One year of no porn or masturbation!

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JB2VI

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Greetings! I just wanted to celebrate a little and share what I think is good news. I hope this is the right forum. Seems so. This issue comes up a lot here.

I suffered from an addiction (I use that word lightly) to porn and masturbation. One year ago (May I4, 2008) I reached my breaking point and I gave up. I said “ok God, I know I can’t do it on my own anymore. I’ve tried and failed repeatedly. Here I am. I need you. Please help me. I’m all yours.” Since then I’ve have not fallen back into sin on these two issues. Of course, I’m still tempted numerous times a day. There have been times when I looked at a beautiful woman and had sinful thoughts. BUT, with God’s help, the intercession of Mary, Joseph and the saints, and lots of prayers, especially the Rosary, I’ve never acted on the temptations or dwelled too long on lustful thoughts. Along the way I was showed so many ways to improve my way of thinking and living that aided my fight. For example, the contraceptive mentality and the nonchalant attitude to sex outside of marriage had a huge impact on my ability to fight lustful temptations. (For more details on my story, please search my posts by clicking on my name above.)

My fight is far from over, but I know there’s so many men struggling like I was and continue to do; men who want to change but are having difficulty. Our culture certainly doesn’t help when everyone around you says “you’re a man, what do you expect?” “Boys will be boys.” Etc. But I wanted others to know that it can be done, and to provide a thread for “success stories.” With God’s help and grace, I’ll continue to struggle and pray for myself and others.

I’m looking forward to another year!
 
Congratulations! I myself have stayed away from this vice (with many little stumbles along the way) for 8 months now, and I can’t wait for the 1 year mark!

My breaking point was when I was being tempted and thought to myself, “Why am I doing this? It has not made me happy. I always just feel worse afterwards. This is stupid!” And believe me, I had tried to make those feelings of guilt go away, from trying to rationalize what I was doing, to simply shoving the guilt out of my mind. I simply could not do it though, and I attribute that to the graces of confession and prayer.

I’d like to hear from you, how does it feel to live chastely? Personally, the biggest feeling I get from it is freedom! Before giving it up, I was a complete slave to it, and it was horrible. No matter what anyone else says, I know without a doubt that the more you do it, the more you want to do it- you’re never satisfied. The only way to satisfy the desire is NOT to do it!

It certainly is a continuing battle, but it is 100x easier now than 8 months ago.
 
Congratulations!!! :clapping:
You couldn’t have said it any better. i dont have the same issues as you, but when it comes to dealing with my own demons, like you i learned that by fully accepting that i cannot do it on my own and that i need God’s merciful help, makes it a heck of alot easier. I’m very happy you have come this far in your journey of chastity. i will keep you in my prayers 🙂
 
I, too, gave it up for a year. That was when I lived and studied in France for a year. But, today, the internet is a temptation. Living alone doesn’t help matters, either. Your example is encouraging and I am hopeful that I can follow it.
 
Fantastic! Although I’ve had a more liberal view of this topic due to the fact that everyone’s physiology, psychological, and emotional strengths and states are a little different, I do believe that these issues are very important to discuss with young people.

We live in a very sick society that actually celebrates these behaviors that I have found to be not only addictive, but contributes to a mild depression as a result of engaging in them.

Keep up the good work as it is indeed pleasing to the Lord.
😉
 
tplarkin7 said:
I, too, gave it up for a year. That was when I lived and studied in France for a year. But, today, the internet is a temptation. Living alone doesn’t help matters, either. Your example is encouraging and I am hopeful that I can follow it.
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If prayer and self control aren’t providing the stopping power, and you know you are about to fall, start looking for a soft place to land. Skip the internet phase. I believe that most internet pornography it is far more toxic to the mind than the masturbation itself. For people that feel trapped, this is a good short term fix to the pornography part of the issue.
:cool:
 
Praise God! Congratulations, friend. May you continue to be richly blessed.
 
