Once decided on pregnancy, how long to wait before TTC?

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*… we have 4 children, I am in a debate with DH and myself as to whether we use our NFP knowledge to continue to avoid another pregnancy, to be open to whatever happens, or to actively seek a 5th pregnancy. I am increasingly moving toward the ‘option ‘ of being open to whatever happens by not abstaining in fertile times and leaving the result in greater hands than mine. *

I posted above in spring and now we have definitely jointly decided to plan for a 5th pregnancy. Now the issue is how long to wait before TTC. I would like 2-3 months to get fit, lose weight and prepare. DH feels that as we have decided - and for some time had no real reason to avoid pregnancy - we should stop what he calls our ‘contraception’. (IMO we use NFP, abstaining at fertile time, so I do not regard that as contraception).

Question that I would appreciate comments on is:- am I being selfish in my wait, or is it allowable to insist on a short delay?
 
jeanj said:
*… we have 4 children, I am in a debate with DH and myself as to whether we use our NFP knowledge to continue to avoid another pregnancy, to be open to whatever happens, or to actively seek a 5th pregnancy. I am increasingly moving toward the ‘option ‘ of being open to whatever happens by not abstaining in fertile times and leaving the result in greater hands than mine. *

I posted above in spring and now we have definitely jointly decided to plan for a 5th pregnancy. Now the issue is how long to wait before TTC. I would like 2-3 months to get fit, lose weight and prepare. DH feels that as we have decided - and for some time had no real reason to avoid pregnancy - we should stop what he calls our ‘contraception’. (IMO we use NFP, abstaining at fertile time, so I do not regard that as contraception).

Question that I would appreciate comments on is:- am I being selfish in my wait, or is it allowable to insist on a short delay?
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Since you are polling strangers on the internet about when to bring forth life and co-create with God, What does God say when you ask Him this question?
 
I’d just go for it, but I gave up on “being fit” a long time ago.
 
jeanj said:
*… we have 4 children, I am in a debate with DH and myself as to whether we use our NFP knowledge to continue to avoid another pregnancy, to be open to whatever happens, or to actively seek a 5th pregnancy. I am increasingly moving toward the ‘option ‘ of being open to whatever happens by not abstaining in fertile times and leaving the result in greater hands than mine. *

I posted above in spring and now we have definitely jointly decided to plan for a 5th pregnancy. Now the issue is how long to wait before TTC. I would like 2-3 months to get fit, lose weight and prepare. DH feels that as we have decided - and for some time had no real reason to avoid pregnancy - we should stop what he calls our ‘contraception’. (IMO we use NFP, abstaining at fertile time, so I do not regard that as contraception).

Question that I would appreciate comments on is:- am I being selfish in my wait, or is it allowable to insist on a short delay?
Click to expand...
How unfit and overweight are you? Not specifically but would it be dangerous from a health perspective for you to get pregnant at your current fitness level?
I could maybe understand your husband’s frustration if he felt there was no serious reason to avoid and he was being held hostage to a fitness goal that you haven’t met yet. Make sure having a baby is not being used as a motivator in a Jillian Michaels workout video way…

4 kids? Exactly what shape do you expect your body to be in!?
 
Hoosier_Daddy said:
How unfit and overweight are you? Not specifically but would it be dangerous from a health perspective for you to get pregnant at your current fitness level?
I could maybe understand your husband’s frustration if he felt there was no serious reason to avoid and he was being held hostage to a fitness goal that you haven’t met yet. Make sure having a baby is not being used as a motivator in a Jillian Michaels workout video way…

4 kids? Exactly what shape do you expect your body to be in!?
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Based on my experience, I have a hard time imagining any scenario where a woman could be so unfit that it would be dangerous for her to get pregnant that could also be resolved in 2-3 months.
 
Personally speaking, two to three months sounds reasonable to me.
 
I vote fitness. Pregnancy, labor, delivery, and recovery are all MUCH safer and easier if you are fit, or at least not totally sedentary. Even if you haven’t been working out at all, 2-3 months is plenty of time to drop 10-20 lbs, work up to running at least 2-3 miles at a time, and build a little back, core, and hip strength, regardless of your starting fitness level. These things reduce your risk of hypertension, C-section, and gestational diabetes. You really don’t want to start a routine pregnant, but if you’re already in one, you can and should continue and gradually slow down as your pregnancy goes on.

I’m in my 3rd trimester and I am shocked at how well my body is taking this. The back pain, pains through my abs, fatigue, sleeplessness, mood swings, hunger, and foot and leg swelling have all pretty much passed me up. My doc credits it to my determination to stay active and eat right, but you have to be active first for it to work.

