Online Dating: Is it worth it?

[agapewolf]

That sounds like Catholic Match. Many of us complained because it claimed to be a Catholic site yet the men often weren’t. They were either non Catholic (quite a few were atheist)or were not living as Catholic. Many admitted they wanted sex more than anything else.

I’ve been on Catholic match a very long time and this simply isn’t true.
“Quite a few were atheists”. I’ve not met one of those yet on there.
Nor the ones who “wanted sex more than anything else”

 

[TeachCatechism]

I’ve been on Catholic match a very long time and this simply isn’t true.
“Quite a few were atheists”. I’ve not met one of those yet on there.
Nor the ones who “wanted sex more than anything else”

Unfortunately I came across a few. A few Muslims too. I don’t know why they were on the site, I think it was during a free weekend or something like that. Many guys there wanted sex, many bluntly asked for it. Others were simply delusional about age. Don’t believe me? then ask other older women. Many guys shouldn’t have been there since it says “people eligible to marry in the church”.

 

[agapewolf]

Unfortunately I came across a few. A few Muslims too. I don’t know why they were on the site, I think it was during a free weekend or something like that. Many guys there wanted sex, many bluntly asked for it. Others were simply delusional about age. Don’t believe me? then ask other older women. Many guys shouldn’t have been there since it says “people eligible to marry in the church”.

There’s never been a free weekend on catholicmatch.

 

[TeachCatechism]

There’s never been a free weekend on catholicmatch.

Then they paid but I definitely came across men who shouldn’t have been there. I never came across it, but there were apparently scammers too.

 

[Andre1000]

When I was on a christian site, no women replied except very few when I did not have a profile picture.

 

[SuperLuigi]

Then they paid but I definitely came across men who shouldn’t have been there. I never came across it, but there were apparently scammers too.

I’m guessing they lied about the free weekend in order to mask their presence of standing out on a Catholic site.

 

[SuperLuigi]

When I was on a christian site, no women replied except very few when I did not have a profile picture.

If you’re going to date on-line, you do need to put forth effort in the investment. Not having a profile picture can be a real killer.

 

[Et_Cetera]

Haven’t read this thread at all, but the sites can be pretty cool, especially in major cities. Just try not to take stuff personally, like if someone doesn’t get back to you or quits messaging. If you start to take it too seriously, then the charm (and excitement) of having so many possible connections–friend or otherwise–starts to get lost.

 

[SuperLuigi]

Haven’t read this thread at all, but the sites can be pretty cool, especially in major cities. Just try not to take stuff personally, like if someone doesn’t get back to you or quits messaging. If you start to take it too seriously, then the charm (and excitement) of having so many possible connections–friend or otherwise–starts to get lost.

This is good advice!

 

[SuperLuigi]

Unfortunately it happened and I did think a Catholic site would be better. It was better because I didn’t many perverts on that site but way too many inappropriate men. The age one was really disturbing because these men would flat out say something like “I’m 55 why don’t women 18-25 like me” or “I like women young enough to be my daughter because they are active”. The ageism was horrible. Yet if you told them you wanted men your age they would be abusive. One of the male mods would actually agree with these guys. The female mod though was cool and say this was a problem.

It’s not ageism, it’s unrealistic. On-line dating creates an atmosphere of unrealistic expectations, especially in terms of age and supreme confidence perhaps from a shield from rejection since it’s on-line----although some folks may take JUST that very personally.

I can pretty much promise you those older folks wouldn’t be asking you out in person. :nope:

It’s just easier to send a wink or even an e-mail for the bolder ones than to ask someone in person.

 

[Bataar]

Probably the best thing you can do is find a site you might want to use and search for people in max distance you’d be willing to date. Go through them, look at their pictures, read their profiles and determine if there are enough to risk it. Keep in mind that dating sites are loaded with people who are not paying members. You could see someone who would be a great fit for you but if they’re not paying, they won’t be able to respond to your message or even read it in some cases. Personally, if I don’t see at least 20 people I’d want to message, I wouldn’t sign up because the odds, are most people aren’t paying members or won’t reply regardless.

