Old relationship

[jivany]

Ok, I have a question for everyone, especially married people…

I dated someone for almost 3 years and it ended when I was 23. To this day, I haven’t found someone who I loved as much as her. Well, she’s married now and has a child. I think she got married becuase she got pregnant and was forced to marry. Anyways, shes 25 and has been married for a couple of years…

Well, recently, she has been contacting me through facebook, text messages, and will even call me from her work. She likes to talk, see what’s going on, who I’m dating and whatnot. Now, I’m not in love with the girl, but their will always be those types of feelings for her. She even has admitted to them herself. She still thinks of me and thinks of the past. Even last week, she said she felt like getting out of town and called to tell me about it, meaning I think she wanted me to meet her. Now I would NEVER do anything because she is a married person now, and I believe in karma. If I ever did, it would come back to me.

My question is is why is she contacting me? People say she’s unhappy, but she claims that she is happy in her life. I’m just very curious. Also, is it wrong that I still talk to her? I mean, she is the one who initiates all the talks, so is it wrong for me to still answer calls, texts, or messages? Please let me know, especially you married folks…

God Bless.

 

[blossom02]

Stop talking to her as ASAP. She is not going to be happy if she continues what she is doing. She has interrest in you again and it is not going to be good if you see her or continue to talk to her.

Do what ever you can to cut of all of the conversations and what ever you do don’t get together with her. Find a way to be unavailable for awhile or somthing.

Don’t be tempted by this.

 

[jivany]

My question is, do you all think that she is unhappy? It’s just curiosity…Everyone tells me she is, but I don’t believe it. I do pray for her, and her family, hoping that she is well, sincerely. I’m not tempted to do anything with a married woman at all, but I just wonder…It’s hard not to when it is the only person you have ever loved…

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

My question is, do you all think that she is unhappy? It’s just curiosity…Everyone tells me she is, but I don’t believe it. I do pray for her, and her family, hoping that she is well, sincerely. I’m not tempted to do anything with a married woman at all, but I just wonder…It’s hard not to when it is the only person you have ever loved…

**We can’t know if she is happy or not. But it really doesn’t matter. What she is doing, by contacting you and possibly suggesting that you meet cannot be good for her marriage (unless her husband is invited along). Even if she is happy now, reliving the past may cause the old feelings to become more dominant and it could lead to her unhappiness and the potential destruction of her family.

This is nothing to mess with. If you care about her at all, if you don’t want to see her kid(s) experience a broken home, cut it off NOW. Get on with your life and she will do the same. Let her know it was nice to catch up but that you do not believe it is appropriate to be having this type of relationship with an old girlfriend who is married now… wish her good luck and blessings in her life and don’t allow any further contact.

Don’t play with fire. You won’t be the only one who could get burned.**

 

[whatevergirl]

My question is, do you all think that she is unhappy? It’s just curiosity…Everyone tells me she is, but I don’t believe it. I do pray for her, and her family, hoping that she is well, sincerely. I’m not tempted to do anything with a married woman at all, but I just wonder…It’s hard not to when it is the only person you have ever loved…

She might be unhappy…or she might just be strolling down memory lane for whatever reason. Either way, I agree with blossom, that it’s best to cut the contact with her. She is married…and whether or not she’s happy, isn’t for any of us to judge…when you think about it. lol So, I would probably just stop communicating…because if you tell her ‘I don’t want to talk to you because you’re a married woman…’ bla bla…she will retort…‘what, we’re just taaaalking…’ I know how it goes. So, just make sure you stop communicating…because playing with fire is apt to get your burned. Be careful.

God bless.

 

[whatevergirl]

**We can’t know if she is happy or not. But it really doesn’t matter. What she is doing, by contacting you and possibly suggesting that you meet cannot be good for her marriage (unless her husband is invited along). Even if she is happy now, reliving the past may cause the old feelings to become more dominant and it could lead to her unhappiness and the potential destruction of her family.

This is nothing to mess with. If you care about her at all, if you don’t want to see her kid(s) experience a broken home, cut it off NOW. Get on with your life and she will do the same. Let her know it was nice to catch up but that you do not believe it is appropriate to be having this type of relationship with an old girlfriend who is married now… wish her good luck and blessings in her life and don’t allow any further contact.

Don’t play with fire. You won’t be the only one who could get burned.**

I honestly did not see your last statement Malia…and we posted virtually the same thing.

Okay…that’s just too weird!

 

[catholickitten]

Well, just put yourself in her husband’s shoes… Would YOU like your wife talking to an ex like that, and suggesting meetings he doesn’t know about, etc.?

I’ll assume not, so please, think of the other people involved in this.

