Oopsie marriage question

[ztupiq]

I was married outside of the Church in 2007 by the Justice of the Peace when my husband and I were total atheists. Now I am going through RCIA and cannot wait for Easter Vigil I am a candidate because I was baptized in 2009 in a protestant church. My priest said simply that at Easter Vigil when I took communion my marriage would be at that moment sacramental. That nothing else had to be done just simply take communion and it was a done deal.

However, another Catholic who had to have her marriage blessed said she’s never heard of this and in fact was told if her marriage was done outside of the church she had to specifically have that fact remedied before she could even take communion.

So I am being given mixed messages. The priest says no special blessing has to take place just put jesus in my mouth.

My Catholic friend says that’s not true at all that before a married person can take communion their marriage HAS to be blessed which consists of some meetings with the priest before its blessed.

What do I do? Consult with a second priest or take this priest’s word for it? I should have invested in a catechism by now.

 

[corsair]

I believe your family is correct. Better talk to a second priest. Its my understanding that your marriage needs to be Blessed in church by a priest. I have a daughter that did something similar and her and her husband had to attend several sessions with a priest to make sure they understood what they were doing before he blessed their marriage. Both of them were raised Catholic. Guess they didn’t listen much to “mom & dad” or their catechism teachers.

In fact, the whole episode was a disaster as neither one of them was very faithful and the whole thing wound up in a divorce court. But by then they had three kids. So they filed for an annullment. Guess what; they were granted the thing. Now both are in their 40’s and still single and just plain miserable.

I pray that you have a better time of it.

 

[ztupiq]

Dang so this priest is just giving us candidates and catechumens pretty sucky advice?

I was hoping maybe something the priest knew that my friend did not know who is Catholic. I was not raised Catholic neither any religion so I just fell into whatever looked good.

Now I regret it but I was sure a priest would not lead me astray.

 

[Nechasin]

Only Catholic are required to be married in a Catholic Church. It is my understanding that if neither party was baptised Catholic, then the Church makes the assumption that the marriage is valid. However, if one of the parties was Catholic, then the marriage would be invalid and need to be blessed by the Church.

 

[ztupiq]

Well we are both baptized but neither baptized Catholic. Only I am coming into the Church. Another convert told me the marriage would need to be blessed and have a few meetings with a priest beforehand.

The priest said just take communion and nothing else had to be done.

 

[Rachel_1]

Wow, I don’t know honestly.
I was baptized Catholic as a baby, not raised Catholic, and married outside of the church-because I was baptized Catholic, I have to have my marriage convalidated (sp?) or in laymans terms blessed.
I don’t know though if both parties weren’t Catholic. I would just ask another priest to make sure, just tell him that you got a bunch of conflicting answers and just want to make sure everything is cool.

 

[baltobetsy]

Answered definitively by Fr. Serpa in AAA. Check there.

 

[Pug]

The Catechism will not answer this question for you, so don’t worry about that if you don’t have the money for one yet.

Perhaps your friend said more than you have reported, but if she said that all marriages that don’t take place in the Church need to be blessed by a priest before the parties receive communion, she is wrong.

When and where was your husband baptized? Were either of you ever married to someone before marrying each other in 2007? These matter.

 

[puzzleannie]

I was married outside of the Church in 2007 by the Justice of the Peace when my husband and I were total atheists. Now I am going through RCIA and cannot wait for Easter Vigil I am a candidate because I was baptized in 2009 in a protestant church. My priest said simply that at Easter Vigil when I took communion my marriage would be at that moment sacramental. That nothing else had to be done just simply take communion and it was a done deal.

you have not given enough info here, but that is not important, have you given complete information to the priest who is preparing you. He, not anybody else whose circumstances are not the same as yours, is the one to advise you.

Were either of you baptized at the time of your marriage and if so, Catholic or another denomination?
were either of you married before the 2007 ceremony
and so forth
please meet with the priest, this has to be ironed out before Lent begins because it may affect your status.

if your husband was never baptized, your marriage will not be sacramental until he is.

