Office "group gifts" when no one else contributes

[Gordon_Sims]

A man just retired form Joe’s work.
Yesterday.
The only reason he knows is because the guy shook his hand and said "come visit me when you retire.

Nothing said. No goodbye, no cake, no card. They simply didn’t tell anyone.

I think congratulations, condolences, and well wishes are very important for morale.
Even if it’s something small.

This guy was one of Joe’s few friendly co-workers.
He will be sorely missed, but he’ll never know now.

Are you sure it wasn’t the coworker’s choice and not a snub? We had a universally respected and even beloved coworker years ago who was something of an institution in the company. Nobody, not even the old timers, talked about him retiring because we all figured he’d work until he died, likely at his desk. One evening a bunch of us were in the break room around the coffee machine when he came up with an uncharacteristically big grin on his face, shook our hands and said, “See ya, fellas. As of now, I’m retired!” He walked out without saying another word, which is how he wanted it because he was afraid he’d get too emotional if anyone knew in advance. For the record, this guy who was known for a pretty gruff exterior couldn’t even clean out his office on his own without tearing up and had his manager pack up and ship everything to him.

 

[pianistclare]

Are you sure it wasn’t the coworker’s choice and not a snub? We had a universally respected and even beloved coworker years ago who was something of an institution in the company. Nobody, not even the old timers, talked about him retiring because we all figured he’d work until he died, likely at his desk. One evening a bunch of us were in the break room around the coffee machine when he came up with an uncharacteristically big grin on his face, shook our hands and said, “See ya, fellas. As of now, I’m retired!” He walked out without saying another word, which is how he wanted it because he was afraid he’d get too emotional if anyone knew in advance. For the record, this guy who was known for a pretty gruff exterior couldn’t even clean out his office on his own without tearing up and had his manager pack up and ship everything to him.

NO, I’m positive. Not everyone operated the same.

 

[mommy_k]

A man just retired form Joe’s work.
Yesterday.
The only reason he knows is because the guy shook his hand and said "come visit me when you retire.

Nothing said. No goodbye, no cake, no card. They simply didn’t tell anyone.

I think congratulations, condolences, and well wishes are very important for morale.
Even if it’s something small.

This guy was one of Joe’s few friendly co-workers.
He will be sorely missed, but he’ll never know now.

That’s very sad… I think his group should have put the word out…

I sometimes remind people of occasions when they forget, and if I have to collect for something, I don’t assign a dollar amount Everyone gives what they they want to. Then I work with that.

I don’t buy anything until I have the money…I tell them a few days before.

 

[pnewton]

Where I work, there is not administrative money, as is the case with most government work. What we do is ask for a dollar or two each pay day. About half pay, with some paying more, some paying every few months. Then, when a need arises, those that are most faithful paying in will decide how much to spend and what to do. Our flower fund is used for flowers for bereavement, as well as parking for long term illness, and other needs. No one expects anyone to pay in if it hurts financially.

 

[ShrodingersCat]

I believe my husband’s office collects money beforehand and then buys what those contributions can afford.

This.

Or else just send a card from everyone.

You can’t assume that other people want to give a gift to their colleagues. They are well within their rights to ignore a request for money that they had not promised to give.

 

[pianistclare]

That’s very sad… I think his group should have put the word out…

I sometimes remind people of occasions when they forget, and if I have to collect for something, I don’t assign a dollar amount Everyone gives what they they want to. Then I work with that.

I don’t buy anything until I have the money…I tell them a few days before.

yup. common sense. I would have baked the guy a cake…it wouldn’t have inconvenienced anyone.

 

[Anglewannabe]

A man just retired form Joe’s work.
Yesterday.
The only reason he knows is because the guy shook his hand and said "come visit me when you retire.

Nothing said. No goodbye, no cake, no card. They simply didn’t tell anyone.

I think congratulations, condolences, and well wishes are very important for morale.
Even if it’s something small.

This guy was one of Joe’s few friendly co-workers.
He will be sorely missed, but he’ll never know now.

Although it is true that a lot of people’s morale are improved by having milestones recognized, there are other people (like me) to whom it is a dreaded torture. It brings up bad memories of my mom organizing celebrations for ‘my accomplishment’ when behind the scene it was something I hated doing, but did so I would not get hit with a belt by my dad.

And, the reality is, there is nothing stopping Joe from giving this man a call and telling him how much he will be missed. The reality is, this man doesn’t even need to be missed because Joe can call him up and ask to get together.

It is like a funeral, everyone shows up to pay their respects and 1 week later everyone goes back to their life. That is exactly when the bereaved person starts to really feel the loss and they are forgotten in the wind.

As much as it is nice to recognize milestones, IMO it is nicer to recognize people in the day to day life.

Angie

 

[pianistclare]

Although it is true that a lot of people’s morale are improved by having milestones recognized, there are other people (like me) to whom it is a dreaded torture. It brings up bad memories of my mom organizing celebrations for ‘my accomplishment’ when behind the scene it was something I hated doing, but did so I would not get hit with a belt by my dad.

