Ok ,i just got back from the oddest confession EVER!

  • Thread starter Thread starter RomanRyan1088
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
R

RomanRyan1088

Guest
Ok, so i set an apointment with my regular confessor. He is an elderly man, in his late 70’s, and had always led me in the right direction (Well, until today). You see, i confessed (Now note, I have to tell you guys what i did for the good of the thread) that I had masturbated before. And you know what he said, “I have talked to you about this before. Now in order for there to be mortal sin, one must have full consent Right?. Well, from what I have heard from you before, it seems that you are a slave to this addiction, therefore not making it a mortal sin.” What I thought, I have been confessing this for so long, and it’s not a mortal sin. He gave me absolution and all, but I don’t feel like it was valid. Now what I am asking from you is, is he right, is it only a venial sin, and is this confession valid, being he doesn’t see it a a mortal sin. Thanks and God bless.
 
40.png
RomanRyan1088:
Ok, so i set an apointment with my regular confessor. He is an elderly man, in his late 70’s, and had always led me in the right direction (Well, until today). You see, i confessed (Now note, I have to tell you guys what i did for the good of the thread) that I had masturbated before. And you know what he said, “I have talked to you about this before. Now in order for there to be mortal sin, one must have full consent Right?. Well, from what I have heard from you before, it seems that you are a slave to this addiction, therefore not making it a mortal sin.” What I thought, I have been confessing this for so long, and it’s not a mortal sin. He gave me absolution and all, but I don’t feel like it was valid. Now what I am asking from you is, is he right, is it only a venial sin, and is this confession valid, being he doesn’t see it a a mortal sin. Thanks and God bless.
Click to expand...
None of us know (or should) the extent to which this has been an ongoing problem. Rather than dismissing what he said, possibly consider that in YOUR case he might be right. Let me make an analogy.

If you had been confessing often getting drunk, for a while he might consider it a sin and absolve you. However, after a period of getting to know you and the situation/gravity, he might reach the conclusino that the problem might be alcoholism. Now, the solution and remedy is different as well as the spiritual consequences.

If this analogy might be correct, your obligation to correct this disorder in your life might be to concentrate on counseling to help you develop a more healthy sexual perspective and "dumping down the drain (i.e. removing yourself from) the source of temptation.

Don’t confuse his assertion that it might be a sickness as a license to resume this activity. When sick, we are still obligated to take our medicine.
 
40.png
Orionthehunter:
None of us know (or should) the extent to which this has been an ongoing problem. Rather than dismissing what he said, possibly consider that in YOUR case he might be right. Let me make an analogy.

If you had been confessing often getting drunk, for a while he might consider it a sin and absolve you. However, after a period of getting to know you and the situation/gravity, he might reach the conclusino that the problem might be alcoholism. Now, the solution and remedy is different as well as the spiritual consequences.

If this analogy might be correct, your obligation to correct this disorder in your life might be to concentrate on counseling to help you develop a more healthy sexual perspective and "dumping down the drain (i.e. removing yourself from) the source of temptation.

Don’t confuse his assertion that it might be a sickness as a license to resume this activity. When sick, we are still obligated to take our medicine.
Click to expand...
Now, he did say he is not saying to do it, he said it is no longer a mortal sin. Lets say I were to fall into it again, would it then be a mortal sin, and have to be confessed again?
 
40.png
RomanRyan1088:
Now, he did say he is not saying to do it, he said it is no longer a mortal sin. Lets say I were to fall into it again, would it then be a mortal sin, and have to be confessed again?
Click to expand...
If you didn’t take his suggestion seriously that you might have an addiction and obligated morally to find a remedy to your sickness. If it is an addiction, your sin would be related to not attempting to find a cure. If it is not an addiction but a choice you make to sin, it is a mortal sin.

While neither a sex counselor or a spiritual director, I’m probably wading in territory I shouldn’t but what the hay. 😃 Based on your intellectual awareness by posting here and apparent spiritual development, failure to pursue a remedy to remove what you know to be a grave matter from your life would probably be in and of itself a grave matter and by definition, with your knowledge and consent, probably a mortal sin. If I’m right, the sin itself changed but the gravity and consequences are the same.
 