 

[hwriggles4]

There’s quite a few good points here, citing the pros and cons. Superluigi brought up several good points with guidelines.

I was an active member of Ave Maria Singles (AMS) at one time. I met some nice people there, and I personally know 20-25 people who met their spouses through AMS, and I personally know 8-10 people who met their spouse through Catholic Match.

Here are a few more guidelines:

1. Meet in person soon. AMS advised that if you are e-mailing and phone calling back and forth for more than three months without in-person meetings, you are wasting each other’s time. While I do realize that vacation time may need to be scheduled for long distance dating, if a man can drive six hours one Saturday, the two of you could meet within a few weeks. If you are within a three hour drive (say, Philadelphia to Washington, D.C. or New York to Boston), arrange to meet one Saturday or Sunday after exchanging messages at a coffee shop, a Church, a restaurant, an art museum, or something. In many of the northeastern cities, train travel is relatively inexpensive and available.

Examples: Taking a Saturday for a two hour lunch date (or meeting for coffee) is worthwhile, and if the two of you hit it off you can plan to do something another time.

1. Be honest with photographs. I heard several complaints from women who after they met a man for a first (and oftentimes last) date, the men oftentimes put photographs up when they had hair, or were 50 pounds lighter. One girl told me one man exaggerated greatly on his height - saying he was three inches taller than he really was. AMS advised that photos cannot be more than two years old.

Example: I’ll be honest - I met one woman online who it took me a few minutes to recognize her, because she didn’t look anything like her photo.

1. Church teaching.AMS asks questions related to Church teaching, as does Catholic Match. I had a “block” set on my AMS profile that women who had not received an annulment (or still had one pending) could not contact me. I don’t know if Catholic Match has this feature, but I do know that Catholic Match did ask (and I think they still do) seven questions related to Church teaching. One of the questions was on premarital relations, and one was on Holy Orders (I think another was on contraception). A large number of Catholic Match members were 5/7. My friends who were on Catholic Match told me they liked the site (for the most part), but they had to be more selective on who they chose to correspond with, since the 7/7 members were not as large. AMS at one time had a large number of serious Catholics, but I don’t know how many active members are on AMS today.

I’ve heard e-Harmony has quite a few Catholics, but I’ve heard dozens of complaints from former e-Harmony members, both men and women. I personally dated two women that I met on AMS who had been on e-Harmony, and would not recommend it. A good friend of mine who met his wife on AMS was also very disappointed with the time he spent on e-Harmony.

1. Numbers game. It was hard to tell on AMS who was active and who was not active. If someone didn’t write back in a week, I would send a follow up message, and if I didn’t hear anything (or if my messages had not been opened), I just forgot about it. AMS would also only let men write to women, where I think Catholic Match lets men write men and women write women, for the sake of forming friendships (which I think is a good thing). Catholic Match did a better job with keeping track of active members, since they had a six month membership fee, where AMS had a one time fee.(The one time fee was originally designed to keep the trolls out, but I don’t know if it worked). AMS members were allowed to suspend accounts if they were in a relationship, or busy with other things, and I think Catholic Match does the same. AMS now has a “free search” where you can see who is on there before signing up, and Catholic Match does a limited “free search”. I will say that out of all the success stories on AMS (and the ones I am personally familiar with), the majority were long distance relationship successes, and several good Holy Catholic marriages and families came from these AMS success stories.
2. Age. Age is an issue for quite a few people. I also heard complaints from women in their 30’s and early 40’s that quite a few men 10-20 years older were the ones contacting them. Women in their 20’s also had this problem, and it’s really creepy for a 38 year old to contact a 24 year old. “Blocks” can be set on AMS for age ranges, and a 55 year old man should know better than to contact a 36 year old (yes, I agree this would not happen in person) woman. There were also women who wrote this in their profiles that if you were much older to please find someone else. I do realize that a 36 year old woman might feel comfortable with a 44 year old man, but that isn’t always the case, and a 44 year old woman might welcome a coffee date from a 51 year old man. One success story I am familiar with was a 45 year old man who married an attractive, smart 37 year old woman.
3. Other Opportunites. For those 22-35 (plus or minus), in large cities, I recommend going to some of the Young Adult Groups, and don’t be afraid to introduce yourself to others after Mass (personally, I’ve met a few nice girls just by saying hello in the narthex after Mass, or having coffee and doughnuts.) Online dating is a “tool”, and it will expand your outlet to meet people, but don’t make it your whole life. Kelfa28 highlighted on this as well. Men and women need face to face interaction, so don’t overlook friends, your cousin’s friends, people you meet through volunteer work or night school, even the gym (well, that can go both ways). Also, if you are invited to a wedding, go.
4. HAVE FUN

