious” that flowers are being given to a statue. Also pointed out was that it may prevent any Protestant attending the wedding from ever becoming a Catholic. Same goes for the arras, the coins used during weddings which symbolizes a sharing of spiritual & material wealth.

Because I’ve been to several weddings where these traditions were incorporated into it, I never really questioned those traditions up until I was told that it may look superstitious to some non-Catholics.

Are traditions like the coins and offering flowers to Mary in any way superstitious or against Church teaching at all? I’m really curious to hear what any of you may say.

The bride usually takes the flowers to a statue of the Virgin immediately *after *Mass, not during Mass. This is done for two reasons: first, the flowers represent the virginity of the bride which she is now offering up for marriage (though I don’t know how true that is for brides in this day and age); second, the bride is asking Mary to intercede in their marriage and to pray for them. I see nothing superstitious in this at all. This tradition has been around ever since I can remember and goes back hundreds, if not over a thousand years. This tradition may prevent a protestant from attending a Catholic wedding because, first, protestants, for the most part, believe in artificial birth control and reject virginity. They also reject the virginity of the Blessed Mother. And they also reject the Communion of Saints. So, to participate in such a sacrament as a Protestant in a Catholic Church would’t matter to them anyway.

I have never experienced the coins tradition in any wedding that I have attended throughout the years. It must be a cultural thing.

 

[VietCatholic83]

There is nothing “superstitious” about offering flowers to Our Lady as part of a wedding. It is similar to the “May Crownings” which used to be so prevalent in our churches during the month of May. It is a sign of love and petition to the Blessed Mother to protect and bless the newly wedded couple. They are entrusting their marriage to her perpetual help. I’ve seen this part of the ceremony done after the final blessing of Mass just before the couple processes out of the church.

 

[peary]

The bride usually takes the flowers to a statue of the Virgin immediately *after *Mass, not during Mass. This is done for two reasons: first, the flowers represent the virginity of the bride which she is now offering up for marriage (though I don’t know how true that is for brides in this day and age); second, the bride is asking Mary to intercede in their marriage and to pray for them. I see nothing superstitious in this at all. This tradition has been around ever since I can remember and goes back hundreds, if not over a thousand years. This tradition may prevent a protestant from attending a Catholic wedding because, first, protestants, for the most part, believe in artificial birth control and reject virginity. They also reject the virginity of the Blessed Mother. And they also reject the Communion of Saints. So, to participate in such a sacrament as a Protestant in a Catholic Church would’t matter to them anyway.

I have never experienced the coins tradition in any wedding that I have attended throughout the years. It must be a cultural thing.

This is peary on peary! Another thing: WHY would a bride even THINK of bringing flowers -representing her virginity - to the Blessed Mother if she isn’t a virgin? That is the height of hypocrisy as far as I’m concerned. If anything, BOTH bride and groom should go to the Blessed Mother and ask for her intercession in re-establishing sexual purity to their lives.

 

[bpbasilphx]

When I do weddings I do not allow the unity candle. Not only is it not a part of the rite, it is actually a horrible understanding of marriage. The idea is that the two candles representing the individuals are used to light the center candle and then the two individual candles are blown out. This is supposed to represent the union of two people in marriage. The problem is that marriage is two people working for the salvation of each other. Yes, they form one flesh, but they remain two minds, two personalities and we must never forget that. Marriage is a giving of one partner to the other. If they are submerged in some sort of “unity” then there is nothing to give.

In a true marriage the partners remain ever gift givers and receivers. Each giving to the other, each receiving from the other. That is the model that Jesus gives us when he uses the example of the Church as a bride and himself as the groom – constantly giving, constantly receiving.

Deacon Ed

If Matrimonial Fireworship is to be indulged in, it would make more sense to have the “Unity” candle be called a Christ Candle. The couple take their lights from it, and pass it to the guests during the recessional.

How does that sound?

 

[paperwight]

The bride usually takes the flowers to a statue of the Virgin immediately *after *Mass, not during Mass. This tradition has been around ever since I can remember and goes back hundreds, if not over a thousand years.
I.

I’m wondering if this is just an Americas thing, as i have never heard of it in the UK at least. In which case, it won’t be a thousand years old, surely.

 

[Sarabande]

This is peary on peary! Another thing: WHY would a bride even THINK of bringing flowers -representing her virginity - to the Blessed Mother if she isn’t a virgin? That is the height of hypocrisy as far as I’m concerned. If anything, BOTH bride and groom should go to the Blessed Mother and ask for her intercession in re-establishing sexual purity to their lives.