TLM08 said:
If prayer and self control aren’t providing the stopping power, and you know you are about to fall, start looking for a soft place to land. Skip the internet phase. I believe that most internet pornography it is far more toxic to the mind than the masturbation itself. For people that feel trapped, this is a good short term fix to the pornography part of the issue.
:cool:
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That’s a good point. However, the internet is the sole motivation/temptation. I don’t feel tempted when I am away from the net.

I was never interested in porn before the internet. I had never (ok…maybe once) purchased anything related to porn (and still haven’t). I felt too much shame in showing my face before a clerk. But, when pictures of beautiful women are a click away, the temptation is hard to resist.

I look at the internet as a blessing from God. He has given us more freedom with the net. The net porn is a challenge that we must defeat.
 
God Bless You for staying on the narrow but holy path. Whenever anyone feels tempted with porn and/or masturbation, go to Jesus Right Away and repent and ask for the Graces needed and God’s “Correct” thinking. Frequenting, Adoration, confession and Holy Communion will strengthen you also. Also reading JPIIs Theology of the Body to me is a must read for every catholic, it shows what God really intended for our sexuality. Take it from me, i lived with a closet porn watcher and it came out and reared its ugly head many times, including expecting our marriage intimacy to be like a porn movie, i left my husband for good over this issue plus anger issues in january, he chose them and i chose God. He is miserable and im trying to walk that narrow path to salvation, i pray for his salvation, but after 26 years, i am not looking back anymore. God bless all of you fellas and some women, who are struggling with this temptation, block these sites and forget the password u used if u want to use the net for other things and again, stay close to Jesus, Mary and Joseph. God bless, im proud of you and the other posters for your honesty and your chastity, God bless, nancy
 
Wow, I am happy for you and for you others who actually believe that something “everybody” does can be evil and harmful to you. I have been trying for the last twelve years to do what you all seem to be fully capable of doing. And for the last six going to confession and communing with Jesus for it. I don’t know, maybe I’m more screwed up then some other people, but I just can’t seem to get my head on straight. For the last ten years or so, I wasn’t willingly engaging in the acts, but I would wake up in the middle of the night and be unaware I was doing it, and all I could do was feel terrible afterward. Now, though, I have been willingly looking at select pornography(that I feel is less evil) and masturbating. I don’t understand, I pray whenever I think of it, especially after the deed has been done, but I just don’t listen to Jesus. That and I haven’t prayed the Rosary in a while now. I wonder if having children helps to build a good foundation for a moral and ethical life. I don’t plan on having children. Well…I hope I can do what all you are able to do, and have a good and largely unerroneous life. If my intuitive estimates are accurate, if I could just do it for six months I’d be at the top of my game and would never go back.
 
AndrewWGroch said:
Wow, I am happy for you and for you others who actually believe that something “everybody” does can be evil and harmful to you. I have been trying for the last twelve years to do what you all seem to be fully capable of doing. And for the last six going to confession and communing with Jesus for it. I don’t know, maybe I’m more screwed up then some other people, but I just can’t seem to get my head on straight. For the last ten years or so, I wasn’t willingly engaging in the acts, but I would wake up in the middle of the night and be unaware I was doing it, and all I could do was feel terrible afterward. Now, though, I have been willingly looking at select pornography(that I feel is less evil) and masturbating. I don’t understand, I pray whenever I think of it, especially after the deed has been done, but I just don’t listen to Jesus. That and I haven’t prayed the Rosary in a while now. I wonder if having children helps to build a good foundation for a moral and ethical life. I don’t plan on having children. Well…I hope I can do what all you are able to do, and have a good and largely unerroneous life. If my intuitive estimates are accurate, if I could just do it for six months I’d be at the top of my game and would never go back.
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Andrew, the fact that you still feel bad about doing it is a sign of hope and a grace. Here is what I think that you should do (things that help me).
  1. Make a face to face appointment with a priest. Make it one who you have heard speak against it in his homilies. Confession has not been enough for you. There is not enough time for the priest to help you during normal confessional hours.
  2. Go back for follow-up appointments with the priest.
  3. If you fail, go to confession the very next day.
  4. Sign up for a holy hour. (I kept a holy out or 10pm on Fridays for years)
  5. Say the rosary every night before bed or even in bed.
  6. Fast from the internet. Use it only for work.
  7. Restrict you tv watching. I only watch some baseball and science/history type shows now. I will not watch any movie with nudity or anything close to it. Our whole culture is working against us and for the enemy we must not engage this element of our culture.
  8. Don’t listen to sports talk or other sophomoric radio stations. (I listen almost solely to catholic radio.)
  9. Get involve with some sort of men’s group at your parish or a nearby one.
  10. Don’t look at underwear adds or any such thing that comes in the mail.
  11. Trust in Jesus not in people.
  12. Never give up, always try again. Once you give in some really bad things can happen.
  13. Know that it does hurt other even if you think (at the time) that there is no victims. (for one you a victim and it hurt you, plus the very act of clicking on a link increases its popularity and will draw others to that site)
  14. You mentioned (not) having children- Know that the desires men have are not themselves bad, they are very good. They are there to encourage us to create life! This desire has been misdirected. If you remember what the purpose of our sexuality is it helps.
Finally, know that you are not alone. I know that little voice that temps you “to just take a quick look” at this or that or makes you “curious”, doesn’t hurt anybody. It is the enemy. He can’t make you do it but he will temp you to do it.

