Open admonishion vs being a good example

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Can being a good example qualify as not giving approval of sinners actions? Like, if we know people close to us, family, friends, make immoral choices or support sinful behaviors, is saying something like, “Well, I try to live devoutly with Church teaching; sometimes it’s hard, especially when it may involve sacrificing personal opinion for a better good” or “Oh, I don’t do that anymore, actually, I’m Catholic. Want to do X instead?” See, I’m struggleing with not having very many Christian friends, or Christian friends who live a faith. I don’t think it’s a good idea to go up to them and say, Hey, don’t you know this and this is a sin? because I feel in most cases, it just puts people on the defensive. But I don’t want ot say nothing, either.
 
LilMissyMary said:
Can being a good example qualify as not giving approval of sinners actions? Like, if we know people close to us, family, friends, make immoral choices or support sinful behaviors, is saying something like, “Well, I try to live devoutly with Church teaching; sometimes it’s hard, especially when it may involve sacrificing personal opinion for a better good” or “Oh, I don’t do that anymore, actually, I’m Catholic. Want to do X instead?” See, I’m struggleing with not having very many Christian friends, or Christian friends who live a faith. I don’t think it’s a good idea to go up to them and say, Hey, don’t you know this and this is a sin? because I feel in most cases, it just puts people on the defensive. But I don’t want ot say nothing, either.
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“Giving approval” is an overt act so I’ll bet you are not giving approval. Give good example, be ready to account for the faith that is in you, admonish those for whom you are reponsible, and continue to be prudent. If you have particular questions, ask your confessor. Now, I’m just a layman schlepping along the same road, albiet, many more miles on me than you but I had to say an encouraging word. God Bless you.
 
But you didn’t answer my question…in fact, you told me to do the same thing I was asking. WHO are we responsible for, and HOW do we amonish? I already asked if the examples I have are examples of admonishion, or if it needs to be more, "
hey, you’re sinning!"
 
The Didache says, “You shall not hate any man; but some you shall reprove, and concerning some you shall pray, and some you shall love more than your own life.” There can’t be a blanket rule for when to reprove people. Basically you have to judge what would be beneficial (seen with the eye’s of faith) for the other person. This would involve timing, context, content, and all the things we categorize in life under “tact”. The same set of words can cause a great uproar if spoken in front of other people, but not cause much upset in private. All I can give you is you’ve got to put yourself out there and try to read people. Read to see if they are receptive. Now some things, like extremely grave sins, cannot be passed. If your sibling is going to have an abortion, you tell them flat out that is murder and offer alternatives. You don’t dance around in your head about how they’ll react. But if they are missing Mass, you can broach the topic to them, or invite them to Mass. Some matters are more urgent than others in terms of how you’ll speak to the person. You’ve got to pick your battles. Sometimes letting something minor go on one day can prove to be beneficial to approaching a major topic on another. Above all your prayers and good example with be priceless. Without these, your other efforts will be severely hampered. The key also is benefit to the person in terms of their salvation. Don’t be fooled into seeing some other benefit, like respect of persons, or some cultural foible concerning being “polite” or “nice”. These don’t need to be disregarded, but they do need to be made subservient to the greater goal.
 
No, we don’t have to directly admonish every person we encounter committing a sin. Sometimes our good example is enough. If someone says to me, “So-and-so is so annoying. blah, blah, blah…” I might just say, “I don’t have a problem with her.”

But sometimes we do need to say why we are behaving in a certain way. When refusing to actually do something that’s contrary to our Church, I avoid saying things like, “I am not doing this because I’m Catholic and they don’t let us do that.” Everything we do is a personal choice, and I try to show that. “I don’t want to watch that movie with pornographic scenes because I don’t like them.” “I’m not going to join you in throwing peanuts at that homeless guy, because he doesn’t deserve that” might be more effective than, “I’m not joining you in throwing peanuts at that homeless guy because my Church does not allow that.”

One thing to remember - If you are truly practicing your Catholic faith, you will likely loose some friends because they will take even your silent refusal as judgement of their behavior. People don’t like perceived criticism, so they might distance themselves from you.
 
You answered my question perfectly, thank you. My concern was mainly, that I have friends, who know I am devoutly Catholic, and know what sorts of morals that entails, and what I stand up for, but I wasn’t sure if that was enough, or if I should be more diect.
 
A few times when I’ve practiced my faith quietly, some will start to ask questions. That is a great invitation to share it with someone who is listening willingly. For example, I was with my cousin, viewing some art stores/galleries that were all close together. As soon as we walked in one place, I knew the exhibit was immoral. I told my cousin, “I’ll wait outside.” When he came out, he asked me if my religion prohibited me from that kind of exhibit. I explained that in Catholic teaching, the human body is sacred and needs to be treated with respect. I told him I didn’t have problems with nude art, but those photos were not valuing women. He asked, “So you don’t like those photos because they’re pornographic?” Yes, exactly. His question showed that he understood what I was explaining, even if he didn’t agree with it.

We ate in a restaurant that same evening, and I said no when I was offered wine. He asked, “is that because of your religion?” I explained it’s because I can’t handle alcohol, and not because of my religion.
 
I’m male, when I’m on a business trip, I am always presented with an opportunity when someone suggests going to a strip club. I say out loud “Nope, I don’t go to strip clubs because I’m Catholic”. The other Catholic guys in the group usually get uncomfortable at this point. I say “I’m going to play pool” (poker, darts, whatever is handy) and I can usually get at least a few guys to come along. So, I guess my goal is to try to both admonish and be a good example at the same time.
 
(important to note is that it is from encountering Jesus Christ --in coming to know true life in him…that lives then begin to change…and one can respond in conversion…often others are not open to “correction” due to not yet knowing him …so of great importance is that they come to know him and his love for them. Of* true life* in him)
 
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