The Catholic Church recognizes marriage between two non-Catholics who are otherwise free to marry as valid, so your status won’t change when you are confirmed and receive first communion, assuming facts are as you relate.

nobody else who went through this, or knows someone who went through RCIA can give you an answer that pertains to your specific situation, because every marriage situation is unique. Only the priest who is preparing you can advise, and he cannot do it if you do not give him all the facts. First you say you were atheists, then you say you are both baptized, so if we are confused, the priest will be too if you are not up front with him.

yes you will get conflicting info if you ask 20 different people who are not well versed on the canon law on marriage, as well as on what is involved in RCIA, so don’t waste your time talking to those 20 people, get with your priest. Nor is their any value in consulting a 2nd priest.

 

[Inego_de_Loyola]

You can read the Catechism online here scborromeo.org/ccc.htm or here vatican.va/archive/catechism/ccc_toc.htm You can also read the Code of Cannon Law here: vatican.va/archive/ENG1104/_INDEX.HTM I hope these help.

 

[Texas_Roofer]

I was married outside of the Church in 2007 by the Justice of the Peace when my husband and I were total atheists. Now I am going through RCIA and cannot wait for Easter Vigil I am a candidate because I was baptized in 2009 in a protestant church. My priest said simply that at Easter Vigil when I took communion my marriage would be at that moment sacramental. That nothing else had to be done just simply take communion and it was a done deal.

However, another Catholic who had to have her marriage blessed said she’s never heard of this and in fact was told if her marriage was done outside of the church she had to specifically have that fact remedied before she could even take communion.

So I am being given mixed messages. The priest says no special blessing has to take place just put jesus in my mouth.

My Catholic friend says that’s not true at all that before a married person can take communion their marriage HAS to be blessed which consists of some meetings with the priest before its blessed.

What do I do? Consult with a second priest or take this priest’s word for it? I should have invested in a catechism by now.

It is not that complicated, you will not be under canon law until you join the church. If you only married once and same for your husband, AND he was not under catholic law, your marriage is presumed valid. So did either of you marry a second time? Was your spouse ever catholic?

Dang so this priest is just giving us candidates and catechumens pretty sucky advice?

I was hoping maybe something the priest knew that my friend did not know who is Catholic. I was not raised Catholic neither any religion so I just fell into whatever looked good.

Now I regret it but I was sure a priest would not lead me astray

The condition with your friend indicates your friend had an impediment as failure to follow canon law as a catholic or a previous marriage attempt

Well we are both baptized but neither baptized Catholic. Only I am coming into the Church. Another convert told me the marriage would need to be blessed and have a few meetings with a priest beforehand.

The priest said just take communion and nothing else had to be done.

Well again the statement eliminates a common impediment but does not exclude all impediments as additional marriage attempts by either party.

hope that helps

 

[Br.Rich_SFO]

I was married outside of the Church in 2007 by the Justice of the Peace when my husband and I were total atheists. Now I am going through RCIA and cannot wait for Easter Vigil I am a candidate because I was baptized in 2009 in a protestant church. My priest said simply that at Easter Vigil when I took communion my marriage would be at that moment sacramental. That nothing else had to be done just simply take communion and it was a done deal.

However, another Catholic who had to have her marriage blessed said she’s never heard of this and in fact was told if her marriage was done outside of the church she had to specifically have that fact remedied before she could even take communion.

So I am being given mixed messages. The priest says no special blessing has to take place just put jesus in my mouth.

My Catholic friend says that’s not true at all that before a married person can take communion their marriage HAS to be blessed which consists of some meetings with the priest before its blessed.

What do I do? Consult with a second priest or take this priest’s word for it? I should have invested in a catechism by now.

For a Marriage to be Sacramental BOTH people must be validly Baptized. Since you are already Baptized, when your husband receives valid Baptism your Marriage would become Sacramental. It has nothing to do with receiving Holy Communion.

The other question has to do with a Catholic in an invalid Marriage. The Catholic cannot receive Holy Communion until the Marriage is Convalidated.

