Ok, let's sell the xbox

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plafpfaff86

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last xmas (much to my husband’s delight) i gifted him with an xbox 360 . within the last two months he’s really taken a strong intrest in his gaming (halo anyone?) to the point that he gets too worked up and usually spends too much time in front of the tv (such as until 5 in the morning too late). we both work hard, and at the end of a long day at work i want to spend time with my husband. not him AND the xbox.
does anyone have any ideas to divert his attention from the xbox back to our marriage…or should i just sell the xbox?
 
Games can be very addictive. I know and have the same problem. Selling the Xbox is not the solution and will probably only cause resentment. You and him need to have a talk about limits. I know I can spend all night playing games very easily, but I have to limit myself. Sometimes my wife has to remind me that the game is a game and I need to pay attention to the real world.
 
does anyone have any ideas to divert his attention from the xbox back to our marriage…
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Yeah, but I can’t post it in public on a Catholic forum.
 
Games like that are addictive for several reasons:

1 - Escapism. Is there anything in his life he’s not dealing with by escaping somewhere else? Job, family, marriage, money?

2 - Boredom. Before the games, what did he do? Perhaps he just needs to be shown that fun can be had doing other things.

3 - Addictive personality. The games are designed to be addictive. They give out rewards (levels, abilities, items, etc) in small increments that are tied to ever increasing levels of work. At low levels they come quickly and with little time, toward the end, it takes exponentially more time and effort to achieve something new. People with addictive personalities are drawn to this. Perhaps it is something he needs to explore about himself.
 
plafpfaff86 said:
last xmas (much to my husband’s delight) i gifted him with an xbox 360 . within the last two months he’s really taken a strong intrest in his gaming (halo anyone?) to the point that he gets too worked up and usually spends too much time in front of the tv (such as until 5 in the morning too late). we both work hard, and at the end of a long day at work i want to spend time with my husband. not him AND the xbox.
does anyone have any ideas to divert his attention from the xbox back to our marriage…or should i just sell the xbox?
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**I feel your pain!!! If you figure out how to fix it, let me know.😉

I have threatened to throw the thing out the window but that didn’t go over well, lol:p**
 
In a previous thread, you said you were newly weds. Congrats.
I understand you want to spend more time with him, but selling his stuff is not a good way to go about settling this. First of all, it’s just not respectful of his belongings and secondly, married folks just don’t throw out each others stuff when they are upset.

Have a frank conversation with him. Don’t take his stuff away like he is a child - but work with him.
Perhaps you can designate maybe 2 hours a day for him to play. It’s reasonable. Like 8-10PM or such like that so that you have the same bed time.
Think of this like his hobby - it is no different in my opinion. Everyone should be able to enjoy time for a hobby as long as it is not harmful to the relationship. You also need to let him have reasonable time for his hobby but he needs to realize the boundaries as well. It does not follow with hours of TV after that. That’s where the frank discussion comes in.
 
plafpfaff86 said:
last xmas (much to my husband’s delight) i gifted him with an xbox 360 . within the last two months he’s really taken a strong intrest in his gaming (halo anyone?) to the point that he gets too worked up and usually spends too much time in front of the tv (such as until 5 in the morning too late). we both work hard, and at the end of a long day at work i want to spend time with my husband. not him AND the xbox.
does anyone have any ideas to divert his attention from the xbox back to our marriage…or should i just sell the xbox?
Click to expand...
**
I wouldn’t sell the xbox. My son has a ps3, and it is highly addictive and it has been a ‘threat’ for not getting homework done…that we’d remove it from his room. He has gotten way better, but it’s taken patience and a little nagging on our parts. But, it’s in his best interest. That’s the way to approach it with your husband, I think. Explain that it’s in your marriage’s best interest to spend quality time together, and maybe ask him to put a timeframe together, for when he will spend time on xbox. I also think the internet is addicting, and there are times when I feel badly that I have spent too much time online. But, addictions are not impossible to break, they just take practice, and encouragement.