At many parishes that is not how it is explained to brides. What I think is that most brides do not think of the flowers as representing their virginity, but more of an honour to the Mother of God. I was a virgin when I married, but I still looked at this special devotion as a way to honour Her as a model of being a good wife and mother. My sister-in-law, though, chose not to do the Presentation to the Blessed Mother because she viewed it as more of a virgin going to Mary asking her to help her continue to be chaste as a wife. She felt she’d be a hypocrite since she already had a baby who was at the wedding. It would have been pretty obvious that she was no longer a virgin.

 

[lizaanne]

If Matrimonial Fireworship is to be indulged in, it would make more sense to have the “Unity” candle be called a Christ Candle. The couple take their lights from it, and pass it to the guests during the recessional.

How does that sound?

It seems like someone wanting to re-write the Mass in their own image.

Just stop it with the silly antics and realize that there is enough symbolism and meaning in the Mass alone - nothing else is required.

~Liza

 

[benedictgal]

The Mexican Episcopal Conference (CEM) does indeed have the blessing of the coins (arras) and the lazo (the double rosary) imbedded in the Marriage Rite. This happens right after the rings are exchanged. I know because I used to have to prepare the books for the rector to use during the weddings. Of course, if the ceremony was going to be in English, he would translate the prayer for the couple.

The coins are symbolic of the material wealth that the couple will now be sharing, and it also reminds them to be generous with each other, their children and the poor whom they will enounter along the way of life.

The lazo, in most cases, is a double rosary, so there is one Marian element. It is the visiblel sign of the invisible chords of matrimony that now unite the couple.

As Sarabande noted, these inculturations are a couple of centuries old. In fact, my parents were married in the waning days of the EF (when it was the sole form), in Latin, and the arras and lazo were used. Obviously, I wasn’t there, but, we do have the pictures.

Typically, the offering of the bridal bouquet to the Blessed Mother happens after Holy Communion. Prior to this, the couple who presented the newlyweds with the lazo will remove it from the couple (kind of hard for both of them to walk together with the lazo around them ). Then, the couple (or the bride) will walk to the statue of the Blessed Mother and present the bouquet.

 

[Sarabande]

The Mexican Episcopal Conference (CEM) does indeed have the blessing of the coins (arras) and the lazo (the double rosary) imbedded in the Marriage Rite. This happens right after the rings are exchanged. I know because I used to have to prepare the books for the rector to use during the weddings. Of course, if the ceremony was going to be in English, he would translate the prayer for the couple.

It is also the same for the Filipino traditions (which are basically the Spanish traditions which the Spaniards passed down to the Filipinos throughout the 300 years they were in the Philippines). I’m half Filipina from my mother’s side and when I was married, the traditions were done right after the vows and rings were exchanged. Presentation to the Blessed Mother took place after the mass and before the recessional.

 

[peary]

At many parishes that is not how it is explained to brides. What I think is that most brides do not think of the flowers as representing their virginity, but more of an honour to the Mother of God. I was a virgin when I married, but I still looked at this special devotion as a way to honour Her as a model of being a good wife and mother. My sister-in-law, though, chose not to do the Presentation to the Blessed Mother because she viewed it as more of a virgin going to Mary asking her to help her continue to be chaste as a wife. She felt she’d be a hypocrite since she already had a baby who was at the wedding. It would have been pretty obvious that she was no longer a virgin.

OF COURSE it’s not explained that way to brides - ever since the majority of Catholics are using artificial birth control and are sleeping together prior to marriage. What’s a priest to do? It’s a both/and tradition: the flowers are presented to the Blessed Mother to honor her and ask for her intercession in the marriage, and they also symbolize the offering of the bride’s virginity to God. In any case, it’s a personal option.

 

[Sarabande]

OF COURSE it’s not explained that way to brides - ever since the majority of Catholics are using artificial birth control and are sleeping together prior to marriage. What’s a priest to do? It’s a both/and tradition: the flowers are presented to the Blessed Mother to honor her and ask for her intercession in the marriage, and they also symbolize the offering of the bride’s virginity to God. In any case, it’s a personal option.

I was just explaining why a bride who isn’t a virgin would think of doing it - because it isn’t explained to them in that way. I personally think that the priest should say something about it in very matter-of-fact terms, “You have an option of doing the Presentation to the Blessed Mother… It represents A, B and C.” That way the bride can make a better-informed decision such as my sister-in-law did.