Older women, younger men?

[CHCatholic]

Can relationships/marriages where the man is younger really work? I wonder because I’m very orthodox when it comes to the whole Catholic view on marriage type of deal, and the man being the head of the household type deal, but it seems like this scenario (the man being younger) throws a wrench into it. Maybe I’m just to stereotypical

 

[Trishie]

After 18 years of marriage to a man ten years younger I can say it worked for my sister. Still as deeply fond of each other, and very good for each other.

 

[PatrickJT914]

Age is just a number. It’s how you feel, look. and think that is really important. Women of today look really great. They eat right, exercise, take care of themselves, use some enhancements. Yes indeed there are a lot of hot looking older women, they put to shame the younger ones. :aok:

However, in my own case it may sound a little double standard. But being a man of 50. (I’ve been told that I don’t look my age.) I prefer younger women for a few reasons: They will help me to feel younger, better suited to have children, (I never got married or had children), they usually won’t have been previously married and/ or have children. Not that is anything wrong with divorced women, if their marriage was properly annulled and free to marry in the Church. But then there is the question of has she fully gotten over him. I don’t to be the one who gets heart-broken and left in the cold,if they get back together. On the issue of previous children, I love children, but I don’t want an instant family. I have enough instant families with my new found 3 sisters and their families.

Anyway age should not be a barrier to people who love one another. People should not judged, condemned, gossiped about, receive disapproving looks or shunned if they are in that type of relationship. Because in the end Jesus is probably not going to ask about age or even have age limits on our ability to love one another.

 

[Alexandra]

Until I met my husband I always dated men considerably older than me. But my husband is 4 years younger. The only time we think about it is if I mention some band from when I was around 12 or 14 and he says “Who?”. Other than that it’s never made a bit of difference. We married late I was 33 and he was 29. We’ve now been married 20 years.

 

[BlestOne]

Ummm… I am 10.5 yrs older than my dh…

 

[basilisk]

Anyway age should not be a barrier to people who love one another.

As long as both of them are adults… you have to be careful with rhetoric like this.

I tend to think an age difference within 5 years either way is reasonable. More than that and I start wondering why the older one wants to be with someone who is clearly not in the same stage of life as they are. Patrick gave an example of some good reasons one might want that. But there are lots of bad reasons too, and unfortunately, they tend to be more common.

 

[chevalier]

Leadership doesn’t have to be uniform. If you’re a rookie lieut. and you have a veteran sarge, you generally do what sarge says unless you have a good reason to think he’s taking things the wrong way. If you’re an experienced manager and you get a Harvard grad genius kid accountant, you do the numbers his way, not yours. Sometimes the head figure needs to realise he isn’t the best at everything. Ethics aren’t situational, but proper responses are.

 

[jwashu]

You are still fairly young (be happy about that, it’s a good thing!). However as you are probably already starting to notice, age means less and less the older you get.

While 10 years difference seems like a lot when you are 20, there really aren’t that many life differences between even 25 and 35 except experience. Much of their lives will be very similar.

In regards to having children if someone who as 20, 25 or even 30 married someone 10 years their senior they should still be able to have children in today’s society.

I believe you usually see older men with younger women because women mature faster than we do but there is a LOT more to marriage than maturity and that will take care of itself (usually,heh) over time.

I don’t see anything wrong with it personally and depending on the person could work out well for them.

I will also say that when I was 20/21 I dated some women in their late 20s and early 30s. At the time, just like you now, I really didn’t think it would work. Looking back though, it definitely could have.

Joe

 

[SMHW]

Can relationships/marriages where the man is younger really work? I wonder because I’m very orthodox when it comes to the whole Catholic view on marriage type of deal, and the man being the head of the household type deal, but it seems like this scenario (the man being younger) throws a wrench into it. Maybe I’m just to stereotypical

I know of several relationships where the woman is anywhere from four to 20+ years older than the man. And in the majority of those cases there was definitely male leadership.

The key to those relationships was that the women married *men *rather than boys. There’s more to being a man than reaching a certain age just as there is more to being a woman than achieving a certain age.

 

[Eucharisted]

Age of body dose not determine age of spirit.