God Bless You.
  • Bill
    Free for 9 months.
PS, Andrew feel free to send me a message, I would be happy to talk if it will help you.
 
Luke_K said:
I’d like to hear from you, how does it feel to live chastely? Personally, the biggest feeling I get from it is freedom! Before giving it up, I was a complete slave to it, and it was horrible. No matter what anyone else says, I know without a doubt that the more you do it, the more you want to do it- you’re never satisfied. The only way to satisfy the desire is NOT to do it!
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I agree! I too felt like a slave to it and giving it up has been the biggest feeling of freedom. I control my desires. They don’t control me anymore. Of course, this doesn’t mean that I don’t have desires or that I suppress them, I now choose how to express and satisfy them. Before, the lust was insatiable, I had to look and act, and the more I did, the more I wanted. It started to lead me down corridors that I never thought I would have gone. Don’t’ misunderstand me; at every step of my life with this issue, there has always been a choice. The whole way, I rationalized and tried to explain to myself why it wasn’t so bad. Meanwhile, it was taking more and more time from my life and my family.

I felt bad after every time. Something was wrong with the whole scenario…detached and impersonal. The stuff starts to leak into your everyday life and you start depersonalize people, especially women. Women become objects meant for the visual and sexual pleasure of men. You develop unrealistic ideals about women, sex, and relationships. Your mind begins to place every woman you meet into some pornographic category. It’s not a victim-less act. I struggle with this issue for over 7 years.

My only way out was a complete surrendering to God and his Church. Contrary to what others think, the Catholic teachings on sex, sexuality, and our bodies are, in fact, empowering. I’ve learned so much and corrected so many misunderstandings about the Church and its teachings. I now know now that we are all part of such a grand design that ties the past and future together. I understand how God meant for sex and its pleasures to be spectacular and meaningful. The beauty in the body is not just the physical, but also the mind and soul and the presence of God and his handiwork. Life now has been great!

HOWEVER, it has not been an easy road. I agree 100% with Bill (“WHM”) above. His 14 steps were the exact steps I took, without the benefit of knowing the steps before hand. It was a bit of trial an error for me. All 14 steps are needed too. As silly as it may sound, this is indeed a war for our minds, hearts, and souls. There can be no compromise. No quarter given. In order to beat the problem, you cannot swear off the internet but continue to see movies with sexual scenes, or look at swimsuit (or lingerie) catalogs, watch “Reality TV” that has women in exposing outfits or promiscuous contestants *, or listen to certain music. Remember, Jesus calls for all or nothing. He will spit out the warm water. Once you are mindful of what you see and do, you’ll see that sexual messages are all over the place.

I am still far from perfect. I have strong desires, which are not bad in and of themselves. I resist the urge to “create my own scene” with a beautiful woman that may pass me by or may be in a TV commercial, or on a billboard. Although I don’t turn to porn or masturbation anymore, I still have all those years of images, faces, bodies, names, webpages, etc. in my head. They surface every now again. I respond with a prayer, for myself and for the person in the image. I don’t dwell on the image either. That would be a sin and the road back.