Good luck, and thanks for the constructive posts.

 

[Naskor]

I think it says something about modern day culture when we have so much support for online dating but little to none for any other method .

 

[Xantippe]

I think it says something about modern day culture when we have so much support for online dating but little to none for any other method .

Well, the point of online dating is helping people meet matches that they wouldn’t be able to make in normal life–it expands the person’s circle of acquaintances and contacts. If the contacts made in normal life were adequate, nobody would bother with online dating.

I think it is true that the adult world doesn’t put as much effort into formally introducing young people of the opposite sex to each other as it used to. However, even without that, young people have far more opportunities than in the past to meet members of the opposite sex via study and work.

 

[SuperLuigi]

There’s quite a few good points here, citing the pros and cons. Superluigi brought up several good points with guidelines.

I was an active member of Ave Maria Singles (AMS) at one time. I met some nice people there, and I personally know 20-25 people who met their spouses through AMS, and I personally know 8-10 people who met their spouse through Catholic Match.

Here are a few more guidelines:

1. Meet in person soon

 

[E_7]

1. I don’t see anything wrong with a 38 old man and a 24 year old woman dating, however, I know that women in their early 20s open to the that 15+ gap tend to have self-esteem and other issues in my experience. The 44 m/ 37 f age pairing you describe is more feasible because then both have lived most of their lives as adults.

It’s really about expanding your network.

I did not know that. Makes sense. However, my parents have an age gap of exactly 15 years and he is the one with the issues . Mom married my dad when she was in her early 20s and dad was in his late 30s. Thanks to him, she now looks older than him, physically speaking, and her emotional and psychological health is bad compared to him although she does her best on not to show it.

 

[LaughingBoy1503]

I have been using online dating sites off and on for 3 and a half years now. Though not 3 and a half years straight. I think I took a break for about a year at one point and I stopped for 4 months at another point when I got into a relationship. These are my stats. If it was worth it or not depends on if you look at the glass half empty or half full.

CatholicMatch.com. I have been on 4 dates, none developed into a relationship. This is a pretty good site though. A lot more people than avemariasingles or Catholicsingles.

Catholicsingles.com Only used this site for 5 months total and have only gotten one date from it. Lots of profiles are inactive on this site. It takes me a huge number of messages to get a reply to even one. That is common on a lot of dating sites, but even more so on this one.

Avemariasingles.com. I live close to Los Angeles. Really close and there are only 12 women that come up in my search for women in the age region of 25-36 and within 100 miles from my hometown. That is pretty bad considering i live so close to a major city. This site is expensive but for $160 you get a lifetime membership and all members on this site are active paying members. Only been here for a week but I am not too optimistic considering how women come up in my search and most of those women I can see on other Catholic dating sites.

Match.com I have only had one date from this site and it resulted in a 4 month relationship. I hate that a lot of women post pictures of themselves in bikinis on this site. Though it is not the majority. You can set the search engine to only show you other Catholics if you want. That is what I do. But it seems very few are practicing Catholics. I have gotten several phone numbers from women on this site but I have not found anyone who gave me their phone number that I wanted to follow through with meeting.

PlentyofFish.com Free site. This site is the worst. Full of perverts and yes, I mean women too. I do not recommend this site to anyone. Never met anyone from here. Got two women’s phone numbers. One I had several conversations with but she was always too busy to meet so I gave up. The second said she would only go out with me if we went sky diving on our first date. She was not willing to compromise that. I even offered to take her to Magic mountain and get on whatever ride she wanted with her, if she wanted a adrenaline filled date, but she insisted it was sky diving or nothing, so I stopped talking to her. I am not jumping out of a plane for just any woman!

