One sexual morality thing we forget to talk about, especially with our boys

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PJH_74

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We spend a lot of time here talking about porn, chastity, waiting until marriage, having a marriage open to procreation, etc. One thing we also need to stress with our children is public sexual decency.

Going to the food store today, I was hit on by a trucker at the stop light just before the store. In the store, after being there for about 30 min, a seemingly friendly 70 something looking little man said hi to me. Apparently though he was stalking me through out the store because he proceeded to solicit me about 5 minutes later.

Many women can relate to this sort of thing. However, it happening twice within 45 minuets is even more creepy and reminded me of how little time we spend on it. Even if it’s not your own kid doing it, they will almost certainly be in a situation where it will. This is one of those boys will be boys things and it’s also sexual harassment and it needs to stop.
 
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This is all in how we are to raise our boys - to see women in the image and likeness of God. With God’s grace, that’s exactly what I’m trying to do.

My kindergarten son recently happened upon a rap video with men ogling a scantily clad woman. With his precocious vocabulary, he scoffed, “That’s really inappropriate!”

Hopefully I’m off to a good start, lol!
 
PJH_74 said:
he proceeded to solicit me about 5 minutes later.

Many women can relate to this sort of thing
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Ummm, I have never had a man attempt to solicit me. (To make sure, the American understand of “solicit” in a sexual way is to try to hire someone for prostitution).

I would hope that families are raising young men and women to know that solicitation is not only sinful but against the law. If anyone did proposition me this way, I would call the police.
PJH_74 said:
I was hit on by a trucker at the stop light just before the store.
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This one, did a trucker say something suggestive, cat call you, etc.? Want to make sure we are talking about the same sort of thing.

Young men learn this by seeing it done. Again, making sure that the male role models are those who respect women is key!
 
My daughter has guys say things to her all the time and it doesn’t matter what she is wearing. Thankfully, she is very good with words. She can answer an awkward teen or a married man hitting on her, and often is the one that gets the last word and leaves them speechless. But it does get tiring and she wishes they would just not say anything to her at all.
 
I totally agree that it is an under exposed behaviour that seems to thrive on covertness. But it isn’t benign. My 25 year old daughter works for a large chain hardware store. The customer service staff are mostly young girls and guys but the girls are regularly ‘solicited’ by tradesmen that come through all day. They give the girl their business card and ask them to call them and that is with the covert understanding of paid sex. The girls aren’t even dressed suggestively. The uniform is a high collared shirt, work shorts and steal nosed boots. My daughter and her workmates have a laugh about how many cards they were offered in the day but I feel really angry and insulted for them. They shouldn’t have to live with that sort of filth in their workday.
 
My daughter would take their card and say to the business card givers, “Oh, I will let my manager know what you wanted.”

Emeraldlady, you are right, your daughter should not have to put up with that in the workplace. The “girls” should go collectively to the store manager and make him/her aware of what is going on.
 
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TheLittleLady said:
This one, did a trucker say something suggestive, cat call you, etc.? Want to make sure we are talking about the same sort of thing.
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Yeah, I’m not sure what exactly is going on in the first post here.

I got my share of cat calls and wolf whistles when I was young; my mother always said that was bad manners, but it was also something young guys did to show appreciation back in the unenlightened days of the 70s, and in my part of the country it was generally not dirty or aggressive or threatening and it honestly didn’t bother me. I was quite capable of making a smart aleck remark back if necessary and that was how people got along then. It’s regarded differently today. I’m quite sure if I’d been a young man, my mother would have taught me to treat women in a mannerly way and I also could have followed my dad’s example as he had extremely good manners and would never disrespect women. Before he got ill, women used to actually hit on him, even though my mother would be standing right there. I saw this happen myself.
 
TheLittleLady said:
I have never had a man attempt to solicit me.
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I’m glad for that! I meant things that could be thought of as sexual harassment or similar. He came up to me and asked for my contact information. Of course I said no…then he said he would pay…
TheLittleLady said:
This one, did a trucker say something suggestive, cat call you, etc.? Want to make sure we are talking about the same sort of thing.
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He rolled down his window and did this weird cutesy wave. He shouted something right after that, but the light turned green and he was hard to hear over noise of his engine. Hit on may or may not be an accurate word, but in context it was very clear that is was not appropriate.
 
Nigel7 said:
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PJH_74:
There’s nothing like knowing some guy probably went home and relieved himself because of how you look. I’d be naive to think this doesn’t happen much more often without us knowing, but keep it to yourself. Don’t remind me I’m just some piece of meat that fulfills your fantasies or fetishes. Don’t assume that because I’m a blonde, wearing a dress that hits a few inches above the knee, sheer black tights, and high hells that I’m for sale.
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You’re right. No trucker should ever assume that a woman is a prostitute simply because she dresses like one.
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That’s uncalled for.
 
If they go so far as to offer money, then that’s disgusting and frankly, sick, and I’d tell them to get away from me before I call the police.
 
Nigel7 said:
You’re right. No trucker should ever assume that a woman is a prostitute simply because she dresses like one.
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What it that supposed to mean? What I’m wearing is business appropriate.
Magnanimity said:
Again, what actually happened? Number was asked for? A date? “Piece of meat” and “I’m for sale” is very dramatic language. I’m curious to know whether these guys found you attractive and then approached you to see whether there was any option to ask you out. Which would be normal human male functioning given biology. Right? Hopefully?
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Why are you asking me to prove myself? The guy offered to pay me for sex and is probably 25-30 years older. This is not normal…nor would it be if he was even close to me in age.
 
PJH_74 said:
Going to the food store today, I was hit on by a trucker at the stop light just before the store. In the store, after being there for about 30 min, a seemingly friendly 70 something looking little man said hi to me. Apparently though he was stalking me through out the store because he proceeded to solicit me about 5 minutes later.
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When I was younger, and better looking, I had girls do this to me too.

I also had one older woman creep me out once on the train because she was reaching for my head and twiddling her fingers in my hair. 😬
PJH_74 said:
This is one of those boys will be boys things and it’s also sexual harassment.
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And this is NOT one of those “boys will be boys” things. Any man who sexually harasses a woman (let alone sexually abuses one) would be lucky if they don’t get beat up by an authentic man.
 
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I was just commenting on how those sort of clothes might be perceived by such and maybe that’s what Nigel meant, not that she was one of those types of people.
 
And good grief. It really doesn’t have a whole lot to do with what she was or wasn’t wearing.

This sort of thing happens way more than men realize. And it happens so often to so many women that they don’t even bother to talk about it most of the time.

And when they do, and a guy hears it, he’s likely to fly off the handle and want to start cracking heads—when in reality there’s nothing he can do about it. It’s just bluster.

So it’s not worth they hassle for them to tell us. My daughter went for a run the other day and said, “I only got four catcalls this time.” My wife dropped my younger daughter (16) at a store and in walking half a block she got comments from teenagers to old men.

What’s the point in their telling me? I get angry but what can I do?
 
Emeraldlady said:
They give the girl their business card and ask them to call them and that is with the covert understanding of paid sex.
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Wow, I never heard that giving a woman a business card was considered being covert for paid sex.

When, I was single, I gave a woman my business card once (and she called me). I just saw it as a simple way to give her my cell phone number since my cell was on the card. 🤷‍♂️
 
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It’s hard to tell without seeing it, and I’m not too familiar with business dress.
 
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