Opinions...

[holly_potter]

I’m Catholic. My boyfriend’s a Presbyterian.

Without going on a long list of how we are similar/think alike, let’s say that we’re 98% alike, and very very compatible. Heck, we even share the fact that when we first kissed, it was both our first kiss…in fact, we’re each other’s first boy/girlfriend. And he’s graduated from college and I’m a junior. So that’s saying something there…about how similar we are (he’s a few months younger than me…but he graduated hs early)
Anyway, we truly do have a lot of things in common, and think the same about many controversial things…for example we both agree that abortion is bad, etc etc.

The one thing we don’t share, however, is our religion. In fact, when I first met him, and then looked up his Facebook profile, and I saw that he was Presbyterian (or just not Catholic) I had discounted him as potential husband material, because I knew full well that different faiths can really lead to serious disagreements. He and I kept in touch, though, via Facebook and IM, and we ran into each other occasionally on campus. We ended up having lunches together every single Tuesday this semester, and talked and talked about anything and everything. (That’s how we found out how much we had in common.)

It developed (oh so slowly! ) from friendship to a relationship. We’re still learning about each other and growing (did you know that no matter how much you talk with each other, there’s always something new to learn about each other?). We realized how providential that it is that God led us together when He did. We truly almost didn’t meet. And, among other things, we met a few months before his grandmother was diagnosed with two cancers, so I’ve been supporting him with that, and he has been supporting me when I had a particularly stressful semester, and urged me to go to the dr when I complained about my symptoms (turns out it was asthma–he has asthma too so that’s how he recognized the need to go to the dr). So that among many things, it’s providential.

It’s just the fact that we’re both different faiths is that tricky area. We both believe in many of the same things theologically, but of course there are areas that we don’t believe the same things about. We talk a lot about religion, though…we’re honest about differences. I even told him what I hadn’t told anybody else, that I seriously was thinking about a religious vocation. I had put the decision on hold in Dec (not connected to meeting my bf…then, I still was discounting him). And he was really quite wonderful about that He’s supporting me when I talk about possibly becoming a lector, too.

So…mostly, I’m saying all this because I want to learn upfront about exactly what the challenges are of marrying a Presbyterian (PCUSA)? Can you offer practical advice for building strong relationships despite this difference?

Thanks for your time.I appreciate it, as I really don’t want to hurt him, if these sort of relationships are…forbidden isn’t the right word…strongly, strongly discouraged by the Catholic Church. As horrible as it feels to say it, it’s better we know now, sooner, rather than later.

(Also…why is it that all the Catholic guys I’ve ever met were jerks, taken, not interested, or just plain wrong for me? That’s why I think God has a sense of humor when he sent me a Presbyterian guy.)

 

[Pro-Life_Teen]

They are discouraged, you’re right. But not forbidden. If he’s been baptized [dunno how it works in a Presbyterian Church, rather bad at my Protestant knowledge] there can even be a Sacramental wedding.

I’m on the side that’ll say to go ahead with what you have, it seems like it’s working very well for you. ^^

For interfaith marriages-- the children have to be raised Catholic. As a Catholic you promise to do your best to raise the children as such, the different faithed spouse is informed of this.
Birth control might be an issue-- Catholics only agree with NFP and most Protestant churches see ABC as fine.

It is a bit of work, others will be able to go into more depth with this. I’m dating a deist and we too have long theological discussions. It does work, I do believe you’re right about God having a sense of humour. There’s a certain fitting irony in it, and who knows what God’s overall plan is?

As for Catholics being jerks… there are a lot of people who are Catholic in name only. They were baptized such, but that may have been as far as it got. A real Catholic wouldn’t be a jerk, I’d think, but it’s rare to find a real Catholic nowadays. There are a few, of course, but the ratio of real Catholics to cafeteria Catholics or Catholics-in-name-only is saddening.

 

[kage_ar]

You might begin here, pcusa.org/101/101-theology.htm

Read up on Calvinism, what the points are.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Calvinism

On issues like Abortion, they support it

pcusa.org/101/101-abortion.htm

 

[holly_potter]

You might begin here, pcusa.org/101/101-theology.htm

Read up on Calvinism, what the points are.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Calvinism

On issues like Abortion, they support it

pcusa.org/101/101-abortion.htm

Read almost all of PCUSA’s website already, and that was another reason why I was really discounting him, the fact they supported abortion.

But as we talked and talked, I found he shared Catholic views more than he did the official PCUSA views.