What I would recommend is going to another confessor.

If I feel a bit uncomfortable about the confession, I would definitely go and get another confessor and confess it again asking his advice. It seems to me that it is an ongoing problem, and you must fight against it - and stop it - as it does offend our Lord.

Pray for purity. Here is a quote from St John Vianney the Cure of Ars.

“To preserve purity, three things are necessary, the practice of the presence of God , prayer and the sacraments; and again, the reading of holy books - this nourishes the soul”.

All the best
 
I agree thus far with Orion. Force of habit can reduce the gravity of a particular sin for an individual. While the matter may not be grave due to force of habit or not having full consent, we are still called to take up the cross and do our best to quit repeating the sin and seek honest forgiveness with a contrite heart each time we fall. Remember, a saint is not made a saint by how many times they fell, but rather, by how many times they got up after they fell. God Bless!
 
One point that seems to have been missed is that whether he is right or wrong on the issue of whether it was/is/will be mortal sin, he gave you absolution. There is nothing at all to indicate that the absolution was invalid IMO.
 
The absoultion is fine.
The priest is correct to say that if you don’t give full consent, then it is not a mortal sin.
Basically, if it is an addiction where, despite your best efforts to avoid doing this sin, you still do it, then you are not giving full consent. But you do have to always be making your best effort not to commit the sin, as opposed to just making excuses or giving in easily, otherwise you are consenting to it.
You have to know for yourself whether you are consenting or whether you’re a slave to the addiction. Your confessor seems to think it’s the second case - ask him how sure he is that that is the case. Sounds like it’s actually not a mortal sin, if he would actually say to you that he thinks you’re not consenting.
This means that you don’t “have” to go to confession every week in order to be able to recieve the Eucharist and stay in a state of grace.
 
The same happened to me when I was a teenager, the priests said it was not a big problem, that it is what kids of that age do, that I shouldnt be confessing this and instead I should be talking about how I treat my parents.

I remember feeling that he was not harsh enough with me.
 
There’s a big difference between saying it’s not a mortal sin, and saying it’s not a big problem. Masturbation is always an objectively grave matter regardless of what age you are and no-one should ever say that it is ‘okay’. I reckon that Asking’s confessor is guilty of the sin of scandal.
 
Actually, he didnt really say that, he just made a movement with his hand which means something like, " ok, I understand but dont bother me with that, lets pass to something else" like it wasnt really serious.

By the way I know that because in Argentina we dont confess thru a screen like in american movies, only face to face.

He didnt say it wasnt serious, just implied it
 
first of all, isn’t the priest supposes to forget everything you say in confession. So if he said I have talked to you about this before, would that not in a way be breaking the seal of confession even if it was to the one who confessed it in a subsequent confession?

That being said, I think a lot of us have a problem with masterbation. I am more scared that if I stop masterbating then lets say five years from now, if I manage to go that long without masterbating, I then go on to meet someone and get married, I worry that it will stop working or something since I hadn’t masterbated in so long. I don’t care how unrationally stupid that sounds but it is a strong anxiety of mine.
 
Priest doesn’t have to forget what you tell him, he is only bound never to reveal it to anyone else. It’s not breaking the seal of confession to talk with you in the confessional about things you have said before.

By the way, if you do manage to give up masturbating, after a short time you’re bound to have a night emission and hopefully you won’t feel so anxious then, as you’ll realise that it does still work.
 
40.png
wjp984:
first of all, isn’t the priest supposes to forget everything you say in confession. So if he said I have talked to you about this before, would that not in a way be breaking the seal of confession even if it was to the one who confessed it in a subsequent confession?

That being said, I think a lot of us have a problem with masterbation. I am more scared that if I stop masterbating then lets say five years from now, if I manage to go that long without masterbating, I then go on to meet someone and get married, I worry that it will stop working or something since I hadn’t masterbated in so long. I don’t care how unrationally stupid that sounds but it is a strong anxiety of mine.
Click to expand...
Forget as a human but as Persona Christi in the confessional, he can be given the grace to remember the situation from before. I even believe (have a personal example where a Priest who I’d never confessed said “I think this sounds like a recurring problem”) that Jesus can give a successive confessor the “knowledge” of past sins.

