Oldest Friend & I Part Ways Over Church

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DakiniArtist

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So, sadly my oldest friend and I (admittedly we had grown apart) have ended our friendship. It was her decision. She was there when my older son was born. We had been friends in three decades.

We’re both graduate-level educated gals. Both professionals and have worked in universities. Both spiritual, praying, Christian women. My friend had prayerfully changed her mind when asked to be a witness for my annulment after tentatively agreeing and only allowing the Tribunal her post office box at work for contact info. She had filtered me on Facebook and I didn’t even know she was getting remarried nor saw her wedding photos.

I am no longer on her Facebook. She is “deeply saddened” I have chosen to join a “vile” institution that “oppresses” women and gays. I am now, to her, part of a “cult” that hides pedophiles and keeps riches from the poor, among other canards. She knows no better. She feels her anger is righteous.

My friend is a thoughtful, smart, beautiful, giving, selfless, woman who has served in the Peace Corps twice and is an amazing person. She has an incredible heart. I believe her decision and her perspective is heart-breaking but serves to illustrate the harsh reality of society’s view of religion, Catholicism, pro-life values, and how deeply the culture of death has woven itself into our bright, thoughtful, Christian people.

Please, no advice. No hateful comments. No awful remarks about my friend. Please understand I’m sharing something deeply personal in order to help us understand what we are up against, and many of us already know. I want us to understand what it’s like to “on the other side,” as I had been until about four years ago. This is how people see us.

I don’t have any answers. I’m sad that she may not ever learn differently and isn’t going to learn it from me, evidently, as we’re “through.” One would think she would respect me enough to call and say, “Hey, I’m shocked as heck you’d join the Church. What’s up? Can we have a conversation?” Her defensiveness and unwillingness for dialogue is telling.

Use this somehow to further your prayer, compassion, and evangelism.

Please don’t use hateful words. Please, in this awful, awful climate, don’t widen that gap between “us” and “them.” Please find your own way to evangelize. We’re losing people. It hurts my heart.

I’m new to Catholicism and Christianity, so I’m not even sure I know what I’m talking about, but I have learned love from Jesus and I want to share and I keep seeing anger and deep hurt on both “sides.”

Anyway, hugs and love to everyone today. :grouphug:

Catie
 
Dakini, I’m so sorry this has happened to you. Losing a long-time friend is hard. Prayers for your consolation and for a softening of your friend’s heart.
 
DakiniArtist said:
So, sadly my oldest friend and I (admittedly we had grown apart) have ended our friendship. It was her decision. She was there when my older son was born. We had been friends in three decades.

We’re both graduate-level educated gals. Both professionals and have worked in universities. Both spiritual, praying, Christian women. My friend had prayerfully changed her mind when asked to be a witness for my annulment after tentatively agreeing and only allowing the Tribunal her post office box at work for contact info. She had filtered me on Facebook and I didn’t even know she was getting remarried nor saw her wedding photos.

I am no longer on her Facebook. She is “deeply saddened” I have chosen to join a “vile” institution that “oppresses” women and gays. I am now, to her, part of a “cult” that hides pedophiles and keeps riches from the poor, among other canards. She knows no better. She feels her anger is righteous.

My friend is a thoughtful, smart, beautiful, giving, selfless, woman who has served in the Peace Corps twice and is an amazing person. She has an incredible heart. I believe her decision and her perspective is heart-breaking but serves to illustrate the harsh reality of society’s view of religion, Catholicism, pro-life values, and how deeply the culture of death has woven itself into our bright, thoughtful, Christian people.

Please, no advice. No hateful comments. No awful remarks about my friend. Please understand I’m sharing something deeply personal in order to help us understand what we are up against, and many of us already know. I want us to understand what it’s like to “on the other side,” as I had been until about four years ago. This is how people see us.

I don’t have any answers. I’m sad that she may not ever learn differently and isn’t going to learn it from me, evidently, as we’re “through.” One would think she would respect me enough to call and say, “Hey, I’m shocked as heck you’d join the Church. What’s up? Can we have a conversation?” Her defensiveness and unwillingness for dialogue is telling.

Use this somehow to further your prayer, compassion, and evangelism.

Please don’t use hateful words. Please, in this awful, awful climate, don’t widen that gap between “us” and “them.” Please find your own way to evangelize. We’re losing people. It hurts my heart.

I’m new to Catholicism and Christianity, so I’m not even sure I know what I’m talking about, but I have learned love from Jesus and I want to share and I keep seeing anger and deep hurt on both “sides.”

Anyway, hugs and love to everyone today. :grouphug:

Catie
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Hate only worsens things. Love and prayers is the greatest power in the world.
 
I am sorry for what has happened. This happens a lot. I wish you the best. I will pray for you in the difficult trial. Always be loving to everyone no matter what.
May God Bless You
 
I’m so sorry, I know this is heart-breaking for you.

Just pray for her; and if she ever reaches out to you, be kind.
 
I do understand. I have lost family members because I do not agree with abortion or promoting gay marriage. We can just pray.
 
