Online Dating and Grammar

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Kateri92

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So, I met this really cool guy online about a week ago, but his grammar can be really confusing. Other places online suggest not to interact with people who have bad grammar since it could be a scam or something like that. But, this guy speaks English as a second language. I don’t think it makes total sense to write someone off because of their grammar. We are both Catholic and have a lot of the same interests, but I’m just confused about the grammar thing. Should I take the grammar mistakes as a warning?
 
Arrange to meet in person.

If he won’t, it was a scam.

If he can’t because he lives too far away from you, then he’s not a potential person to date anyway. You really should restrict yourself to a reasonable distance limit for practical purposes.

Do not form a “relationship” online. Online dating is simply for the purpose of connecting and taking it offline to see if there’s any potential there. If the “relationship” stays purely online, you have no idea who you are dealing with and risk being scammed.

And yes, poor grammar is a warning sign. But an unwillingness to meet you in person will be a bigger warning sign.
 
Kateri92 said:
So, I met this really cool guy online about a week ago, but his grammar can be really confusing. Other places online suggest not to interact with people who have bad grammar since it could be a scam or something like that. But, this guy speaks English as a second language. I don’t think it makes total sense to write someone off because of their grammar. We are both Catholic and have a lot of the same interests, but I’m just confused about the grammar thing. Should I take the grammar mistakes as a warning?
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Take it slowly and notice EVERYTHING that raises concern at this point. Do not give too much identifying information – I met a man through Catholic Match end of July and only told him my last name a week ago! (to be fair, he never asked 😊)

Don’t necessarily stop getting to know this man over his grammar, but don’t just ignore it either. If anything else “makes you wonder” as you go along, perhaps you’ll start to see a pattern that indicates to end things. Or perhaps you’ll see a pattern that indicates everything’s on the up-and-up.

I was in communication with a local man who was from Mexico. His grammar was poor, as was some of his spelling, but everything else added up, so we communicated for awhile until we decided that we just didn’t seem to have a connection, if you will.

Take it slow and keep your wits about you 😃

God bless you!

Gertie
 
Grammatical mistakes, like spelling mistakes, can signify one thing when the person is a native speaker of English but something quite different when it’s someone who has learnt English as a foreign language, which seems to be the case here. Perhaps he can carry on learning and carry on improving his English.
 
Things that bother you now will bother you later and will probably be amplified when you have a major disagreement.

But I would use the opportunity to learn some of the other person’s native language, especially you are in a more fun relationship. Or even if you’re not. 🙂
 
His spelling mistakes don’t bother me. If he is who he says he is, I think its kind of cute. But, I have yet to find a reason why I should think he isn’t telling the truth. He is quite laid back and kind. He has already offered to pray for me and ask if there is anything he can do for me. Though I’m not letting myself get too swept off my feet because I have talked to a guy online before I later found out was very married. So, I’m just taking it slow at this point. Everything has been adding up so far. He lives kind of far away but on the same side of the country.
 
Unexplained ridiculous grammar is a major warning sign that the person is trying to deceive you. If he has already admitted that English is his second language and explained where he is from and where he currently lives and you are okay with that, it’s not so much of a warning sign. It’s only when the person is claiming to be an associate in a law firm in Detroit and their writing style looks more like that of an African person with a 6th grade education that you should run the other way. (Particularly if they start having crises and ask you for money.)
 
Grammar mistakes on a resume are bad because you are trying to show you are the best candidate. Also, if the position requires a lot of communication via email and such, it could look bad on the company.

Now, we have determined that for certain jobs, this guy’s grammar could be a no-go. So if you are OK that he will probably never be an English teacher :p, or something else that requires perfect grammar I honestly don’t see the problem

Angie
 
Well, you need to acknowledge it’s there. The worst thing you can do in on-line dating is make lame excuses about your partner to keep a dead-end/scam going.

