Online dating and chatting questions

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I’ve met some guys on dating site. Guy # 1, messaged me and said something that he liked about my profile picture, exchange a few more messages. Asks if we could chat on Viber or something. I didn’t get to respond immediately and when I was going to the next day, I got a message from him saying that if I didn’t want to give my number yet, it’s okay and we could continue chatting on the site. It’s easier for me to chat on Viber, so I messaged him saying I’m the one from the site. We continued our conversation and talked a bit our uni, and asked each other about work and so forth. He asked me about my interests so I told him, and I asked him about his. He didn’t respond, but asked me more regarding my interests. Conversation ended naturally. Didn’t hear from him anything for days, so I thought that was that. Ten days later, I get a message from saying what’s up? So I asked him how he was, just exchanging pleasantries, and whether he got to attend an event organized by his high school weeks ago. Again, he asked something to which I replied to, but when I asked him, he didn’t respond. That was days ago and haven’t heard from him. How can I get to know him more if he’s not responding to my questions?

Guy # 2 adds me as a contact, says hi, and asks whether we could chat on Viber. Same drill, I contact him there saying I’m from the site. I asked him about his hobby that was mentioned in his profile and we talked a bit about that. Topic drifts to the dating site and what we thought of it. He asks me why I joined, I ask him. Exchanged info about what we did for work, and he also asked me where I was from. Conversation ends and picks up later at night as he asked me if I’m already home. I say yes and asks him if he attended a singles event held weeks ago which I went to. We talked a bit about that.

As you can see, the getting to know you has ended before it even started. Are info such as work and interests sufficient to decide that you don’t want to continue getting to know a person anymore? For the second guy, we didn’t even get to talk about our interests (except for the one which I asked about him on his profile), just work and where we lived.

There are several other guys who’ve contacted me and similarly, asked if we could chat on Viber or Facebook. I haven’t replied and I’m not sure if I want to even start communicating,when just knowing very little info about the other person, you stop. Why reach out to a person in the first place if you’re not going to communicate?

The situation is different from the experiences of others. Most of what I’ve read about people meeting online and they exchange complete and regular messages, but after some time, it fizzles out. I haven’t read of a more similar experience to what I’ve just described, that’s why I asking.

For those of you who have experienced lengthy online communication, was it because of a common interest, etc?
 
Hubby and I met here on CAF. We didn’t have common interests at all, except the part of being Catholic and living accordingly. In my opinion, looking back, I guess our courtship was more like that of missionary dating since he was a revert Catholic with higher struggles and I just wanted to be the one to be that instrument in his life, be his confidant and the cheerleader in his spiritual journey. It all started with that and then we moved to talking about what we do and what we like and what we are doing and were gonna do, our outlooks, our plans, politics, people , family situations, secrets, etc.

I think that to make people open up, you gotta touch an intimate topic such as how intimate you are with God, your plan of life (of daily prayer), etc.
 
fin said:
I’ve met some guys on dating site. Guy # 1, messaged me and said something that he liked about my profile picture, exchange a few more messages. Asks if we could chat on Viber or something. I didn’t get to respond immediately and when I was going to the next day, I got a message from him saying that if I didn’t want to give my number yet, it’s okay and we could continue chatting on the site. It’s easier for me to chat on Viber, so I messaged him saying I’m the one from the site. We continued our conversation and talked a bit our uni, and asked each other about work and so forth. He asked me about my interests so I told him, and I asked him about his. He didn’t respond, but asked me more regarding my interests. Conversation ended naturally. Didn’t hear from him anything for days, so I thought that was that. Ten days later, I get a message from saying what’s up? So I asked him how he was, just exchanging pleasantries, and whether he got to attend an event organized by his high school weeks ago. Again, he asked something to which I replied to, but when I asked him, he didn’t respond. That was days ago and haven’t heard from him. How can I get to know him more if he’s not responding to my questions?

Guy # 2 adds me as a contact, says hi, and asks whether we could chat on Viber. Same drill, I contact him there saying I’m from the site. I asked him about his hobby that was mentioned in his profile and we talked a bit about that. Topic drifts to the dating site and what we thought of it. He asks me why I joined, I ask him. Exchanged info about what we did for work, and he also asked me where I was from. Conversation ends and picks up later at night as he asked me if I’m already home. I say yes and asks him if he attended a singles event held weeks ago which I went to. We talked a bit about that.

As you can see, the getting to know you has ended before it even started. Are info such as work and interests sufficient to decide that you don’t want to continue getting to know a person anymore? For the second guy, we didn’t even get to talk about our interests (except for the one which I asked about him on his profile), just work and where we lived.

There are several other guys who’ve contacted me and similarly, asked if we could chat on Viber or Facebook. I haven’t replied and I’m not sure if I want to even start communicating,when just knowing very little info about the other person, you stop. Why reach out to a person in the first place if you’re not going to communicate?

The situation is different from the experiences of others. Most of what I’ve read about people meeting online and they exchange complete and regular messages, but after some time, it fizzles out. I haven’t read of a more similar experience to what I’ve just described, that’s why I asking.