 

[PatrickJT914]

As long as both of them are adults… you have to be careful with rhetoric like this.

I tend to think an age difference within 5 years either way is reasonable. More than that and I start wondering why the older one wants to be with someone who is clearly not in the same stage of life as they are. Patrick gave an example of some good reasons one might want that. But there are lots of bad reasons too, and unfortunately, they tend to be more common.

Whoops! Thank you for the correction. I thought it would be assumed that we were talking about adults (18 years + ) on this topic.

Now granted they might not be at the same stage of life. However, a person is much more than age. Let me give some examples for a younger person of a relationship: Even if they are younger, their tastes and personal likes could be much older in scope. Maybe they like the EF (TLM), classical music, big bands, ballroom dancing, traditional roles of male and female etc. Maybe they grew up around adults or had to grow up faster, by having to be a surrogate mother or father to their families. Through divorce, death or other separations. On the other hand an older adult may not have fully matured.

Yes there are some bad experiences with these types of relationships. Which is sad. But we are drawn to bad things and the media plays up on that, thus robbing us of beautiful experiences.

Then again aren’t all relationships a gamble? A roll of the dice. Even if it appears everything is perfect or close to perfect on paper. You know sometimes what appears to be totally opposites, can sometimes be the best relationships.

 

[lizaanne]

Can relationships/marriages where the man is younger really work? I wonder because I’m very orthodox when it comes to the whole Catholic view on marriage type of deal, and the man being the head of the household type deal, but it seems like this scenario (the man being younger) throws a wrench into it. Maybe I’m just to stereotypical

My DH and I are just shy of 13 years apart, I’m 44 he’s 31. We have been married for a little over two years now and the age thing is not an issue with us.

Unless we are trying to find something to listen to on the car radio - then it gets ugly.

What makes you think that just because I’m older he can’t be the head of our household? I am confused on that part.

~Liza

 

[Beachcomber]

Mr Beachcomber is 5 years younger than I am. We’ve been together 22 years this month. It’s all in one’s outlook, maturity, and spirit; shared interests, communication, that sort of thing.

I read somewhere that there was a study done on this very subject and the conclusions were, in general, (you know how ‘studies’ are) that it isn’t a bad thing for the wife to be older than the husband. Women tend to outlive men and if they are older, they will have many more years together, rather than the older husband dying off and leaving a widow. I’m paraphrasing the findings, but that’s the gist of it.

 

[PatrickJT914]

Hi Lizanne,

It might have to do with radical feminists interpetation of scriptures. In which St. Paul’s seems to say that women are inferior, but they fail to continue to read further that the man is to love his wife as he loves his own body. Just as Jesus loved his Church as His own. Jesus was the head of it as well. What else does scripture show and tell us about Jesus?

1. He took charge, had a presence, spoke with authority. But did not dicitate.
2. Man of action
3. Assertive,firm,strong-willed,decisive
4. Gentle man
5. Open
6. Intimate in a non sexual way
7. Unselfish
8. Compassionate
9. Merciful
10. Kind
11. Understanding
12. Tender
13. Patient
14. He listened to people
15. Generous
16. Good temperament
17. Sensitive
18. Emotional
19. A provider.
20. Self-disciplined.
21. et al.
    Others: He was a rugged and strong man ( carpenter, endured pain, carried His cross). He died for His bride. He helped, nutured, guided, loved, made sure that she would be provided for after He was physically gone (Holy Spirit, Peter and the Apostles)
    Are not these qualities that women should seek in a man (and we men should emulate, copy for ourselves)? If a man possesses these, then why should it matter the age of the man.

 

[PatrickJT914]

Mr Beachcomber is 5 years younger than I am. We’ve been together 22 years this month. It’s all in one’s outlook, maturity, and spirit; shared interests, communication, that sort of thing.

I read somewhere that there was a study done on this very subject and the conclusions were, in general, (you know how ‘studies’ are) that it isn’t a bad thing for the wife to be older than the husband. Women tend to outlive men and if they are older, they will have many more years together, rather than the older husband dying off and leaving a widow. I’m paraphrasing the findings, but that’s the gist of it.