And read up about Calvinism, already…we talk about that a lot and Catholicism, too We found we both have a certain fondness for St. Augustine, though we both wish we read more of his works. Right now, b/c of school, we’ve only read a tiny bit of his works.

I actually also found a Catholic “TULIP” and told him about that, and he saw how similar they were. That was cool to talk about.

Thanks for making sure I knew, though! I really appreciate it! That’s why I was asking! To see where the difficulties might be.

 

[Nickkname]

Catholics can marry non-Catholics. As the Catechism states:

Mixed marriages and disparity of cult

1633 In many countries the situation of a mixed marriage (marriage between a Catholic and a baptized non-Catholic) often arises. It requires particular attention on the part of couples and their pastors. A case of marriage with disparity of cult (between a Catholic and a nonbaptized person) requires even greater circumspection.

1634 Difference of confession between the spouses does not constitute an insurmountable obstacle for marriage, when they succeed in placing in common what they have received from their respective communities, and learn from each other the way in which each lives in fidelity to Christ. But the difficulties of mixed marriages must not be underestimated. They arise from the fact that the separation of Christians has not yet been overcome. the spouses risk experiencing the tragedy of Christian disunity even in the heart of their own home. Disparity of cult can further aggravate these difficulties. Differences about faith and the very notion of marriage, but also different religious mentalities, can become sources of tension in marriage, especially as regards the education of children. the temptation to religious indifference can then arise.

1635 According to the law in force in the Latin Church, a mixed marriage needs for liceity the express permission of ecclesiastical authority.135 In case of disparity of cult an express dispensation from this impediment is required for the validity of the marriage.136 This permission or dispensation presupposes that both parties know and do not exclude the essential ends and properties of marriage and the obligations assumed by the Catholic party concerning the baptism and education of the children in the Catholic Church.137

1636 Through ecumenical dialogue Christian communities in many regions have been able to put into effect a common pastoral practice for mixed marriages. Its task is to help such couples live out their particular situation in the light of faith, overcome the tensions between the couple’s obligations to each other and towards their ecclesial communities, and encourage the flowering of what is common to them in faith and respect for what separates them.

1637 In marriages with disparity of cult the Catholic spouse has a particular task: "For the unbelieving husband is consecrated through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is consecrated through her husband."138 It is a great joy for the Christian spouse and for the Church if this “consecration” should lead to the free conversion of the other spouse to the Christian faith.139 Sincere married love, the humble and patient practice of the family virtues, and perseverance in prayer can prepare the non-believing spouse to accept the grace of conversion.

Source: vatican.va/archive/ENG0015/__P53.HTM

Can you offer practical advice for building strong relationships despite this difference?

1. Love. Love is the bond of unity. It dose not matter about differences. In fact, differences enrich the lives of the spouses.
2. Dialogue. Talk to each other about things you share in common and things were you differ. Explain, and be sure to ask questions to receive a deeper and more clear explanation. Dialogue is a respectful manner, always being mindful that your other dose not share the same views or beliefs as you and that you must talk to him according to his understanding. St. Patrick exemplified this. He wanted to teach the Irish about the Trinity in a simple yet clear manner. Ireland had lots of three-leaf clovers, and the Irish were fond of them. So he picked up a clover and used it to teach them about the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.
3. Live In Christ. Be Christian together. Go to Mass, read the Bible, help out in the community (or other good project), and pray together. By doing this, you will get prepared for marriage.

 

[holly_potter]

Catholics can marry non-Catholics.
Source: vatican.va/archive/ENG0015/__P53.HTM

1. Love. Love is the bond of unity. It dose not matter about differences. In fact, differences enrich the lives of the spouses.
2. Dialogue. Talk to each other about things you share in common and things were you differ. Explain, and be sure to ask questions to receive a deeper and more clear explanation. Dialogue is a respectful manner, always being mindful that your other dose not share the same views or beliefs as you and that you must talk to him according to his understanding. St. Patrick exemplified this. He wanted to teach the Irish about the Trinity in a simple yet clear manner. Ireland had lots of three-leaf clovers, and the Irish were fond of them. So he picked up a clover and used it to teach them about the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.
3. Live In Christ. Be Christian together. Go to Mass, read the Bible, help out in the community (or other good project), and pray together. By doing this, you will get prepared for marriage.

Thank you! I feel better now, actually. I’m working on reading the Catechism, but hadn’t seen that part yet. And thank you for the advice. I will work on all of those things…we have 1 and 2 going pretty well, but you know, we could always use improvement And I will look for more ways to do #3. That’s a good point. We read the Bible, but we discuss it over IM. And we could do it more, and more in person. Thanks. I’m glad to know what to work on.