 

[SomeCatholicGuy]

My question is, do you all think that she is unhappy? It’s just curiosity…Everyone tells me she is, but I don’t believe it. I do pray for her, and her family, hoping that she is well, sincerely. I’m not tempted to do anything with a married woman at all, but I just wonder…It’s hard not to when it is the only person you have ever loved…

Apparently you still care about her, and the way to show her that you really care is to cut off all contact with her, as previous posters have said. It’s something that she needs to sort out on her own, and you’re both treading on dangerous territory.

 

[perez639]

I would unfriend her on facebook. I never befriend an ex. This is not a good situation.

I am a girl and know that have a girls have a tendency to go to past loves when things arent going ideally for them. That no longer is of your concern.

I have ex’s who try and friend me but the way I see it is once you break up move on!

Rip it off like a bandiad, especially when that ex marries.

Peace!

 

[jivany]

Thanks for all the advice people. I figured that’s what everyone would say. It is hard just to turn your back on someone like that. I never really considered the husbad, even though nothing has happened. Nothing WILL ever happen but I think if it continued, then karma would come around and bite me on the butt…

AHHHHHHHHH WOMEN!!!

 

[perez639]

It is hard, you will never forget that person. Every person that is a part of our lives in one way or another molds us into who will ultimately become.

When you hope and pray for someone better you must completely let go of those old relationships. I know how hard that is, believe me, but its something you need to push yourself to do for your own good and the good of your future wife you pray to meet.

I think old relationships mess with our minds and emotions. Pray for the strength to completely move on. You can do it! I did.

 

[jivany]

Well, just so everyone knows, I am not in love with this girl. She’s just an ex and yes, i still care about her. But I would never do anything to purposely break up a home. We don’t talk often but every now and again we will…Anyways, just wanted to clear that up.

Thanks for all the advice!

 

[Liberanosamalo]

You’ve been given an insight here you can learn from.

I’m with perez. I don’t think she’s all that happy. When a woman is happy in her marriage she is not online contacting old boyfriends and hinting at meetings and telling them she wants to get out of town for a while.

She sounds like the responsibilities of marriage and early motherhood are overwhelming her emotionally.

So she’s mentally fleeing back to a time in her life where she was carefree with an old love… you.

You, on the other hand, still carry a little torch for her.

You have been given the little breeze you need to snuff out that torch. You have been given a glimpse of how she might be treating you right now if you HAD married her. You’d be the guy going to work and earning a living and she’d be the wife online with an old boyfriend behind your back.

She is the bullet you dodged. She’s flirting with disaster by flirting with you.

Be glad it didn’t work out. Move on. Pray for her happiness and move on. Tell her that out of charity to her husband you must sever contact because you wouldn’t want to be treated that way as a husband.

Then do it. You’ve been given a chance to emotionally free yourself from her memory once and for all so you can move on and not compare the next girl to her.

 

[catholickitten]

You’ve been given an insight here you can learn from.

I’m with perez. I don’t think she’s all that happy. When a woman is happy in her marriage she is not online contacting old boyfriends and hinting at meetings and telling them she wants to get out of town for a while.

She sounds like the responsibilities of marriage and early motherhood are overwhelming her emotionally.

So she’s mentally fleeing back to a time in her life where she was carefree with an old love… you.

You, on the other hand, still carry a little torch for her.

You have been given the little breeze you need to snuff out that torch. You have been given a glimpse of how she might be treating you right now if you HAD married her. You’d be the guy going to work and earning a living and she’d be the wife online with an old boyfriend behind your back.

She is the bullet you dodged. She’s flirting with disaster by flirting with you.

Be glad it didn’t work out. Move on. Pray for her happiness and move on. Tell her that out of charity to her husband you must sever contact because you wouldn’t want to be treated that way as a husband.

Then do it. You’ve been given a chance to emotionally free yourself from her memory once and for all so you can move on and not compare the next girl to her.

I agree with EVERYTHING you said

 

[jwashu]

Ok, I have a question for everyone, especially married people…

I dated someone for almost 3 years and it ended when I was 23. To this day, I haven’t found someone who I loved as much as her. Well, she’s married now and has a child. I think she got married becuase she got pregnant and was forced to marry. Anyways, shes 25 and has been married for a couple of years…

Well, recently, she has been contacting me through facebook, text messages, and will even call me from her work. She likes to talk, see what’s going on, who I’m dating and whatnot. Now, I’m not in love with the girl, but their will always be those types of feelings for her. She even has admitted to them herself. She still thinks of me and thinks of the past. Even last week, she said she felt like getting out of town and called to tell me about it, meaning I think she wanted me to meet her. Now I would NEVER do anything because she is a married person now, and I believe in karma. If I ever did, it would come back to me.

