only the love for my daughters is keeping me alive

  • Thread starter Thread starter RachelKH
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
R

RachelKH

Guest
My husband after 23 years doesn’t want to move out but to just continue living together ‘as friends’ and i just want to curl up in a corner and die from the pain and rejection and need for his love. i would rather be alone than lonely like this and i need prayers and help but i just have no will left and can’t go on and i can barely keep the tears from falling as i go about caring for our children and doing the daily tasks
 
RachelKH said:
My husband after 23 years doesn’t want to move out but to just continue living together ‘as friends’ and i just want to curl up in a corner and die from the pain and rejection and need for his love. i would rather be alone than lonely like this and i need prayers and help but i just have no will left and can’t go on and i can barely keep the tears from falling as i go about caring for our children and doing the daily tasks
Click to expand...
Is there possibly a medical condition that is making it difficult for him to have marital intimacy lately? Perhaps he doesn’t want to talk about something like that and is embarrassed.
Can you get him to talk to you about what’s prompting this and what he’s feeling? Sounds like he may need someone to talk to. Don’t keep your feelings about it all bottled up inside yourself - try to tell him in a calm and kind way if you can how it’s making you feel and get a discussion going if you haven’t already. And definitely lean on God - He is by your side no matter what and loves you more than any human possibly could.
Please know that you are in my prayers, and feel free to send me a private message if you need someone to “talk” to.
 
Ma’am, have you considered talking to a psychologist or your MD?

We’re all praying for you, but please, please, please contact someone quickly.
 
From reading all of your posts, it is very important that you reach out and get some help, spiritual, emotional and phycholgical TODAY. Call your Priest now. Get an appointment and ask him where to go from here.
 
From taking a quick look at your other posts…do you think that your husband is punishing you for your making an issue of his looking at other women?
 
kage_ar said:
From reading all of your posts, it is very important that you reach out and get some help, spiritual, emotional and phycholgical TODAY. Call your Priest now. Get an appointment and ask him where to go from here.
Click to expand...
Agreed… please get help.
Know you have our prayers.
 
  • I think that it would be a very good idea for you to seek counseling, just on dealing with this situation, but your husband needs help. (I’ve read your posts also)
I’m reading a really great book…‘Stop worrying, and Start Living,’ by Dale Carnegie. My husband took DC courses when we lived in Pittsburgh, and I decided to read some of his work. I am telling you, I can’t put this down, Rachel! I used to be a worrier…what is going to happen tomorrow…next week…next year…what if this or that happens…

You are in the midst of that confusion right now. Grief and worry will do that. But, Carnegie says in his book that we can’t fight the inevitable. Right now, your husband needs help. He is telling you some painful things, too. You have to accept those things right now not in complacency, but just accept them because to not do so, will cause you great pain. We can’t change other people, only our reactions to them. Get through each day …one at a time. Keep your days busy, and seek counseling. Then, once you are feeling stronger, deal with your marriage. Talk with your husband. Marriage isn’t supposed to be endless strife, and pain. It has its moments of difficulties, but it shouldn’t be like you’re experiencing, and you have a right to want better. But, deal with one day at a time, as that is all we can do.

(and get that book, I’m not kidding, it’s great! It’s not boring whatsoever, and not self helpish…it’s filled with stories of people that DC has known all his life, ranging from friends, to CEO’s of large companies, who have sought him out, asking for his practical advice on how to deal with worry and grief) Praying for you, Rachel. :hug1: :gopray:*
 
***I’m reading a really great book…‘Stop worrying, and Start Living,’ by Dale Carnegie. ***

I love this book -even though it’s not “Catholic”, it has concrete practical things you can do.

And, OP, I will keep you in my prayers. 🙂
 
*It really is a great book, and he even brings in Scripture, but just to illustrate a point. I don’t know what I was expecting, but with the recession, I have allowed worry to get the better of me …and this book has done wonders.

Rachel, not that this would be a cure all by no means…BUT…it could really help you right now to lose yourself in a good book that might be able to at least give you some quick coping skills. I mean it, he gives you very practical things to apply. I used to worry all the time…my husband said to me one day…you worry about things that might never ever happen, why do you do this?