 

[thistle]

I was married outside of the Church in 2007 by the Justice of the Peace when my husband and I were total atheists. Now I am going through RCIA and cannot wait for Easter Vigil I am a candidate because I was baptized in 2009 in a protestant church. My priest said simply that at Easter Vigil when I took communion my marriage would be at that moment sacramental. That nothing else had to be done just simply take communion and it was a done deal.

However, another Catholic who had to have her marriage blessed said she’s never heard of this and in fact was told if her marriage was done outside of the church she had to specifically have that fact remedied before she could even take communion.

So I am being given mixed messages. The priest says no special blessing has to take place just put jesus in my mouth.

My Catholic friend says that’s not true at all that before a married person can take communion their marriage HAS to be blessed which consists of some meetings with the priest before its blessed.

What do I do? Consult with a second priest or take this priest’s word for it? I should have invested in a catechism by now.

For example:

The marriage of two baptised Methodists is sacramental.

For a marriage to be sacramental both husband and wife must be baptised whether they are Catholic or not.

 

[1ke]

I was married outside of the Church in 2007 by the Justice of the Peace when my husband and I were total atheists. Now I am going through RCIA and cannot wait for Easter Vigil I am a candidate because I was baptized in 2009 in a protestant church. My priest said simply that at Easter Vigil when I took communion my marriage would be at that moment sacramental. That nothing else had to be done just simply take communion and it was a done deal.

However, another Catholic who had to have her marriage blessed said she’s never heard of this and in fact was told if her marriage was done outside of the church she had to specifically have that fact remedied before she could even take communion.

So I am being given mixed messages. The priest says no special blessing has to take place just put jesus in my mouth.

My Catholic friend says that’s not true at all that before a married person can take communion their marriage HAS to be blessed which consists of some meetings with the priest before its blessed.

What do I do? Consult with a second priest or take this priest’s word for it? I should have invested in a catechism by now.

Who is right? Neither of them.

Presuming your current marriage is the only marriage for either of you, and you are both baptized (as you indicated in a subsequent post on this thread), then your marriage is currenlty **valid **and a sacrament. A valid marriage is always a sacrament between two baptized persons. A valid marriage is called a natural marriage when it is between two unbaptized persons or a baptized/unbaptized pair. The valid natural marriage becomes a sacrament if/when both parties become baptized. Holy Communion has NOTHING to do with validity or sacramentality of marriage.

The other lady is talking about something completely different because she, as a Catholic, is bound by the Catholic form of marriage and if she did not follow Church law then she did indeed have to convalidate (make valid) her marriage before resuming the sacramental life. You are not a Catholic and neither is your husband, therefore her situation does not apply to you. She is correct insofar as Church law applying to Catholics. She is incorrect in thinking it applies to two people who are not and never were Catholic.

I am appalled that your priest gave you the answer he gave you. It is totally incorrect and shows a shocking lack of understanding of when a marriage is valid and when it is a sacrament. Yours is already both. He is correct in that you need do nothing pertaining to your marriage in order to enter the Church.

 

[ztupiq]

you have not given enough info here, but that is not important, have you given complete information to the priest who is preparing you. He, not anybody else whose circumstances are not the same as yours, is the one to advise you.

Were either of you baptized at the time of your marriage and if so, Catholic or another denomination?
were either of you married before the 2007 ceremony
and so forth
please meet with the priest, this has to be ironed out before Lent begins because it may affect your status.

if your husband was never baptized, your marriage will not be sacramental until he is.

The Catholic Church recognizes marriage between two non-Catholics who are otherwise free to marry as valid, so your status won’t change when you are confirmed and receive first communion, assuming facts are as you relate.

nobody else who went through this, or knows someone who went through RCIA can give you an answer that pertains to your specific situation, because every marriage situation is unique. Only the priest who is preparing you can advise, and he cannot do it if you do not give him all the facts. First you say you were atheists, then you say you are both baptized, so if we are confused, the priest will be too if you are not up front with him.

yes you will get conflicting info if you ask 20 different people who are not well versed on the canon law on marriage, as well as on what is involved in RCIA, so don’t waste your time talking to those 20 people, get with your priest. Nor is their any value in consulting a 2nd priest.