Don’t listen to those people that will say “you’re a guy, its expected” or “that’s normal”. Its not. Men are meant to be men as St. Joseph was. God calls us to be so much more than just animals responding to lustful desires. I also pray to St. Joseph, St. Monica, and St. Augustine for help on these issues.

God bless you all.*
 
Wow, finally a site with a forum where my thoughts don’t get violently discredited soon after I express them!

Thanks Bill, for the advice and steps. I’ve actually done most if not almost all of those things already. I’ve been to a general confession a few months ago. I don’t think I will ever enter the fold, though. The thought of practicing kung-fu out in the forest passes through my mind every once-in-a-while though.

It’s not my intention to cloister myself. I honestly think that if I turn a blind eye to bad things I will eventually aid in closing those people off into their personal Hell, and if I don’t do it I may be able to help people who desperately need it(whether they know it or not). I see no problem in looking at women in lingerie or bathing suits as long as I am unobjectively, and I am able to see fault(though I don’t want to judge, and at the same time I don’t want to deny the obvious either). To me functionality is very important, and a bathing suit function is to allow as much sunlight and water as possible to tough the skin, not necessarily to flaunt a woman’s qualities.

Though it could be I am not doing things as right as I hope. After all, I am making mistakes. Maybe I’m fighting my own battle in my own way, and Jesus can aid but not win it for me. Maybe I am being manipulated by the devil to be decievingly self-reliant, judging others as good enough or too bad.

I haven’t prayed the Rosary in a while, to tell the whole story; I was praying it once a day on my knees, and I got the feeling that the further I went from the person I was the more I was leaving behind people who needed help. I actually heard Jesus telling me to not pray it, although even my priest thinks that that was NOT God; that it was only the devil because Jesus would NEVER tell me not to pray. Needless to say, either I’m a paranoid schizophrenic in the clutches of Satan or Jesus wanted me to stop and reflect - that and I am still confused about it. But I’m sure I’ll pray it again and keep praying it.

Thanks again, I’m going to read back over that list now.

Andrew
 
Thank you my brothers in Christ. I can say that I haven’t watched bad stuff or masturbated for a short time but please pray for me that I too give it all up so that it is no longer I who live but Christ who lives within me.
 
JB2VI,

Blessed be God! It is a battle, but Jesus is victor.

Andrew,

I’m convinced that honesty – of the type you’re showing right now – is key. I’ve dealt with the same struggle for almost 20 years now, and I have (just over the last several months) found a freedom from this sin that I never imagined. God wants us to be humble before Him, which means that this struggle can work in our favor. But it will only work in our favor if we allow Him to win the victory for us.
AndrewWGroch said:
I wonder if having children helps to build a good foundation for a moral and ethical life. I don’t plan on having children.
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What a curious statement! It is doubtless true that having children has helped some men become more serious about their lives, but it is also true that having children isn’t magic. We need to love God wherever we are, whatever our circumstance, and this love will plant the seeds of change in our lives.

That said, how can you say “I don’t plan on having children”? Isn’t it all about God’s plan, not yours?
 
I to have stuggled with this problem from the age of i think 11. I am now 25 and the great lord has opened my eyes to what i was really doing. since Easter i have stoped for good and i would have to say confession and prayers helped me alot. since easter i wanted to start going to confession at least once a month but i have been going once ever 2 or 3 weeks some time weekly.

i dont go to night clubs or bars and when looking at others i make sure my eyes are always looking towards there faces. i dont listen to much music either because most of it is about sex and i dont really watch much television shows or movies. its funny because when i even see something about to happen i quicky change the channel. i feel i have been strengthened

however it still not easy because even thou i dont act on them just the thought in itself makes me think i am commiting a sin. Sometimes the thought no mater how much i dont want it will not go away no matter how much i try to resist.

God has opened my eyes and i would say he has also warned me that if I didn’t stop this proplem then i think i would of sent myself to hell. It would not have been GODS fault but my own.