So, maybe ask him to stick to a timeframe, and you could read during that time or do something you like…and then have your time together. The marriage comes first over xbox, maybe I’m saying that wrong. lol

Good luck with that! That’s a nice gift you bought for him. 🙂 **
 
I didn’t catch on that you are newlyweds. I also think that you each need to learn about each other’s language of love. There is a book called The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman. I can be perfectly content with my wife spending time doing her hobby and just being with her. However, my wife needs more interaction than that. Your DH may not realize that you need something more. There will have to be some compromise on each others part. Good Luck.
 
I swear I must be the only woman married to a man who has one of these things…and doesn’t use it but 2 times a month for games. We usually use it to watch DVDs.🤷

However, we only have sports games. Golf, football, baseball, etc.

I second The Five Love Languages book. We read that during our engagement, and it was great. You’ll see what he needs you to do to show you love him.

Have you tried scheduling things? I find that Nathan will watch ESPN SportsCenter 100 times a day if there is nothing scheduled. So, I’ll say something like “Do you mind helping me clean up a bit in about 30 minutes?” If I tell him a specific task then we don’t have a problem.

If I say something like “We need to clean today.” I’ll get nowhere, and he’ll wait until 11:00 at night.
 
I was in a monthly staff meeting, with topics topics such as budget, promotions, hospital communication, and vehicle maintenace on the agenda, we spent the first hour of the meeting on Xbox and the game Halo.

I was one of 3 company officers girlled by staff personnel if it was true Halo was being played when it wasn’t suppose to. Each fire station in the city had several Xboxes and TVs, (personel property) and the IT guys had connected them the over the City’s network, so Station 3 could take on Station 5.

The rule is no tv on before 5 pm, but weekends were ok, if all training and chores were taken care off. Bascially it was up to officer discretion as to when the tv could come on Saturday and Sunday.

I confirmed we were having a problem, and line officers were trying to reign it in, but it vaired from shift to shift. On weekends routine work and training were finished by lunch, and Halo came on. I knew it was big because they played Halo instead of watching football…

I was able to get it under control on my shift, but other shifts different matter, because the officer was also a Halo addict. Any lack of vigilance and it came back. We didn’t care that they played it, only asked it be done according to the rules. Any lack of oversight and the rules would get fuzzy.

I retired 3 years ago, and my nephew followed in my footsteps. I went by his station to visit him, but he didn’t have time to tawk much, he was playin Halo. So not burned out yet. About the time ya get tired of the game they come out with a new version.
 
Games and TV and Internet can eat up so much time. It is also very easy to lose track of time while engaged by them.

My husband and I’s solution to this was really simple. We bought an egg timer and put it next to the computer. We set it for a designated time, and then when it goes off, that’s the end of the time we have to mess around. I know it’s a little simplistic, but if you are agreeing to time limits that might be a good method of tracking them.

It also works great for keeping track of when the Laundry needs to be changed as well. 😉
 
plafpfaff86 said:
last xmas (much to my husband’s delight) i gifted him with an xbox 360 . within the last two months he’s really taken a strong intrest in his gaming (halo anyone?) to the point that he gets too worked up and usually spends too much time in front of the tv (such as until 5 in the morning too late). we both work hard, and at the end of a long day at work i want to spend time with my husband. not him AND the xbox.
does anyone have any ideas to divert his attention from the xbox back to our marriage…or should i just sell the xbox?
Click to expand...
Being a gamer myself, after my bf and I spend “family time” with the children etc after school and work, and the children are asleep, we dedicate a couple of hours to our video gaming experience…I don’t like many of the games he plays but I have compromised with him about them…Enough that we can play together and enjoy our times, as soon as the hour or 2 hours are up he knows it’s time to say good night to his buddies and time for some quiet time and talking time before he has to leave…of course if he chooses after we say good night to play in his own home then that’s his choice but noting since we are getting married within the next year that the same condition will apply when we get to move in together. He has promised me that family and adult time will always be first before video games, even though he’s a huge video game addict…it’s ok I met him through vide gaming so I don’t have a problem about it…
For those that do not really like video games make a deal with your husband, tell him you need to have a heart to heart, and that it’s important for your sanity and his as well as the peace in your marriage. Speak with him with an open heart and let him know how you feel. Start with “I am feeling …” and then always mention “I feel…” and ask him if he’s willing to make a compromise…Usually hubby’s will say yes, my brother was also a gamer big time, and will play once in a while, but the rules were set after a while of him always playing, his wife did have a heart to heart and he did agree, while she read or watched an hour or 2 of tv he played and right after it was adult time…so ask your hubby if he’s willing to do that…with any luck and God’s will he will agree to it and he will still have his gaming time and you will have your adult time and there will be harmony and peace still in your marriage!! 😃
 