This is our first marriage. The priest is not preparing us or me. Just said “Just take communion” to me when I asked about my marriage. Didn’t really go into details. That is all he basically said. Well I asked “Will my marriage need to be blessed” The leader of RCIA talked to him. He was in a somewhat hurry to get out of there. He said “Is the husband coming into the Church?” “No.” “Okay well its just you?” “Yes” “Just take communion and nothing else has to be done” That was all.

My husband and I were both baptized at the same time in a protestant church on March 1st 2009 in the name of The Father and the son and Holy Spirit as it is written on our baptismal certificates and as I can remember. In fact we were both dunked at the same time pretty much into the same water.

But we were married May 15th 2007 and at that time we were both atheists. We have since obviously had a change of heart. We got pregnant on our honeymoon with our first child. He has a child from a separate relationship but was never ever married previous to me. Neither of us were baptized Catholic.

Anything else I need to add? I just threw in random details jic but I am sure there is something i forgot. Let me know.

Oh yeah the priest did say at that moment our marriage was a sacramental marriage and the RCIA director reaffirmed his statement to me. She said we couldn’t go on Valentine’s to restate our vows before the Church like everyone else because we were not in a Christian marriage. So I thought what she said meant wait til Easter Vigil and our marriage will be Christian.

 

[1ke]

Oh yeah the priest did say at that moment our marriage was a sacramental marriage and the RCIA director reaffirmed his statement to me.

They are incorrect. Your entered into a valid, natural marriage May 15, 2007 when you exchanged vows in a civil ceremony (presuming, again, that no prior marriages existed, which you state did not).

Your marriage became a sacrament on March 1, 2009 when you were both baptized.

She said we couldn’t go on Valentine’s to restate our vows before the Church like everyone else because we were not in a Christian marriage

She is incorrect. Your marriage is valid, and it is a sacrament by virtue of your baptism.

So I thought what she said meant wait til Easter Vigil and our marriage will be Christian.

That may indeed be what she meant-- although you would have to ask her-- but it is not correct. You are already a Christian and your marriage is both valid and a sacrament.

 

[Texas_Roofer]

…
She said we couldn’t go on Valentine’s to restate our vows before the Church like everyone else because we were not in a Christian marriage. .

Well she is wrong about that, otherwise the rest sounds okay. The catholic church recognizes your marriage now, it is a presumption of a sacrament* until proven otherwise. Same as any catholic marrriage*. Your case as stated here is a christain coming to communion with the catholic church. Nothing in this thread contridicts the priest’s comments.

• there is an out for converts being allowed to claim a belief in divorce proir to conversion, however once you convert the “out” is gone, and your marriage obligation is for life.

hope that helps

 

[Pug]

Okay, in light of the additional information you have supplied, it seems like the first time either of you got baptized was after your 2007 wedding. And, it seems that wedding was the first for both of you. Thus, you currently have a sacramental marriage. You do not need your marriage blessed. You are all set. The only difference is that once you become Catholic, you will be a Catholic who is in a sacramental marriage. You are already in a Christian marriage right now.

 

[ztupiq]

Well dang it. I really wanted to renew my vows at Church this Sunday with everyone else but will not be allowed to because they are mistaken but I am not going to step on any toes just do it their way and know in my heart what is true. Why would I need to bring these points forward? If its as good as it is gonna get then I don’t need to start any controversy with a priest or an RCIA leader just to get my way. I’ll just move on with my life and renew my vows another time.

Thank you all for your patience and help!

 

[Br.Rich_SFO]

Well dang it. I really wanted to renew my vows at Church this Sunday with everyone else but will not be allowed to because they are mistaken but I am not going to step on any toes just do it their way and know in my heart what is true. Why would I need to bring these points forward? If its as good as it is gonna get then I don’t need to start any controversy with a priest or an RCIA leader just to get my way. I’ll just move on with my life and renew my vows another time.

Thank you all for your patience and help!

Actually you do have an option of receiving a Nuptual Blessing after you become Catholic if you would like. This is not necessary to make your Mariage valid or Sacamental, it is just available to you, it is received only once for any specific Marriage.