I have a very good prayer to say asking God through the holy spirit in the name of jusus crist for strength which can be said everyday or even when temted and it really a person. i’ll see if i can find it on the next and will popst it here asap. NEVER GIVE UP.
 
Here is the prayer. i could not find the internet site i got it from so i decided to scan the printed copy i had. i hope it will help as many people on here as possible from these problems that alot of us face.

Prayers for Strength
This page is part of our sample prayers section
This prayer is based on Ephesians 3:16-19, where Paul prays for the
Ephesians for strengthening of their “inner man.” The Holy Spirit is the one
that accomplishes that strengthening:
“Father God, I confess that I am a sinner,and that I am weak in the face of
temptation. Please forgive me for my sins in name of Jesus Christ. Lord, I put
my trust and strength in You. I ask that you will strengthen me with Your might
through your Spirit in my inner man today. I pray that Jesus would dwell in my
heart and I believe that He will by faith. I ask for your wisdom and
understanding concerning Jesus love for me. I thank you for what Jesus
did for me on the cross, and I desire to walk resurrected with Him in
obedience, joy and love today. Please fill me with your fullness through Your
Holy Spirit today. To You be all the glory, honor and praise. Amen.”
“Lord God, I thank you for your promise of being with me at all times. Thank
you that with You, I do not have to fear anything. Lord I thank you that you will
strengthen me now and help me through this struggle; that you will uphold me
with your righteous right hand. Please send your Holy Spirit to help me
withstand the adversary. In Jesus Name I pray, Amen.”
(based on Isaiah 41: 10)
“Lord God, I pray that you will now strengthen and purify my heart, so that I
will be blameless and holy in your presence. Lord I thank you that even
though I have ignored you and lived a life filled with sin, you have promised to
strengthen me so that I may counted as righteous in your sight. In Jesus
Name I pray, Amen.” (based on 1 Thessalonians 3:13 & Isaiah 45:5)
“Dear Jesus, I place my hope and trust in you. I pray you will now strengthen
me as you have promised, that I may stand against the enemy (Satan) and
his forces of evil. Thank you for renewing my strength, enabling me to soar on
wings like the eagles, to run and not grow weary, to walk and not be faint.
Lord please be my strength today in keeping my thoughts pure and obedient
to Jesus Christ, keeping my eyes free from pornography and lust. Thank you,
Lord Jesus, Amen.” (based on Isaiah 40:31)
 
JB2VI said:
Greetings! I just wanted to celebrate a little and share what I think is good news. I hope this is the right forum. Seems so. This issue comes up a lot here.

I suffered from an addiction (I use that word lightly) to porn and masturbation. One year ago (May I4, 2008) I reached my breaking point and I gave up. I said “ok God, I know I can’t do it on my own anymore. I’ve tried and failed repeatedly. Here I am. I need you. Please help me. I’m all yours.” Since then I’ve have not fallen back into sin on these two issues. Of course, I’m still tempted numerous times a day. There have been times when I looked at a beautiful woman and had sinful thoughts. BUT, with God’s help, the intercession of Mary, Joseph and the saints, and lots of prayers, especially the Rosary, I’ve never acted on the temptations or dwelled too long on lustful thoughts. Along the way I was showed so many ways to improve my way of thinking and living that aided my fight. For example, the contraceptive mentality and the nonchalant attitude to sex outside of marriage had a huge impact on my ability to fight lustful temptations. (For more details on my story, please search my posts by clicking on my name above.)

My fight is far from over, but I know there’s so many men struggling like I was and continue to do; men who want to change but are having difficulty. Our culture certainly doesn’t help when everyone around you says “you’re a man, what do you expect?” “Boys will be boys.” Etc. But I wanted others to know that it can be done, and to provide a thread for “success stories.” With God’s help and grace, I’ll continue to struggle and pray for myself and others.

I’m looking forward to another year!
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Thank you Jesus for giving victory and i pray that you will always give this person the grace to fly to the shelter of your wings for protection whenever he is tempted.

God bless you for sharing Christ’s victory for you with us.
 
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