Open to Life Question

[akela135]

Hi everyone!

I have a question about “Open to Life” in regards to my upcoming marriage.

Can you NOT want kids and still be open to life? What I mean is we have never really wanted children but we both understand that what you want is not always what is best for you. For example. I do not like going to the dentist but understand that dental hygene is important so I have 2 yearly teeth cleanings and go in for extra work the dentist thinks should be done to preserve my health. What I want “Not going to the dentist” is not what is best for my over all health and well being.

Another example would be eating healthy is what is best for me, but I’d rather eat junk food because it is tasty. If I lived off of cake and soda that would not be best for me, I need a balanced diet with healthy options which is not always what I want.

This brings up the concept of children. While we both don’t want kids, we recognize that children are a blessing that God gives to married couples and they are extremely beneficial for ones spiritual health and the good of the marriage. We feel that having kids should be left up to God because he ultimately knows what is best for us. If he chooses that our lives should be graced with a honeymoon baby then we would accept that baby lovingly and with trust in God. If God were to bless us with a baby five years down the road then we would accept and trust that as well.

So even though we don’t want kids are we open to life? Or is the fact we don’t desire to be parents enough to make us not open to life? I would be grateful for any enlightment you could share with me.

 

[kerebos]

I’m sure somebody will correct me, but as long as you aren’t trying to circumvent life being created then you’re being open to life.

Couples that use NFP to avoid pregnancy are still “open to life” because they aren’t altering the act in any physical manner. They too do not want this particular sexual act to result in a pregnancy and they are taking advantage of natural fertility cycles to try to avoid. However, NFP isn’t “perfect” and a pregnancy could still result from the natural reproductive act. Using the pill or condoms would alter the natural fertility of the act, which is the source of sin. Simply not wanting a pregnancy is not a sin, if the natural fertility is left unaltered.

 

[kristacecilia]

IMO it sounds like you would be open to life. I would ask GOD to work on my heart though, to conform it to and make it desire His will, whatever that may be.

Hey, it works. I used to hate the idea of homeschooling.

 

[1inICXC]

If you are not contracepting you are being open to life.

If you are using NFP to indefinitely avoid children, you are being physically open to life but the mentality is still a cobtracpetive/ culture of death one ( i.e i need x amount of material good before I will accept the child, rendering the child a burden and material well-being the priority)

If you do not contracept and truly consider children a blessing then you are right where you should be even if you don’t have the desire/ the feeling for being parents.
It’s like chosing to love even when you don’t like the person.

But, let me tell you one thing, how about having “the desire for the desire”? Do you or can you at least wish you had that maternal/paternal instincts? Start there. Or pray for “the desire for the desire”
And you are absolutely right, we have, may times, no clue about what’s best for us. After the first, i never, in a million years considered a large family…now, that our 3rd turned 1, we realize how fulfilling and enriched our lives have vecome and anxiously look forward to # 4, 5 etc.

 

[grasscutter]

I would say that you are still being open to life. In any case, you never know how you might feel about having children in the future. Congratulations on your upcoming wedding!

 

[thewanderer]

But, let me tell you one thing, how about having “the desire for the desire”? Do you or can you at least wish you had that maternal/paternal instincts? Start there. Or pray for “the desire for the desire”
And you are absolutely right, we have, may times, no clue about what’s best for us. After the first, i never, in a million years considered a large family…now, that our 3rd turned 1, we realize how fulfilling and enriched our lives have vecome and anxiously look forward to # 4, 5 etc.

This is excellent advice, I have found myself praying that I want to want, and even for the desire to want to want Gods Will, and I have found that it helped me tremendously.

Also I would agree with The other posters that you are being open to life.

Congratulations on your upcoming marriage!!

 

[ExGratia]

I’m not sure from the OP whether NFP will be used or not.

If you are just letting nature run its course, then you are most certainly being open to life!

If you will be practicing NFP, then I would say that sin could be involved. NFP is to be practiced only for serious reasons to space children (serious reasons others have mentioned at CAF include threat to life of mother or severe financial burden). Just not wanting to doesn’t seem to constitute a serious reason.

When I met my fiance, both of our desires to have children increased exponentially. The idea of you, your beloved, and God creating a new human being is so beyond words…a true miracle!

God bless you and your beloved, and the family you will be, whether it is just the two of you or 3, 4, 5…

 

[akela135]

I want to thank everyone for taking the time to answer my question. I really appreciate the advice to pray for “the desire for the desire” At times I feel like their must be something wrong with me for not wanting kids, since everybody I know seems to want children. I will definitely pray on this in the future. I’m still young, at 23, so I wonder if I just need more time to grow before I’ll want kids. Or if getting married is really the first step for me. Right now we desire our love and commitment to grow through the bond of marriage, but I wonder if afterwards we will then begin to have the desire for our love to grow even more through having children and raising a family.

We haven’t decided one way or the other on NFP because we are worried partly that we might be tempted to abuse it. We also don’t want to have a chart come between us being together. We want to feel free to express our love without checking the chart to see if it is “safe” because that seems contrary to the way we feel about one another. We really do want to be able to give of ourselves freely as long as there are no external obstacles that would suggest doing so would be unwise. And even if we came across such obstacles we would hope to have them resolved within a few months time, God willing.

 

[agapewolf]

I want to thank everyone for taking the time to answer my question. I really appreciate the advice to pray for “the desire for the desire” At times I feel like their must be something wrong with me for not wanting kids, since everybody I know seems to want children. I will definitely pray on this in the future. I’m still young, at 23, so I wonder if I just need more time to grow before I’ll want kids. Or if getting married is really the first step for me. Right now we desire our love and commitment to grow through the bond of marriage, but I wonder if afterwards we will then begin to have the desire for our love to grow even more through having children and raising a family.

We haven’t decided one way or the other on NFP because we are worried partly that we might be tempted to abuse it. We also don’t want to have a chart come between us being together. We want to feel free to express our love without checking the chart to see if it is “safe” because that seems contrary to the way we feel about one another. We really do want to be able to give of ourselves freely as long as there are no external obstacles that would suggest doing so would be unwise. And even if we came across such obstacles we would hope to have them resolved within a few months time, God willing.

Learning NFP is just information about your health. If you don’t want to use it, then don’t check the chart. I believe every single woman should learn to chart. I have discovered several issues from charting that I would never have known about without it.

NFP can be especially difficult to learn while married. It took me awhile to learn because of those health issues. You never know what might happen…you could actually have a very serious reason at some point to avoid pregnancy and it would be good to already feel confident in the method.