Open to life from the beginning

[Vivienne]

I have a cousin who is getting married next spring. She and her fiance do not want to have children for a few years. They plan on using NFP. She says that their reasons for waiting are wanting to get settled into marriage, a new city, and their careers.

But I thought that I heard somewhere that people shouldn’t enter into the sacrament of marriage unless they had intentions of being open to life from the beginning. That it is better to wait to get married until you are in a situation where you can be completely open to life.

Does this sound familiar to anyone? If so, who said it? Is it Church teaching? Is it just a suggestion? Any info would be helpful. Thanks

 

[kevinsgirl]

There is nothing wrong with getting married and using NFP to postpone children for a good reason. The open to life bit means that you use only church approved methods to postpone children (NFP) and if God chose to bless you with children you would welcome them warmly…

It sounds like your cousin is on the right track!

 

[SMHW]

I have a cousin who is getting married next spring. She and her fiance do not want to have children for a few years. They plan on using NFP. She says that their reasons for waiting are wanting to get settled into marriage, a new city, and their careers.

But I thought that I heard somewhere that people shouldn’t enter into the sacrament of marriage unless they had intentions of being open to life from the beginning. That it is better to wait to get married until you are in a situation where you can be completely open to life.

Does this sound familiar to anyone? If so, who said it? Is it Church teaching? Is it just a suggestion? Any info would be helpful. Thanks

I think the problem here is with the definition of “open to life”. “Open to life” is usually understood to mean that you will accept any children. It doesn’t mean that you must actively or passively try to get pregnant. So a couple who has a good reason to avoid pregnancy for a time is free to use natural means to do so *if *they understand that if they do get pregnant sooner than expected then they would gladly welcome the child.

That said, a couple should consider whether it is wise/prudent to marry if they aren’t thrilled about having children right away. If having a child soon after marriage is going to cause real grief to the couple’s relationship then it would be better to wait to marry. (Sometimes “wait to marry” is synonymous with “call off the engagement”.)

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

I think the problem here is with the definition of “open to life”. “Open to life” is usually understood to mean that you will accept any children. It doesn’t mean that you must actively or passively try to get pregnant. So a couple who has a good reason to avoid pregnancy for a time is free to use natural means to do so if they understand that if they do get pregnant sooner than expected then they would gladly welcome the child.

That said, a couple should consider whether it is wise/prudent to marry if they aren’t thrilled about having children right away. If having a child soon after marriage is going to cause real grief to the couple’s relationship then it would be better to wait to marry. (Sometimes “wait to marry” is synonymous with “call off the engagement”.)

**Excellent definition of what it means to enter a marriage being “open to life”. At no point during a marriage is a couple required to have as many children as quickly as possible under the threat of sinning if they don’t.

Only the cousin and fiance know if their reasons to use NFP are valid…through prayer and discussion. Some people’s reasons look superficial from the outside but we cannot know their hearts.**

 

[FrenchGwen]

‘Open to life’ does not mean that you have to want a child directly after your wedding. One has just to be aware that a child might be conceived and to be ready to accept this child.

We’re newlyweds, and for many reasons we would like to postpone the birth of our first child for several years : although, indeed, some people here may consider only “grave” reasons such as economic impossibility or severe health risks may be sufficient to justify, the church calls us to think about it : preservation of marriage / marriage building in the first years are for example, to my eyes, a great reason to TTA if the couple feels the need to !

 

[Vivienne]

Thank you very much for the replies! Very enlightening and encouraging!

 

[jwatza]

Frenchgwen,
i was listening to a recording of one of Bishop Fulton Sheen’s talks and he speaks of how children are the cord that binds a husband and wife together. i guess that I would caution any couple that thinks that waiting a few years to have children, for marriage building purposes, is a good idea. If you wait too long to decide to have children, you might be set in selfish ways that would make your openness to children more difficult. just something to think about. Children are a gift from God!

 

[FrenchGwen]

Frenchgwen,
i was listening to a recording of one of Bishop Fulton Sheen’s talks and he speaks of how children are the cord that binds a husband and wife together. i guess that I would caution any couple that thinks that waiting a few years to have children, for marriage building purposes, is a good idea. If you wait too long to decide to have children, you might be set in selfish ways that would make your openness to children more difficult. just something to think about. Children are a gift from God!

dear jwatza, I agree that children are a cord that binds a husband and wife together, but thanks God (!) they are not the only one, and we are strongly set on the fact that we won’t let them be the only one. From the great example set by my own parents, who have 7 of us, I can see how another, crucial cord is quality time, just the 2 of us/them, as a couple, not only as parents.

There are numerous reasons why we think it would be best for us to wait before having children, which doesn’t impede that we truly see Children as gifts from God: He gave us a brain and a conscience to think over it, so we use them. Should He consider these reasons are nothing compared to His plan for our family, well, … as newlyweds we give Him quite a few occasions every cycle to tell us so and send us a marvellous surprise .

Yet you are right to on the point that waiting too much could make a couple settle in ways that might influence his global openness to life. - I don’t know if it’s the “married state effect”, but since our wedding, I sometimes get somewhat babyfeverish. So… as soon as at least some of our reasons for TTA will disappear, it won’t take long before a baby arrives and rejoyces our hearts !