Only child of single father - wrong to even consider Religious Life?

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DL82

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I am the only child of my father, who will retire next year. He is widowed, and not a Catholic. There’s the possibility that at some point in the future I would be his main carer, and he makes no secret of the fact that I am the most important person in his world.

Would it be completely immoral for me to even consider Religious Life? I know that Our Lord is critical of the Pharisees who said that a man could take his support away from his parents and give it to the temple, contrary to the 4th commandment. At the same time, He also says that whoever loves father or mother more than Him is not worthy of Him. That’s just plain confusing!
 
Both your considerations are based on love! I think that you are on the right track when it comes to discernment. Talk to your father about it.
 
What I would suggest for you to do is find yourself a spiritual Director that can assist you with answering these questions. Sometimes these need spiritual guidance for answer.
 
DL82 said:
I am the only child of my father, who will retire next year. He is widowed, and not a Catholic. There’s the possibility that at some point in the future I would be his main carer, and he makes no secret of the fact that I am the most important person in his world.

Would it be completely immoral for me to even consider Religious Life? I know that Our Lord is critical of the Pharisees who said that a man could take his support away from his parents and give it to the temple, contrary to the 4th commandment. At the same time, He also says that whoever loves father or mother more than Him is not worthy of Him. That’s just plain confusing!
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No. If you have a vocation to the priesthood or religious life you should follow it. It might affect your choice, perhaps the diocesan priesthood would be better than a cloistered monastery, for example, in terms of seeing your father.

I second the suggestion of getting a spiritual director.

May God Bless your vocation abundantly!
 
I don’t know if this will be helpful to you at all, but Mother Angelica was once in your shoes

I would get her book and read it. It might help you in your decision making
 
DL82 said:
I am the only child of my father, who will retire next year. He is widowed, and not a Catholic. There’s the possibility that at some point in the future I would be his main carer, and he makes no secret of the fact that I am the most important person in his world.

Would it be completely immoral for me to even consider Religious Life? I know that Our Lord is critical of the Pharisees who said that a man could take his support away from his parents and give it to the temple, contrary to the 4th commandment. At the same time, He also says that whoever loves father or mother more than Him is not worthy of Him. That’s just plain confusing!
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Hi DL82…I agree that you should seek spiritual direction in order to discern which way the Holy Spirit may be leading you. It can be against the 4th. Commandment to ‘abandon’ one’s parents, it can also be against The Gospel to love parents or family more than The Lord. Which way to go, and which way the Holy Spirit may be leading if one cannot clearly insight it oneself and quite unique personal circumstances need be factored in to any actual decision and direction, would ask that one seeks wise advice or spiritual direction: in which direction is The Spirit leading - i.e. Spirit(ual) direction.

Blessings and keeping you in prayer…Barb:)
 
No, I don’t think it is wrong for you to consider religious life, in the same way as it would not be wrong if you were contemplating marriage, thinking of taking a job across the country or in another country.

However, considering Religious Life does raise other questions depending on what you are considering. For example, there will be different issues if you are considering an enclosed order with very limited contact with families or an active order where there is more contact with families. Or if you were considering joining an order in another country.

If you don’t already have a spiritual director, then I endorse the suggestion you get one.

Have you talked to your father about your feeling that you have a Vocation to the Religious Life? If you haven’t, then when and how would be something to talk about with a spiritual director. I say this because if you haven’t it is likely that your father may have picked up, or will pick up, that you have “something on your mind” and not knowing what it is may be more worrying for him than knowing.

Best wishes for your discernment.
 
DL82 said:
I am the only child of my father, who will retire next year. He is widowed, and not a Catholic. There’s the possibility that at some point in the future I would be his main carer, and he makes no secret of the fact that I am the most important person in his world.

Would it be completely immoral for me to even consider Religious Life? I know that Our Lord is critical of the Pharisees who said that a man could take his support away from his parents and give it to the temple, contrary to the 4th commandment. At the same time, He also says that whoever loves father or mother more than Him is not worthy of Him. That’s just plain confusing!
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I am also an only child of a widower. My mother died when I was an infant. It is NOT immoral of you to consider the Religious Life. We must all follow God’s Call and live the life He has chosen for us. I’m not called to Religious Life but my career means I don’t live in the same country as my father and I travel alot. God will provide for your father and his needs as he gets older. He will reward you abundantly for doing His Will. Depending on which Religious Order you join or what path you choose, you can still play a part in your father’s life and have that contact. I do understand where you are coming from because as an only child you feel an obligation especially when your father is widowed. But we are also obligied to have faith in God and to follow the path He has chosen for us. Talk to your Dad and to a good Priest. I’ll be praying for you.
 
🙂 Nothing wrong with you considering the religious life,I did.
However,my mom had a stroke, and my dad had COPD,and was on oxygen 24-7,so i took care of them both.My sister and brother helped too.
So even though I had this desire in my heart,God decided that they needed my help more. I am 53,so would have to find some community that takes older women.Or I could be a lay member of the franciscans or other community.
You might need to help your dad out if he gets sick,especially if you are an only child.You might also contact your diocese to see if any of the religious communities there have say lay helpers.People who work with a religious community as volunteers.
This way you could get to know a community.It is also possible for you to become a member of a secular institute as well.Talk to your priest and also contact your local dioces vocational office.I’m sure they would be happy to talk and meet with you in regarding your options.
 
