Online Dating?

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bobballen_18

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Hey everyone, this is kind of just out of curiosity - I want to know what people seem to think about online dating sites such as Catholic Match or Ave Maria Singles or whatever it is people use.

Am I the only one who thinks the idea of actively searching for someone online is a little bit desperate? That the idea of meeting your fiance(e) online is a little bit odd? Not that I’m against it; I just wonder if others feel the same way.

I’m more the type of guy who would say, well, if God wants me to get married, then he’ll put the right girl into my life and I’ll know it!

I’d just like a few answers to see what everyone thinks.
 
I met my wife through an EHarmony. I am very thankful that one of my best friends talked me into registering (and I’m sure that my son, once he’s old enough to understand, will be eternally grateful).
 
There was a time when my mug was in the rotation on the Catholicmatch front page (along with my wife’s) as a success story. I have no idea if it still is. So you can put me down as saying it works. If you were to make a list of your ideal spouse, there would be some things that would be common - height, hair color, etc. And some uncommon. Catholic. Start your search with one of the uncommon ideals, it saves time.

The key thing is to remember that exchanging a few emails is not a relationship, certainly not an exclusive relationship. And go to any social events in your area, or even out of state if you can afford it. The people that are serious about finding someone will put the effort into it. The rest most likely use it as an answer when Mom and Grandma start asking, “When are you going to find someone and get married?” “I joined a dating site! I’m trying!”
 
I’ve actually tried an online Catholic dating site and was sorely disappointed. The men who claimed to be devout Catholics turned out to be anything BUT. I still think the best way to meet someone is face-to-face! Remember, people can be anyone they want online and that’s not always a good thing.🤷 Now, having said that part, I do have a couple of friends who met on those types of dating sites and fell in love and have been happily married for many years. But those seem to be the exception, not the rule! 😉
 
I got married at the age of 29. I met my husband when I was 27. I was in one exclusive relationship in high school with a guy I met online. I then went on maybe 2 or 3 dates a year and sometimes didn’t go on any dates. I don’t even know if I went on a single date with someone I didn’t meet online. No one asked me in person. No one pursued me. It seems odd, but that was my life. I have no idea if anyone ever had a crush on me. Granted, maybe it was my refusal to flirt. For several years, I considered flirting sinful. I also was adament about not treating people I might feel attracted to differently than I would treat other people. As such, if I really wanted to pay attention to someone more because I’d liked them, I’d ask myself if I’d do it if I didn’t like them. If I didn’t, I’d walk away.

I did sign up for avemariasingles because it had a one time membership fee. I had previously been on catholicmatch but I felt the needing to renew the subscription caused me to feel like I was wasting money if I didn’t use the site for several months. I wanted the freedom to just put myself out there and see what happened. Strangely enough, I met my husband about a month after signing up, though he’d been on it for a few years and had been inactive for long periods of time when he didn’t feel like using it.
 
Ya know, a lot of the guys on those dating sites, even the Christian ones, are already married.
 
bobballen_18 said:
Hey everyone, this is kind of just out of curiosity - I want to know what people seem to think about online dating sites such as Catholic Match or Ave Maria Singles or whatever it is people use.

Am I the only one who thinks the idea of actively searching for someone online is a little bit desperate? That the idea of meeting your fiance(e) online is a little bit odd? Not that I’m against it; I just wonder if others feel the same way.

I’m more the type of guy who would say, well, if God wants me to get married, then he’ll put the right girl into my life and I’ll know it!

I’d just like a few answers to see what everyone thinks.
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I tried the free ones (could not afford the ones with a fee), got absolutely nothing, no interest, nothing. I was skeptical to start with, prefering to meet someone in person. Keep your mind and eyes open, don’t build a little box for her (not talking about things like faithfullness to church, but looks/interests/age stuff) because God might send you someone that doesn’t fit into that box, but is perfect for you.

I totally agree with what you’re saying on if God wants you married, He’ll bring you and that person together and you’ll know it, that’s what I’ve always prayed about and all my older sisters knew when they met their now-husbands that he was the right one. I’ve always thought that if you ask God for guidence with jobs, finances, or vocation to religious life, why not ask for and trust in guidence for marrying the right person?
 
I’ve been wondering the same thing myself - if God wants me to be with someone (even though I want me to be with someone!), shouldn’t the right man just waltz into the picture? Haha. I don’t think there are a lot of young social events in my diocese though - a lot of the young people are already married with children. I see people at church, but other than shaking hands during peace, it would feel odd to track them down outside of Mass. And for all I know, they’re in a relationship, and just not married yet!