Here are some guidelines:
  1. Have a decent profile and treat it like an investment. Don’t throw up a fuzzy, old senior picture especially if it doesn’t look like you. Don’t try it for just a month, complain it doesn’t or can’t work and give up.
  2. Have pictures up of you having fun. You don’t have to look glamorous ALL them time.
  3. If you sign up for Catholic Match, it’s a “man’s market”, even though most if not all the guys on there don’t realize it. So I guess you could say you’ll be competing (not a bad, catty sort of way) for attention to some extent
  4. Like I said with 1, you’ll need to invest (that is pay) for the site. However, if the site has added features like message forums, well, just remember WHY you are on there. I would think no one would need to pay $25 a month to argue religion, politics or sports with someone on-line…
  5. Don’t take any nonsense. Follow your feminine instincts and don’t make excuses for men just because they look and/or are “different”.
  6. Be VERY wary of international dating and dating those who are not residents in your country. VISA scams happen a lot on-line.
  7. Signing for a Catholic site and meeting people locally will reduce headaches greatly It is to your advantage to see the person you are in a relationship with often. Skype, the phone and on-line chat are not nor ever will be substitutes for in-person dating.
  8. Know that a lot of people with depression, mental issues, ect. seek attention and dating on-line as well. Some of them can be in a decent relationship and have these issues managed and some do not.
  9. If you’re really not interested in someone, let them know. Some sites have discreet features for this.
  10. Avoid men who are married, engaged on dating sites unless they are site administration. Do not entertain any advances from such men.
  11. Be a little wary of guys who insist on just being friends and don’t be surprised if suddenly, they declare their undying love for you. Instead, refer them to this site and to me specifically for a nice talk.
  12. If you are with someone who doesn’t match up with the values on their profile, by all means inquire as to why. If you find yourself compromising Catholic values, that’s a red flag.
  13. NEVER EVER send money to people on-line you wish to date. It is NOT being nice, it is most certainly SCANDAL. In fact, don’t even think of getting financially involved at least until you are engaged for a Catholic wedding.
  14. Avoid drama storms at all costs. Don’t fight with someone on-line or on social media; Block them, remove them. (I’ve done this with women several times). If someone is threatening harm to you or themselves, don’t cave and don’t feel like you have to be there or it will be your fault. Call the police.
  15. It’s probably more so the case for women, but don’t be surprised if you are talking to or even dating a guy and he’s still talking to other women on-line. Obviously, if you two are committed, that’s a big problem and grounds to end the encounter. However, it’s not unusual for people to be talking to multiple prospects at once. If you need clear boundaries set once it gets more “serious”, fine. But also don’t make it look like you’re checking up on his activity all the time, either.
  16. It might take more than one encounter to find the right guy, and that’s okay.
  17. HAVE FUN
 
underacloud said:
Arrange to meet in person.

If he won’t, it was a scam.

If he can’t because he lives too far away from you, then he’s not a potential person to date anyway. You really should restrict yourself to a reasonable distance limit for practical purposes.

Do not form a “relationship” online. Online dating is simply for the purpose of connecting and taking it offline to see if there’s any potential there. If the “relationship” stays purely online, you have no idea who you are dealing with and risk being scammed.

And yes, poor grammar is a warning sign. But an unwillingness to meet you in person will be a bigger warning sign.
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I basically agree with this. If this an international relationship, you’re wasting your time.
 
SuperLuigi said:
  1. Be a little wary of guys who insist on just being friends and don’t be surprised if suddenly, they declare their undying love for you. Instead, refer them to this site and to me specifically for a nice talk.
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I really need to know "what will you tell these guys?’
 
The adjectives cool and cute probably echo something in you that is being engaged here, more than they describe him.

Laid back and kind describe his first few posts. That may not mean anything.

In any case all guys know how to do cute, especially the under-60s (and some over 60s I hear of)!

Now think: why doesn’t he make the effort to learn better English before he thinks of using a “dating website”?

He may have shame issues over education.

All men and women around him may isolate him for no good reason. While considering dating, you cannot support another’s (big) burden at the same time.
 
Vic_Taltrees_UK said:
The adjectives cool and cute probably echo something in you that is being engaged here, more than they describe him.

Laid back and kind describe his first few posts. That may not mean anything.

In any case all guys know how to do cute, especially the under-60s (and some over 60s I hear of)!

Now think: why doesn’t he make the effort to learn better English before he thinks of using a “dating website”?

He may have shame issues over education.

All men and women around him may isolate him for no good reason. While considering dating, you cannot support another’s (big) burden at the same time.
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He’s got a BA degree from his country. And, I was just explaining that it doesn’t bother me that he has bad grammar. It is just that there are so many people freaking out online about that type of thing that I wanted to see what everyone here thought. I personally don’t feel at all threatened right now and I have instincts that will be set off by the slightest thing. Right now I feel totally safe.
 
So to update here: I really like this guy but he just told me in passing conversation that he likes being single even though he seems to want to continue our conversation. I translate this as a big flapping red flag. So, I don’t think it will work out. sigh 😊

Its a real bummer. I just haven’t had much luck with the whole online dating thing. Correction: the dating thing in general. 😦

Sometimes I feel like a different species.
 
Kateri92 said:
So to update here: I really like this guy but he just told me in passing conversation that he likes being single even though he seems to want to continue our conversation. I translate this as a big flapping red flag. So, I don’t think it will work out. sigh 😊

Its a real bummer. I just haven’t had much luck with the whole online dating thing. Correction: the dating thing in general. 😦

Sometimes I feel like a different species.
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:hug3: Hang in there, dear sister. It won’t always be like this.

God bless you abundantly!

Gertie
 
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