But to your point, this is not a violation of the seal. In fact, this is the reason we are encouraged to have one confessor and even go face-to-face. It has taken me many years to understand this but our desire that the Priest forget is related to our shame. The Devil loves to use shame. First, he uses it as a means to get us to stay away from the confessional. Then he uses it as a means to prevent us from having a good confession. And then when we have confessed it, he uses it to have us not fully feel absolved and thus denying us the full effect of the actual graces granted in the Sacrament. Over time, I’ve come to fully grasp and understand that it is God whose absolution I need. As this understanding has been clear, my concern that the Priest “forget” becomes negligible.

To the issue of the thread, I think the most important issue is that while it may be an addiction (or growing addiction), the OP must do everything in his power to stop including dedication of his God given will, prayer, removing all sin from his life, and potentially counseling. And whenever it occurs, as it is a grave matter, it needs to be confessed, even though it may not be a mortal sin because of “consent”. The sinner is incapable to fully determine to the extent it is an addiction.

Regarding Asking’s confessor, I don’t believe he did scandal. No offense Asking, but I’m not sure your memory is exactly accurate. He may have been trying to get you to move on because you wanted to give more detail than necessary (my Pastor is very much “just the facts” man) or based on experience as a confessor known that as a young man it is a biological passing phase that many young men go thru and the “impulse” component lessens the gravity.

Secondly, I really like that he wanted to focus on your relationship with your parents. I have a counselor friend (recently went thru RCIA w/ his wife and daughter). We were talking about my daughter and the challenges of the teen years and of course I was concerned. He assured me to just wait out these years. He said that the best indicator of mental health and predictor of future “adjustedness” in a teen was relationship with parents and siblings (not peers). Intuitively and by grace, it is obvious that the Priest was aware of this issue and he either wanted to make sure your parent relationship was being nurtured by grace and that these offenses against your parents were of a gravity he wanted to insure were being dealt with.
 
40.png
wjp984:
I am more scared that if I stop masterbating then lets say five years from now, if I manage to go that long without masterbating, I then go on to meet someone and get married, I worry that it will stop working or something since I hadn’t masterbated in so long. I don’t care how unrationally stupid that sounds but it is a strong anxiety of mine.
Click to expand...
Even from a purely physical and medical standpoint, what you should be anxious about is that regularly doing this for a long time may make it difficult or even impossible to enjoy normal sexual activity with your future wife.

And I think probably the reason why Asking’s confessor asked about his relationship with his parents, is that masturbation is very often a sign that one’s relationships with others, especially those who should be closest to us, are weak, cold or damaged. And in turn it does further damage to those relationships, making us more distant from those we should love.
 
I kind of disagree that repeated addiction or habit of a serious sin is no longer a serious sin. It may not be a mortal sin because you are not in control, but I think it is still a serious sin.

The habitual serial killer is still committing a serious sin, even if he can no longer stop himeself from his “bad habit”… not that serial killing is in any way related or on par to mastubation.
 
40.png
Petergee:
And I think probably the reason why Asking’s confessor asked about his relationship with his parents, is that masturbation is very often a sign that one’s relationships with others, especially those who should be closest to us, are weak, cold or damaged. And in turn it does further damage to those relationships, making us more distant from those we should love.
Click to expand...
Most likely, it just indicates that he’s a teenage male.
 
40.png
wjp984:
That being said, I think a lot of us have a problem with masterbation. I am more scared that if I stop masterbating then lets say five years from now, if I manage to go that long without masterbating, I then go on to meet someone and get married, I worry that it will stop working or something since I hadn’t masterbated in so long. I don’t care how unrationally stupid that sounds but it is a strong anxiety of mine.
Click to expand...
Suppose you continue to masterbate and the Lord decides to call you from this life when you have an unrepentant & unconfessed mortal sin upon your soul?
 
40.png
Flopfoot:
Oi! Not all teenage males masturbate.
Click to expand...
Basically all males have masturbated by the time they hit 18. Most will do so on a regular basis.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top