On Self Imposed Celibacy

[Tartini]

Greetings In Christ,

I have practiced Celibacy since 1996, but I am not a Priest or of a Religious vocation. My reasons for this was to practice reparation for both sexual sin and immoral practices and sin in general, in my youth (and of the wanton sexual immorality in the world today) and most importantly that God had instructed me to do so.

In 2004, I was married (the only time I ever have been) to a Protestant (outside of the Catholic Church) but never considered it valid. She refused to take the necessary steps the Church requires for mixed-faith marriages. I never consummated the marriage. She knew of my choice to remain celibate before we were married, and said she understood what that meant (which obviously she did not, even though I explained it fully to her). We are now divorced and have no further contact. The whole idea of celibacy, when I speak to others of it, seems strange to those who do not understand it’s blessedness. I am human, and am tempted, as we all are, but Christ keeps me strong.

I would be interested in reading others experiences, if they practice celibacy as a lay person, and how I may better explain it to others intelligently.

God Bless You,
Jerald Franklin Archer (Tartini)

 

[richardsgirl]

Your ex-wife refusing to take the steps required for a mixed-faith marriage to be valid is pretty irrelevant since you yourself chose not to consummate that marriage (hence, it would never have been valid anyway). The whole situation sounds pretty harsh on her and I don’t understand why you would have married someone under these circumstances.

That said, I think choosing to be celibate can be a very good way to live your life. Perhaps you could just explain it to others by saying that it simply allows you to focus all your attentions on other things - such as prayer and maybe working in positive ways for the good of the world (this is a very biblical view of celibacy). One of the best ways to witness to others about this however might just be to show by your actions how happy and at peace you are due to the choice you have made.

 

[strngrnrth]

We live in a time when cultural values are inverted so people don’t understadn celibacy. On the contrary, most people now appear to believe even unmarried people should have sex even if they don’t feel like it. The “virtues” of the modern world are harshness, greed, boasting, lust, exhibitionism, ugliness, snideness, irreverence and neglect, so of course when you try to take a stand for the opposite values no one understands what you’re doing.

 

[Tartini]

Greetings in Christ,

I agree with your view/comment completely. Could you translate the prayer at the bottom of your post (What language is it?) Thank you and God be with You.

Jerald Franklin Archer (Tartini)

 

[kage_ar]

Since you are unmarried, ceibate is exactly what you are supposed to be.

 

[strngrnrth]

Greetings in Christ,

I agree with your view/comment completely. Could you translate the prayer at the bottom of your post (What language is it?) Thank you and God be with You.

Jerald Franklin Archer (Tartini)

Our father, who art in Heaven, hallowed be Thy name, Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven, give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us and lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil. Amen. It’s Irish (but Amen is Hebrew of course).

 

[Tartini]

The whole situation sounds pretty harsh on her and I don’t understand why you would have married someone under these circumstances.

• It was because I loved her (and still do) and that she wanted to be married to me so we could live together. Her own personal intentions/motives were more than I should like to get into , since they are too personal *

God Bless You
Jerald Franklin archer

 

[jmjconder]

Greetings In Christ,

I have practiced Celibacy since 1996, but I am not a Priest or of a Religious vocation.

In 2004, I was married (the only time I ever have been) to a Protestant (outside of the Catholic Church) but never considered it valid. She refused to take the necessary steps the Church requires for mixed-faith marriages. I never consummated the marriage.

I would be interested in reading others experiences, if they practice celibacy as a lay person, and how I may better explain it to others intelligently.

God Bless You,
Jerald Franklin Archer (Tartini)

As an earlier post said, even if your former wife had taken the necessary steps required to have a valid marriage (perhaps having it blessed in the Catholic Church?) the fact that you yourself an invalid marriage. In fact you would never find a priest or deacon that would witness a marriage with that condition (no intention of consummation) being in place. For in order for any Catholic marriage to be valid in the eyes of the Church it must be consummated. It is one of the valid reasons for an annulment because one of the main reasons for marriage is lacking (open to children in the marriage).

Since everyone who is not married is called to live a celibate life why is there a need to explain it intelligently to others - I suggest you would make much more strides by living your celibate life with great joy and love of neighbor rather than trying to get into an intellectural discussion about why your way is “right” and the culture of free sex (and sounds like your former life) is sinful and “wrong.”

Guess it would help to know the circumstances that you need help to

**

better explain it to others intelligently

**

Prayer and humble silence with a grateful heart that God graced you with a change of heart…

 

[ecp007]

I would be interested in reading others experiences, if they practice celibacy as a lay person, and how I may better explain it to others intelligently.

With all due respect, people’s sexual practices are private, and not to be explained, or shared, except with their spouse. In my opinion, that is true whether they are gay, married, promiscuous, or celibate.

If you have made a vow to God, that is between you and Him. It is no one else’s business.