For those of you who have experienced lengthy online communication, was it because of a common interest, etc?
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I’ve never done online dating myself, but I bet guy #1 was messaging a lot of women at the same time, which was why he was doing such a lousy job of having a conversation with you. He just sounds really shady, especially with the never talking about himself when asked.

I suspect a lot of the stuff you are experiencing is the result of guys with too many plates in the air. It’s not necessarily that they’re not interested in you, but they’re trying too hard to message too many women at the same time to be able to treat each one as a distinct individual. (You know how when you go apartment hunting or house hunting and all the floorplans seem to melt together in your memory afterward?–same thing.)

It sounds like you are getting a decent amount of interest. That’s very good. The bad thing is that it doesn’t sound like you have a lot in common with the guys who are contacting you. How about going with a more specific site, developing a more specific profile, or just not moving on to Viber at least until after you meet people in person? If you made that last thing a personal rule, it’s something you could share with guys who contact you asking to take contact offsite. That way it’s their choice–they can either move to meeting in person or move on.

Good luck!
 
  1. Stay on the site at least until you have established a fairly good exchange! I wouldn’t give them a number to Viber or any other similar service until you have a VERY well established chat history thru the site.
    (( BTW: are you aware that Viber has taken your entire contact list on your mobile device and stored/sync’d that information on their overseas servers? Have you read their terms of use - especially as it regards to they use of that information? ))
  2. Be very careful about your personal life and details; does the term “Catfish” ring any bells? With very little information it is possible to steal your identity and really mess up your life.
  3. :eek: “High school event” unless you’re talking about an alumni reunion, IMHO, high school age young adults need to stay away from dating sites. In general (and my personal opinion), all too often there are too many creeps mixed in with the respectable on these sites and young adults need a lot more experience about how to tell them apart. Once again, I point to “catfishing!”
 
z_0101 said:
  1. Stay on the site at least until you have established a fairly good exchange! I wouldn’t give them a number to Viber or any other similar service until you have a VERY well established chat history thru the site.
    (( BTW: are you aware that Viber has taken your entire contact list on your mobile device and stored/sync’d that information on their overseas servers? Have you read their terms of use - especially as it regards to they use of that information? ))
  2. Be very careful about your personal life and details; does the term “Catfish” ring any bells? With very little information it is possible to steal your identity and really mess up your life.
  3. :eek: “High school event” unless you’re talking about an alumni reunion, IMHO, high school age young adults need to stay away from dating sites. In general (and my personal opinion), all too often there are too many creeps mixed in with the respectable on these sites and young adults need a lot more experience about how to tell them apart. Once again, I point to “catfishing!”
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Good advice! 👍
 
Honestly, I think a lot of people are just awkward texters, and getting to know someone for the first time through texting/messaging/emailing is difficult. A lot of conversation is conveyed by voice inflection and body language, take that out of the equation and you’re just exchanging information.

I once met a girl online and we had a lot of interests and I thought she was funny, but the first time we talked on the phone, she started speaking negatively about her sister, and I knew that it wasn’t going to work out. Who badmouths their sister to a (nearly) complete stranger? If we just kept our conversations online, it might have sounded different, and I may have felt sympathy for her, but speaking about it in person really changed my feelings.

In your conversations, you need to experience their personalities; what they joke about, what they think about life, things like that. You have to make emotional connections with people. If you’re just sticking to small talk, what’s the point? I hate small talk! I just went to visit my extended family this weekend and I heard the same questions 10 times!!! How’s your job? How’s your apartment? blah blah blah.

Your conversations probably stopped because your guys bored themselves to death. So you can either wait for their guys to up their game, or you can take the initiative. Instead of asking what school they go to ( I mean, do you really care?) Ask them what helped them decide on their program of study. Instead of asking them what town their from, ask them what their favorite game to play as a child was. Give them a funny nickname (to do that, you should know something about them). Find out what their passion in life is. What are they doing to make the world a better place? Be generally interested in getting to know their soul, not their routine, blech!!

Be interesting, be funny, and look for a guy who is the same.

Or don’t listen to me, if I knew what I was talking about I wouldn’t still be single:rotfl:
 
Stephen_says said:
Honestly, I think a lot of people are just awkward texters, and getting to know someone for the first time through texting/messaging/emailing is difficult. A lot of conversation is conveyed by voice inflection and body language, take that out of the equation and you’re just exchanging information.

I once met a girl online and we had a lot of interests and I thought she was funny, but the first time we talked on the phone, she started speaking negatively about her sister, and I knew that it wasn’t going to work out. Who badmouths their sister to a (nearly) complete stranger? If we just kept our conversations online, it might have sounded different, and I may have felt sympathy for her, but speaking about it in person really changed my feelings.

In your conversations, you need to experience their personalities; what they joke about, what they think about life, things like that. You have to make emotional connections with people. If you’re just sticking to small talk, what’s the point? I hate small talk! I just went to visit my extended family this weekend and I heard the same questions 10 times!!! How’s your job? How’s your apartment? blah blah blah.