My question is is why is she contacting me? People say she’s unhappy, but she claims that she is happy in her life. I’m just very curious. Also, is it wrong that I still talk to her? I mean, she is the one who initiates all the talks, so is it wrong for me to still answer calls, texts, or messages? Please let me know, especially you married folks…

God Bless.

I would answer on FB but not on the phone or personal emails. If she is unhappy and something happens in her marriage you don’t want to be any part of that. I would keep the FB stuff low as well but you can’t really remove her, just be short and sweet.

Joe

 

[gambino]

I would answer on FB but not on the phone or personal emails. If she is unhappy and something happens in her marriage you don’t want to be any part of that. I would keep the FB stuff low as well but you can’t really remove her, just be short and sweet.

Joe

Joe,
I don’t agree with your advice at all… Flee from her. Remove the contact, don’t answer your phone after a final e-mail to tell her that you wish her well but you can’t be friends with her without having her husband closely involved in your friendship. FB is a powerful tool but it is also a powerful tool of evil if used improperly in the way she seems to want to by contacting you.

You have an amazing opportunity to be a hero here…to stand fup for the sacredness of marriage. And its not because of Karma. It’s because of evil. She is being tempted to explore a fantasy that harkens back to earlier times as an earlier poster wrote . God will bless you greatly for your patience, compassion and understanding toward their MARRIAGE, not just her.

 

[Just_wondering]

I agree with what everyone else said. Send her a final e-mail saying that you’re not really comfortable being friends with an old flame, especially as she’s married now. Un-friend her on facebook and don’t answer any calls from her, although I doubt she’d call after the e-mail, if she’s only in touch with you for old time’s sake.

I did that with an old boyfriend of mine that wanted to stay friends. We hadn’t talked in about two years, maybe, when he e-mailed me and wanted to get in touch again, just to find out how I’d been and what I was doing in life. I told him I was in Korea, and he asked me a few questions about it. (We were both single at that point - now that I’m getting engaged I wouldn’t answer if he e-mailed again.) After five or six e-mails over the course of two months, he mentioned that since I was enjoying living here so much, maybe he should get a job here too. At that point, I realized that it’s just not good to keep in touch with old boyfriends. Casual communication can be misinterpreted as interest. I broke off communication again, and I won’t answer e-mails from him anymore. He hasn’t tried to contact me in a few years, and that’s fine. I occasionally wonder what’s up with him, and I came across his facebook page, but didn’t friend him to see it. Old relationships are better left in the past.

 

[perez639]

Facebook and myspace have brought devastation to many relationships that I have personally witnessed. Keeping tabs on one another for what? For keepsake?

When someone is sure of their marriage, the last thing they should do is contact an ex via facebook, email, especially phone!!

This statement by the OP is concerning
“We don’t talk often but every now and again we will…”

If my fiance continued speaking with and ex just because its good to catch up… I would call off the wedding. For me, this would be too risky to even allow. It would be a red flag.

Ask yourself, would her husband appreciate you both continuing to stay in touch after a serious past relationship?

Peace!

 

[Charli67]

You need to end the relationship you have with her. Any level of relationsip with her is wrong. She has a husband and that is who she needs to be friends with. Your relationship with her is over. You said you would never “purposely” do anything, continuing to talk with her in any form is purposely doing something.

 

[jwashu]

Joe,
I don’t agree with your advice at all… Flee from her. Remove the contact, don’t answer your phone after a final e-mail to tell her that you wish her well but you can’t be friends with her without having her husband closely involved in your friendship. FB is a powerful tool but it is also a powerful tool of evil if used improperly in the way she seems to want to by contacting you.

You have an amazing opportunity to be a hero here…to stand fup for the sacredness of marriage. And its not because of Karma. It’s because of evil. She is being tempted to explore a fantasy that harkens back to earlier times as an earlier poster wrote . God will bless you greatly for your patience, compassion and understanding toward their MARRIAGE, not just her.

Possibly better advice… I don’t know I have tons of old girlfriends on my FB, some of whom my wife knows and others she does not. We talk about things but it’s never a jeopardy to my marriage nor to theirs. There was only one that started going that way and by making the responses trite and to the point she backed off and got the message.

I didn’t mean that the OP should keep eamiling her on FB but if she asked a question I believe it’s better to be nice than mean.

Who knows what is really going on? It could be that she is depressed, while she needs help and not an old flame, one more reject could be devastating, did you consider that?

OP - make it VERY clear that you believe things my be heading the wrong way and that you don’t want to meet in person nor really have personal contact. That is what you must do.

I would leave it up to you if you think you can respond to a friendly “hi” every now and again though.

Joe