Set up a plan.

Monday - first day of the work week, make that a special dinner night so you can both talk/vent about your day. No TV, no games, no computer - candles and music.

Tuesday -

Board game night - play scrabble together

Wed -

Adoration and find a Catholic Bible study or group (sit in on RCIA even).

Thursday -

ME night - he plays games, you go play buncko with your friends or go to a movie with your sister.

Friday - date night, movie and dinner.

Saturday afternoon - anything goes. Maybe monthly have people over for pot luck or a cook out.

Sunday - Mass, family time, outing…
 
kage_ar said:
Set up a plan.

Monday - first day of the work week, make that a special dinner night so you can both talk/vent about your day. No TV, no games, no computer - candles and music.

Tuesday -

Board game night - play scrabble together

Wed -

Adoration and find a Catholic Bible study or group (sit in on RCIA even).

Thursday -

ME night - he plays games, you go play buncko with your friends or go to a movie with your sister.

Friday - date night, movie and dinner.

Saturday afternoon - anything goes. Maybe monthly have people over for pot luck or a cook out.

Sunday - Mass, family time, outing…
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Yes very good advice!! 👍
 
BamaRider said:
Yeah, but I can’t post it in public on a Catholic forum.
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I’m not married, but I have an Xbox 360 and I have to be careful to check the clock every once and a while or I’ll never go to bed. Video games are addictive, but are good in moderation (like anything).

What makes me go to bed is the thought of falling asleep during a physics or differential equations lecture. 😃
 
**To those who have suggested setting a time limit and going as far as setting a timer…does this actually work?

I have done both with hubby but get the “I have to get to a save point”** that ends up being at least 20 mins later. **Or if he says that he only wants to play for an hour I’ll let him know when it’s getting close so he can wrap things up but it just goes on and on…🤷

I really don’t want to act like his MOM. So I won’t go and just shut it off when the timer sounds…as much as I’d like to;)
**
 
Feanaro_s_Wife said:
**To those who have suggested setting a time limit and going as far as setting a timer…does this actually work?

I have done both with hubby but get the “I have to get to a save point”** that ends up being at least 20 mins later. **Or if he says that he only wants to play for an hour I’ll let him know when it’s getting close so he can wrap things up but it just goes on and on…🤷

I really don’t want to act like his MOM. So I won’t go and just shut it off when the timer sounds…as much as I’d like to;)
**
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What works for me when I get caught up in a game during the weekend is my daughters will come up and ask to play or do something. I can’t resist them. And my dw swears she doesn’t put them up to it :rolleyes:
 
Nechasin said:
What works for me when I get caught up in a game during the weekend is my daughters will come up and ask to play or do something. I can’t resist them. And my dw swears she doesn’t put them up to it :rolleyes:
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**LOL…

so are you telling me that you’ll shut it off then and there without saving all of your hard work?**
 
Nechasin said:
What works for me when I get caught up in a game during the weekend is my daughters will come up and ask to play or do something. I can’t resist them. And my dw swears she doesn’t put them up to it :rolleyes:
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Aw that’s cute…Whenever my dear sweet bf decides he’s staying on longer than the set time limit for each other, like for example on a weekend that we are spending time together as a family and all, and it’s early in the day when he decides to sneak on the game, and it’s time to turn it off, I will send the munchkins to ask him for it, doesn’t work!! He’ll be like, “ok kids gimme a couple more mins k!!” And they will sit there rolling their eyes at me and at him waiting…🤷 :rolleyes:
 
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