And, the reality is, there is nothing stopping Joe from giving this man a call and telling him how much he will be missed. The reality is, this man doesn’t even need to be missed because Joe can call him up and ask to get together.

It is like a funeral, everyone shows up to pay their respects and 1 week later everyone goes back to their life. That is exactly when the bereaved person starts to really feel the loss and they are forgotten in the wind.

As much as it is nice to recognize milestones, IMO it is nicer to recognize people in the day to day life.

Angie

Felix is on a plane to Puerto Rico.

The point is, workplaces want everyone to be cordial with each other, but people really don’t give two cents about their co-workers anymore.
That’s sad.
Even for the people who can’t accept well wishes in the spirit they are given.

 

[Gordon_Sims]

The point is, workplaces want everyone to be cordial with each other, but people really don’t give two cents about their co-workers anymore.

I think that’s due, at least in some industries, to the dwindling workforce and instability. People are either too busy with backstabbing, self-promotion and covering their own backsides that they breed animosity, or they distance themselves to that they’re not emotionally impacted when their coworkers are inevitably shown the door. I’ve seen plenty of both. One manager, in fact, has told several of us to never give him any personal details about our lives because he doesn’t care and doesn’t want to. He also makes it a point to never refer to us as people or employees, but as resources or WFU’s (work force units). His way of making us feel appreciated, I guess.

 

[mommy_k]

I think that’s due, at least in some industries, to the dwindling workforce and instability. People are either too busy with backstabbing, self-promotion and covering their own backsides that they breed animosity, or they distance themselves to that they’re not emotionally impacted when their coworkers are inevitably shown the door. I’ve seen plenty of both. One manager, in fact, has told several of us to never give him any personal details about our lives because he doesn’t care and doesn’t want to. He also makes it a point to never refer to us as people or employees, but as resources or WFU’s (work force units). His way of making us feel appreciated, I guess.

Wow. That’s horrible.

I m a person who values all of my relationships and if i worked in an environment like this I would last about a day.

 

[Gordon_Sims]

Wow. That’s horrible.

I m a person who values all of my relationships and if i worked in an environment like this I would last about a day.

I can understand it to some degree. Otherwise, how would you sleep at night? On the other hand, it’s not something I can go along with. I was in a management training program years ago. I didn’t do well in the section where they were giving strategies on how to justify lying to your subordinates to yourself. I also raised eyebrows because when I was instructed to put that part of my training into practice, instead of lying I simply told people, “I’m not going to lie to you, but I can’t answer that question.”

When we got to the part where we were learning how to view subordinates as something other than people, I dropped out. This was almost 20 years ago so I suspect any similar program now would be a bit more extreme (just based on what I’ve seen from other managers), but it was enough that I couldn’t stomach it. I have a friend who was in management for almost 10 years. He couldn’t stomach it but stuck with it, which led to high blood pressure, ulcers, insomnia and a drinking problem.

 

[Anglewannabe]

Felix is on a plane to Puerto Rico.

The point is, workplaces want everyone to be cordial with each other, but people really don’t give two cents about their co-workers anymore.
That’s sad.
Even for the people who can’t accept well wishes in the spirit they are given.

If Felix is on a plane to Puerto Rico, the possibility exist that he just wanted to get away from it all and didn’t care for the good bye. But we will never know

And yes, people should be cordial to each other and IMO being able to get along in the day to day aspects is more important than the party.

As for accepting well wishes in the spirit they are given. Who knows what the spirit is. In an office setting it could very well be going through the motions to look good on the outside. Not everyone is the same and true respect for a co-worker is accepting their differences. If someone doesn’t want the milestone recognizes, why not respect their wishes?

Angie

 

[Irishmom2]

If someone doesn’t want the milestone recognizes, why not respect their wishes?

Angie

We had this happen at our local Catholic high school. A teacher retired quietly after 40 years at the school. No one knew until the school year ended. He was a beloved teacher and very humble as well. He did not want a big send off. You have to respect that if that is what someone wants.

 

[ConfusedLucy]

From your co-workers point of view how often are they being asked for money? If its more than once or twice a month it’s probably too much, I often don’t have cash on me at work. I have worked in places where it had to be restricted to significant birthdays or leavers that have been there at least 1 year. Why not cut back to cards, buy a multipack of different cards and just get people to write in them.

 

[EnglishTeacher]

From your co-workers point of view how often are they being asked for money? If its more than once or twice a month it’s probably too much, I often don’t have cash on me at work. I have worked in places where it had to be restricted to significant birthdays or leavers that have been there at least 1 year. Why not cut back to cards, buy a multipack of different cards and just get people to write in them.

Not very often. It comes out to maybe a couple of times per year? But yes, I am going to talk to my coworkers and re-think how we do group expressions of sympathy.