Just to dispute what she infers, that our church does not take care of the poor,: Today the Catholic church will feed more people, clothe more people, cure more people, educate more people, administer to more people than any other organization in the world. The heart of the Catholic church is large, not perfect, but large.

:twocents:
 
DakiniArtist said:
I am no longer on her Facebook. She is “deeply saddened” I have chosen to join a “vile” institution that “oppresses” women and gays. I am now, to her, part of a “cult” that hides pedophiles and keeps riches from the poor, among other canards. She knows no better. She feels her anger is righteous.

My friend is a thoughtful, smart, beautiful, giving, selfless, woman who has served in the Peace Corps twice and is an amazing person. She has an incredible heart.

Catie
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These words aren’t hateful, just my perspective…a person who has all the qualities you mention doesn’t just cut you coldly out of their life because of your religious beliefs. It’s not unusual for a close friendship to run its course…you go in different directions, and the things you once had in common aren’t the most important in your life anymore. But there is a kind way to do it…you just gradually let things go, spending less & less time together, until it is more of an friendly acquaintance relationship. You still can smile and be kind when you bump into each other, send a Christmas card, etc. Kind people with beautiful hearts don’t just drop you like a hot potato because you are Catholic.

I think perhaps what hurts you the most is the realization that your friend of so many decades is not the person you once thought.

Prayers going out to you. I am sure it hurts. 😦
 
I’m really sorry this happened. It’s hurtful to be judged, especially to be judged unfairly, and to lose a long term friendship over it.
 
Pax2u said:
These words aren’t hateful, just my perspective…a person who has all the qualities you mention doesn’t just cut you coldly out of their life because of your religious beliefs. It’s not unusual for a close friendship to run its course…you go in different directions, and the things you once had in common aren’t the most important in your life anymore. But there is a kind way to do it…you just gradually let things go, spending less & less time together, until it is more of an friendly acquaintance relationship. You still can smile and be kind when you bump into each other, send a Christmas card, etc. Kind people with beautiful hearts don’t just drop you like a hot potato because you are Catholic.

I think perhaps what hurts you the most is the realization that your friend of so many decades is not the person you once thought.

Prayers going out to you. I am sure it hurts. 😦
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This is my thinking too, having had an experience similar to this.

With some time and distance from this situation, you may realize that this friend may not have been as good to you (or others) as you initially thought. If you do realize that, it doesn’t make you disloyal or a bad friend. And realizing it doesn’t necessarily help the hurt any.
 
You can still pray for her.

“Forgive them, Father; they know not what they do.”
 
So sorry to read about this, it must be very difficult for you. May God bless you. x
 
I have been shunned by people who have a bone to pick with the Church. It is very painful and difficult. I wish I could tell you it was not. There is not much to do except to commend them to God and try to reject the temptation to harbor ill will about their unilateral decision to cut you off. You cannot live your life trying to act so as to avoid having people cut you off because they are offended by choices that are rightfully yours to make, though. There is no room for your own integrity in that direction.
 
I once lived in a building where a fellow tenant moved out. Another tenant told me they moved because they did not like Catholics.

That was news to me. Not knowing people actually did not like Catholics I wondered how they even knew I was one.
 
Arizona_Fat_Gir said:
I once lived in a building where a fellow tenant moved out. Another tenant told me they moved because they did not like Catholics.

That was news to me. Not knowing people actually did not like Catholics I wondered how they even knew I was one.
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Wow. That’s an extreme reaction.

My boss and his wife are devout Baptists, along with my one other co-worker. When I began converting, Mr. Boss said that Catholics aren’t saved and that it’s a cult and Mrs. Boss just looked at me like I’d grown horns. I’ve just made it a point to behave as Christian as I can and not say anything so they can see by my actions that Christ is at work in my life. Mr. Boss has since said that I am changing his mind about Catholics. But the key here was they gave me a chance. When someone just boots you out of their life that doesn’t leave many options. 😦
 
Arizona_Fat_Gir said:
I once lived in a building where a fellow tenant moved out. Another tenant told me they moved because they did not like Catholics.

That was news to me. Not knowing people actually did not like Catholics I wondered how they even knew I was one.
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That is a pretty big demographic for someone to have to avoid. I hate to say it, but we’re often far more difficult to spot than maybe we ought to be!
 
Even after four years I am still grieving the loss of a friend over similar issues. My friend told me I certainly couldn’t think that a pack of nasty pedophiles in Rome who are mysogynistic, discriminating and enrichng themselves on the backs of the poor would be representing God here on earth. She also cut me off and I have to admit that it was deeply hurtful, but now I realize it was a blessing for my spiritual life. I will pray for you to be strengthened and comforted as you grieve this loss and I will pray that we all can find a considerate tolerance for each others views.
 
Remember Our Lord told us that the world would hate us as it hated Him. Offer all your pain, loss and suffering to God, with, in and through Jesus. Think of it as being allowed to share in some way in the sufferings of Our Lord who was cut off in a similar, though more extreme way.

Peace of Jesus to you:)
 
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