Open to life vs. contraception... Is there a middle ground?

  • Thread starter Thread starter ruizmorelos
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I greatly apreciate your insights and I think the discussion from many perspectives brings some light to a difficult situation. Responsible parenthood and faithful marriage are not a one person issue, nor simple and certanly, not easy (I think we all agree in that). The idea of the original post wasn’t discussing the merits or difficulties of NFP, but especulating about other options (if any) and it’s repercusions in one’s path towards holyness.
 
@ruizmorelos, per Father Ripperger (a very well educated (PhD) Catholic Priest and Exorcist) (Definitely search for his talks on youtube and his website Sensus Traditionis), if you engage in the conjugal act (sexual intercourse) but have a “contraceptive mentality,” this can also be sinful. So basically, if you’re thinking, "I still want to engage in the conjugal act, but can’t use contraception (using a condom or birth control or some other method), so I’ll just withhold the orgasm and ejaculation.That is the example of a “contraceptive” mentality and is sinful. AKA your intention here determines the morality and culpability of the act. “Intention” is the huge keyword here.

Quote from the Examination of Conscience (5th Commandment): "taking contraceptive pills which may or may not be an abortifacient; use of prophylactic or barrier methods to avoid pregnancy; using licit means of avoiding conception while
fostering a contraceptive mentality; "

God Bless,

Entrust everything to The Sacred and Immaculate Hearts of Jesus and Mary in Mother Mary’s Rosary and Brown Scapular. They will take care of everything.
 
Catholic Answers will not let me link the websites for some reason, so I’m going to break up the link so you can google it and so everyone has the information. Just take out the spaces.

Here is Father Ripperger’s Website:
http:// sensus traditionis. org/
 
Gilly_flower said:
At the end of the day the chief burden of a failure in NFP is borne by the wife - so realistically, if you find yourself with more babies than you can cope with…
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This is one of the most jaded and and classless statements I have every read on CAF. A baby is a “failure?” A “burden?” Just gross.

What happened to human dignity? My goodness!!

I understand your own children and babies can be tiresome, but seriously.

And I would also like to qualify this statement by saying that my husband and I are using NFP right now for various important reasons, but “a failure” of NFP in our situation would be extra work, but still a huge blessing, gift, friend, sister or brother to each of us. Your grossly inappropriate way of phrasing the situation is just so, so, sad.

And also, NFP rarely if ever fails. It is the couple that usually fails to use the scientific data correctly. We use a Tempdrop armband, with an app called Ovuview that collects the biofeedback from the Tempdrop thermometer and interprets the data to determine fertility. It has simplified the entire process. Im so glad I havent ever subjected my body to artificial hormones. I know plenty of women who have suffered greatly as a result of artificial means of avoiding pregnancy.

Lastly, I wanted to adress the OP. You have said your future wife is a cafeteria Catholic. Meaning, she interprets and chooses her own dogma based off of her own views. I would consider what her views on divorce are, as well. Sometimes, submission, trust and humility to a higher authority are not such bad things. Convenience and personal interpretation can mean a house built on sand.

I am not sorry to be so harsh in this post. My intent was to cut to the quick. You don’t play around with this stuff.
 
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If you withhold the orgasm during sex, then you are only doing the act for pleasure. That is not love. All sexual acts must end open to the possibility of life. Any deviation from this is a mortal sin. My wife and I aren’t in a position where we feel like we could provide for another child (we have 2 right now). And unfortunately, she has PCOS, so she has irregular cycles making NFP ineffective. I have been living on Mt Athos ever since lol. We have been celibate in our marriage until such a time that we are open to life again. This is not the perfect way to go and has been a heavy cross for both of us. It has negatively effected our marriage in the beginning as we both adjusted to this new lifestyle. But after suffering through it long enough (it was and is harder for me than for her), we have reached a place where we are content with this state of our marriage.

It’s not all doom and gloom. Yes, the sex may have left our marriage for now. But we have grown more as a couple because of it. Remove sex, and you will find different ways to be intimate/close to one another. We have talked more then we ever did before (not to say we never talked). We pray more as a couple and as a family. We pray more on our own. With the hole left by physical intimacy, we found that we are able to fill it with spiritual/emotional intimacy. It is a heavy cross to carry but bear it well and God will still bless you abundantly. I look forward to restoring physical intimacy in our marriage, but I no longer feel dependent upon it as a facet of our relationship. We can survive, and even thrive, as a couple without it. God Bless.
 
Have you looked into NFP obstetricians in your area? I believe there is help for your situation.

Please research this site:


I admire your heroism. God bless your family.
SlavaIsusuChristu said:
If you withhold the orgasm during sex, then you are only doing the act for pleasure. That is not love. All sexual acts must end open to the possibility of life. Any deviation from this is a mortal sin. My wife and I aren’t in a position where we feel like we could provide for another child (we have 2 right now). And unfortunately, she has PCOS, so she has irregular cycles making NFP ineffective. I have been living on Mt Athos ever since lol.
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Your words are way too kind! I wish I could call it heroism. This was not a change I took on stoically. I put my poor wife through hell as we adjusted to this. The poor woman had to deal with living in a house with three children, instead of just our two kids lol. But eventually, God brought me to a place where I was able to man up and bear the cross willingly. That is when things improved. I only wish I had the fortitude to embrace it at the beginning and spare my wife the hardship I forced upon her as we adjusted to this new lifestyle 😦 But that’s why she is such a good wife for me. She encourages me when I am weak and tolerates me to the best of her human ability when I am intolerable. I don’t know what I’d do without her.

Also, I haven’t seen that website before. We will check it out together. Thank you for guiding me to it! God Bless you.
 
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