Hi Beachcomer,
OUCH!uch: If I marry a younger woman, that means I’m going to die first?:bigyikes: Seriously, I realize that fact. And I would hope she would still be young enough to find someone else. But you know now women are starting to show signs of suffering and dying of diseases that men used to have exclusively for our gender. That is because more women are working in the corporate world with all the stresses, bad diets that go along with it.

Patrick

P.S. Congradulations on your marriage longevity.:clapping: :tiphat:

 

[whatevergirl]

Can relationships/marriages where the man is younger really work? I wonder because I’m very orthodox when it comes to the whole Catholic view on marriage type of deal, and the man being the head of the household type deal, but it seems like this scenario (the man being younger) throws a wrench into it. Maybe I’m just to stereotypical

I don’t see anything inherently wrong with it…probably depends more on the number of years difference, and stage of life. If you are 35 and the woman you marry say is 50…she will most likely be beyond being able to have a baby, if this is something of importance to you both. But, adoption could be an option. So, I think it truly depends on the stage of life you’re both in. I personally never wanted to marry someone younger…so my dh is 10 years older than me. lol Many people make it work though if the woman is older.

 

[nana3]

I don’t see anything inherently wrong with it…probably depends more on the number of years difference, and stage of life. If you are 35 and the woman you marry say is 50…she will most likely be beyond being able to have a baby, if this is something of importance to you both. But, adoption could be an option. So, I think it truly depends on the stage of life you’re both in. I personally never wanted to marry someone younger…so my dh is 10 years older than me. lol Many people make it work though if the woman is older.

I agree with this. My MIL married a man who is 20 years younger than she was and is. He told her that he never wanted children and that was not a problem. As if turned out, they ended up taking her granddaughter and adopting her as their own, so he became a father anyway. The child is 7 years old. Unfortunately, and today is their 16th wedding anniversary, he has asked for a divorce shortly after the new year and filed the paperwork. So in their case the age difference did not bother him in the beginning, but it did as she got older. My MIL is thin an in shape, but she just aged to fast and wrinkled too much unfortunately and this bothered him. She has since lost even more weight and is literally skin and bones now and looks even older. She looks like she is in her late 80’s. I know that her husband feels this way for he has told me so recently, but what did he think was going to happen that she was not going to get older with each passing year?

I am 7 years older than my dh. My dh needs more maturity though, so I am not a good one to ask for I am sure that is not the case with some. I think it matters more on the maturity level and not so much the age.

 

[Salonika]

CHCatholic:

Can relationships/marriages where the man is younger really work? I wonder because I’m very orthodox when it comes to the whole Catholic view on marriage type of deal, and the man being the head of the household type deal, but it seems like this scenario (the man being younger) throws a wrench into it.

My mother went from being engaged to a man 20 years older than her to marrying what some of her relatives referred to as “a man much younger than her”. That always surprised me as Mum was a whole 6 weeks older than Dad.

Beachcomber:

I read somewhere that there was a study done on this very subject and the conclusions were, in general, (you know how ‘studies’ are) that it isn’t a bad thing for the wife to be older than the husband. Women tend to outlive men and if they are older, they will have many more years together, rather than the older husband dying off and leaving a widow. I’m paraphrasing the findings, but that’s the gist of it.

A great aunt of mine (who never married) always said that a woman should marry a man at least five years older for this reason.

 

[LSK]

Good. This gives me hope. If John Cusack is out there reading this, I’m available for a chaste dating relationship that will lead to marriage…

 

[Nepenthe]

What can I say? It’s working great for us (I’m 18 years older than Mirdath).

We made sure we had all the problems of aging and such differences as carefully worked out as possible first - I mean, yeah, I’ll be the first to croak unless Mirdath gets hit by a truck while out getting the mail or something, and it may be kinda tricky to have kids - but we’re very enthusiastic, and my grandmother had my mother when she was older than I am, so perhaps a little help (ie, a dose of clomid, or perhaps our bloodtypes are causing problems - this is quite possible, actually).

Other than that, we are pretty blissful all around. Adore each others’ company, share everything, and generally make people nauseous at how plain HAPPY we are.