Okay, who's right: me or hubby?

[StacyS]

My DH would laugh so hard at this post!

Since my oldest was in Kindergarten (she’s now 9), we have added,“No gifts, please” to every birthday invite. Our youngest daughter has never had a birthday party (with friends) with presents.

A few years ago, a mom called and was determined to buy DD a gift. I argued and argued with her, and finally reached a compromise that if she HAD to buy a gift, her daughter shouldn’t bring it to the party. Her DD would bring it to my DD at a later date.

Later that afternoon, the best friend of the first mom called and was having the exact same argument with her husband. She wanted to buy a gift, and he was telling her no. I, of course, agreed with her DH, and then she said,“I heard that you told Mary she could buy a gift as long as it wasn’t brought to the party.” That’s what I get for compromising.

I know it is hard to show up empty handed, but take it from a mom who sends two “No gifts, please” invitations a year…we mean it. I feel incredibly rude hiding the gifts upstairs for my kids to open later, since I was told you always open the gift in front of the giver. BUT, I refuse to embarass the kids whose parents went with our wishes by making a production out of presents.

Both DDs get a huge kick out of the homemade cards they get, but that even backfires. A good friend of mine actually had her kids make cards, then stuck a $20 check in it!!! Sigh.

 

[Em_in_FL]

I find it so interesting that this can be interpretted in two totally unique ways… no matter how it’s “worded”…

1. Please don’t bring gifts. We don’t want to raise our children materialisticly. We don’t need any more “junk” in the house.
2. Just being polite. We’d just like you to come! Don’t stress about a gift.

What’s even more interesting is that IF the parents had MEANT #1 they would probably be insulted if the guests UNDERSTOOD #2.
Point being… don’t EXPECT #1 to happen and get insulted if they bring gifts!
Some people are just trying to be polite!

 

[Uncle_David]

We always bring a gift. When we get an invite that says gifts aren’t necessary - I have asked my wife to sit in the van and watch a few other party goers arrive. If gifts are arriving with others, ours goes in - if not ours goes to Good Will or the church.

 

[LynnieLew]

The funny thing is that most people brought gifts to this party, at least that is what my hubby said.

I feel like at least we gave something special that she made herself.

My husband still thinks I’m nutso for worrying about it! :whacky:

 

[anamchara]

I am trying to be an ‘obedient’ wife so we didn’t send a gift.

My daughter and I used large scrapbooking paper to make a “book” card for him. And she drew all the things she liked about their friendship. I put ric-rack and curly ribbon on it, so at least it looks fancy.

I still think we should have sent a little something. But, honestly, I don’t want to iritate my hubby. I do that enough as it is!

That sounds perfect Lynnie! I love that idea! I think often in these cases the women knows a bit more only because you are the one running in the social circles, perhaps you already know this parent really well and might understand what they really meant by “no presents”. If you don’t know the parent then what you are making I think is wonderful and I’d stick with that!

By being obedient, I hope you don’t mean doing things that your husbands wants even though you totally disagree.

 

[kage_ar]

My good friend has started the “in leiu of gifts, please bring a donation for the Parish food pantry” for the kids birthday parties.

 

[anamchara]

We always bring a gift. When we get an invite that says gifts aren’t necessary - I have asked my wife to sit in the van and watch a few other party goers arrive. If gifts are arriving with others, ours goes in - if not ours goes to Good Will or the church.

You little spy you not bad thinking there David.

 

[b_justb]

It means: call the mother of the Birthday boy and get clarification.

 

[anamchara]

I’m sorry if I’m going against the grain here but I believe gifts are a symbol of a friendship and teaching kids to give is so important. It teaches them out to pick a gift out that best fits their friend and also helps them pay attention to their friends interests, likes and dislikes. Caring about others needs is important lesson. For those who are putting “no gifts please” have good intentions but you are keeping the children from learning to show love and respect to their friends. IMHO.

Also, the parents that are giving the party, even when it’s simple are spending money and because of this normally will not be able to afford any gifts for their child celebrating the the B-day. So it’s nice when they can get a few gifts.

 

[LynnieLew]

If it is a big thing then I will protest, often with great results.
We have a definate partnership, but I know he is the leader of the house, so I really trrrryyyyyy to respect that!

By being obedient, I hope you don’t mean doing things that your husbands wants even though you totally disagree.

 

[Sandi]

I haven’t read this whole thread so maybe someone else has suggested this…why not call the parents and get a clarification?