Dating sites can be helpful. I also met one woman, who though our interest in each other was not romantic, we became email pals for a year and met twice to hang out. And the first date I ever got from online dating, though we could not get romantic because she moved out of state only a few short weeks after we met, we still maintain a correspondence via facebook and a occasional text or call. And we hang out when she comes back to Cali to visit and though she does not know it (maybe she does) I am going to ask her out again if she ever moves back to Cali because she is the type of woman I want to marry. So, online dating can be a exciting ride. All that in only 3 short years. Give it a try. You might find your mate.

 

[Xantippe]

I have been using online dating sites off and on for 3 and a half years now. Though not 3 and a half years straight. I think I took a break for about a year at one point and I stopped for 4 months at another point when I got into a relationship. These are my stats. If it was worth it or not depends on if you look at the glass half empty or half full.

CatholicMatch.com. I have been on 4 dates, none developed into a relationship. This is a pretty good site though. A lot more people than avemariasingles or Catholicsingles.

Catholicsingles.com Only used this site for 5 months total and have only gotten one date from it. Lots of profiles are inactive on this site. It takes me a huge number of messages to get a reply to even one. That is common on a lot of dating sites, but even more so on this one.

Avemariasingles.com. I live close to Los Angeles. Really close and there are only 12 women that come up in my search for women in the age region of 25-36 and within 100 miles from my hometown. That is pretty bad considering i live so close to a major city. This site is expensive but for $160 you get a lifetime membership and all members on this site are active paying members. Only been here for a week but I am not too optimistic considering how women come up in my search and most of those women I can see on other Catholic dating sites.

Match.com I have only had one date from this site and it resulted in a 4 month relationship. I hate that a lot of women post pictures of themselves in bikinis on this site. Though it is not the majority. You can set the search engine to only show you other Catholics if you want. That is what I do. But it seems very few are practicing Catholics. I have gotten several phone numbers from women on this site but I have not found anyone who gave me their phone number that I wanted to follow through with meeting.

PlentyofFish.com Free site. This site is the worst. Full of perverts and yes, I mean women too. I do not recommend this site to anyone. Never met anyone from here. Got two women’s phone numbers. One I had several conversations with but she was always too busy to meet so I gave up. The second said she would only go out with me if we went sky diving on our first date. She was not willing to compromise that. I even offered to take her to Magic mountain and get on whatever ride she wanted with her, if she wanted a adrenaline filled date, but she insisted it was sky diving or nothing, so I stopped talking to her. I am not jumping out of a plane for just any woman!

Dating sites can be helpful. I also met one woman, who though our interest in each other was not romantic, we became email pals for a year and met twice to hang out. And the first date I ever got from online dating, though we could not get romantic because she moved out of state only a few short weeks after we met, we still maintain a correspondence via facebook and a occasional text or call. And we hang out when she comes back to Cali to visit and though she does not know it (maybe she does) I am going to ask her out again if she ever moves back to Cali because she is the type of woman I want to marry. So, online dating can be a exciting ride. All that in only 3 short years. Give it a try. You might find your mate.

Your sky-diving lady story will be hilarious to tell to your grandchildren someday.

 

[LaughingBoy1503]

Your sky-diving lady story will be hilarious to tell to your grandchildren someday.

Yeah, all my co-workers that I told got a kick out of that story.

 

[E_7]

Dating sites can be helpful. I also met one woman, who though our interest in each other was not romantic, we became email pals for a year and met twice to hang out. And the first date I ever got from online dating, though we could not get romantic because she moved out of state only a few short weeks after we met, we still maintain a correspondence via facebook and a occasional text or call. And we hang out when she comes back to Cali to visit and though she does not know it (maybe she does) I am going to ask her out again if she ever moves back to Cali because she is the type of woman I want to marry.

I’ll pray for you two for this if it’s God’s will! Do you think that a long-distance relationship with this woman is worth it? Maybe if you two start long-distance it will help to eventually strongly consider to move back to Cali…just saying. But, not anyone is up for that.