Let me know what you think of the dating sites if you try them… I think the cost might be a drawback if one isn’t 100%, or if there aren’t a lot of people in your area on them.
 
dont invest too much into online dating, it is hard especially if you find someone who does not live close by, if you do find someone through one of these sites meet the person sooner than later, having a long drawn out relationship online is not healthy by any means, and you wont truely know the person until you meet face to face, and even then you are still taking a shot in the dark because one still needs to build trust in real life.

I would change the title of online dating to more like online socializing or ice breaking,

I have not had any success with these dating sites either, match,eharmony,catholic mingle, and also free one, either my town is too small, or the ones i was interested in lived states away.

plus you can meet single people on internet chat sites “chat rooms” for free or through your internet provider, it is the same concept really, you build a profile, post some photos, then just surf the internet hoping to find someone of interest who is close by and then start corresponding. I have actually talked to more women through other regular chat rooms than i have with online dating sites, but again they are states away or living in Canada, so “shrugs”.

If people have honestly had success with them, congrats, to the rest of those considering, be very cautious, and if you can not meet the person with in a week to a month after corresponding I would suggest moving on.
 
bobballen_18 said:
I’m more the type of guy who would say, well, if God wants me to get married, then he’ll put the right girl into my life and I’ll know it!

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Throughout history, and across many Catholic cultures; there have been many customs and practices as to finding spouses. I suspect the modern idea of happening to meet the right match through every day life is quite rare from a historical perspective. Me thinks the idea of online dating is maybe a throwback in time, mixing in modern technology to replace various forms of “match makers”.

Just a thought off the top of my head.
 
tafan said:
Throughout history, and across many Catholic cultures; there have been many customs and practices as to finding spouses. I suspect the modern idea of happening to meet the right match through every day life is quite rare from a historical perspective. Me thinks the idea of online dating is maybe a throwback in time, mixing in modern technology to replace various forms of “match makers”.

Just a thought off the top of my head.
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Finally a more positive comment. I found a wonderful Catholic man online and would never have met him in daily life. FWIW it was not one of the Catholic sites but did have very detailed profiles so you could get an idea of the person’s religiousity.

FWIW I found the sites that let YOU pick the person got me more compatible matches than those that did the picking for you. I think the personality matches and the weird little games were a waste of time. You can get a good idea if the person is even of interest via their profile and by direct contact can decide whether or not to continue the correspondence.

Believe me I was PICKY, not desperate! That’s why I used online.

Lisa
 
I am a member of Ave Maria Singles and I recommend that site. I have met some nice people there. I know 20 people personally who met their spouses through Ave Maria Singles and I know about 5 or 6 that met through CatholicMatch.

Not to be mean (and this is just my opinion), but I haven’t heard a lot of positive feedback from CatholicSingles.com. People I know who tried it said that site was a waste of time. I also know at least 5 people personally (two of them girls I dated that I met through Ave Maria) who had negative experiences with E-Harmony. I have heard that the original founder of E-Harmony no longer administers the site…

Anyway, one book I recommend particularly for young women (18-35) is Amy Bonnacorsso’s book titled How to Get to I Do. I believe she was on Catholic Answers discussing her book, so you can find the broadcast through the archive. It is written for women, and Ms. Bonnacorsso is young enough that I think girls particularly between 22 and 32 can relate to her experiences. Ms. Bonnacorsso married a man she met online three years ago, and she drops tips and hints on sharing her experiences for women. She also has a chapter reviewing a couple of online dating sites.

Please take this piece of advice: Online dating is another outlet for meeting others, but do not make online dating your only social outlet. We all need community. If you are single make the time to get involved in something at your parish that interests you. I tell men to check out the Knights of Columbus - there are quite a few councils now with younger men. You can also go to the gym or sign up to play on a sports team, like a co-ed volleyball team. Sometimes, good friends can invite you to parties, bowling nights, movies, or out to dinner where you can make other friends too.

If you like being around kids, you can coach baseball or teach CCD. Good men are needed to teach CCD, particularly 4th through 8th grade - the boys need to see good men living their faith.

I hope this helps a little. Basically, online dating can work, just don’t make it your only outlet.
 
Thank you all for your responses!

I think I phrased the question incorrectly. I wasn’t necessarily asking for opinions of specific dating sites; rather, I meant to ask, what you all think of the idea of online “dating” and I was also just stating my opinion that it seems a little bit odd to me.

But of course I guess it’s more common than I originally thought, and plenty have met their future spouses through online sites, so I guess that’s good.
 
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