2-3 months is not a long time at all, and if you think your body would benefit from building up some base health and strength before taking on the strain of a 5th pregnancy, make an appointment with your doc, take your husband, and talk about your health and pregnancy goals. I’d bet he would support getting into/back into some sort of routine first.

But, the deal with your husband has to be that you’ll start now, be consistent, and and really commit to your health. If you procrastinate, he’ll rightfully feel like you’re just finding excuses to put him off.

Unfortunately, I could not escape first trimester morning sickness, but you can’t have everything.🙂
 
jeanj said:
Question that I would appreciate comments on is:- am I being selfish in my wait, or is it allowable to insist on a short delay?
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Your motivations behind the waiting is something that only you can discern. Make a nightly examen and ask God to help you discern whether you are simply putting off pregnancy (having doubts about it), or if you are sincerely wishing to go into the possible pregnancy in good shape, physically, spiritually and mentally. If it’s the former, then it is only fair to tell your husband you’d rather wait longer. If the latter, it’s not selfish to prepare yourself as much as possible for life changing events. It would be good for you, your other children, and the future baby itself.
 
If you have no reason to avoid then leave it up to God. He will decide when you are fit enough !
 
Only you can discern OP, perhaps talk to a priest? Though I’d point out 2 things:

It is generally recommended that you keep up your current level of fitness (where possible) while pregnant and not take up new things aside from maybe walking and swimming (not strenuously).

Being selfish regarding NFP - there is no hard line. The reasons go from serious to trivial on a sliding scale and time abstaining comes into play. You are talking about 2 or 3 missed opportunities to get pregnant. At most, pushing delivery by a single trimester. It’s not a lot.
 
Hoosier_Daddy said:
4 kids? Exactly what shape do you expect your body to be in!?
Click to expand...
I’m sure you didn’t intend it but I don’t like the undercurrent in this message. I’m reading: don’t bother looking after yourself mama, there is no point.

OP make up your own mind. CAF is the worst place to come for advice on something that is not black and white church teaching. And there is always a point in taking care of yourself and being fit and healthy. Even if there is pudge or stretch marks that will always be there, being healthy, feeling well and energetic and being able to keep up with the kids and feel comfortable in your skin by not putting on more weight than you are comfortable with is still worth it. Which you can do whether you wait the 3 months or not 🙂
 
jeanj said:
Question that I would appreciate comments on is:- am I being selfish in my wait, or is it allowable to insist on a short delay?
Click to expand...
In the interest of full disclosure: I’ve never been pregnant and unless something REALLY strange happens, I never will be. Don’t have the appropriate anatomy. That said…I would defer to the judgement of the one has has to birth the baby. If you want to wait - wait.
 
jeanj said:
*… we have 4 children, I am in a debate with DH and myself as to whether we use our NFP knowledge to continue to avoid another pregnancy, to be open to whatever happens, or to actively seek a 5th pregnancy. I am increasingly moving toward the ‘option ‘ of being open to whatever happens by not abstaining in fertile times and leaving the result in greater hands than mine. *

I posted above in spring and now we have definitely jointly decided to plan for a 5th pregnancy. Now the issue is how long to wait before TTC. I would like 2-3 months to get fit, lose weight and prepare. DH feels that as we have decided - and for some time had no real reason to avoid pregnancy - we should stop what he calls our ‘contraception’. (IMO we use NFP, abstaining at fertile time, so I do not regard that as contraception).

Question that I would appreciate comments on is:- am I being selfish in my wait, or is it allowable to insist on a short delay?
Click to expand...
Ok, so… funny story. We just had our 6th last week. So my wife is home. I read her this thread and she feels that although she agrees with me and we Do not practice nfp anymore.
That I was harsh on you about your desire for fitness before birth. So, while I stand by the principle, I was perhaps too harsh.

My bad…
 
ShrodingersCat said:
I’m sure you didn’t intend it but I don’t like the undercurrent in this message. I’m reading: don’t bother looking after yourself mama, there is no point.

OP make up your own mind. CAF is the worst place to come for advice on something that is not black and white church teaching. And there is always a point in taking care of yourself and being fit and healthy. Even if there is pudge or stretch marks that will always be there, being healthy, feeling well and energetic and being able to keep up with the kids and feel comfortable in your skin by not putting on more weight than you are comfortable with is still worth it. Which you can do whether you wait the 3 months or not 🙂
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Point taken.
 
If I were planning to take a long road trip, I’d take the time to get a tune up and oil change before I started…
 
Ask your doctor. There may be things the doctor may want you to work on before TTC.
 
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