DL82 said:
I am the only child of my father, who will retire next year. He is widowed, and not a Catholic. There’s the possibility that at some point in the future I would be his main carer, and he makes no secret of the fact that I am the most important person in his world.

Would it be completely immoral for me to even consider Religious Life? I know that Our Lord is critical of the Pharisees who said that a man could take his support away from his parents and give it to the temple, contrary to the 4th commandment. At the same time, He also says that whoever loves father or mother more than Him is not worthy of Him. That’s just plain confusing!
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I assume that you’re a man. You live in the UK, which is good, as it has excellent support for health care and the elderly.

Does your father need your financial support? If he does, then perhaps you had better keep your search on hold–are you even a Catholic yet? It wasn’t clear from your profile.

No order would accept you if your father is financially dependent on you.

If your father is not financially dependent on you, you could enter, knowing that many orders have significantly updated their attitudes towards the families of religious since Vat II. In many orders, the families are welcomed and religious can take time off to care for their parents. My impression is that these things are much more flexible in the UK, where vocations are quite scarce. So it would depend on the order.

Also, you can enter later in the UK–women’s orders, at least, often don’t have a fixed age at entry and most will accept the perfectly valid excuse that the candidate delayed entry because of a dependent parent.

It all depends on whether your father needs your financial support.
 
HollyDolly said:
🙂 Nothing wrong with you considering the religious life,I did.
However,my mom had a stroke, and my dad had COPD,and was on oxygen 24-7,so i took care of them both.My sister and brother helped too.
So even though I had this desire in my heart,God decided that they needed my help more. I am 53,so would have to find some community that takes older women.Or I could be a lay member of the franciscans or other community.
You might need to help your dad out if he gets sick,especially if you are an only child.You might also contact your diocese to see if any of the religious communities there have say lay helpers.People who work with a religious community as volunteers.
This way you could get to know a community.It is also possible for you to become a member of a secular institute as well.Talk to your priest and also contact your local dioces vocational office.I’m sure they would be happy to talk and meet with you in regarding your options.
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When and if you become eligible to enter religious life, you should know that more and more women in their 50’s and 60’s are entering each day. And the excuse of having to provide for one’s ageing parents is perhaps the most valid of reasons for a delayed vocation.

Many of the so-called ‘updated’ orders are open to late vocations. A clue on websites is that they don’t mention an upper age limit at all or say that ‘exceptions are sometimes made’. I think that they say ‘sometimes’ because they can then use age as an excuse not to accept an older candidate who is not otherwise eligible.
 
I know a Jesuit priest who is an only son of non-Catholic parents. I gues he figured God’ call couldn’t be set aside, as that was where God’s grace for his life lay…I can only imagine what they went through!

However it may be that Luke 9 verses 59-62 is some answer to your question. God may have His wishes for you, but He also gave you free will.
I wouldn’t like to have your dilemma. I pray God guides you, and you have the courage to do whatever He wishes.

Whatever you do I know that your choice is about charity
 
RCSeminarian said:
What I would suggest for you to do is find yourself a spiritual Director that can assist you with answering these questions. Sometimes these need spiritual guidance for answer.
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I agree with those who suggested spiritual direction. The first person who came to mind is the late John Powell. He cared for his mother even as a priest.
 
I know my first parish priest for many years had his elderly father living with him. I believe he had siblings and other relatives, but he was probably in the best position of all of them to permanently take care of the father.

So such a consideration would appear not to be an insurmountable obstacle to the priesthood.
 
DL82 said:
I am the only child of my father, who will retire next year. He is widowed, and not a Catholic. There’s the possibility that at some point in the future I would be his main carer, and he makes no secret of the fact that I am the most important person in his world.

Would it be completely immoral for me to even consider Religious Life? I know that Our Lord is critical of the Pharisees who said that a man could take his support away from his parents and give it to the temple, contrary to the 4th commandment. At the same time, He also says that whoever loves father or mother more than Him is not worthy of Him. That’s just plain confusing!
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I am unable to determine any reason why you would even ask the question in terms of morality. Is your father dependent on you for care and suppport? then of course you may not consider religious life until that responsibility ends. Does he have no relationships or emotional support apart from you? do your best to help him in that area, but that should not determine your vocation. We have had several family members in seminary and convent and all are able to visit family, come to important events like weddings and funerals, and are still as much a part of their parents’ lives as are their siblings who have careers and families.

your question suggests you would not even consider marriage if it meant leaving your father, which seems quite unhealthy

we buried our cousin, a priest for almost 50 years, yesterday. He had his father living with him for many years until our uncle died. he also helped his cousins care for his aunts and uncles. Religious life does not terminate family life, but like marriage it demands a new commitment that “outranks” all other attachments.
 
DL82 said:
I am the only child of my father, who will retire next year. He is widowed, and not a Catholic. There’s the possibility that at some point in the future I would be his main carer, and he makes no secret of the fact that I am the most important person in his world.

Would it be completely immoral for me to even consider Religious Life? I know that Our Lord is critical of the Pharisees who said that a man could take his support away from his parents and give it to the temple, contrary to the 4th commandment. At the same time, He also says that whoever loves father or mother more than Him is not worthy of Him. That’s just plain confusing!
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Diocesean hermit according to canon 603 would be possible in this situation.

One of our Cloisterite Hermit aspirants is a caretaker. There are some other aspirants who may end up in that situation. Our rule is flexible where this is concerned.

Blessings,
Cloisters
 
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