 

[anamchara]

If it is a big thing then I will protest, often with great results.
We have a definate partnership, but I know he is the leader of the house, so I really trrrryyyyyy to respect that!

Lynnie, didn’t you know…we let them think they are the leader of the house come on who really runs things just teasing…my husband and I share leadership, we are a team. I defer to him on issues I am clueless about and I trust his judgment and he does the same with me. I never demanded we share leadership either, it’s just how things work with us. We are very equal. I put my foot down and so does he. Sometimes we don’t see eye to eye but we always end up working it out.

Just went off topic, sorry

 

[LynnieLew]

It sounds like we are on the same page.
It just works better this way doesn’t it?

I figure instead of 50/50 we do 100% and 100%.
We both come to the table with things to offer, depending on the situation. If we both give it our all, then we never have to worry about how it will end up!

Lynnie, didn’t you know…we let them think they are the leader of the house come on who really runs things just teasing…my husband and I share leadership, we are a team. I defer to him on issues I am clueless about and I trust his judgment and he does the same with me. I never demanded we share leadership either, it’s just how things work with us. We are very equal. I put my foot down and so does he. Sometimes we don’t see eye to eye but we always end up working it out.

Just went off topic, sorry

 

[aboverubies]

I figure instead of 50/50 we do 100% and 100%.
We both come to the table with things to offer, depending on the situation. If we both give it our all, then we never have to worry about how it will end up!

This reminds me of the sermon our priest gave a couple of weeks ago on marriage. He said that when a couple is joined in the sacrament of marriage they are no longer each carrying their own cross. They now carry the one cross together. And he said that each spouse needs to give 100% effort in this. How wise you are LynnieLew!

anamchara, I had never thought about the benefits for children in choosing a gift for their friends. I think I have changed my mind about putting “no gifts” on our invites! I especially liked the part about the children needing to focus on their friends likes and interests in order to choose an appropriate symbol of their friendship - lovely!

 

[whatevergirl]

My daughter got a birthday invite that said:

No presents needed, your presence is gift enough.

He says that means we don’t give anything.

I say that we should at least take a card or a small token for this little boy’s birthday. It says not gift needed but not “don’t get one”.

If it was me throwing the party I would put something like that as not to excluse any children who may not be able to afford to get anything. Hubby says not so.

It has turned into a funny little argument today.

Okay Catholic friends, I trust your advice…if it means I am right. LOL

i say bring a card with maybe $10? it will not be showy, in case anyone else didn’t buy something. i kinda wish people wouldn’t put that in an invitation…because everyone ignores it, and brings a gift.

 

[anamchara]

anamchara, I had never thought about the benefits for children in choosing a gift for their friends. I think I have changed my mind about putting “no gifts” on our invites! I especially liked the part about the children needing to focus on their friends likes and interests in order to choose an appropriate symbol of their friendship - lovely!

Why thank you aboverubies I am very flattered that you found my words helpful.

 

[M-Dent]

(Spell checked version.)

No presents needed, your presence is gift enough.

I asked my wife and we both happen to agree on this.

We would not bring a gift since we’d respect the wishes of the host. We would we see this note as a hint that possibly some who are invited may NOT be able to afford a gift, or may be the hosts bought a very large gift already.

If we were close enough we’d get a gift and gift and give it at a different time.

Just our two cents.

 

[Jay2]

It’s spelled out - no gifts.

If you’re compelled to give a gift, then include with your card (an obligatory notion) a slip stating that "xx$$ has been donated in your name to…(choose charity).

It’s a compromise - nobody’s “right”.

 

[Black_Jaque]

No presents needed, your presence is gift enough.

That’s code for “We will be horribly offended if you bring anything. If you ever want another invitation again, don’t go cluttering our house with useless junk.”

If it’s no trouble at all, you can bring a card but leave it on the carseat. Then if it seems appropriate you can bring it in later.

If you’re grumbling to your husband about having to run into town just to get a card - don’t get a card.

 

[LynnieLew]

I don’t tend to grumble.

That’s code for “We will be horribly offended if you bring anything. If you ever want another invitation again, don’t go cluttering our house with useless junk.”

If it’s no trouble at all, you can bring a card but leave it on the carseat. Then if it seems appropriate you can bring it in later.

If you’re grumbling to your husband about having to run into town just to get a card - don’t get a card.