Now who knows where your marriage is heading. Who knows what next week, let alone tomorrow will bring. But, you can fill your right now with good stuff. You’re loved by Christ…spend time in front of the Blessed Sacrament. Spend time in more prayer. Lose yourself in the good things, and you’ll be stronger to deal with the things that are not so great right now. (and your husband needs help, hopefully, he will agree to counseling also on his own)

You’re in our prayers, Rachel! *
 
And Racehl, individual counseling would be a really, really good thing for you. This despair and lack of worth that you are feeling, you CAN be free from it, really. I have been where you are, and I went through counseling. Let me tell you, it is liberating to realize your own value, to be able to understand and communicate what you are feeling inside, and to be out of the emotional quicksand that you are in now. Seriously, don’t put this off. Praying for you to have the strength to take the steps that you need to.

Remember O most gracious Virgin Mary,
that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection,
implored your help or sought your intercession, was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto you, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother;
to you I come, before you I stand, sinful and sorrowful.
O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions,
but in your mercy hear and answer me.
Amen
 
i am on a new anti-depressant. we were both in individual counseling. on tues we had our first joint session, which was instead an ambush, with his counselor attacking me with all his baloney that i am a threat to our children (the children he neglects and never disciplines or does more than play with when they were/are young) and telling me that my husband is the victim and his unfaithfulness is all my fault and that he really is a loving caring perfect spouse and i am just unforgiving. i have been the one forgiving, but unable to get over his past actions as he gives me no reason to, no words of love and repentance, nothing but ‘i’m a loner who doesn’t want you to get close to me’ and ‘i take care of the family financially that should be enough’. i am raw and he is stone
 
*I’d find a new counselor, asap. They are supposed to be impartial, not taking sides. A good counselor gets the people in counseling, to better communicate…and he/she doesn’t do the communicating for them. A good counselor gets to the heart of the issues, but doesn’t attack and blame one over the other. Find someone new. :o I’m sorry things are going this way for you. *
 
You should each have your own counselor. Any joint therapy session or marriage counseling should be done by a neutral counselor. His counselor was not acting professionally to set you up like that.

It sounds like you are at a really, really low point right now, and that would be normal to feel that way after such attacks.

How is your individual therapy going? Are you getting any real support there?
 
my counselor was there too, totally not participating, just throwing me into this – i do not have any confidence in her listening to me

i have to find a better counselor and would like him to too, but he likes this one that gives him freedom from responsibility
 
You should report both counselors to their licensing boards for total unprofessionalism and a complete lack of ethics.
 
I think it’s time for you to let go of the idea of fixing this. There is some small chance that he will change his mind, but I wouldn’t count on it.

You need to forget about him and start getting your own life together.

Are you able to work full time? Maybe it’s not the best for your well being to live with him “as friends”. When people break up, stopping communication goes a long way toward helping you get over the person. Of course since you have children together you can’t stop completely, but you could limit it, and not living together would help that.

Is there any particular reason why you want to keep living with a man who essentially cheated and told you he doesn’t want you anymore?

A clean break is best in situations like this. You can start healing and working on your new life that doesn’t include him.
 
Rachel, I am so sorry that you are going through this, and that you are not getting the support that you need.

Sometimes people with a certain personality disorder are able to effectively fool even therapists and can use marriage counseling as a tool for furthering emotional abuse of their spouse.

If you look into finding a better therapist, you might want to find one who has experience counseling victims of emotional abuse or who are married to a narcissist. A domestic violence center might be a good place to get a referral to a counselor who has this experience. 1.800.799.SAFE (7233)
 
i’ve asked him to leave until he works on his lack of relationship skills and getting in touch with his feelings and motivations but he refuses – i don’t want to live with him or him to stay, but with 6 children, and me homeschooling the youngest 2, i feel i should stay in this cheap but big house for their sake and he is refusing to see there is a problem and i knew he would fool his therapist because he is so good at playing the innocent naive good guy, but i had such hope and it is crushed
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top