A celibate person can not be married, because the marital contract requires the marriage to be “consumated” by intercourse. Therefore, no explaination should be required to a future spouse, because you should not be seeking intimacy in that way, knowing full well that you can not properly commit to a marriage.

And, as a previous poster noted, if you are single, everyone should assume that you are celibate, and therefore, again no explaination should be necessary.

That having been said, should you feel compelled, the explaination given in your post seems very clear and an adequate explaination.

 

[Tartini]

Greetings in Christ,

Firstly, I want to apologize if I offended you by presenting possibly personal information. I am a very honest and forward person when it come to religious matters, as I hope not only to learn but teach from that learning. Sometimes personal religious testimony can be difficult to understand, if one has not experienced themselves. Celibacy is a blessed act and sacrifice unto God, and was also requested of me by Our Blessed Lord in reparation for past sins. It frees the mind of vain and inordinate thoughts and places a person in a state of piety and peace of heart. I’m not saying that it makes them “perfect” as no person is perfect, except Christ. Rather it brings them closer to holy perfection, and opens their minds to higher, holy things. This ideal of perfecton, holy perfection, is only achieved by those who have already attained blessed sainthood.

Let us remember the Our Blessed Mother and St. Joseph practiced Celibacy, as well as Our Blessed Saviour, Jesus Christ.

Many Saints did also.

I seek to imitate Christ in all of my power and being and lifestyle.

I posted the subject in order to share my experience with others, and to understand their positions on the matter (you would do well to review the other posts on the subject I presented and know that I fully understood the requirements of the Church concerning mixed-marriages. When I got married, I believed my wife attempted to understand the Catholic Church’s requirements, but due to gross errors in her Protestant religious upbringing and teachings (she was taught and believed the Catholic Church was evil and was run by the Mafia, of whom she was convinced my family belonged) and considering her very limited intelligence and education, the idea of Celibacy was beyond her understanding. There were more underlying motives involved that I still haven’t discovered to this day…we no longer have had any contact since the divorce. It was my first marriage, which I realized was not going to be valid, but she refused to take the proper measures of instruction that the Church requires, especially in mixed-faith marriages. My sin was that I gave in to her wishes to marry me because I wanted to make her happy. I am a man of adamant convictions when it comes to my faith and will always choose God over any person…and that resulted in Truth defeating Fantasy concerning my marriage to her.

One post considered me a bit harsh toward my wife, and wondered why I married her in the first place. I explained that I loved her ( and still do) but one day she simply said she no longer loved me…and that was that. I admit I made the mistake and committed the sin, not her, as one who is ignorant of truth, or is incapable of understanding the truth of the matter, commits no sin.

Once again I apologize for any offense I may have committed toward you and hope that you may come to understand both the blessedness of Celibacy by further research.

A Note:
No person should ever be embarassed by testifying their religious experiences or bearing witness to the benefits and Blesedness of Poverty, Chastity and Obedience. All of which I practice without reservations or regrets. I am never ashamed to tell others, especially new people I meet, my personal views on many subjects. The information that I reveal tells the aquaintance who you are right from the beginning, and they will either form a positive or negative opinion of me or not . Their opinion bears little consequence when it come to my personal relationship with Christ. It also is an excellent method that one can use to study their mind-set and intelligence.

God Bless You and Your Family,
Jerald Franklin Archer

 

[LSK]

I think I understand what you mean by ‘explain to others’.

I have not taken a vow of celibacy as you have; instead, I am only following what the Holy Mother Church asks of her unmarried children. However, I have found that when those who do not understand that I care more about what God wants than what I may want (most of the time, anyway…can’t say I’m perfect) they often react as though I am doing something superhuman. God forbid I have a bad day (feel lonely or sad, get upset with something, stub my toe and hit my head at the same time…you know) because anything I say about it is attributed to the lack of sexual activity in my life (well, you’re lonely because you aren’t with anyone).
So, what I have learned to say is something like this: “By the standards of the day, you are probably right. I have learned the hard way, however, that how I feel and the standards of the day are not good measuring sticks for personal happiness. I found peace and happiness in the teachings of the Catholic Church and no matter how I may feel at any given time, my committment is to stick to those teachings as best I can. So, how 'bout those Niners, eh?”

I hope this helps…God bless you, my brother…and if your family is in the Mafia AND running the Church that is one busy family…

 

[ecp007]

Greetings in Christ, … am a very honest and forward person when it come to religious matters, as I hope not only to learn but teach from that learning. … Celibacy is a blessed act and sacrifice unto God, and was also requested of me by Our Blessed Lord in reparation for past sins. It frees the mind of vain and inordinate thoughts and places a person in a state of piety and peace of heart. I’m not saying that it makes them “perfect” as no person is perfect, except Christ. Rather it brings them closer to holy perfection, and opens their minds to higher, holy things. This ideal of perfecton, holy perfection, is only achieved by those who have already attained blessed sainthood.

Let us remember the Our Blessed Mother and St. Joseph practiced Celibacy, as well as Our Blessed Saviour, Jesus Christ.