Your conversations probably stopped because your guys bored themselves to death. So you can either wait for their guys to up their game, or you can take the initiative. Instead of asking what school they go to ( I mean, do you really care?) Ask them what helped them decide on their program of study. Instead of asking them what town their from, ask them what their favorite game to play as a child was. Give them a funny nickname (to do that, you should know something about them). Find out what their passion in life is. What are they doing to make the world a better place? Be generally interested in getting to know their soul, not their routine, blech!!

Be interesting, be funny, and look for a guy who is the same.

Or don’t listen to me, if I knew what I was talking about I wouldn’t still be single:rotfl:
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No, that’s really very good. (No nicknames, though! :eek:)

That was very insightful. It just is hard to relate on that level, when you don’t have an obvious shared interest or an activity that you are doing together.
 
I don’t have any experience with online dating. But when my husband and I were first getting to know one another (as friends at work) we had a lot of email conversations. I grew to really look forward to his daily emails, and something that initially attracted me to him was how detail-oriented and thorough he was. Any question I asked him, he answered. He asked me questions about myself and remembered things I told him. Maybe it’s corny, but it almost felt like the stories you hear about your grandparents writing letters to each other. A lot of our early communication happened way back in the day on instant messenger every night too.

Obviously this situation was different than not knowing someone in person, but it sounds like you are more interested in someone like my husband who is committed to really getting to know you, instead of making polite chit-chat. A lot of the people you will meet online are chatting with other people too, so I’m not sure how likely you are to find that right away. You have to move beyond the superficial, and if you’re asking someone questions and he isn’t responding with any details, or the conversation just isn’t flowing, it’s probably not the right person. So, you can either decide it’s not worth the effort or keep trying until you find someone who really wants to get to know you. I guess I can’t speak for anyone else, but in my own case the conversation was very easy and I didn’t spend a lot of time trying to analyze anything. If you question whether or not someone likes you, you probably have your answer.
 
Just a short word about Viber: this app raids the user’s contact list. This is an intended feature, not a bug, according to Viber’s responses to requests to make that optional rather than required. I like my privacy so I refuse to install it on my phone. I’ve never gone near Whatsapp as I’m under the impression that app requires a Facebook login and I don’t do Facebook.

BBM (Blackberry Messenger) apparently doesn’t require access to your contact list so that’s the one chat app that is on my phone. Skype is ok on the desktop, not on the phone. I believe the newer versions of Android will allow the user to go app by app to withdraw specific permissions to items like contact list, etc. At least I know mine does so that’s worth looking into.
 
Stephen_says said:
Honestly, I think a lot of people are just awkward texters, and getting to know someone for the first time through texting/messaging/emailing is difficult. A lot of conversation is conveyed by voice inflection and body language, take that out of the equation and you’re just exchanging information.

I once met a girl online and we had a lot of interests and I thought she was funny, but the first time we talked on the phone, she started speaking negatively about her sister, and I knew that it wasn’t going to work out. Who badmouths their sister to a (nearly) complete stranger? If we just kept our conversations online, it might have sounded different, and I may have felt sympathy for her, but speaking about it in person really changed my feelings.

In your conversations, you need to experience their personalities; what they joke about, what they think about life, things like that. You have to make emotional connections with people. If you’re just sticking to small talk, what’s the point? I hate small talk! I just went to visit my extended family this weekend and I heard the same questions 10 times!!! How’s your job? How’s your apartment? blah blah blah.

Your conversations probably stopped because your guys bored themselves to death. So you can either wait for their guys to up their game, or you can take the initiative. Instead of asking what school they go to ( I mean, do you really care?) Ask them what helped them decide on their program of study. Instead of asking them what town their from, ask them what their favorite game to play as a child was. Give them a funny nickname (to do that, you should know something about them). Find out what their passion in life is. What are they doing to make the world a better place? Be generally interested in getting to know their soul, not their routine, blech!!

Be interesting, be funny, and look for a guy who is the same.

Or don’t listen to me, if I knew what I was talking about I wouldn’t still be single:rotfl:
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This resonates to me OP:)

For me personally OP,I don’t really care that much about shared hobbies but I’ve noticed for some people it seems to be really important and can cause them to decide the other person isn’t “the one for them” if they don’t share their hobbies in bike cycling or whatever…
So when you are dating it’s good to keep in mind you will come across a few individuals like that and just let it be.
Also,to me,10 days doesn’t seem that big of a deal and he may still may contact again,but like Xantippe mentioned he’s probably talking with a few girls and seeing who he connects with best.
Maybe Skype or the phone would work better because then you can “see” each other’s personalities abit better instead of a “check list” of interests and occupations?
 
Elena321 said:
Maybe Skype or the phone would work better because then you can “see” each other’s personalities abit better instead of a “check list” of interests and occupations?
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Here again, I strongly advise against any initial contact (see post#4) outside of the forums. There are too many creeps out there that use these dating sites to trap the unsuspecting.
 
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