Many Saints did also.

I seek to imitate Christ in all of my power and being and lifestyle.
…

A Note:
No person should ever be embarassed by testifying their religious experiences or bearing witness to the benefits and Blesedness of Poverty, Chastity and Obedience. All of which I practice without reservations or regrets. I am never ashamed to tell others, especially new people I meet, my personal views on many subjects. The information that I reveal tells the aquaintance who you are right from the beginning, and they will either form a positive or negative opinion of me or not . Their opinion bears little consequence when it come to my personal relationship with Christ. It also is an excellent method that one can use to study their mind-set and intelligence.

From Matthew 6:

1 “Watch out! Don’t do your good deeds publicly, to be admired by others, for you will lose the reward from your Father in heaven. …

5 “When you pray, don’t be like the hypocrites who love to pray publicly on street corners and in the synagogues where everyone can see them. I tell you the truth, that is all the reward they will ever get. 6 But when you pray, go away by yourself, shut the door behind you, and pray to your Father in private. Then your Father, who sees everything, will reward you.

16 “And when you fast, don’t make it obvious, as the hypocrites do, for they try to look miserable and disheveled so people will admire them for their fasting. I tell you the truth, that is the only reward they will ever get. 17 But when you fast, comb your hair and wash your face. 18 Then no one will notice that you are fasting, except your Father, who knows what you do in private. And your Father, who sees everything, will reward you.

You seem like a good guy that is trying really hard. I admire that. I would hate for all those efforts to be rewarded on earth alone.

 

[Tartini]

Greetings in Christ,
I agree with, and appreciate the bible references, as I see a great deal of those practices today. I will remain celibate even if I were to marry again (in the Church, of course) but would imagine that finding a celibate wife would be difficult. I I am very much of a hermit type, but who knows what God has in store for me. I must confess that sometimes I feel strange when I pray in public, in front of others in Church during Mass or even when I pray in a church when their is no Mass being celebrated atat the time, but it has never crossed my mind, or have I felt that I am doing it for others to see. (I have met others, both Catholic and Protestants who do pray and perform good works just for human praise and sometimes money, Heaven Forbid!)

God has given me a great musical talent (I play violin, guitar, organ and sing, as well as compose music (in the old baroque and classical styles) and would like to be able to find a parish who woulkd like me to help them in their music, but I do not seek applause or praise from it. I never, in recieving praise from others, take the credit for myself, but let them know that it is not my work, but God’s, for His Glory Alone. I,m simply an instrument that He chose to bless with a certain talent. In my former days when I was performing publicly (over 25 years), one could say that although the applause I recieved, after performing some vain song or work, made me uncomfortable. After some years, that applause and fame, becomes empty and vain. I am thankful with all of my heart that God has blessed me with such musical talents and everything that I have prayed for (when God sees it will be good for me) has granted. He has protected me in situations that would seem to others, unbearable. I pray for His Wisdom and Holy Guidance. I live a very simple lif and never expect any rewards (because I deserve nothing) for any thing that I do…
Your post, as well as others on this Catholic Answers Forum, have been a great resource and educational tool for me. I new to the Forum and am still learning how to use it properly.

God Bless You and Your Family

Jerald Franklin Archer (Tartini)

 

[jmjconder]

I will remain celibate even if I were to marry again (in the Church, of course) but would imagine that finding a celibate wife would be difficult.
Jerald Franklin Archer (Tartini)

I sense a sincere heart and humble soul when I read what you have written.

I am concerned though that several posts have explained to you that your desire to live a celibate life does not follow the Catholic teaching for marriage in the Church. As I stated earlier you will not find a priest or deacon who will witness your marriage if you are never intending on consummating it with the marital embrace (sexual intercourse).

The marital embrace in a marriage is a beautiful union that reflects God’s love for us. This quote is from the Catechism of the Catholic Church.

1604 God who created man out of love also calls him to love the fundamental and innate vocation of every human being. For man is created in the image and likeness of God who is himself love. Since God created him man and woman, their mutual love becomes an image of the absolute and unfailing love with which God loves man. It is good, very good, in the Creator’s eyes. And this love, which God blesses, is intended to be fruitful and to be realized in the common work of watching over creation: “And God blessed them, and God said to them: 'Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth and subdue it.”

If you desire to be married one day in the Catholic Church, I encourage you to seek out a priest to talk about all this.

You will be in my prayers.

 

[truagape]

The whole situation sounds pretty harsh on her and I don’t understand why you would have married someone under these circumstances.

It’s no less hard than anyone who is of a same-sex orientation. In fact, I would venture to say that she had it easier, because she made the choice prior to marriage, to comply with the imposed conditions, even though she had the option of marrying someone else where such conditions were not presented. The same can not be said for someone with a same-sex orientation. Despite her choice, she still failed at denying herself intimate romanticism, and yet that’s exactly what some “Christians” try to ask from others.